love

[dafydd]

do you think it's weird I have never been in love?
I am nearly 32

d:(

[Realist]

Maybe you just haven't met the right one, yet!

My dad's brother, didn't marry until he was 46, but he did it right. They've been married, now for about 50 years and I don't know of a happier couple. He's 96 and she's 91, still the best of friends and if it's still possible, I'm sure they're lovers, too!

I've been married 3 times...THOUGHT I was in love, but apparently that's not enough. I wish I'd waited, too!

Believe me, you'll be better off, if you don't get worried about this and decide to go ahead and hook up with someone you're not crazy about. If you settle for less than you want, you will probably never be happy.

At least, by being single..........when, and if, the right person does come along, you will be free to do whatever you feel!

[bizel]

you're not alone, sweetheart. i met hubby at 36. until then, i'd never been in love. lust yes, but not love. when i met him, i finally understood what real love really was. at that stage, i had given up on men, had decided to be single for the rest of my life. all the men in the city, that i had met were all mumma's boys. ick! along came this breath-taking hunk driving a bus, who picked me up both figuratively and literally, and swept me off my feet. he got a bit of a shock too cos he wasn't expecting love either. there is no mumma boy about this bloke. he's all male! (except for wanting my knickers-lol). hang in there. when you aren't looking, it finds you. that's my experience.

[DuckiesDarling]

do you think it's weird I have never been in love?
I am nearly 32

d:(

Not in the least, Dafydd. People come and go throughout our lives and some do touch us in very special ways but it's only when we truly find love that we can look back and actually define what our past interactions were. I thought I was in love, married had three kids and looking back now I'd regret ever even knowing him if it wasn't for the boys. When I met LDD, I was in the midst of deciding to get a divorce and in a way he was part of the reason I realized all wasn't paradise and roses. We had been friends for awhile in a game and married there and his treating me better as a game wife than my real life husband treated me was the eye opener. Discovering in hindsight after I told my ex I wanted a divorce a trail of cybering, flirting and downright cheating hookups on his pc reaffirmed my decision. A few weeks later when I had filed and the ex was out of the house, LDD and I were talking and things kinda progressed quickly. Now three years later we are very much in love, a first for both of us, and planning to spend the rest of our lives together.

So don't give up and don't discount the ones around you now, you just never know when that friendship will blossom into something more.

Hugs, DD :)

[Bluebiyou]

do you think it's weird I have never been in love?
I am nearly 32

d:(
Yes, dafydd
It is weird. Incredibly unhealthy.
You have to ask yourself why you're fucked up. More specifically ... how... you're fucked up.
Why do you shut out others?
...or have you misrepresented the situation on this thread?

[drugstore cowboy]

Yes, dafydd
It is weird. Incredibly unhealthy.
You have to ask yourself why you're fucked up. More specifically ... how... you're fucked up.
Why do you shut out others?
...or have you misrepresented the situation on this thread?

I agree it is very weird, unhealthy, and fucked up. Why do you shut people out emotionally and romantically?

I can see someone who's a complete virgin, a teenager, or young adult who's never had a relationship asking this but not someone who's 32 and had a lot of time for sex and relationships.

[bizel]

I agree it is very weird, unhealthy, and fucked up. Why do you shut people out emotionally and romantically?

I can see someone who's a complete virgin, a teenager, or young adult who's never had a relationship asking this but not someone who's 32 and had a lot of time for sex and relationships.

i don't see this as weird at all. he's asking about love, not sex and relationships. sex is apparently everywhere at the drop of a hat, if that's all you want. relationships don't require love either. people chose relationships for stacks of different reasons - lonely, lust, security. why do you think divorce rates are so high! what we think is love, is usually something else for the other partner. the reason i wasn't really open to love was my father was an absolute bastard so it took years to find someone who was worth working through all the 'crap' he left me scarred with. i wrapped myself up in all that fear and would peek out occassionally. i'm super cautious. i instead focused on making money, buying property etc. never wasted time on what was around cos what presented itself was pitiful! i had no intention of being a doormat for any man, like my mother was for him! every man was lacking in the commitment i needed. thankfully i did wait for the right bloke. yes, it has been hard and i've had to deal with a lot of emotional stuff, but i've come out stronger and happier. my hubby is not a wimp, or 'lord of the manor' or mumma's boy. he's all bloke, pulls his own weight and completely different from any bloke i've ever met. ok, i could have been in relationships, had children possibly and been taken to the cleaners, have children emotional screwed up and resenting me like my siblings do with mum. gee, why would i want to miss out on that! but that's not love. that's more insecurity. listen dafy, love finds some people, it doesn't others. i was so hurt i couldn't trust anyone. i've learnt to do that now and i'm so grateful for every lesson cos i'm ready to deal with them. you probably have some issues that keeps you from finding that deeper commitment. some people go a whole lifetime without love. some focus on careers, hobbies etc. some take all their baggage, not caring to confront it, into the next relationship and guess what! it fails as well. cos they confuse relationships with true love. get some counselling if it's a real issue for you. otherwise, when you're ready, it will present itself.

