bi then married

[jackbirdjay]

How many stop being bisexual after they got married then wanted it again. I was very bisexual in the 70's early 80's. I met my now wife and stopped in 1986. Before I got married told my wife I was bi curious, even thou I been with guys to test the waters. About 6 years ago I wanted to be with a guy again. Asked wife for a 3 way with another guy in our bed. She dose not want to. About 5 years ago had a fling with a guy that lost his wife to cancer, he was 66. About 3 years a go he moved to be closer to his wife. I love my wife but miss the sex with guys.

[fredtyg]

It seems to be a fairly common theme I've seen on bisexual sites and blogs that guys figure they'd go the straight and narrow once they get married, but the desire never really goes away.

[jackbirdjay]

How many stop being bisexual after they got married then wanted it again. I was very bisexual in the 70's early 80's. I met my now wife and stopped in 1986. Before I got married told my wife I was bi curious, even thou I been with guys to test the waters. About 6 years ago I wanted to be with a guy again. Asked wife for a 3 way with another guy in our bed. She dose not want to. About 5 years ago had a fling with a guy that lost his wife to cancer, he was 66. About 3 years a go he moved to be closer to his wife. I love my wife but miss the sex with guys.

sorry I said closer to wife but ment his son his wife died of cancer sorry about the miss print

[bizel]

i think the real point you missed is, you don't stop being bisexual just because you commit to a straight relationship. it's who you are. you can't change that. it will be there til the day you die, and it's no good denying it. whether you act on it or not is different. if you told your wife you were bi curious before you married, then she can't say she didn't have an inkling. she may not have understood all the ramifications as i don't think you did, but she was vaguely aware.

to keep running around behind her back could fatally damage your marriage. you will eventually get caught out. i'm a believer of something most people will scream at. i respect honesty foremost. but i also understand we are not perfect and mistakes happen. if you really want to save your marriage and live a genuine life, i personally would not tell her about past infidelities yet if at all. it would be my burden to carry. she didn't do anything wrong, she still loves you, and doesn't need to know everything. too many people feel a need to blurt it all out, and confession makes you feel better. it doesn't necessarily help her. to me, taking responsibility for your actions doesn't mean confession and guilt. it means you need to expect and deliver better from yourself. that's just me though. but from now, you need to talk more to her. she needs to know who you really are. forget the threesome stuff. it's too early for that. she needs to accept you, not another man straight away. she needs to get her head around that first. and it's not easy. on most levels, i'm ok with my hubby's desires but still wonder if it's going to be the end of us. i need reassurance that he can't offer. if your marriage is really important, tell her that. get counselling. offer us as contact for her if she has questions. there are a lot of good people here with wise advise - both bi's and their straight partners. trust me, she won't stop loving you. she will be hurt and scared and cry because she does love you. she will be in shock. words may be said that afterwards, she may regret. i nearly panicked and ended it, then i realised he wasn't trying to hurt me. he only wanted to be happy and hadn't been for so long. he's just been so confused. i've managed to stop crying so much now. it's a learning curve for you both. if you try to deny your urges though, even at her request, i don't think i will work. anything denied usually becomes the focus. hope this helps. hug, b

[bisocialnudist]

Yours is a story many of us share. I knew I was bi in the 70s as well but thought I could choose, at the time the choice of a woman would be a hell of a lot easier then a guy, so I chose my amazing wife. In a sense I thought I could put my gay side deep in the closet never to bother me again.

Three months later I knew I had made a mistake, some may be able to choose but sexual attraction to both men and women is not a choice for me its who I am. Turns out my same sex desire ebbs and flows and it must have been a low day and all the love hormones must have been in high gear that day.

I struggled with my same sex desire for decades but four years ago at 53 decided life would be better for me if I simply lived it openly as a bisexual. It was not an easy transition, my wife had forgotten about my earlier disclosure so i had to start from scratch.

I am in a much better place simply living my life as me. I have made some compromises but the rewards have been so great it has been worth it. Others will disagree, coming out is a very individual decision it worked for me.Our marriage is better by having my wife as my partner in this journey. No three ways for her LOL but at least she knows who I really am and as friends we have worked out ways for me to live my life as a bisexual and be happy.

I hope you can find a friend again and it would be wonderful if your situation with your wife was such that it could evolve with your wifes blessing, anyway you are not alone.

Mark


How many stop being bisexual after they got married then wanted it again. I was very bisexual in the 70's early 80's. I met my now wife and stopped in 1986. Before I got married told my wife I was bi curious, even thou I been with guys to test the waters. About 6 years ago I wanted to be with a guy again. Asked wife for a 3 way with another guy in our bed. She dose not want to. About 5 years ago had a fling with a guy that lost his wife to cancer, he was 66. About 3 years a go he moved to be closer to his wife. I love my wife but miss the sex with guys.

[DrBimind]

Yep just gotta say is bless you creativebi that you have it going for you. Unfortunately they are many wives out there not as ready to be so open to they man's desire (and vice-versa for the married ladies I'm sure.)

