straight partners involved in sexual encounters

[Long Duck Dong]

DD and I have talked about this a lot.... we both have read how people enjoy having their partners involved in sexual encounters... sucking cocks, kissing and fucking, being fucked, etc etc

and it raised the question of straight partners involved in sexual encounters... and why they are there.......

personally myself, I could not imagine not having my partner involved, as to me its not just about sex and sexual contact..... its about sharing the whole experience with them.....they get to meet the person, they get to talk with them, learn and share the experience....but I am big on the whole experience, not just the sexual aspect........

but its not often we hear from straight people in the site about the way they percieve things.... how do they see themselves and their role as a partner, in the bedroom while their partner is involved with another person.....

I know and understand that there is the emotional / mental aspects that also play a role in the scheme of things.... but I will admit to being curious about a straight persons over view.......

other issues that come to mind that I am interested in learning more about, is how straight people feel when they are asked to become a part of the experience and how they feel about themselves as partners.... do they feel like they are involved as a partner, or just another sexual partner.......

and yeah.... a interesting question.... does your partner treat you differently or the same when there is another person involved.......

all feedback is welcome, cos there is more to the issue than just the straight partner / bi partner perspective, but I am interested more in the emotional mental aspects than a detailed cock by cock replay lol

[Wrenn]

I'll be interested to see how those who have actually experienced this respond. LDD poses some of the questions I have myself.

[Realist]

I lived with an older guy and his wife for a while, when I was younger.

The wife was straight, but interested in joining in. When he came out to her as being bi-curious and interested in being with his first male, she decided to interview his prospective lovers and demanded that we all had to be together.

We became friends, first, got to know each other, then, the husband and I were to take care of her needs, first. He and I did not have any sexual contact, until she finally accepted the idea. That took about two weeks.

The first time he and I touched, she had been on top of me, had one of her few early orgasms, then got off, grasped my erection and gave him her permission to suck me.

She held me as he had his first time. Having her participation was very arousing for us both and he soon got his reward. He decided he was mostly a bottom and that was OK with me. We became very close and we three were exclusive lovers.

Neither of them were jealous and they began to feel safe leaving me alone with either of them. I loved them both and felt that they loved me, too. It was a fantastic, sensual, relationship and if they'd been the last two people on earth, I would have been satisfied. I was 21 and they were in their late 30s/40s; it was arguably one of the best times of my life.

That situation worked for me, because I felt safe and comfortable with them, as they were with me. We were friends, confidants, and lovers. The sexual aspects were fantastic and I feel the experience was better because we were so close.

[by~his~side]

Ok...since I've been there and done that I'll add my thoughts.

Straight wife of a bi husband. Why am I there?
~Any experience that my husband and I have with another male is first and foremost about the M/M. I'm a prop. And I don't mean that in a self deprecating way. I don't require or ask for reciprication. I don't sulk or feel slighted in any way if I'm not involved for the moment...or for the hour. These experiences are for my husband. That is my answer for how I view myself as 'the other partner'.
~Neither one of us get emotionally involved. I can casually become involved sexually with hubbys friend(s). I can keep it casual because I don't have intercourse with them. Kissing, groping, oral...all viewed as casual to me. There is an emotional attachment (for me) to taking things to the level of intercourse. It's my choice to not go there with them.
~I happen to enjoy it. Sharing the sexual experience with my husband is a type of bonding for us.
~My husband prefers having me there....not for the sole sake of participating (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't). He can at times experience M/M jitters so I'm a comfort for him. I help him through the 'soft' moments if that happens. :tong:
~He does not treat me any differently when we are with a friend versus when we are alone. Except that he is not 100% physically focused on me.
~I do not view my husband any differently since witnessing his bi encounters. I've watched some very hot action that we've been able to discuss more openly because I was there to share it with him.
~His ability to live a guilt free and genuine life is priceless to me. His being able to host and the fact that he has more availability than men who need to be more discreet because of their wife/gf/so also helps his psyche. He hides nothing from anyone. And that is sweet.

My husband has also played alone. For whatever their reasons, it has happened that a guy wanted just a M/M.
It takes a rock solid understanding of the rules, trust and true security in the realtionship to be the partner of a person seeking additional sexual experiences outside of the couples bedroom. We've been told by partners that we've been with that we are an inspiring couple. Easy to be with because of our obvious love and connection with each other.
That's rich.
By the way, my husband is NJbimale. Also a member on this site.
Thanks for posting the thread, LDD.
Thanks to the rest of you for reading.

~D~

[welickit]

Bi~His~Side

Great post and one of the best profiles we have seen. :2cents: :bipride:

[Long Duck Dong]

thank you for sharing...... its given me a view from both sides..... and that was far more than I hoped for....and its given me a lot to think over

its always easier being on the outside looking in, but now with a straight partner, I am back to the drawing board and getting a better idea of what it can be like for DD and myself in that situation lol

we both are monogamous and devoted to each other, but yeah the * what if * scenerios come up from time to time....so I can not thank you all enuf for sharing your own views and giving us insight into others worlds

[onewhocares]

Great Thread LDD.

First some background. I am Belle and I am the straight wife of Bill, who is one woman short of gay. About seven years ago Bill wanted to have a man back in his life. At that point we were married 18 years. I had always known, or assumed he was gay, but that part was put aside for years…life has a way of getting in the way as time goes by.

