Poll :)

[DuckiesDarling]

Okay I just read an article and it had a poll attached, what bothered me is the results are going to be skewed because it is not all inclusive.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/4592290/Girl-with-girl-cheating-OK-say-boyfriends

So I decided to put my own poll here in the hopes of getting a better idea, especially with a group of people who are not going to let prejudice and homophobia guide their answers.

So please no flaming just reasonable comments. Thanks

Due to limitations on poll entries I had to get creative and leave out the options for if it was a male or female choosing. So if you vote in the poll please post in thread your gender.

[DuckiesDarling]

Female and chose any cheating at all. That is just from my past experience of being cheated on and knowing the deep scars it can leave. Would I change my mind in the future? Depends.

[AidanS57]

Male, I chose forgive cheating no matter the gender. But for me it's a case by case basis. If I was locked into a relationship with expectations of fidelity and came home to find my partner in bed with anyone. I'd walk out of the relationship. Later I'd listen to what they had to say and take things into account. If I had a dating relationship and there was no expectation of fidelity I would have no problems as long as everyone playing around was safe. :2cents:

Aidan

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I am female, and as usual, I'm confused. I dont forgive cheating of Any kind. Cheating is cheating no matter what gender you/they are. So my vote is no to cheating of any kind.
Lord I need a cookie.......lol
Headachy Cat

[bityme]

I have to agree with Aidan. I chose forgiveness, but I am not really comfortable with that choice either. All the choices were absolute and, as Aidan said the conduct needs to be examined on a case by case basis.

I view the act of cheating as the tip of the iceberg. It is an indication of something far more serious being wrong with the relationship. It is a red flag to a breakdown of communication and, often, other major problems like health, intolerance, etc.

If someone feels compelled to cheat, they should recognize it as a sign of deeper rooted problems and seek to resolve the issues instead of resorting to secretive actions. If resolution cannot be accomplished alone or with the partner, there is counseling and the option of ending the relationship.

Personally, I don't condone cheating, but if you decide to continue the relationship after it occurs, forgiveness has to be a component of the resolution. Absent forgiveness, there will be a festering hurt that will destroy the relationship anyway. If you can't forgive, my feeling is you have to walk away.

The nature and extent of the act has to be considered also. A one-time occurrence is considerably different than a continuous pattern of stepping out of the relationship.

Unfortunately, it is often the male that is the culprit. I guess that is because of the tendency to think with the wrong head due to the change in blood flow to the brain.

Just my :2cents:

Pappy

[darkeyes]

I havent done the survey Darlin' darlin' cos mainly of my peculiar position on sex. As you know I have an exclusive relationship with my partner, her choice, not mine, which I have accepted and understand completely. There is a history to this which some will know, but it is not my choice for preference, but it is my decision because of my depth of feeling toward my partner and because of that history. That I would prefer an open relationship is well known, and should ever such a relationship develop between us then there woud be no need for any allegations of cheating.

However if my partner cheated what would my attitude be? I certainly would no be angry or feel betrayed at the sexual act, whether that be with man or woman. I would feel betrayed by the lies if it continued for any length of time and she had been hypocritical enough to hold me to my promise of fidelity. If it occurred however and she came to me and told me that, for instance, she had been out and got laid because of circumstances being just right, I would not see anything wrong with that.. she had done the deed but she would have pretty quickly have come and told me. I see nothing to forgive in such a scenario, because we are human and we can never rule anything out. I love Kate to distraction, but I'm not convinced she would take quite the same attitude were it to happen to me, but we are two different people with very different attitudes to fidelity. I don't envisage either scenario ever coming to pass and so such a hypothesis is nothing more than that.

Anyway.. thats why I dont think your poll applies to me, but do realise that if you covered every eventuality and possibility, it would probably be 1000 options long.. not too sure what that could tell us except that we are a very complicated lot!

[Diva667]

I answered "yes, any cheating", I'm female. But that being said I have a caveat, I would forgive any "cheating" - that is sleeping outside our relationship- provided I knew.

Which brings me to my second point. I wouldn't consider it cheating if my partner had sex with other people, providing we talked about it. If my partner did something without my knowledge, and hid it from me, then I would be very deeply hurt. Our relationship is based on honesty and communication.

Cheating by my definition is a breach of trust. Just like someone stealing money from you.

Love isn't some finite resource that we need to hoard away.

[ocaladouglas]

I also have a problem with this poll. the questions are absolute. I am a guy and married to a wonderfull woman. Cheating to me is having sex or heavy flirting outside of the marriage and hiding it. But for me the wife and I have had flirted and have had sex with others both with same sex and opposite many times. But we have never cheated

[runwildtonight]

Male. I'd forgive under certain circumstances. Haven been cheated on so many times (WTF?), I'm unfortunately aware of many of the possible feelings involved. We are human, we screw up sometimes. Forgiving is only half of the problem. The second part is desiring to stay with them. For me to stay, I need my partner to be honest about the infidelity, be sorry for hurting me and to not continue doing so. From me I need to care enough about him/her, be willing and able to completely forgive them. Bringing shit back up after you say you forgive someone is not forgiveness. That being said forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, although I would try. So out of all the times I was cheated on, I forgave them all yet left them all but one. I thought the relationship was worth continuing, and looking back on that relationship (its been over, but for different reasons) I totally made the right choice back then.

Having been cheated on so much I find it hard that I would ever be able to cheat myself. However, I'm just as human and just as likely to mess up. I hope I never hurt someone that much. These days, I rather have a semi-open relationship or none at all. I need some me time. Some time that I can be free to explore my sexuality without worrying if I'm hurting someone. I'm single, and while I sometimes get lonely, blue balls and sad I have reasons to be happy about it.

