What's Normal Bi?

[zwitterakkord]

Thanks to everyone who answered my other thread! Nice hearing from you folks! I now have some new questions. Respond to all or some as you wish.

1. What is "normal bisexual behavior"? I know I think the range is as wide as it is amongst "straight" and "gay" ppl. But I am wondering are there any "universals"? How about commonalities?

2. Do more bis live in or out of the closet?

3. Are there more men or women bis?

I realize all answers are unscientific. Looking for your opinions and perceptions -- the World According to Bi Dot Commers.

THANKS -- Look forward to your responses.

Z-AKK

[darkeyes]

There is no such thing as normal bisexual behaviour.. there is only behaviour whatever our sexuality.. likes dislikes.. nothing is normal it just is.. some things can be abnormal.. paedeophilia for instance. But thats abnormal behaviour by an abnormal person.. as likely to gay bi or straight..

I would suspect more bi's are in the closet than out..and % wise more men than women.. in women it is much less looked on with suspicion by society at large.. prob cos it is women.. two women getting it on? Wow.. every man's dream..

..and more women than men? Who knows.. but more women prepared to to live the bisexual life possibly.. certainly more do it openly.. and I hazard a guess cos its what I see.. more bisexual women are likely to settle down with same sex partners than ever bisexual men are.. and from what I read in these forums at least, and am told by gay and bisexual men I know, are much less inhibited and much more varied in their sexual adventurism than ever men are.. a generality I accept but it seems to be.. all of that too may have something to do with societal attitudes to male homosexual behaviour..

..so we return to what is normal?

[fpb09]

That is a good question, I never thought of ! Normal is the eyes of the beholder, u define iot, everybody's unqiue in there on way, some like 1 thing while don't like another!I guess the only thing u can say the normal thing in all of bi is the way people r turn on both both sexes ! :rolleyes: I guess, maybe I'm wrong?

[elian]

Well, I used to define "normal" as either being straight OR gay and I spent a long time trying to prove to myself that I could be happy being one way OR the other. It wasn't until I saw other people interacting on this site that it started to dawn on me that you really can love both.

That's not to say that it's easy, if you are taught to think in terms of dualistic views then it's difficult to reconcile that one month you can be all about the sushi, love sushi and then next month you see a cart of sausages roll by and start to think to yourself, "Gee wouldn't a sausage be great right about now?!" - your mind says "but wait!, I thought you liked sushi!" Lest you start to think that I might eat anything on the buffet I'll only say that I try to be monogamous about it - for a lot of different reasons. A one night stand feels the same regardless of your orientation.

There have been studies done that show at least 60% of people are bisexual to SOME degree. As my one friend says, he doesn't ever hear straight guys complaining about seeing the penis on porn videos. Similarly a lot of people can appreciate "beauty" in nude art regardless of gender.

To bring the conversation up a notch from the gutter I should say that at least in the US the portrayal in mainstream media was for a while ANY adult male/male same sex displays of affection were considered "gay" - but that's a hell of a way to live isn't it? Not being able to show affection to half the people you love..even if it's NOT sexual? Let's hope we've moved past that.

There are a LOT of things in nature that aren't completely black OR white. Doesn't much matter to me what is between the legs - people can be beautiful in their own way. The only way to have peace and reconcile those type of dualistic feelings is to give up on the labels and recognize that your sexuality is only one PART of who you are as a whole person.

[Realist]

I learned, long ago, that MY NORMAL........ is most probably not YOUR NORMAL!

In fact, it's amazing when two, or more people, with the same idiosyncrasies, interests, and desires, get together to develop a harmonious relationship!

Think about it....how many have you met, who posses your same, exact, needs?

[Dorian Earnest]

As I have said in previous posts -- I don't claim to be an expert. But, I have been doing some very informal research for my book. "Normal bisexual" is a paradox like "normal heterosexual" or "Normal bisexual" would be -- though not oxymoronic at all because there is a wide range of "normal". My sense is, as I posted once ages ago, that bi-ness is on a spectrum from mostly straight to mostly gay and people fit in everywhere between. They all have experiences so unique and varied and yet there are some commonalities I have found -- since you asked. Keep in mind that most of my responses were from bi men (generally leaning toward the straight more than the gay) and my theory is that this may have something to do with me being a straight female (would still love to hear the more gay male and female perspectives -- so check out my profile and send me your stories -- LOL -- shameless plug there!)

Some of the "common experiences" are:

1. Early same sex experimentation (puberty and adolescence)
2. Religious conflict trying to reconcile religion and bisexuality
3. Occasional or frequent suicidal thoughts while attempting to "come to terms" with bisexuality
4. Feeling alone, alienated, different, etc. sometimes caused by 2 and leading to #3
5. A higher than "normal" sex drive (often related to the fact that both sexes turn them on)
6. Troubled relationships because of trying to reconcile their desire for a loving deep meaningful relationship with spouse or SO, while trying to either suppress or deny their desire for same sex experiences
7. A "flexible morality" derived from trying to reconcile and survive their own sexual orientation. Not saying these people are a-moral or immoral -- saying they have had to struggle more with right and wrong and "mold" their morality into something they (and/or their spouses/SOs) can live with
8. A general open-mindedness that extends beyond sexuality (though this is a gross generalization because the people with whom I have interacted are very open minded -- I read posts to threads that indicate otherwise)
9. A great capacity to love and a need to be loved.

So many of the (mostly) men who shared their stories with me expressed all or many of the above and were often surprised and happy to learn they weren't alone. I read that you joined here to meet like-minded folks. There are lots of great people here. Don't be afraid to ask or take risks. If there is anyone thing you are wondering about, feel free to ask me. As I said, I am no expert -- but many have gone through what you are -- whatever that is.

Welcome!

[tenni]

Social Norms are frequently occurring patterns of behaviour in a group. This differs from an "average" or "standard mean". These social norms are determined in part through statistical analysis. I would suspect that some norms for male bisexuals and female bisexuals may differ in some respects. That is what is a behavioural norm in a male bisexual may differ from norms for female bisexual behaviour. In other patterns of behaviours they may be the same.

1/ Both men and women bisexuals have a sexual attraction to the same and opposite genders.
2/ Although not perhaps with sufficient numbers to be a norm, there would be a "tendency" for bisexuals to report an ebb and flow in intensity for same sex sexual attraction during some periods of their life.
3/ Male bisexuals may experience greater negative social rejection for their sexuality from their heterosexual female partners. (survey found female heterosexual partners were more inclined to reject their bisexual male partner than the male heterosexual partners reject their female bisexual partner)