Bisexuality and The Straight Partner

[lthornt]

Hello all...

I'm looking for info on how if any of you have dealt with this.

How do you handled the straight partner? It seems to me the "easiest' (and yes, it still comes with issues) is being with someone also queer. Since I've 'come out' in my own limited way I haven't had a female partner (I'm a man) and feel anxious a bit, because I would want to be truthful with them about who I am and all that.

I just wonder in general how you've handled the coming out to your partner. Was it on the table before or did you wait until you got to a crucial moment that they needed to know?

[balmone]

Its best to make sure they know up front, it will save you alot of trouble in the long run, but you will find that alot of woman will be ok with it

[DuckiesDarling]

I can tell you what my partner did. He sent me here :)

But he already knew I had no problem with gays, lesbians or bisexuals and that several of my friends were of alternate sexualities. I didn't care, they were just my friends.

So you need to tell her as soon as you comfortably can, and most definitely before you sleep with her. Start slowly with movies that have characters that have alternate sexualties, see how she responds. For most people it's not a problem but for some there is a great deal of pressures of home life and how she was raised that might affect her views.

But there are quite a few of the straight females that don't really care about the sexuality of their partner as long as they are open and honest about things.

If she reacts favorably to your disclosure then work out things you can actually abide by. Do not promise to be faithful if you can't because that will throw the relationship into a tailspin it will not survive.

Good luck.

[r1648513]

I came out to my wife recently. Been married a long time but only recently understood that I have always been bi. She took it well, admitted she also has bi interests, opened up to a conceptual threesome one day (both ways) but hasn't offered and I haven't asked about getting to play with other men.

[bisocialnudist]

I think mixed orientation relationships can be wonderful fulfilling relationships but they certainly are not without challenges.

You ask a very good question, It is very hard to find that magic moment where they know you well enough to stick around anyway but before there has been too much invested in the relationship to cause heartache on either side if they decide they can't deal with it. I have no idea where that point is but I would love to hear other experiences.

I made the mistake of thinking I could "choose" the heterosexual life and just have sex with my wife, that mistaken belief caused me a lot of heartache over the years. Turns out there is unbelievable happiness now that I lead my life as the bisexual I was born as. I have very few regrets in life but I wish my conversation had been " I'm a bisexual I want to spend my life with you but I need a way to let my gay side out to play. " My wife's answer today is I'm worth it and we have found ways for Mark to celebrate his gay side. Neither one of us is so sure that would have been her answer 30 years ago.

If it were me I would be upfront.The joys of living life authentically and with integrity will outweigh the increased difficulty in finding the perfect partner.
Mark

[innaminka]

I came out to my (now ex) husband in my very early 30's that I was bisexual.
It took a lot of communication, a lot of time and a lot of heartache, but we came to terms with it.
Our solution worked: a bit like the US military code: don't ask - don't tell! On both our parts!
He was and still is a stra8 as a pin, whilst I have continued my path towards being now lesbian.
Because we truly loved each other, it worked for maybe 14-15years, but along with other pressures (mainly the time we spent apart - months at a time) our marriage ended.

As to whether it would have been easier if Dean had been bi, I don't know.
Our solution worked for us, but it did take work on both our parts. Certainly I would not have wanted him involved in any of my sexual activities: I am NOT into 3'somes.

I believe we are now both happier that our marriage has ended - all very amicable.
But to the original question???? - I don't know

[darkeyes]

I suppose being gay, I am the straight partner.. we began with me calling myself bi, but when we met I wasnt.. not really.. I never took guys to my bed and wasnt interested.. my bisexual days were well and truly behind me.. we handled it ok because she knew from day one I wasnt straight.. and when she finally fell into me arms and rediscovered her bisexuality things werent straight forward but we were cool with who we were..and when I declared myself lesbian there were no dramatics.. we are a couple.. and we dont stray.. it isnt my preferred choice, but I don't for historical reasons and cos thats how she wants it.. we are happy.. and it works..

[taz321]

When I seperated from my wife, who bye the way knew I was bi, I moved in with my gf and after a few months of thinking about how to handle the situation of me being bi, I decided I needed to let my gf know about my bi side. One night while we were sitting around having a few drinks and talking about sex, which I just happened to steer the conversation towards, I told her that I really enjoyed giving head to men and wanted to try and be topped sometime in the future. To my surprise she told me that she had wanted to try being with another woman. Since then we have had many conversations regarding playing with other people and did have a foursome with another couple a few months ago, which was alot of fun for both of us!! So I guess what I am saying is you just need to feal your partner out about the situation discreetly and just kind of gage what you think they may feel and then go from there. You never know your partner could possible have hidden desires of their own that they were not fully aware of or that they were reluctant to bring to light! Good luck with your journey!!