The Reluctant Nervous Bisexual

[bigdaddyden59]

I have had bisexual urges for years now. Not romantic urges just sexual. I'm not physically attracted to men, I have no desire to kiss, cuddle or snuggle with another man. I'm not interested in anal sex with another man...But...I have had this desire, sometimes overwhelming desire to take another mans cock into my mouth and give him head until he stiffens and shoots his creamy load.

My question is...why can't I let myself turn these curiosities into reality ?? I'm not worried about my marriage. My wife knows and has given me permission to seek another male to experiment with. I just can't seem to take the final step.

I've placed many ads on many different sites and have had many different responses. I've carried on email dialogs with more than a few men. I've set up meetings and then cancelled them. I've promised to call and then didn't. I've pissed off more than a couple of guys whom got tired of waiting for me.

Why can't I get past this stage. What is keeping me from experiencing what I know I want to experience ?? The urges are there...most definitly. Where the hell's the courage. I feel like the cowardly lion, all talk until it's time to put up or shut up...then you'll find me hiding in the shadows. It's driving me crazy, really it is...

I do have a legitiment fear of disease or std. Last thing I'd ever want to do is pass something on to my wonderfull and understanding wife. All that being said I still need to do this or I'm gonna go crazy...

Any suggestions or observations ????

[allbimyself]

Sometimes fantasies are only that. Many people have fantasies that the never act on.

[mrplayfuluk]

you are not alone there are ten of thousands of us just like you... me included!
I have been bi curious all my life and I only ever experimented in my teens. That seems like a distant memory but I do remember being erotically charged by it. I've bought gay porn, bi porn, surfed the web to satify my curiosity and tried camming and enjoyed it. I think in a way the fact that some of us bi curious, don't find many or any men sexy is part of it because we expect attraction as a start point from our hetersexual past experiences. To mentally detatch yourself from that before getting off on pure lust is the key to a successful dabble. So while I eternally seek that perfect first experience before I too go crazy, I am trying to teach myself to lower my expectations and remind myself that potential partners in crime are in the same boat. Perhaps if it doesn't happen. I will just resign myself to my private fantasy... but I live in hope!

[jazzer]

It took me until I was 59 years old to explore my bisexual curiosity with other men. My interest was only oral and touching including masturbation. My wife agreed to let me try and has been very supportive (she actually has fun looking on and enjoys sexual positions which are only possible when men don't mind close oral and physical contact with each other).
I found mature men are very relaxed about trying oral sex with another man. It didn't matter if the men were in a couple or single situation, all were keen to try. Surprisingly where there were female partners involved (a MFMF), they were curious to see their men in action. Only one man won't touch me but enjoys me touching him.
I was very nervous, but incredibly excited with my first male experience. Now it all seems very natural and part of our sexual encounters. I think most men are curious about how a dick feels in their mouth and perhaps this is because most men can't reach their own penis to try.
Good luck if you can get past the mental barrier to experiment with another man. :) :2cents:

[MikeW]

Are you afraid you might like it too much?

[coknballiker]

seems to me that there is something that you are really afraid of. Look deep into yourself and find out what. Are you afraid you might be gay? afraid of someone finding out. Afraid of diseases (there are ways to minimize this) . or something else. If you can figure that out, you can then understand why you don't follow through. One things is for sure. You will never know what you are missing. It is great and even better than fantasy!! If you decide to follow through; just send me a message. I would be happy to help you in a very understanding and nonpressured way.

[bigdaddyden59]

Thank You for the replies. I'd like to respond to a few of your questions If I may...

First to "allbimyself" -- I've had a few guys tell that theory. Some fantasies are best left at just that...fantasy. Reality may ruin the whole thing. I don't know if I totaly agree with that, at least in my case...

To "mrplayfuluk" -- I think that your theory about the attraction part could have something to do with my reluctance. I know that supposedly men are visually stimulated creatures and men as physical specimens just don't flip my cookie so to speak. I am not attracted to the male physique. I say that as a general rule. There have been a few exceptions where I have felt a tiny attraction towards a man. But those have been just pictures of naked men on the internet, naked and with a similar build to mine...chubby, older, hairy bear type. I think the key words here were,"naked" & "similar to my build". That probably has something to do with me wishing I could suck my own cock. I'm pretty sure that I would see these men in a completly different light if they were fully clothed and standing in the same line at the grocery store. To be honest I probably wouldn't notice them.

To "jazzer" -- You got a late start huh ?? My interest also is only in oral and touching. My wife has also encouraged me to explore these curiosities as long as I am carefull. She has expressed her disinterest in joining in the action. I told her that I'd love her to be there just to watch and give words of encouragment...she says "we'll see". Thats good enough for me. I'm hoping that my first experience will be with a kind mature guy...with patience. I'm going to do my darndest to get past my mantal barrier and do this thing...

To "marcw" -- No...That's not a fear I have...If anything I think the opposite is true. I'm more afraid that I'll hate it and end up looking like an ass because I won't be able to finish what I started...

To "coknballiker" -- One thing I'm definitly afraid of is catching an std. I would not be able to ever forgive myself if I caught something and passed it on to my wife. I am definitly not worried that I'm gay...I love the female form, taste, aroma etc...way to much to even contemplate that thought. I'm more worried that I may be too straight to relax and enjoy making this fantasy a reality.

In closing I'd really like to thank all of you who weighed in on this post. I appreciate your time and advice. I will keep soldiering on, someday I will hook up with the right guy....I hope...

Looking in so cal...wanted: big hairy guy to explore with...

[guycurious]

I can feel your pain. I, too, have had bi feelings ever since I can remember but I never had the gumption to experiment. I grew up in a small neighborhood where this type of behavior would have not been tolerated. This has lead me to suppress my desires my whole life.

As I get older (maturing maybe ?) these desires are growing stronger. I'm unsure as to how my wife would respond. Some days I think she would think it was no big deal. Others days I think it would cause great confusion/pain/etc.

So, I try and satisfy myself with this website and chatting online with those in a similar situation. So often I wish the wife and I could go out for dinner, hit a bar for many drinks and once the beer muscles work their magic, just blurt out everything I had been withholding. But I know if I can't make this confession without the help of alcohol then I'm not ready to make it.

Sucks........

[Jodyp123]

Hey Big Heavy,

I can totally relate to your situation. I have been through the same situations myself. Funny thing is I have been this way my whole life. When I was in my early teens I would masturbate and think about sucking cock. Soon after that I found I was able to suck my own cock. At first I could only lick the head but after some practice I could get a couple of inches in my mouth. I would suck myself off and swallow all my cum. Then in my twenties I got my first taste of bi/gay porn and soon after I was craving a real cock. After placing an add on an adult phone line I hooked up with a guy at a local hotel. We both wanted the same thing, just to suck a nice hard cock, so thats what we did. We locked in a 69 and blew each other. It was amazing! After that I did a jack off session with one guy and another blow job session another time. Since then I have been doing the chat thing, phone thing, and gay porn thing. All the while though I was in relationships with women, and now I am married with a kid. She does not know that I like men, but I think she has some ideas. For now I am OK with her not knowing, its like my own private thing that I get off too.

But anyway, back to the issue at hand. I really wish that I could hook up with another guy for real again, because I think that would be a great time, but nowadays I mostly chicken out. When I travel I will call the local chat lines and meet a nice guy. We will talk and I will be all ready to meet him and suck his cock, but for some reason I just cannot go through with it. To be honest, I am OK that I chicken out, because I can avoid all the risks that go with it. For now I am inclined to keep it my secret and continue on getting off with guys whenever I feel inclined too.

So my point is, just go with the flow, if you want to get off with a guy then do it, and do it your own way. If that means not doing it for real, then so be it. As long as you are happy with what you do, then thats all that really matters. Thanks for reading.

[jedinudist]

Just my take on it, but is it possible that it could be the "no turning back" finality of it?

Setting aside all the many concerns that locating a suitable and safe guy involve, once you actually act on those desires; you can never "un-act" on them.

You would never be able to say to yourself that it was just a harmless attraction, interest, or fantasy and that you never did it.

You would also not be able to ever honestly say you have never had sex outside of your marriage. Even with your wife's permission, it may still feel like you are letting her down, or cheating on her.

