Coming Out Reactions

[MikeyAndSam]

Mikey and Sam~

Hey everyone, it's us- the newest(?) couple to hit the site. We figured we'd get a conversation going that's a little interesting; to hear others stories. Some, if not most of us have come out to our families, spouses, friends, and others. Well, we were wondering if other people had as interesting "coming out" reactions as we did.

Mikey~

Damn, this is hard to talk about. I was fourteen when I "came out". My mother read my mail and just had to share the letter at dinner. It was a letter from a boyfriend who had gone on vacation that summer. This guy was before Sam, and my mother was pissed. Being the oldest of three, my brother and sister were shocked. My brother got over it within the week, as did my father. However, my sister and mother were a (excuse my criticism) two-woman-Christian-Commando unit. They attempted to ostracize me, keep me out of family events. Eventually, my father and brother were tired of the constant "sexuality war" going on in the home. During my first year in college I discovered that my mother and father split up and my brother stayed with my dad. I never regretted coming out until a few months ago when my sister sent me a very sick, isolationist letter describing the things she thought of me back then and now. My mother has since passed away, but not before writing me out of her will. I didn't cry; I burned the letters.


Sam~

My story isn't as eventful as Mikey's; it was Winter and we were in the Poconos. A 'friend' of mine had come to spend a week with us up there. He was obviously more than a friend. I must've been 13 at the time, my father walked in on us "adjusting our ski suits" after a long day of skiing. He had the chutzpah to laugh it off and tell Mom over breakfast the next morning. I was an only child, and my parents talked it over with my friend and I sitting right there next to them. My parents supported me 120% and I was free to go. Unfortunately, my partner left me after the incident. I met Mikey in college and introduced him to my parents after the semester. The first thing my Dad said to me when I explained it was:

"Do we need to take him to the Poconos too?"

My parents were very supportive of us in contrast to the hatred Mikeyboy had to put up with.


Mikey and Sam~

Anyway, we'd just hoped others would be as open as us and willing to share their stories with everyone else.

~!?

PS. Mikey was crying by the end of his post, I had to type the end.

[Realist]

Our friends and families can lay a huge burden on us, sometimes. You guys have witnessed the best and worst of coming out.

At least you guys were honest.

Maybe it's easier, these days, for younger folks, I hope, so anyway.

[RockGardener]

I came out to my parents over Christmas. I wasn't sure how to break it to them, but my mother did the favor for me. My mother asked if my girl friend is really my Girlfriend. I said "yes", she said "really?", I said "yes", she said "we wondered why you had been so happy lately", and that was pretty much the end of it.

I know, some of you are wondering why a 46 yo woman who lives 1800 miles away from her parents even bothers coming out. I want them at the wedding this summer, and how can I tell them about the wedding if they don't know about the other bride?

[mikey3000]

My story is still is progress, and may be for a while.

[SxyStar]

When I came out to my family, I was 15 yrs old when I told them. I just came back from my dad's house, since my parents were already divorced at that time, I just stood there and told them I was bi sexual. At first, they looked at me and said that is just ur dad putting shit in ur head. I had to tell them that it wasn't a lie or my dad talking, it was all me. When they finally realized I wasn't lying to them, they started yelling. Telling me that if I was bi sexual, I wasn't family anymore. So I went back to my dad's house, and didn't see my mom or her side of the family again until I was 17. That was just b/c I got pregnant with my oldest son. Specially, when they found out how I got pregnant, but that is another story. Since, my son was born I have lived a straight life until about 3 or 4 months ago. When I finally, decided to tell my husband that my desires for being with a woman where getting worse. He has known I was bi sexual since I met him. That is my story, I know there r some people who had it worse then I did, but like my profile says I am an open book.