[darkeyes]

It is our kismet to fall in or not fall in love.. not everyone does and the day will never come when everyone does.. very few lack the capacity to do so, but all too many never meet that special person who curls the toes and tingles the bits, stirs our heart and mind like no other, and turns our brain into scrambled egg.. I have never gone on the look out for love, but always dreamed of falling on love.. I always accepted it as kismet whether or not I ever did so. Twice for sure I have, and am still in love with both, and regret, and know Kate wont freak by me saying so, not being able to have both in my life.. twice I may have and still believe I did, but life, being what it is, laid little traps and twists and turns that it may have been no more than a fleeting illusion.. whatever it was I still love one very much and still think fondly of the other.

I can't say, daffy darlin', whether or not u ever shall fall in love, but there are millions like you.. life isn't that predictable.. but I don't believe that for very many of us we don't have the ability to.. if it does, you will know it..when falling in love creeps up behind you and bites you hard on the arse.. you will know..:)

[zwitterakkord]

I agree it is very weird, unhealthy, and fucked up. Why do you shut people out emotionally and romantically?

I can see someone who's a complete virgin, a teenager, or young adult who's never had a relationship asking this but not someone who's 32 and had a lot of time for sex and relationships.

WO! Opinionated!

Maybe it is less about being "in love" and more about how you define love. Lots of kinds of love. Some ppl are bit more romantic and think what they have isn't the "real thing" others may have a hard time loving. But to lable someone as weird, unhealthy and fucked up. What happened to rule #2? "Be polite -- flame the idea if you feel you must, but not the person." TOAST -- the poor guy is toast!

[tenni]

Based on my recollection of some posts that you have made, I would say that I find it surprising. I think that I recall you posting messages about women that you were involved with. You seem to have now decided that your feelings for them was not "love" or "the love". Are you capable of emotional attachment (to women or men) ? Are you expecting too much or have an idea that love should be a "big bang" or something? If you have had emotional attachment to another person, then do not be too concerned. If you have not had any degree of emotional attachment to another human, then yes, it is unusual. Are you concerned about not being able to feel emotional attachment or just wondering why you haven't met the "one" yet? If it is not having met "the one" yet that you can be happy with for the rest of your life.....don't worry too much.

[darkeyes]

WO! Opinionated!

Maybe it is less about being "in love" and more about how you define love. Lots of kinds of love. Some ppl are bit more romantic and think what they have isn't the "real thing" others may have a hard time loving. But to lable someone as weird, unhealthy and fucked up. What happened to rule #2? "Be polite -- flame the idea if you feel you must, but not the person." TOAST -- the poor guy is toast!

Methinks me luffly, the poster u call opinionated is not so much opinionated but 1 of our lil trollies.. those of us who have been about a bit on .com recognise the style and the language..:)

[mikey3000]

Yes, dafydd
It is weird. Incredibly unhealthy.
You have to ask yourself why you're fucked up. More specifically ... how... you're fucked up.
Why do you shut out others?
...or have you misrepresented the situation on this thread?


I agree it is very weird, unhealthy, and fucked up. Why do you shut people out emotionally and romantically?

I can see someone who's a complete virgin, a teenager, or young adult who's never had a relationship asking this but not someone who's 32 and had a lot of time for sex and relationships.

TROLLIE TROLLIE TROLLIE TROLLIE TROLLIE!!!! So obvious.

[mikey3000]

do you think it's weird I have never been in love?
I am nearly 32

d:(
Depends what you like, or rather how you like. Some people don't need to be in love and are still very satisfied to wait for the perfect one. Me, I'm a little different. I married someone I didn't love, but liked. I was in love with someone else. And the weird thing was so was she. But we did it anyway. and you know what ? The real love came after. Now 24 years later,I'd take a bullet for her in a heartbeat. and yes, I love my guy too, and he loves me.
And he loves my wife, and she him.

Funny thing, but love is not finite. It comes when it comes and you can't control who it affects. Haleluja!! Just be sure to be open to it when it does tap you on the shoulder. :)

Peace.

[Bluebiyou]

In spite of Mikey3000's snub... imagine being called a troll by a troll...

Love is a normal, reoccurring (rarely constant), and healthy state of a maturing adult.
Certainly, now that I'm at the 1/2 century mark, my definition of love has changed and developed, substantially different from when I was 13 years old.
To make the statement "never been in love" at any age past 20 is... a clear marker of unhealthy. At each point in life the definition 'in love' grows and matures (and deepens).
Dark side - even sociopaths can (albeit rarely) fall in love (albeit primitive and totally selfish 'love' equivalent to possession).
dafydd - unless you're in a temporary depression and temporarily viewing the world in a very negative way, seek professional help. You'll be glad you did.
Perhaps you meant "why haven't you had a lasting and fully loving relationship?" Perhaps you stated a poetic exaggeration.

but 'never been in love' if true, denotes bad things. I'm being literal on this one, you hit a trigger in the manner you stated things. Either way, seek real professional help, life has so much to offer; love has so much to offer (if you are capable).
I regret people view mental health so differently than physical health. If you had pneumonia, you would go to the doctor. Why not, "I've never been in love"? You're 32 years old, you want to go the whole way (to the grave) without ever knowing love?
Good luck either way.
Blue

[mikey3000]

With all due respect, since the meaning of the word varies, why not define his meaning of love before passing judgement and diagnosing a total stranger?

[darkeyes]

With all due respect, since the meaning of the word varies, why not define his meaning of love before passing judgement and diagnosing a total stranger?

.. more 2 the point.. why cos peeps never fall in love do they have a health problem, mental or otherwise?

[DuckiesDarling]

They don't. Love is a concept only one person can define for themselves. Dafydd didn't post this to get attacked as he has been and I think it's pretty judgmental of anyone to assume that there must be a reason someone hasn't found love at this point in their life.

Plenty of people go their entire life never knowing what they would count as love while not lessening the value of the caring they recieved along life's twisted pathway.

[darkeyes]

My elder sister has never been in love..is almost 5 years older than me, and she is nutty as a fruitcake.. but is also one of the sanest people I know.. it neither stresses or bothers her that she has never fallen in love.. she is however full of love for others.. give me people like her any time than those of us who fall in love and yet hate the world.. at times she regrets never having fallen in love, but it has not scarred her and she lives her life as fully and as usefully as most.. and in someways she is relieved because she has seen throughout her life what happens to those who fall in love when they fall out of it..

[djones]

Love is a four letter word.

[Bi-Zarro]

Love is a four letter word.

It's "Love is Just a Four Letter Word." And thank you, Mr. Dylan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kcz1tvaLoc

[dafydd]

Thanks for the comments folks, really food for thought. A couple of nutty ones in there (not quite sure how you can twist such an innocent question into some dark and dysfunctional part of my psyche, but still I had to laugh).
The search continues and the story unfolds. Can't wait till it happens.
In the words of the Littlest Hobo

"There's a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road, that's where I'll always be.
Every stop I make, I make a new friend,
Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on."

d

[darkeyes]

*Gives daffy lil huggle an strokes his worried brow*

There there luffly man.. Fran dusn think yas bonkers.. dont u listen 2 the nasty men...

*gives daffy lil kissie on 4head*

[mikey3000]

Thanks for the comments folks, really food for thought. A couple of nutty ones in there (not quite sure how you can twist such an innocent question into some dark and dysfunctional part of my psyche, but still I had to laugh).
The search continues and the story unfolds. Can't wait till it happens.
In the words of the Littlest Hobo

"There's a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road, that's where I'll always be.
Every stop I make, I make a new friend,
Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on."

d

OMG!!! How do you know that show? Believe it or not it's still on, and when I feel nostalgic, I watch it. How nice!!!

:bigrin:

[Bluebiyou]

do you think it's weird I have never been in love?
I am nearly 32

d:(

Thanks for the comments folks, really food for thought. A couple of nutty ones in there (not quite sure how you can twist such an innocent question into some dark and dysfunctional part of my psyche, but still I had to laugh).
The search continues and the story unfolds. Can't wait till it happens.
In the words of the Littlest Hobo

"blah blah blah blah blah"

d

Food for thought?
dafydd, you should better state your intentions.
"Oh I wasn't really serious and let me do a little soft shoe off stage right?"
May I ask, were you really asking or were you looking for a reaction.. or maybe a hookup?
It seems if you were really serious you would have included more details.
It seems also if you were just stating an aloof question you would have interrupted with an apology. "Hey Y'all, I was just askin'..."
Guile is contrary to love.
Your position is no surprise.
If you go searching for truth, yet not rid yourself of guile...
The question answers itself.
Sorry, dude.
I'm through with this thread. There is no redeemable truth or love here.

