daughter also bisexual

[cuthwulf]

Be interested to hear if anybody else has had the same experience.I'm bi sexual.Realized about 6 years back. Wife is not happy about it. We sought of live together.Now my daughter has been having an affair with another girl.And has now come to the conclusion she is bi sexual or may even be gay.
Wife is even more unhappy and handling it badly. I seem to be the only one supporting my daughter.

[DuckiesDarling]

How old is your daughter?

[NjbiGuy01]

I always wondered how i would react to something like this. Actually, my son is dating an African-American girl. It took some getting used-to, but my wife and i have accepted it. She's a great girl, respectful, treats him nice and they seem happy. I feel if my son or daughter made a life choice like gay or bi (especially with ME being bi), I would accept it. As long as they are safe, happy, and healthy, what else can you say. Ya ain't gonna change it without people getting hurt....

[Katja]

How old is your daughter?

I have no children, but would like to think if I ever do, that I could allow them to grow up to be themselves and express their sexuality honestly as appropriate throughout their lives.

Being one who was brought up that homosexuality was wrong, and by inference therefore bisexuality, it was in my mid teenage years that I discovered my own bisexuality. Throughout the intervening years I have fought this need for my own gender, but not altogether very successfully.

When I was 8 years old I had my first boy friend. We played house, mummies and daddies, had mock wedding ceremonies, and many of the games children play as they grow. No one thought twice to intervene or condemn, for it was what children do and were encouraged to do. As I grew a little older, and took my first fumbling steps into discovering my sexuality (as opposed to bisexuality) and kissed boys, hugged them and allowed them early liberties, while my parents may have disapproved at some of the more naughty liberties, they thought nothing of allowing me to stand on the doorstep kissing boy friends goodnight, or lying on my bed listening to music kissing and cuddling. There was no objection to me having boy friends and from a very early age I had them brought home to tea and accepted by my parents as 'Katja's latest flame'.

Can you imagine the furore should I have done the same things with a girl that I did with boys? Kissed and hugged in the way that 'heterosexual' adolescents the world over do? Held mock gay wedding or civil union ceremonies? Cuddled and smooched on the sofa as we and the family watched television? I know exactly what would have occurred and my grounding and their banning from my life would have been immediate and very long term, the histrionic lectures about homosexual perversion would have been interminable and unbearable, and the family priest would have been on my case forever and a day.

Until such times as a generation comes along which is easy, secure and confident in its sexuality, the scenario of same sex child and adolescent relationships similar to those of heterosexual adolescent relationships is a pipe dream. I do believe that for some this is already a reality, but it is hardly the reality for the vast majority of the young.

There are some hopeful signs in my generation, and many adolescents do not seem to have the hang ups with which I was raised, but it will be a long time yet before childhood homosexual relationships are tolerated in the same way as those of heterosexuals, or children are able to express their sexuality as bisexuals. I do not mean in this that they should have an active sex life for that is a separate if related equally contentious question, but are able to and are even encouraged to grow and develop their true sexuality as heterosexual children are, without pressure and condemnation from both their peers and their elders.

I still have hang ups and guilty feelings emanating from my childhood, upbringing and the morality which was instilled in me from a very young age. Only now in my late 20s am I beginning to come to terms with the damage done to me by that distorted sense of morality and am only now finding my own way. How much different could my life have been, how free of guilt and unhappiness, and how much less neutrotic a person would I be, had my parents brought me up differently and without the moral scruples which have so blighted my life?

I don't think the age of the original poster's child is of import for reasons I have outlined. Children and adolescents should be allowed to grow and develop their sexuality whatever that may be, without the overbearing and crushing outdated moralities of bygone ages which themselves have so blighted the lives of our own parents and forebears.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sorry your wife isnt more supportive, Sweetie. Its important in a child's life for the folks to be supportive of their likes and dislikes...:(
Hopefully she'll come to realize that your daughter has to be who she is, and will still love and support her for the who that she is. :}
Good luck.
Cat

[DuckiesDarling]

Katja, I asked the question for a reason. I do have children and that flavors my response in knowing that children have certain rights at certain ages in different countries. If you had read any of the OP's previous posts you would know that he and is wife are pretty much divorced without the legal document to prove it. It appears they live together because they can't afford to live apart. With the wife becoming more and more unhappy and the daughter coming out about her alternate sexuality then it might be time to see if they can afford to get a separate place with the daughter going to live with the OP.

Sorry so late with the reply my power went off around 3:30pm when a pickup truck hit a pole and didn't come back on til a few minutes ago.

[Katja]

Children and adolescents should be allowed to grow and develop their sexuality whatever that may be, without the overbearing and crushing outdated moralities of bygone ages which themselves have so blighted the lives of our own parents and forebears.

Please accept my apologies for this, but I should have added, 'Nor should they be encouraged to be what they are not'.

[Katja]

Katja, I asked the question for a reason. I do have children and that flavors my response in knowing that children have certain rights at certain ages in different countries. If you had read any of the OP's previous posts you would know that he and is wife are pretty much divorced without the legal document to prove it. It appears they live together because they can't afford to live apart. With the wife becoming more and more unhappy and the daughter coming out about her alternate sexuality then it might be time to see if they can afford to get a separate place with the daughter going to live with the OP.

Sorry so late with the reply my power went off around 3:30pm when a pickup truck hit a pole and didn't come back on til a few minutes ago.

I'm sorry, but being new I haven't read the personal history and didn't think to go into the archives of old posts. Thank you for that information. It is much appreciated.:)

[cuthwulf]

Thanks for all the replies and inputs.Yes sorry Ducies Darling I should of mentioned that My daughter is 26. Married 3 years ago and it just hasn't worked out.After she had this affair with a 24 year old women for three weeks she had a chat with me asking my advice. It seems she said she's always had this bisexual "thing".And what did I think.She went into how i handled my sexuality etc. I think she was also fishing to see what father might do. I said i had no problem with it and if she wants to she must look into that side of her sexuality.

[DuckiesDarling]

Okay, Cuthwulf, then at 26 she is certainly old enough to come to her own decision regarding sexuality. Just continue to support her and give her someone to talk to honestly and openly. Maybe your wife will eventually remember that her daughter is still her daughter but if not at least she has one accepting parent. Good luck.