It's official...I'm weird!

[Realist]

Just got off the phone with a bisexual fellow in another state.

He recently broke up with his and his wife's lover, because "He was getting too fat" and, "It was embarrassing to be seen in public with him". His wife loves the guy and is mad at him for ruining their relationship. He thinks she's being unreasonable and must have thought I'd support him.........but man, was he wrong!

Those who have been here for a while know I am kind of a champion for those with larger figures. Chubby, or mildly obese folks, are not a detriment to my being attracted to them.

I have to admit, I'm not attracted to very slim, or skinny people. Also, when a person is so heavy that it is adversely affecting their health, or ability to get around, I do not find that appealing. BUT, I would certainly never say anything hurtful to them....

I have no problem with anyone else's attractions, as long as they aren't abusive, or overbearing. I didn't care for his approach to the subject and the way he said he told their lover.

According to him, he told their lover, "You're getting to be a fat slob and I don't want to be seen in public with your big ass any more!" (He said that with an attitude, like, "I TOLD HIM WHERE TO GET OFF!)

I responded that I thought he was thoughtless and cruel.

He asked me, "Well then, what would YOU say, if you decided you didn't want to see his fat ass again?"

I responded that I would say something like, "I didn't feel the relationship was working for me and I thought it best that we part ways."

If my lover pressed the issue, demanding to know specifics, I'd be honest with him and tell him whatever was bugging me. But, I'd tell him as gently as I could. There was no need to be abusive......breaking up is often hard enough when everyone is trying to be polite and considerate of feelings!

In addition, he didn't take his wife's feelings into consideration. The three of them had lived together for about 2 1/2 years and she really cares for the guy. She was pissed to come home and find the fellow gone...nothing was ever said to her!

I was fairly disgusted with the guy and told him I thought he handled the situation poorly, then hung up.

Afterwards, I began wondering if there might be some jealousy involved. He's always said he wasn't jealous, but that's a possibility.

Oh well, Whatever happens, happens, but I feel this thing's not over, yet!

[lizard-lix]

You aren't weird, at least not in my book!

That the guy kicked out the lover without talking to his wife is totally inexcusable.. It was a 3 way thing she had full say too...

That he was thoughtless and cruel, goes without saying...

If he cared and the guy was really getting too heavy for his or anyone else's good, it should have been brought up gently, caringly and helpfully...

You tried kindness, he was cruel.. He is the weird one!

Liz

[BicuriousIndy2]

Sounds like more to it than weight gain. Is he going to dump his wife if she gains weight? If he did care he could have offered to start exercising together it would be good for both.

[onewhocares]

Well....I do NOT think you are weird Realist. I think, in fact, that you are Real and coming from a most admirable point of view. I think, that we as people should respect those with whom we have, or wish to develop a relationship. There is more to the physical being that attracted these three people and if the outer shell of the person changes, there must be a reason. As a lover of the person, I would hope that one would be keen to what is going on.

I know for me, the last year has brought both physical and emotional changes....chubbier and hornier than ever....NO lover has complained.

Belle

[bizel]

the situation should have been handled way better - if that were the real reason. i think there's more to it than the weight. i think that was just the excuse used, and shame on him! good on you, realist, for standing up to him. cruelty in any form is unacceptable!

but while we're on that subject, i tend to think we have lost good old-fashioned manners. people think nothing of blurting out words without any consideration to the fallout from them. yes i know, the old saying 'sticks and stones will break my bones, but names can never hurt me'. trouble is, names do. wars have been fought over less. we want tact used on us, but won't return the favour. i believe in karma. he'll get his.

[Realist]

Thanks for your feed-back, folks. I usually suck up stuff like that, but sometimes someone gets on my nerves and I have to vent. Maybe because I've had larger than average friends and lovers, of both genders, I feel a little protective of them.

The guy used to post here, but quit some time back. He wrote me for a while, then called me a few times. I thought he was OK, at first, but the last couple of times we've talked, I noticed he was becoming more and more inconsiderate and was making some selfish comments about the others. Our last conversation was our last conversation; I told him not to call me again.

I feel sorry for his wife and lover, too. I've talked to her a couple of times, but not the lover. She was very nice and open-minded, and was thrilled at their arrangement. But, the longer I communicated with him, the more I was feeling the husband was a controller/manipulator. I figured that may be OK with the other two, at first....some people like to be subservient, but I think I was wrong, now. I doubt if things are settled between them, yet.

Maybe she'll call...I don't know, but if she does, I hope things work out for her, especially. Don't know much about the lover, but he's got to be hurting, now.

Like there's not enough bad karma already!

[fpb09]

WEIRD I CLAM TO BE WEIRD TO BE DIFFERENT, BUT THIS GUY IS NUTS ! My opinon , if u life with the guy for 2 half years & didn't see it. He could have started earlier for his health . U learn alot after that time, & not tell his wife! AS A OLD SAYING GOES "SOMETHING FISHY IN DENMARK & IT AN'T THE FISH!" THANKKS 4 OVER LOOKING MY SPELLING AS WELL LOL!

[jem_is_bi]

I am as weird as you.
But, I have always considered my self to be totally normal.
Well, maybe, not completely normal.
Well,........, maye a little bit normal.
Damn!!! I am so happy I am as weird as you!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Pecks Real's handsome cheek, and hands him a cookie with a naughty wink..:}
Cat

[12voltman59]

Sounds like the guy who booted the other guy is a narcissistic, self-centered person!!

You are right to be pissed at him---the one thing that must be hard is that you probably thought him a decent person and not such a cad and shallow person--I know that for me--if I had this situation--I would be pissed off at myself for not picking up that this person is such a jerk!!

If this guy really cared about the other one and the person who got booted really is getting so fat---then the ahole should have suggested to his friend that he was becoming unhealthily heavy---not that he is a fat, ugly slob and try to motivate in a nice and friendly way---for the guy to work to get back into better shape--not be all nasty and unpleasant about it.

I bet that this idiot has not only booted the buddy--but might be going to lose his wife--I hope she does get with the booted guy---the booted guy loses weight--gets "hot looking" again and the wife and him go off and have a fun and fulfilled life while the ahole winds up sad and alone!!! And fat and ugly!!!!

[jem_is_bi]

Sounds like the guy who booted the other guy is a narcissistic, self-centered person!!

You are right to be pissed at him---the one thing that must be hard is that you probably thought him a decent person and not such a cad and shallow person--I know that for me--if I had this situation--I would be pissed off at myself for not picking up that this person is such a jerk!!

If this guy really cared about the other one and the person who got booted really is getting so fat---then the ahole should have suggested to his friend that he was becoming unhealthily heavy---not that he is a fat, ugly slob and try to motivate in a nice and friendly way---for the guy to work to get back into better shape--not be all nasty and unpleasant about it.

I bet that this idiot has not only booted the buddy--but might be going to lose his wife--I hope she does get with the booted guy---the booted guy loses weight--gets "hot looking" again and the wife and him go off and have a fun and fulfilled life while the ahole winds up sad and alone!!! And fat and ugly!!!!

Unlikely to be such a happy ending to this story with such sweet revenge. But, It would be nice if the wife and buddy have better times in the future, whatever that might be. Revenge? Almost never worth the effort.

[mikey3000]

I have to agree Realist, you are weird. It sounds like in today's world, having common sense is not so common, and does make you weird. So own it and be proud!

Good for you. I wish more people spoke up and corrected other's poor behaviour. You always come accross as a pure gentleman to me. Don't even change.

[AidanS57]

I don't think you are weird....well not too weird you do live willingly in Florida after all. :bigrin:

Aidan

[Realist]

Oh, I know I'm weird!

For most of my life, I've had interests that seemed different than most. If I decided to make a list of things I like, crave, desire, and cherish, that are so different from most others, it'd fill this page and more. It's enough to say I know I'm marching to the beat of a different drummer, but that's OK....I am being me!

Finally!

[wrbi01]

I dont think you are wierd.... Kind for doing what you did is what I would call you. I am one of those slightly over in the belly area... I hate it... sometimes I hate myself because of it... I know it will affect me finding fun with a male partner (at least thats the way I see it). In most of the personals I have found that they are all looking for someone who is "hot" and built like a brick shit house. I have an ok upper body... my legs are good... but that mid-section well... its in shape.... just to bad that shape is a little round.

But none the less I would just like to tell you thanks for telling that guy what you did and maybe saving some future feelings of a larger guy. :bigrin:

[bizel]

I dont think you are wierd.... Kind for doing what you did is what I would call you. I am one of those slightly over in the belly area... I hate it... sometimes I hate myself because of it... I know it will affect me finding fun with a male partner (at least thats the way I see it). In most of the personals I have found that they are all looking for someone who is "hot" and built like a brick shit house. I have an ok upper body... my legs are good... but that mid-section well... its in shape.... just to bad that shape is a little round.

But none the less I would just like to tell you thanks for telling that guy what you did and maybe saving some future feelings of a larger guy. :bigrin:

dear wrb, please don't put yourself down. have a look at the bum in my photo. that's my hubby. he doesn't put a bloke down cos he has a belly - or as an ex-kiwi (from new zealand) would say, a puku. my hubby has one from time to time depending on how much truck driving he does. when giving him a blowjob, he loves to stand and his belly used to hit me in the face. i would suffer a blackeye for the right guy any day. i know my fella would do the same for the right guy. i also have a little poundage on the derriere. in fact i can proudly say i have a bottom like elle mcpherson, miranda kerr and jennifer anniston. trouble is, there are all in there somewhere struggling to get out - lol. hang in there.:)

[Realist]

I agree, Bizel! I prefer some padding on my lovers, too!

My GF is very well endowed with strategic "hills and valleys". Just watching her body move is like the old saying, "Poetry in Motion"! She is the best female lover I've ever had.

The best male lover I ever had was a short, chubby guy from Switzerland, so I'm no stranger to the pleasures of voluptuousness!

[Realist]

UPDATE:

Yesterday, after not hearing from them since early this year, I got a long e-mail from the guy's wife. She told me that, in March, she and her husband divorced. Unable to live with the asshole any longer, she wanted out.

After the event, explained in the posts above, things between she and her husband fell apart, too. I won't go into details (like I said it was a long e-mail) but I'm surprised she stayed that long.

When her husband kicked their lover out, the lover moved to the next town and she went over to help him decorate his apartment and move his stuff in. Hubby threw a fit and things kept going downhill from that time-on.

Several things have happened to make things worse, for some, and better for others: Her husband lost his excellent job, because of poor performance. He's now working on a chicken farm, for half of the wages and twice the work...plus he's smelling chicken shit all day! He's now living in a beat-up old house in a bad neighborhood, with a woman who's a drunk!

However, the now ex-wife and the lover, are living together! (just as someone above predicted!)

She got better job and the lover was promoted into a manager's slot, almost doubling his salary! They've found another bi male partner, who she says is a sweetheart, and they have invited him to come live with them.

So, while the two of them have improved their lives, her ex has earned himself a less satisfactory standard of living. I have not heard from him, since our last conversation, and I'm good with that.

While I don't like anyone's life to take a down-turn, I believe he's gotten what he deserves.

The chubby lover bought bicycles for her and him. Their new lover got them all interested in riding. Since then, he's begun eating better and has lost some weight; they ride almost every afternoon, if the weather permits. He will never be thin, but she loves him for who he is and for no other reason. Plus, she said he is a very loving and adept at making her feel good. He appreciates her loving him, while allowing him be himself. The new fellow has fit in and it's like they've all been happily together forever.

I asked her if she and the two guys would join this site, because I'm a nosy sumbitch and would like read updates on how they're doing, but she said they had too much going on to be spending time on the Internet!

Good for them!

And so, more lives take different paths, some sad, some much improved.

And, the world keeps on turning.

[Canticle]

If being caring, considerate and kind, makes you weird, Realist, then rejoice in being weird. You come across as a very sweet man and I wish you a very Happy New Year.

C

[slipnslide]

Stop coddling fat people. They're wrecks. I operate the same way - you get too fat, and we're not friends anymore.

[darkeyes]

Stop coddling fat people. They're wrecks. I operate the same way - you get too fat, and we're not friends anymore.

1. thats not ver nice 2. its quite nasty 3. its awesomely shallow 4. some overweight peeps r dead yummie, and 5. doubt if ne 1 wud care if u wer ther friend or not...:rolleyes:

[pepperjack]

For someone that's weird, you have a very lucid style of writing I enjoy.;)

[12voltman59]

Realist--it was me that "made the prediction" the wife and the lover would get together and things would go south for the dude who started the whole thing--it was not really so much a prediction as it was just a musing of the way things could have gone----it such a scenario is certainly the storyline of many a novel, movie, etc when it comes to relationship stories----its kind of funny that it really did turn out this way in real life---my intention for my original post was to do it in a jesting sort of attitude, even though on re-reading it--it didn't really come off that way.

Thanks for the update---I have to say that on one hand it is a sort of sad outcome---then on the other--sort of funny as well.

[Jobelorocks]

I don't think you are weird. You need to consider other people's feelings in such matters. Overweight people catch enough flack from society and frankly it is not my place to make them feel any worse. They are free to make their own life choices and they deserve respect and not to be called names or put down. There is a thing called tact and we should all be sure to use it.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Real, you just be as weird as you wanna be! It just means you're in good company, Honey. You and yer sweetie can come and be weird wif me anytime ya'll want to. ;)

And not All fat people are wreaks, Slip. But your opinion is your own to hold on to.
Hugsss Real..:}:tongue:
Yer Cat

[pepperjack]

Realist--it was me that "made the prediction" the wife and the lover would get together and things would go south for the dude who started the whole thing--it was not really so much a prediction as it was just a musing of the way things could have gone----it such a scenario is certainly the storyline of many a novel, movie, etc when it comes to relationship stories----its kind of funny that it really did turn out this way in real life---my intention for my original post was to do it in a jesting sort of attitude, even though on re-reading it--it didn't really come off that way.

Thanks for the update---I have to say that on one hand it is a sort of sad outcome---then on the other--sort of funny as well.

Like I said on another thread, I love poetic justice.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOL You tell 'i'm Fran. I was being good, biting my tongue and Trying to be a good girl...lol. ;) But you know that cant last too long...I go into withdrawals..
Snogs and nibbles to you and Miss Kate..:}
Yer Cat

[Realist]

I'm glad that most of you found this interesting as I did.

I love it when an "underdog" comes out ahead, like this. They seem so happy and it's nice to know there's a new beginning out of all the friction.

Volty couldn't have gotten the outcome more accurately.....he may be psychic!!

Thanks for your responses. If I hear from the lady again, I'll tell her you guys think she "done good"!