:love1:

[darkeyes]

I was 14. Mum and dad had always brought us up incredibly liberally and to be who we wanted to be and what.. I have related this before in forums.. My grandad was the first person I confided in and had already guessed and he told me to speak to my parents.. it wasnt as easy as that cos although we are brought up liberally doesnt mean necessarily our parents want us not to be of the "norm".. sometimes even the most liberal parents can have some right dodgy reactions to that sort of thing.. the "Not my daughter syndrome".. but I bit the bullet and did discuss it with them and they were as deep down I knew they would be.. and have never regretted it.. supportive loving and wonderful..

In recent years however there has been some rolling of eyes as they discovered quite how sexually active I had been in those days.. there were some things we do not tell our parents.. but they knew I was sexually active in my teens but not the extent and not just how early.. I wont say that they entirely approve of me being a bit of a libertine and have said so.. they do think I should have acted with a little more restraint and discretion but I was young and explored my sexuality with relish.. but they havent condemned me or disowned me for my tarty history.. that would be a hypocrisy which would be one step too far and I am eternally grateful for it.. Mum is especially critical but she has never judged me too harshly and I am still my dad's baby girl..

For me it was easy.. relatively at least.. and compared to many, even most it has never been an issue, except with my brother who did not take to it at all.. and we were estranged for many years after.. but time, knowledge and understanding of each other has helped heal that breach and we are now as close as at any time in our lives..

Lucky? Too right.. were it only as easy for every other gay and bisexual person.. our world would be a far happier place..:)

[NotLostJustWandering]

I'm another lucky/boring one; was no biggie for Mom to take. My lesbian sister, 7 years older than me, had broken her in many years earlier. She said something about how it seems everyone is queer these days. My embracing of Islam was a lot harder for her to take -- she's an atheist and has a very unsophisticated view of religion -- but she came to be cool with that, too. Once overheard her on the phone telling a friend about my new friends, something to the effect of their being nice in spite of being Muslim.

[fredtyg]

My parents are long dead so they never knew.

I don't know that I ever made a big deal out of outing myself to others, per se, although I get a kick of making it obvious I'm queer online and that has yet to come back and haunt me. The thing is, as far as people I see day to day, I don't think most people have a need to know and I feel no need to tell them.

A couple deliberate outings come to mind, though:

One was back in the mid 70s when I was 19 or 20. I was horny one night and wanted some cock so walked across town to my old best friend's house. I woke him up out of bed. He let me come in and hopped back in bed while I sat in a chair and spoke with him

Eventually, I told him I loved to suck cock and would love to get a taste of his (I'd lived with him previously but he had no idea I was queer). He didn't say much but wouldn't let me suck him. I ended up going home unsatisfied.

I didn't see him all that often back then but the one time I remember bumping into him he just asked me something along the line of, "Are you still doing that?", and I replied that I was. Pretty out behavior for me back then when I often wouldn't admit to myself I was queer and I wasn't even drunk when I answered the question that time.

Then there was a guy I had the hots for maybe 10 years ago. I'd known him for years and finally decided to tell him. I just out and told him one time while we were sitting around drinking beer. He seemed pleased that I took him into my confidence. We ended up fooling around a little after that as he turned out to be pretty bi- friendly himself.

The last one was last year. I posted about it here after it happened. I told some customers who came by my house I was bisexual. Actually, that was how the wife described me: "You're a bisexual, Fred". To which I replied, "Yep". She seemed surprised and amused, the hubby not so amused but he still chuckled.

No harm done but the hubby used to stop and chat for a while when he'd come by to pay me. Now he seems to find excuses to leave quicker than before. He'd always been fairly conservative anti- homo type. I think he feels a little uncomfortable around me now that I'm part of "the enemy", but he hasn't said anything about it.

[bisocialnudist]

My Mom and Dad were in their mid eighties when i came out to them. Dad's reaction was a one sentence well your the same son we have always loved so nothings changed end of discussion..

My Mom was more fun she was great but had a ton of questions. The favorite part of the whole conversation was she had a rule when I was growing up no girls in the house when they were not home, you should have seen the recognition of a wasted rule when I told her I knew I was bi and my male friends and I were having sex way back in 5th grade. It was a priceless moment.....