Bizel, such good advice for one just now going through this as a straight partner whose husband came out. I was a little worried for you at first but now you seem sure much surer of yourself and your life ahead. Bless you.

Jack as much advice as you get it will still be difficult for you and your wife at first, if you ever tell her. My wife suspected something about me and enjoyed using toys on me before I told her everything about a 3 way where he went down on me. Now after 15 years it just something that I like and she can "take it or leave it", but at first she was worried about me leaving her for someone else (never will happen LOL). It a roll of the dice like most things in life. Good Luck and bless you.

[Plumhead2]

See what I don't understand is this: If you are straight and married, you shouldn't have sex with other women because it is cheating. But much of the advice in this forum seems to be, if you are a guy married to a woman and then discover you are Bi, then the advice is to be open and work out an arrangement in which the guy is be able to have sex with other guys while still being married to the woman. Are bi guys just more sexual; is the need to man sex just that more urgent? Is that why the wife should be more tolerant of her husband having sex with other men? This all is so confusing.

[MrBisex]

I think no matter what a part of you will always be bisexual.
Maybe you suppress it while you are married but it will always come out again

[bizel]

See what I don't understand is this: If you are straight and married, you shouldn't have sex with other women because it is cheating. But much of the advice in this forum seems to be, if you are a guy married to a woman and then discover you are Bi, then the advice is to be open and work out an arrangement in which the guy is be able to have sex with other guys while still being married to the woman. Are bi guys just more sexual; is the need to man sex just that more urgent? Is that why the wife should be more tolerant of her husband having sex with other men? This all is so confusing.

hi plum. i know if i were bi-curious, my hubby would have supported me to find out what i wanted - even at the risk of losing me. he mentioned that early on when he was having his two-women fantasies. i warned him, what if i fell for the woman?? (last time i looked i was straight-lol). i encouraged him cos it was nagging at him. i would rather he find out what he needs and risk losing him, than have him maybe resent me for stopping him, possibly lying and doing it anyway, or having him unhappy cos he didn't know. this need is something your opposite sex partner can't provide, so i don't consider it cheating. cheating is where he could get it from me, but goes and get's it elsewhere. i don't claim to understand what goes through a 'bi's/gay (does that cover women? are they gay or is it lesbian???)' mind when it comes to same sex, but maybe it's the acceptance, maybe the penis means as much to him as it does to me? i really don't know. when i love a person, i see them hurting, it must be addressed no matter how painful, no matter where it leads. when the wound is cleansed and not festering, it can heal. i'm not into going public about it. it's a private matter, but it must be addressed - for me anyway. i respect others who for their own private reasons find a different path. this is how they cope. and i don't think it's a woman thing. for me, it's being realistic, it's caring, it's honesty. i like to think guys get into that as well. hug, b

[Realist]

I used to correspond with a lady, who had a few same-gender sexual adventures when she was in school. She married young and, although she felt the desire to be with other women, she never strayed. When her husband died, and she was alone, she became intimate with another lady about her age (70+). She told me that she wish she had the freedom to be with others during her marriage, but her husband was vehemently against the idea.

I think it's a shame that we put restraints on our lovers/mates, when they are honest with us.

I've known for a long time that it's possible for us to love more than one person, without taking away from those relationships.

[darkeyes]

U donnt stop being bisexual when u marry.. u may cease being actively so.. but ur sexuality is still there.. when I married I tried ad tried very hard.. but it was horrible and a disaster, and I hurt a lovely man in the process. In the end I just couldnt help myself.

I'm older now and no longer consider myself bisexual but lesbian, but being that decade or so older, and having lived through so much in that time,and having a lovely frantabulous girl in my life, I may want to have my cake and eat it but am able now to much better control the urges for what I want yet will never have..:)

[bisocialnudist]

Hi Plum some bisexuals are sequential they can pick one and they are fine until the next relationship, others are concurrent they need both at the same time., I fall in that category. I will never be happy with just sexual satisfaction from only a male or a female. My wife is the person I love she is the one I want to spend my life with, the only thing she is missing is the male accessories. If I am just with her I start to brood and long for some sort of male sexual satisfaction.

Sure I can pretend to be straight I did for years, but it turns out that caused me decades of personal problems and a lot of unnecessary sadness. I have brought a lot of happiness to our relationship together. Our marriage is much stronger and more rewarding for both of us because we are now both happy with our lives. I don,t expect others to accept what I say but Id love for them to understand.

Mark



See what I don't understand is this: If you are straight and married, you shouldn't have sex with other women because it is cheating. But much of the advice in this forum seems to be, if you are a guy married to a woman and then discover you are Bi, then the advice is to be open and work out an arrangement in which the guy is be able to have sex with other guys while still being married to the woman. Are bi guys just more sexual; is the need to man sex just that more urgent? Is that why the wife should be more tolerant of her husband having sex with other men? This all is so confusing.