Having an embarrassing problem...

[LoveLion]

Consider myself Bi. Been with girls and guys before and enjoy bother generally. More guys recently than girls, other than one good female friend of mine who have sex on occasion.

Anyway, I just started seeing a new girl. She is really cute and I like her. So heres the problem: When we end up in bed, things start out fine, nice foreplay, very sensual and I am feeling great, but as soon as it comes time to insert and start having sex, I lose my erection and cant seem to get it back...

We've only beed together twice so far, but both times, as soon as it comes time for me to use my penis, I seem to just lose it.

Im still young (23), and this hasnt really ever happend with anyone before (at least not twice in a row :P), and Im not really sure what to think or do about it. I like this girl and want things to work out, and I dont want this to ruin things before they really get started...

[Long Duck Dong]

don't stress......... just relax and don't stress

now..... ( slips into dr freud persona ) lol

let us talk about ze way you feel vith foreplay, ...lol

seriously.... reading your post, it feels like the touching, holding, caressing and kissing is good, you both are melding easily into each other....

ok.... most people have a set role in a sexual situation.... and the feeling I get ( and the images in my head ) are that the energy between you both is so similar that they blend and you are finding it hard to become the dominating male persona.....you are finding that you are fulfilled just with the non sexual contact and that is causing the issue......

its not that common as most people slide into a dominating / submitting role and they are very defined cos of differences in both people, but occasionally, two people will end up very settled and similar, together and that is where this issue arises......

a couple of self tests will help you work out what it is....

1) fantasy about the lady, and think about how you feel sexually, what you would like to do with her...... and compare that with other sexual partners.....

2) change the way you make love.... even changing the position can change the energy.... instead of being on top, try spooning with her back to your front.....

3) oral and manual stimulation can help as you are seeking to find out if making love sexually is something that could be a issue... not cos you can not keep it up, but cos you are finding that you are completed on other levels with her.......

4) try random sex, go fuck in the shower..... on the kitchen table.... less foreplay.... just jump on her and go for it..... you are looking to see if the issue is one with you, her, or both and if less foreplay and more * bump and grind * will help break the * deadlock *

5) use toys.... do not leave her unsatisfied or unimpressed, it feels like shes attracted to you, likes you and is interested in making a go of things, so don't shut her out if you can not perform.... make sure you deal with her wants and needs while you work on the issues you have.....

there is other issues that can be involved, such as stress, overtiredness, too tense....... but we need to eliminate the obvious things one at a time so that you will quickly be back to having her laying teethmarks in the headboard and screaming so loud the neighbours, 3 streets down, can hear her cumming

[LoveLion]

Thanks D. Alot of what you said makes sense. Luckily so far she has been understanding and still wants to peruse things. I did offer to satisfy her other ways, but her response has been "Im fine, I feel good" which makes me think that she is just being polite in an embarrassing awkward situation.

The only other time this has happend to me was the first time I was with a girl a year or so back, so I dont know if it has to do with the fact that she's a new girl and I want to impress so badly that I get overly anxious.

I will definitely try some of these tips and hope things work out, just worried now that it's became a source of stress and the anxiety about losing it, will cause me to, well... lose it.

[Realist]

Sounds like a little performance anxiety.

Guess I was about 19, when I had that problem with a beautiful girl, who I was in awe of.

I asked her for a date, never expecting her to agree. I was ready to be shot down, but not prepared for her to say yes! She was so stunning, self confident, and out-going. When we had such a good time, I thought I was in a dream!

On about the 3rd date, she became aroused and we went to bed. Being in fear of not being able to please her, I spent the whole time giving her oral sex! She returned the favor by giving me a very good hand job.

She seemed very pleased with the results and agreed to date more. Slowly, I built up my confidence and we finally had intercourse. After a couple of false starts, that turned out OK; I relaxed and enjoyed the trip!

[shaver6]

I have found that you can have sex with average people...as far as appearance goes...and have no problem with keeping it up. But if you meet someone really "HOT"....this is your dream/fantasy...guy or girl....their looks tend to intimidate you.. You think,..wow I'm just an average guy, not a super hunk, hard-bodied stud....an outstanding person like him/her...would never be intersted, arouse, or stimulated by me. With the confidence gone...so goes the erection....:(

[BiloxiM4Fun]

It's all in the state of mind

VISUALIZE your performance.....use porn online to get erect, then imagine FUCKING that beautiful creature as she smiles admiring your hard cock.

Practice, practice, practice...eventually you will "condition" your cock to respond to your mental stimulus.

After all, we are ALL "animals" (literally and figuratively. What you can imagine; you can do.

Read what Peter North and Ron Jerome have written about sustaining their hardons and they are the King's of porn.

[manhatten]

Similar problems have come up with me before. These may not be the answer, but have worked for me when things were a little limpy. When I tied a long sock around her wrists I found that was a big turn on and actually ended up cumming sooner. Also, using a dildoe on her was fun, and a turn on for me, as I just put it in near the end and gave her a good one. Video cameras can be a turn on too, even with just the room well lit, I've imagined making a porn. One time in a hotel I opened the curtains slightly and 3 maid's ended up watching us on the bed, and I found that really exciting. Sex outdoors is a blast, with the thought of someone watching being a good 'hardener'. Maybe try a photo session, you may get her to do things she thought she'd never do, and may turn you on big time as well.
Just some thoughts. Good luck.

[LoveLion]

Thanks for the suggestions. Were still getting to know eachother, so I dont know if she would be ready or into more kinky things like doing it in the kitchen, or a photoshoot, etc

To answer another question, yes, this had happend to me before, but only the once really. It was with a girl I had had a crush on for years, and it was also embarrassing. Seems like If I really like the person, Im more likely to have this problem

But, I was out with here again the other night. We got pretty drunk and came back to her play after the bar. Things started to happen again, but she fell asleep abruptly (from the drinks). The next morning however, after we had both woken up less intoxicated, things started happening again, and this time it went GREAT! No problems at all, and we both had an awesome time in her bed.

Dont know if the booze had something to do with it, or it was the fact it was in her room, or maybe holding out over night just made me that much hornier in the morning, but it worked! Hopefully now that its happend once things will be much smoother.

[Long Duck Dong]

awesome to hear......

personally I think you just allowed it to happen, and that was the key.....