Those can be daunting things to deal with, even with your loved one's blessing.

I hope this works out for you and your wife. I would only urge you not to jump into it for the sake of "getting it over with". You do not owe anyone a sexual encounter. You have the right, and even the responsibility to investigate this as completely as needed before you make that kind of decision.

Peace to you, and Blessed Be~

[DiamondDog]

Your wife already says that it's ok. Why not just go for it?
Nobody says you have to be monogamous if you are married, and if you don't try it you'll never know.

Would your wife be willing to be present when you have sex with a guy?
I know lots of bi/gay/str8 couples that only have sex with others when both partners are there.

Nothing ventured nothing gained.


I'm sorry if my post sounds harsh; but I've seen lots of men that are either closeted bisexual or closeted gay and married to women and they all wish that they'd had sex with a guy, even just once before marriage. Lots of them do cheat or see sex with a guy as "something to get over".

I am not a monogamist and I do not equate love or marriage with monogamy so that is where I am coming from. :2cents:

[bigdaddyden59]

I would like to take this second opportunity to thank and respond the additional folks who have contributed to this thread.

To "guycurious" -- I'll relate here how I told my wife. It was a slow process, I hinted at it and made general comments for a while to test the waters. For example, when she was giving me head one time I said "It looks like your having fun, what's it like to do that" And then maybe the next time or time after that take a step further with something like "you always look like your having so much fun doing that, I wish I could try it" etc etc... Look for her reactions. It took a while before I finally came totaly clean and told her point blank "hey I'd really like to try sucking a cock and taking a load"

To " jodyp123" -- I've always been jealous of you guys who could suck your own cocks. When I was young and skinny I tried and tried. I couldn't even get close enough to lick the tip. As to the issue...I appreciate your advice, I think I'm coming to grips with what it going to take for me to do this, which I'll elaborate on in my next response.

To "married bi memphis" -- I think your contribution struck a chord. It could have alot to do with my sense of marriage and being faithfull. I'm begining to think that I need my wife to be a partner in this exploration. This is a different kind of fun. It's not like I'm going to jam with the band or running to the golf course to play 18 holes. Dicks will be out, ejaculations will occur. I've always associated that kind of fun with my wife. I think I could relax and enjoy the experience a whole lot more if she were involved the search and a voyer to the deed, giving instructions and words of encouragement.

To "diamond dog" -- Your handle reminds of a great Bowie song. God he made some great music back in the day... While I respect your opinion I have a differing view on monogomy and marriage. I've been faithfull to my wife for almost thirty years. Maybe I'm old fashioned but sex is sex be it with a man or a woman. I would no more have sex with a man behind her back than I would with another woman. The more I think about it the more it becomes apparent to me that she needs to be a partner in this or it's just not going to happen...

Again...Thanks to all who've written...I appreciate all views expressed and advice given...This is a great place....

[OralBradley]

"Nobody says you have to be monogamous if you are married, and if you don't try it you'll never know."

Actually there are many who would say that anything other than monogamous and heterosexual are unforgivable crimes that should be severly punished. they would push their rigid relitious agenda on us all via a constitutional amendment if the could.
Personally, I feel that what ever lining and sexual arangements that suit the parties involve are the correct ones for them so long as coercion and duress are not involved.

[bigregory]

I do think the biggest problem i have is the fear of bring home an std.
To do that would kill me.
If i was single well im sure i would be a quite a slut, but i do have family to think about.So it,s safe sex for me, and that leaves out alot of kink that i would like to try.Well thats my :2cents:

[Sparks]

I understand completely. I don't view men in an emotional fashion. My passion is towards women. Like you it took men several tries before I finally said, what the hell, it's just a blow job. Was I nervous? You bet. When the time is right, you'll know it. Guys know what guys like, and what it feels like to shoot a load. I say go for it. :2cents:

[Woody]

Totally agree with Sparks.

[guycurious]

To "Bighvy"

I have dropped so many hints over the last year. Either my wife is not picking up on them or she is afraid to acknowledge them.

I have told her I am "very" open minded when it comes to sexuality. She was raised very conservative and has only come out of her shell somewhat over the past few years.

Now, if I could only find the button that would turn on her "freak" gene I would be a happy man