Should I Tell My Girlfriend I'm Bi?

[Thomas_The_Rhymer]

I have recently started seeing this woman. I am debating whether or not I should eventually tell her that I am bi. Is this something that you shared with your significant other, or if you didn't, why not?

Kind Regards,
Thomas

[Long Duck Dong]

simple question deserves a simple answer.... would you like to know if your gf is bi ?

[bityme]

I have recently started seeing this woman. I am debating whether or not I should eventually tell her that I am bi. Is this something that you shared with your significant other, or if you didn't, why not?

Relationships should be built on trust and honesty. The time to find out about each other is prior to making a commitment.

You might start by finding out her feelings about bisexuality first before you make your disclosure. Her response might provide you with enough information to determine if a committed relationship could exist if you disclose your desires.

Nondisclosure in a committed relationship can result in all sorts of problems. On the other hand, being open and honest helps establish good communication and becomes a foundation for trust, an essential to a successful relationship.

Good luck,

Pappy

[bisocialnudist]

Living my life authentically and openly as a a bisexual the last 4 years has been so amazing and my quality life so far above anything I experienced the decades in the closet that I regret not starting a lot sooner. If I had a do over, even though times were different in the 70's when I came of age, I would do it openly and I would find a partner that not only accepted that I was bisexual but understood that I would live my life that way. I really hope that would have been the same person i have now been married to for almost 30 years. She says it would be but who knows.

The mistake I made was I told my wife to be that I was bisexual but I was choosing her and the heterosexual lifestyle. She wasn't upset a bit because I was choosing her and she promptly forgot all about it. Meanwhile I had to deal with decades of angst over my mistaken belief that I could choose the straight life. Some are able to but some like me are not,. Well of course I can pretend but at the expense of my own personal happiness. At my very core being is the need to be sexually satisfied from both men and women.

I would love to hear others experiences that told their boyfriends and girlfriends they were bi while they were dating over the last couple of years as I hope times have changed . I would be interested on the effects on when ie first date, after the relationship was firmly established or like I did the final discussion before we got married here is what you should know about me. I wouldn't want to scare her off before she even knew me but I also wouldn't want to invest a lot of energy only to scare her off LOL.

I know a lot of men and women who deal with the issues of disclosure or discovery that their spouse is bisexual much later in life after 10,20,30 years of marriage and oh my life can get very complicated on many levels very quickly.

I hope whatever you decide works out for you.
Mark

[lokione]

Do what you feel would make you happiest. No one here can walk in your shoes. However timing is a tricky thing.

That said be prepared, if you choose to disclose, to be greeted with all kinds of emotions from her.

Confusion
Understanding
Anger
and if you are damned lucky, she gets turned on

That said it appears you are young and I can positively say that there are in fact women out there that are very tolerant of bisexual men. If this relationship doesn't work out, you will find one that does.

[ironwood]

The first thing you should ask yourself is how long have you 2 been togehter and is this going anywhere.My 2 cents are if it is long enough and you 2 are commited to each other than tel her.If she is not into it then maybe she is not the right one.

[open2both]

Sure!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Yep. Tell her from the git-go so there isnt any secrets between you and theres no big surprises later on, if you decide to make it a long term thing...
Good Luck Sweetie
Cat

[bizel]

by reading past threads, i can tell you it doesn't get any easier if you keep it a secret - in fact, it get harder. the denial, the lies all get harder for you and her.

others have said that honesty and trust is important, and i agree. i like to know that the people i share my private life with, have enough gumption to be true to themselves and me. i need to respect the person i'm with. my hubby came out a short time ago, and has been honest (painfully so at times) with me. but in doing so, he has learnt how much i love him, how much i will stand by him, how much i respect him. if you want a solid foundation in a relationship, i personally think it is vital. having said that, choose the moment carefully. don't just blurt it and shock her. i didn't even know what bisexual was. introduce the subject "gee, he looks bi", introduce her to your friends. take her gently. if she doesn't stand by you now, then as hard as it sounds, you are better off. if it's not this, it'll be something else which will make her walk. she is either strong enough for you, or she's not. how awful to build a relationship, have children and then it's revealed and all goes downhill. how many lives are shattered then? start the way you mean to go. best of luck. hug, b

[bizel]

You just started dating her, why bother? I see no reason to complicate things with lady you just started dating.

you are right, to a point. where does 'just dating' end, and something a little more special begin? a couple of weeks? a couple of months? attachments grow pretty quickly when hormones are involved. if all goes swimmingly, she is going to get her hopes up that this may be the start of something long term. yeah, i know, women tend to think more long term. you may not approve, but that ain't going to make it go away. if he opens up sooner rather than later, he may find she's bi, or understands bi, and how good is that going to be! opening up doesn't necessarily mean bad.