In all seriousness they claim I could have come out to them in the 70's but they were so conservative I some how doubt it but I am happy they accept me now.
I wasn't going to come out but someone put this thought in my mind what if after they die they are up in heaven looking down and mourning the fact that I didn't trust their love enough to be honest with them so that was that.

My daughter thought I was gay so when I came out as bi she said that was the happiest day of her life because it meant Mom (my wife) still had a chance with me.

Coming out is an individual decision based on individual circumstances in my case it was the best thing I ever did. The reaction by virtually everyone has been very positive. This in turn has led to a very positive sense of self as a bisexual who now celebrates each day as me. My coming out is not about sex, its not about what goes on in the bedroom its about who I am. At least in my circles thats how the people around me take it. Even my parish priest is just fine with a Bi Mark.

Just my version of the way it can go, everyone has their own unique circumstances.
Mark

[lostandfound77]

just came out still a lot of fear but what the hell been out 6 days some I wont tell my parents are in that group

[sammie19]

I was "outed" after having been spotted kissing another girl in a club 6o miles away from home by someone I knew. It was a hellish time, but my parents were very understanding and helped me set up my life elsewhere to get away from wagging tongues and the rural mentality. It was not pleasant having fingers point and being harangued as an abomination by people who have known me all of my life.

In the 6 years since that time there has been a softening in attitudes even in that country area and the small town across the border where I went to school and once again most speak to me and even smile, and several once very judgemental and condemnatory people I went to school with even seek out my company. But there remain a some who have never changed and will neither speak to me nor tolerate my presence.

[chapear]

Well my ex wife didn't take the news so well. I hadn't accepted myself when she and I got together. But almost 5 years into the marriage it started nagging at me so I accepted myself and finally told her. I never cheated in her. Soon after I told her I ended up having to move out. I guess it just wasn't for her. Now when I tell potential girlfriends they just don't want anything to do with me. So not so good reactions for ne.

[fredtyg]

Well my ex wife didn't take the news so well. Soon after I told her I ended up having to move out. I guess it just wasn't for her.

That seems to be the norm, sadly, even if the guy hasn't been fooling around. I can see it if you just got married or were early in a relationship, but I don't understand how they want to throw everything away after 20 or 30 years of marriage as I often hear of.

Just read a nice e-mail from a bi married men's e-mail list about a guy's wife who accepted it and even "gave him his freedom", but that seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

With other relations like parents and friends, it seems there's a higher success rate.

[bizel]

Well my ex wife didn't take the news so well. I hadn't accepted myself when she and I got together. But almost 5 years into the marriage it started nagging at me so I accepted myself and finally told her. I never cheated in her. Soon after I told her I ended up having to move out. I guess it just wasn't for her. Now when I tell potential girlfriends they just don't want anything to do with me. So not so good reactions for ne.

these reactions are not to be taken personally. i know they feel very personal, but you have opened an issue for the other person. and sometimes that's very hard to deal with so their reaction is about them, not you. honesty is very hard and confronting for a lot of people. when my hubby came out, i thought i could handle anything he threw at me. i was tough, and his supporter etc. i have since found the reality harder. he doesn't talk about his experience cos sex to him is private. but when he's having it with someone else, even with my approval but keeping me separate from it, makes me feel i'm being cheated on cos he won't share it with me. the 'not knowing' what he's upto with a man is really hard for me. all i have is my imagination and baby, does that work overtime! i can feel both aroused and threatened by it at the same time. but as i said, it's my issue, not his. it remains to be seen if i can handle it when we get together long term (he works away) and we've been together 11yrs and love each other deeply. but that goes to show, as honest and open as i am, human nature and our upbringing can really throw a spanner in the works. so, don't take their reactions personally, cos it's their issue. just be happy in yourself and pleased that the 'secret' is out and you don't have to live in fear anymore. when the right one comes along, you'll know it was all worth it. big hug, b.