[Long Duck Dong]

would I forgive...yes..... why... cos it is really gonna make no difference if I would or not..... if my partner is gonna cheat, they are gonna cheat, regardless of how I feel.... so it comes down to me as to how I feel about it

I am bisexual, my partner is straight, and I have told her that if george clooney turns up on the doorstep and she shags him, I want his autograph.... some will call it cheating, some will call it infidelity, some will call it giving permission,... I call it fucking george clooney but I still want his autograph

as a bisexual will I cheat.... no... not as a active choice... but as my partner knows... if I fuck up for whatever reason and cheat... she knows who the person will be, and that the person will email my partner the details etc and so will I cos it may hurt my partner... but she will have all the proof needed when she rips my balls off and shoves them up my ass with a fence post.....
strange I know, but I would rather my partner know the truth about me cheating... than not know the truth and forever be wondering why it happened......

as for me... well... until i bleed to death, I would be single.... cos i know the relationship would be over...... sighs.... and no, it would not be george clooney I cheat with.... he has a pet pig he sleeps with and a 3 some with a pig..... ahh.... no thanks ....

[jackbirdjay]

Years ago most likely wouldn't like it after 25 years of being married my wife can go for it. I even told her to go out and get laid she tells me no.

[wifeluvesmebi]

Interesting poll. I have read many of your posts as well as ldd posts. And I Always respect your opinions and compassion.
This poll, however, I feel it is a little too pigeon-holed of a question. It isn't always so cut and dried. There would proably be way too many circumstances to consider ie; how is communication prior to, are children involved (meaning if the couple has kids are you willing to disolve the family and relationship, what was the event? affair?, one nite stand? what led up to it.)
I feel I love my wife so much that any indescretion, I would be willing to talk out and work thru as long as it's a not a situation that we should obviously move on from (long time affair, for example). People are are human and imperfect and sometimes succumb to overwhelming desires. I can live with that. I have too much love for her and she for me and many years of building and opening up my innermost thoughts, desires, fantasies, dreams, life-goals, to toss it away just because of a weak moment. We have been forgiving in opening up to each other and letting ourselves be as real and naked (emotionally) as we can with each other. Seems a shame to throw that away. Could be a positive thing and open up even more doors to each other. Probably would have wished I could watch, lol. Do we abandon or judge other best friends for a poor choice? I don't. Why do that with a soul mate?
Sorry for the convulated answere but it's honest.

[Randypan]

Please define "Cheating". I've noticed that some consider even an intimate conversation as cheating. Is it outside sex without your knowledge? Any physical contact? Emotional feelings for someone else. I've known couples who had sex with other people with no issue, however if either one develops an emotional bond with one of their sex partners, it's cheating. So, I need a bit of clarification. :bigrin:

[DuckiesDarling]

Randypan, only you can define what cheating is in your mind and answer from there. For my part, cheating is anything of a sexual nature outside of an agreement.

[rutemptedalso]

I'm not saying cheating is ok but I believe that it can be forgiven. I believe there should be openness and honesty from the start though. I also believe that your significant other should come first. Society has brain washed most people into being afraid or insecure about relationships. I believe that sex isn't love and one should be careful about std's. There would have to be a lot of trust with your partners.

[goldenfinger]

Why bring this up again, it only brings out the worst is some people. Cheating is going behind your partners back, whether sex, money or whatever. I rather have my wife cheat on me sexuality, then gamble all our money away, which happen to so many people. So, each case on it own.

[Long Duck Dong]

Why bring this up again, it only brings out the worst is some people. Cheating is going behind your partners back, whether sex, money or whatever. I rather have my wife cheat on me sexuality, then gamble all our money away, which happen to so many people. So, each case on it own.

cos if you read the article in the first post its about a study with college students, so what better way to find out if people that are involved with same sex activities, have a different opinion

the students in the study were thinking about a situation.... many of us have been in the situation or have more experience with bisexual relations and the issues

[Arthas]

My girls is experimenting with other girls and I'm ok with that. As she's ok with my experiments with other guys. :bigrin:

[rabbit16]

Without my knowledge is cheating and it would be VERY hard to forgive. With my blessing and talking about it and setting any rules if needed then go for it. Same with her opinion of me. Communication is key. I view cheating were the relationship has broken down and the person cheating is looking to move to another person. But having sex with someone else with the open communication of the partner isn't cheating. A relationship is deeper then just sex. Cheating can even be emotionally being with another person. My emotions no matter what I will do will always be with my very understanding wife.

[bizel]

to me, cheating involves deceit - like lying, so have problem with that word. i don't mind him sleeping with other men cos they have equipment i don't. not happy if he does it randomly several times week, or even weekly. like to think i'm primary. he did cheat with a woman in a threesome - his first male interaction. i forgave that cos both men were using her to get to each other. not a flattering situation for her but i understand hubby's thinking and know he's not nasty or hurtful. this was something he really needed to explore. he got no enjoyment from her, and from my reaction will never do it again.

[piercedcurious]

Have forgiven and probably would again. I'm not perfect, no one is, but if forgiveness is asked and there is REAL remorse, I would. Now if there was repeated offenses and I were "tending to business" that might be a different story.

[Mr GNG]

It all comes down to personal morals, a person who decides to take that path of secrecy and deceitfulness in a partnership is not going to see their behavior as wrong.
I believe (and it is only my opinion) when you marry it should be with a soul mate, someone you should be able to share everything with and have no secrets from, even if that means dealing with the fallout after unveiling your sexuality, interests or needs, if you can’t be honest and open with the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with, then the marriage is a lie! It’s the deceit that kills a marriage.
Just clarify I’m atheist so religion has no baring on my moral bounds.