[bh2_guy]

This is a difficult one as it could scare some off before they even got the chance to know the real you.

I guess it also depends on how you want/need to live your life, if you know you will need to have sex with both sexes then I think its only fair she knows you are not going to be exclusive with her from the start.

If on the other hand (like me) if you really love someone then you dont feel the need for sex with anyone else of either sex then maybe you could leave it for a little while and see how it goes and once you feel comfortable enough tell her.

Ultimately you will need to be honest with her if the relationship is going to go anywhere but until you feel comfortable enough to tell her i would hold off.
A lot of people could well find someone telling them they are Bi a bit of a mind F***, think what it was like for you when you were trying to figure it out for yourself.

You will feel better for being honest in the long run, just dont jump the gun until you know she is fairly serious too.

Good luck with whatever you decide :-)

[slipnslide]

It's difficult to argue with a relationship grounded in honesty and openness. If she's got a problem with it in any way, best to find out now.

[bi42guy1958]

Just wanted to chime in on this one as I can say "I've lived it" I too thought I could give it up in my late teens, early twenties, and did suppress it a few years. The feelings did however return. Later one I started dating a girl 12 yrs younger, told her and she even participated in my bi experiences with me, later left me because I wanted to have sex with guys, and no, I was neglecting my duties as a husband, still loved sex with her as well. A few years later I met a woman and when things started getting serious between us, I came out to her, and she was OK with it, but didnt want to participate. We moved in together and lived together for about 6 months then decided to get married. Well, long story short, 6 months later she left me and tried to destroy my life informing everyone we knew that I liked guys. Soooooooooooo, in my opinion, honesty doesnt pay. DONT TELL HER!!!!!!!!!

[bizel]

Just wanted to chime in on this one as I can say "I've lived it" I too thought I could give it up in my late teens, early twenties, and did suppress it a few years. The feelings did however return. Later one I started dating a girl 12 yrs younger, told her and she even participated in my bi experiences with me, later left me because I wanted to have sex with guys, and no, I was neglecting my duties as a husband, still loved sex with her as well. A few years later I met a woman and when things started getting serious between us, I came out to her, and she was OK with it, but didnt want to participate. We moved in together and lived together for about 6 months then decided to get married. Well, long story short, 6 months later she left me and tried to destroy my life informing everyone we knew that I liked guys. Soooooooooooo, in my opinion, honesty doesnt pay. DONT TELL HER!!!!!!!!!

bi42, i'm so sorry. on behalf of this fuckwit called your girlfriend, you did not deserve that treatment. they say it takes two to muck a relationship up, but i still don't think anything would deserve that treatment. now i understand why so many lie about their sexuality. i mean, i knew when it came to relationships with children there was a high fear factor of possibly losing custody or visitation rights if everything went pear-shaped. but from my point of view, i could never hurt someone like that. even if they hurt me, i couldn't be so nasty. that really was the wrong woman for you. of course that doesn't help you overcome the hurt. bi42, i hope you find someone special that you can trust. it must be hard to live in fear of telling, and fear of them finding out. big hug, b

[DuckiesDarling]

I have recently started seeing this woman. I am debating whether or not I should eventually tell her that I am bi. Is this something that you shared with your significant other, or if you didn't, why not?

Kind Regards,
Thomas

Thomas,

You should tell her. I am sorry that a few have had bad experiences but as you can tell from reading this forum there are a lot of good experiences. It's up to you if you tell anyone else around you in your life but if this is going to be your partner then you need to tell her who you really are to know if it's going to work or not.

Trying to hide the pieces of yourself leaves your partner a jigsaw puzzle that can not be completed. Don't you think she and you both deserve the full picture?

[MrBisex]

Make clear to yourself what is it exactly you want out of telling her that you are bi?

Unless you want to play bisexual with other couples or singles there is nothing you gonna get out of telling her.

First of all she will start to think you are cheating on her, that is usually the response and you do not need that.:)

[wifeluvesmebi]

In a word. Yes you should. Why? becuase it is who you are. If she can accept it great. If not, not really a "soul mate" but there is time and there are others out there that can make it liberating for you to open up and be youself. You will KNOW when the seraching for a lover/partner/best friend is over, trust me.
Just you asking a forum should and not talking to her about it should tell you that. You'll know.

[matutum]

I have recently started seeing this woman. I am debating whether or not I should eventually tell her that I am bi. Is this something that you shared with your significant other, or if you didn't, why not?

Kind Regards,
Thomas

depends how close u are,,don't expose to much info unless u can trust her and if she is a girlfriend not sure,,if u are bi and with a woman don't try to justify that it is ok to be with men too,because u have that attraction.If u want to see men and women at samr time thats your guys decision..