Coming Out

[peakload78]

I am a 27 y/o guy with a huge problem. I am married with two beautiful children a 4 y/o and a newborn. I have been married for almost 5 years. Now here is the problem. My wife is a very traditional catholic, and if she knew that I was bi she would leave and me having a relationship with my children would be a huge fight.

Now, before I was married, I was in a LTR with a man, but after a nasty break up, I decided to date women again. (my wife doesnt know about this either). Can anyone offer some realistic help with this problem? :eek:

[jo69guy]

I wish you the best of luck! Keep in mind that if outing yourself will do more harm than good, then what is the point?

If you are comfortable, then leave things as they are.

[peakload78]

Yeah, I would leave things the way that they are, but sneaking around is not something that I am good at. Please keep in mind that I have not been with a man since I was married. (and boy has it been a long time) I worry that as I am tempted to play, I might get caught and then the drama would begin.

Again, I don't know what to do.. totally at a loss here!

[leizy]

sorry to be a therapist here, but i think the work that needs to be done is yours at this point. given your history, the question is certainly begged as to why you chose to enter such a relationship, and never disclose so much about yourself to your wife.

in addition to exploring those questions, i think you need to look at what you need to do, or be, to be happy. can you be happy living a double life, w/ secret bisexual play? you were in a LTR with a guy before, so i suspect your bisexuality is at a deeper level than just sex, but more involving relationships. such a double life gets very complicated. could you be happy acknowledging and accepting your bisexuality, telling your wife about it, but not having sex w/ men outside your marriage?

what is it that's going on now, in your life, marriage, that is leading you back to the question of your sexual desires?

having been there, in many of these areas, i'll tell you that my recommendation right now is individual therapy for you, to try to figure where you stand on these things, then couple's therapy down the road, when you're ready to talk to your wife about where you stand, what your needs, wants, history are.

none of this is easy. i wish you the best of luck.

d