i think it's over

[bizel]

just got a call from my hubby. he's not handling all this change well. he said he's going further up north. he's needs to get away from me, from men sexually, from everything. and he doesn't know if he'll be back.

i feel i've let him down. i tried my hardest to find answers for him. and none of them seemed to help him. i know we had a couple of rough times where he did things i found really difficult. i didn't scream when he had a threesome with another woman. from that i learnt he had fulfilled his fantasy with a man and it was fantastic, but wasn't attracted to women - maybe even me. that was something we were both terrified of. maybe he is gay. i don't care. i don't think he's given it enough time to think it through. i don't think running away from it is going to help cos it's in his head and will only follow him. my world has gone pear shaped too. i'm trying to cope with shit, and all i needed was a hug from him, or just to talk to him. and now that's gone. i even baked anzac cookies for him. was going to post today, and they've just come out of the oven. don't know what i've done wrong with them, but that's the first time i've screwed up cookies.

i just want to thank everyone who has tried to hard to offer support. i have appreciated your warmth and compassion. you have been so lovely to me. thank you once again. b

[coyotedude]

No advice here.... just a warm hug....

[bigbadmax]

Sounds like you did everything you could..easy to say he aint worth it but I think that once he realises how much you have worked at this, he will be back with his arms open and tail between his legs.
Bbm

[Realist]

Yes, Sweet Lady, you've done everything you could with a generous heart and little thought of yourself. Don't try to lay fault on yourself........ or him. Humans can sometimes be so fluid in their needs and desires. Then sometimes, we will return to the old ways. Who knows what drives us?

[tenni]

I'm sorry bizel that you are experiencing pain. From what you were posting about your husband, I was beginning to wonder if he might really decide eventually that he is gay. It is a difficult thing for him to be going through and from what you have posted you have been extremely tolerant. Take care of yourself first now. Put yourself first and protect your emotions etc.

I think that you are a real, intelligent sweetie and any man who has you for a partner is lucky. BIG HUG

[bi42guy1958]

Really feel sorry for you. I know its hard especially when you work so hard to make things work. But like some of the others here I can only offer a nice BIG HUG.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Biz-Honey. I know you tried hard to help him, but sometimes the only person that can is themselves. This is in His ballpark now, and only he can make life better. Give him a couple of days, then contact him and go "OK. I need to know where we stand here, so I can know how to make steps for ME"
You've got alot on your plate, Sweetie, but know that you arent alone in this. Stand tall, and stick your own welefare now. :}
Cat hugging

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs bizel........

stand strong........ lean on others and stand strong........

[dorkyduke]

Wish I could reach over there and give you a HUGE hug :) Have yourself a good long cry and perhaps that will help. You seem to me a special lady and I don't think your husband realizes what he's about to lose.

[DuckiesDarling]

Hugs hon, there is not much to say. Give him time, but do not chase after him. It's him using this time to figure out who he is.

[12voltman59]

Hugs hon, there is not much to say. Give him time, but do not chase after him. It's him using this time to figure out who he is.

This all sounds good to me--I don't have any advice either--other than to say I offer you a virtual hug as well if you want it.

[bizel]

This all sounds good to me--I don't have any advice either--other than to say I offer you a virtual hug as well if you want it.

voltie, i have no-one here i can talk to about this. and you can probably tell from my posts, i'm usually a happy chatterbox. my closest girlfriend thought her last ex was disgusting cos he told her he had opened girlie mags and wanked over them. i thought if that freaks her out, she'll never be able to understand what i'm going through. all my family live in different parts of the world. and they wouldn't get it either after our father was a closet gay. so i'll take all the virtual hugs i can get. i'm doing what cat and duckies suggested. space, he just needs space. i recall that revolting sickly poem ' if you love something, set it free. if it returns, it was meant to be. if it doesn't, you hunt it down and kick the snot out of it' - or something like that. wish i was a snot kicker, but i'm not. i'm just tired. have just hacked a bush into submission. so now i'm exhausted, hot and tired.

[AidanS57]

That is sad, Bizel. I can only offer hugs like so many and say that sometimes things do not work out the way the world plans them to.