[Canticle]

do you think it's weird I have never been in love?
I am nearly 32

d:(

Take heed of the wise words of Fran, Mikey, Bizel and their ilk. Ask yourself this ''Have I loved.'' for sometimes that can be just as important, as being ''in love,'' and in the log term, maybe more fulfilling. You're an individual. Where love is concerned there are no tables, graphs. diagrams, rules of what love and being in love mean. So just go with the flow.

[dafydd]

OMG!!! How do you know that show? Believe it or not it's still on, and when I feel nostalgic, I watch it. How nice!!!

:bigrin:

Used to watch it as a kid in the family home whilst eating egg and cress sandwiches and buttered malt loaf every sunday. Good times!

[tenni]

dafydd

From what I understand, you use to watch the Littlest Hobo?
That is so kewl. I guess that we shouldn't be surprised that this early Canuck TV show was sent out of Canada. Most of us probably just wouldn't expect it. That was a quirky good feeling show. Makes me want to say that dafydd is loved by Canucks for some reason....lol (just for watching)

[Canticle]

dafydd

From what I understand, you use to watch the Littlest Hobo?
That is so kewl. I guess that we shouldn't be surprised that this early Canuck TV show was sent out of Canada. Most of us probably just wouldn't expect it. That was a quirky good feeling show. Makes me want to say that dafydd is loved by Canucks for some reason....lol (just for watching)



tenni...I used to watch the programme too...with my children...but as dafydd is only 32 and my sons only a couple of years younger than him.....it's not so odd....LOL! We used to watch Gentle Ben, also.

[dafydd]

What was the point of this thread daffy?

Did you just want to cause drama, or elicit sympathy from people without actually saying just why you have issues falling in love, bonding with people, and having romantic relationships?

Yes it is strange that you're this age and have never been in love or had anything remotely resembling love, romance, or any sort of emotional connection to someone else who you're in a relationship with.

You should see a good therapist or psychiatrist instead.

I'm not sure why my asking such a question to many bi-friends out there bothers you. Perhaps instead I should have asked a question or made a post about dick, or cum, or sucking or swallowing or ass, or sex clubs or fucking. All topics of pressing interest to you - you detail them in such emotionally resonant language in the introduction on your profile. Let's keep posts to those areas in future, the real issues for us bi folks: forget love, anyone would think that bisexuality was more than just a sexual preference. I don't mind that kind of saucy discussion and have started a few posts myself, just thought I'd share something else. But let's back to sucking and swallowing...Do you prefer the taste of pussy after dick, or before? I don't really like mixing the two and try to schedule them on alternate days. What about everyone else? pussy, dick, dick, pussy? what days when? shall we do a poll? but we've all got to agree ok?!
Feeling more at home now fella?

big kiss
d

posts without reference to genitalia or bodily fluids will be removed as spam

[dafydd]

Food for thought?
dafydd, you should better state your intentions.
"Oh I wasn't really serious and let me do a little soft shoe off stage right?"
May I ask, were you really asking or were you looking for a reaction.. or maybe a hookup?
It seems if you were really serious you would have included more details.
It seems also if you were just stating an aloof question you would have interrupted with an apology. "Hey Y'all, I was just askin'..."
Guile is contrary to love.
Your position is no surprise.
If you go searching for truth, yet not rid yourself of guile...
The question answers itself.
Sorry, dude.
I'm through with this thread. There is no redeemable truth or love here.

When I'm not interested in posts, I tend not to bother replying to them. Kind of like that TV thing, you know when you can switch channels. A lot of bi-folks know me on here and i have posted details before but actually i felt details weren't nec at the outset. I wondered if there was a general consesus of feeling on age and love. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Random anger raises an eyebrow.
peace
d

[mikey3000]

Dafydd, empty out your mailbox, dude.

[dafydd]

is that a polite way of telling me to shut up?
you know I'd do anything for you M. <blush>
oh wait, you actually mean litereally empty my mailbox. well my friend, that is because I archive all your emails to me. every precious word. your pen<is> mighter than any sword.
I'll go delete a few. <blows in ear>
d