We found this site six years ago. I came here first as I wanted to try and find a man for him and learn more. Since I am the outgoing chatty one, it made sense. Frankly I was uncertain as to whether a straight wife would be welcome and I lurked for a while. What I found here was a site full of great people, people from all over the world, from all walks of life, and with experiences and viewpoints of all kinds. While we came here originally to find hubby a man, I was the one who benefitted most as I found and made friends, friends who have become important parts of my life. It was never my real intent to participate with the men, but I sort of fell into it. I jokingly said….I will be sitting in the corner knitting while you boys have your fun. In the end….I was the one in the middle, both figuratively and literally.

Until recently traveled for business. I have had the pleasure to meet nearly fifty people from this site. NO, I have NOT had sex with them all lest you think that. The third man I met, Used Bear, I knew instantly that we would never be destined for a sexual relationship, but rather a great friendship. I was privileged to have given the eulogy at his memorial service 18 months ago. He had met the love of his life, a bisexual woman who died tragically six weeks before he did, here.

A man with whom hubby (invited by the man and I as we had the primary relationship) and I did share a sexual relationship, allowed me the honor to be the first person he told that he wanted to become a woman. My emotional connection to him continues to this day as I admire and care for the person even though the outside packaging has changed. I went along with the journey of a lifetime with this man, helping him with parts of the transition into womanhood and I would not trade that for anything. To see for the first time, the face of my friend, physically made up as a woman, look into the mirror and see a woman staring back at him….the woman he always dreamed of being. While our relationship sexually is not the same, she will always be an important part of my life.

Up until coming here and meeting other people, did I ever think of being with someone other than my husband. Just never did. Bill and I shared a long term relationship with a man whom he fell in love with. The emotional toll on Bill when the relationship ended because lack of commitment of time, it was I who was there to pick up the pieces. He was there for me when a lover left me saying the two hour distance to see each other was too great. Funny thing though….we chat with each other almost daily and I have seen him through the break up with two other women. Friends in the end.

While I can honestly say that I have never been jealous of the relationship Bill has had with men, I am, at times, envious of what he does with other men that he will not share with me. That has been a stumbling block along the way. Bill has, on occasion, been uneasy with my emotional and sexual connection with men we have met. I know it has caused him consternation at times when he sees my reaction when other men share with me things he does not like to do.

For me, I am happy to participate with a third as I am really turned on by the sight of two men having sex, although making love is much better when there is an emotional connection. Yet, there are times when hot sex is HOT SEX. At times I can be a “fly by the seat of my panties” kind of a girl…which is strange considering I am six foot tall chubby chick and the panties are big. I also very outgoing, more adventurous and am more of a people person where Bill is on the quiet reserved side.

I think in many respects I share by~his~sides viewpoints. For the most part, each man we have been with has a woman in his life. He can satisfy that part of his side on his own time. It is the male to male which is the primary reason we are ALL together. I make it a point to be sure that they have their own private time together to explore and connect. I enjoy the interaction with another man pleasing Bill, and he and I pleasing a third. For the most part, we are all equal partners in the relationship. We are not one night stand kind of folks. There has been a time when each of us has had separate lovers and sometimes it works out better that way.

One of the things which was really interesting to me was the change in the way that I feel about myself. I never really thought that I was attractive, being tall, chubby and not the most feminine of women. Never thought another man but Bill, my soul-mate, would be interested in me. I was in for a shock. While I am not the prettiest peach on the tree, or being from Boston, the tastiest bean in the pot, I was amazed at the response I get when I get to know people. Had to beat them off with a stick…still do….just never would have imagined it. It was not until I finally, after a year of hearing a lover tell me I was beautiful did I actually believe him. I guess it really does matter what is on the inside that counts.

I also experimented with a woman on one occasion and found it was not for me. If I were with a lover and he wanted two women to please him, I would indeed participate for his pleasure.

For those who think it is all fun and games, it is not. The stresses we have faced are real. Inviting a third person into your life can be a gamble for the straight spouse-be they male or female. There is always the underlying concern that your partner will fall in love with the third. Knowing that the third is a better lover for your mate can be difficult on both sides. I think one of the most positive things that have come out of this is us finding a support group on Yahoo for women married to bi/gay men as well as a group for couples making their marriages work….making them work in all sorts of ways, including threesomes.

So, those are my thoughts and reflections. Sorry for the long reply

Belle from Boston

[DuckiesDarling]

Thanks for sharing, Belle. As LDD posted, this gives insight as to how others deal with situations which might come up in a relationship when one is bi and the other isn't.

[Long Duck Dong]

agreed, thanks for sharing belle....

loved reading your post and yes tears in the eyes reading about used bear... their sharing in the site is something I still remember.....

I have fond memories of talking with you not long after I first joined.... and now hearing your own story, has been a great help with me with a few areas that I have struggled with, cos being a bisexual male, its harder to think as a straight female and relate.......

after reading the posts in the thread, I now realise that I need to tweak a few things so that DD and I will definately be on track to celebrate 25+ years of happy marriage....... once she gets me to the altar...lol

but it enforces my belief that bi people with straight partners can and does work, its all about attitude and compromise