[Falke]

just got a call from my hubby. he's not handling all this change well. he said he's going further up north. he's needs to get away from me, from men sexually, from everything. and he doesn't know if he'll be back.

i feel i've let him down. i tried my hardest to find answers for him. and none of them seemed to help him. i know we had a couple of rough times where he did things i found really difficult. i didn't scream when he had a threesome with another woman. from that i learnt he had fulfilled his fantasy with a man and it was fantastic, but wasn't attracted to women - maybe even me. that was something we were both terrified of. maybe he is gay. i don't care. i don't think he's given it enough time to think it through. i don't think running away from it is going to help cos it's in his head and will only follow him. my world has gone pear shaped too. i'm trying to cope with shit, and all i needed was a hug from him, or just to talk to him. and now that's gone. i even baked anzac cookies for him. was going to post today, and they've just come out of the oven. don't know what i've done wrong with them, but that's the first time i've screwed up cookies.

i just want to thank everyone who has tried to hard to offer support. i have appreciated your warmth and compassion. you have been so lovely to me. thank you once again. b

Honey, contact me via PM.

[Plumhead2]

How sad. You seem like the kind of woman so many bi's here would treasure. You are so loving and kind and supportive of your husband. If he doesn't come back, I know that there are wonderful men out there who would appreciate you and bring you the kind of love that you deserve. I am with those posters here who have given you advice to find out from him where you stand. If it is over, then I wish you the best of luck in moving on with your life. You have been offered many virtual hugs here in this forum. Add mine to them.

[mikey3000]

I'm so sorry Bizel.

[Northerner]

I'm very sorry to hear it's going this way. I wish I were close enough to offer more than a virtual hug. As has been said, at some point he has to sort this out, whether he runs away or not. Don't give up hope. Sometimes when we are hurting we can't accept help. Time away may make him realize what a treasure he has left behind.

[Dead Account]

So sorry to hear this, Bizel. You know, you didn't waste a single act of kindness on him, I guarantee he will remember that all of his days. So will the folks here, we all could learn a lot from your ready acceptance to his confusion. Such compassion is so rare these days.

[Realist]

I agree, Doogie, Bizel is obviously a very thoughtful, considerate, and loving lady.

It pains me to see her in such turmoil, but if anyone is strong enough to arise from this struggle, she certainly is!

Anyone who has read her words, can feel her soul..........and it is a sweet one!

[welickit]

Some really good and kind advise posted. We would only add that you should remain a member here. This site gives you a place to vent and blow off steam and get suggestions and support from others. Good Luck

[12voltman59]

Are you intent on "total world domination" Northerner??? :bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

I loved Pinky and the Brain---that was really funny stuff!!!!

Glad to see another fan of that cartoon--it really was one of those cartoons that was more for adults than kids I think.

[dallaspage]

i am sorry i am kind of going though the samething but my husband dose not understand why i like being with a female sometimes. the only thing i can tell you is to stay strong and keep the faith and maybe in time he will understand what is going on with himself and you. give him a few days hon and give him a call maybe in then he will be ready to talk with you. BIG HUGS

[Dead Account]

Bumpworthy

[Billys_gurl]

I, too, am sending a warm hug, and loving thoughts to you Biz. I know how it is to not have anyone to talk to about things going on in your life. My family has been okay so far. My Mother said I am a better woman than she is. My husband did not come out to me as bi (that would be me) or gay. My husband, whom I have known since he was 15, came out to me at first as a cross dresser, and that has progressed to transgender. He wouldn't tell me until last year, we had just had our 6th anniversary the month before, for fear I would leave him. I wouldn't leave him for anything in this world. If you ever need an ear just pm me or I think my yahoo chat name is on my profile.:grouphug:
Let me edit and clear this up before I get a nasty note. He always has been TG, I just never had a clue. I didnt mean the progressed to Transgender comment the way it looked when I re-read it. Sounded wrong.

[r1648513]

I'm sorry to hear this but you shouldn't be blaming yourself. From what you say, you were supportive and did more than most would to accommodate his self discovery. It also sounds like he was not as considerate of you in some of the actions he has taken.

[runwildtonight]

Big Loving Hugs. I hope you feel at home here and stay with us because you are AWESOME!!

[**Peg**]

Bizel sorry to hear this but it sounds like your husband has way more issues than even you or anyone else can help him with, since he has to work through them himself....

...either by himself (which can be REAL lonely and arduous) or, as I might suggest, with a counsellor/advisor/mentor. Best of luck to you both.

[Northerner]

Are you intent on "total world domination" Northerner??? :bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

I loved Pinky and the Brain---that was really funny stuff!!!!

Glad to see another fan of that cartoon--it really was one of those cartoons that was more for adults than kids I think.

Just a fan... I'm too busy having fun to conquer the world :upside: