A love letter to bi men...

[TaylorMade]

Fellas,

I love you all. I really do. But you make it hard for a sister sometimes, you know?
When I first meet you guys, it's awesome. It's laughs. It's delicious. It's commonality. It's carnality. It's kinky, it's phone sex and constantly going to the dollar store for batteries for my vibrator. I think about using it on you, sharing it with you. Oh it's gonna be AWESOME, keeps going through my head all the time.
And it finally is. My eyes roll back in my head, the back of my knees sweat, and I start to think... maybe I can stop looking, maybe I can unpack my situation and settle into this one. And you start letting me think that too.

And just when I get comfortable, just when I feel like I'm right teetering on the edge of our own kind of normal. . .

You ghost. Sometimes, there's no reason. Maybe you lose interest? Sometimes there's all sorts of reasons -- "you're way too perfect for me. I couldn't handle that." Or a woman aware of your curious desires are too much risk, too real a reminder of what you can't handle.

And it's not just once. . . once would be an abnormality, twice a pattern, three times? Nah, I gotta have a talk. I want to love ya'll, but you won't let me. I want to be there, but you won't let me in.

I can't pound on the door forever. I thought I gave you all the same slack I gave straight guys, but I realize that I've given you more. Prolly because I need you more.

Eventually, I can't let you guys hurt me anymore like this...maybe I'll find a nice straight guy and settle down. And when you come out, poke me and say you miss me. . .

I'll have to say, you didn't miss me when you had me. Why start now?


*Taylor*

[Long Duck Dong]

taylor hun.... you give us slack.... and we will use every inch of it and more.....

a common catch phrase in the site for bi males is * why should we deny ourselves the intimate pleasures of life *.... and the ladies answer clearly. * cos you then bitch about the fact that you can not find a lady to pick up after you, bear your kids, do the house work and then when we are too tired to make love..... you proclaim bisexual desires and off down to the nearest glory hole *

seriously... its easier for us guys, hun..... we can commit but many bisexual males have a 2 level mind.... there is the relationship, the partner etc.... and then... there is sex.... and never the twain shall meet

besides we are masters of the fuck and run..... enjoy the snow but avoid the melting.... have a ball during the honeymoon but start the divorce proceedings....

taylor.... we created that..... society has now become a case of marriage is a commitment until restrictions / boredom / some one better / the bills / your partner gets a beer belly etc, do us apart

maybe the older generations may not see it.... but the younger generation are......

[TaylorMade]

taylor hun.... you give us slack.... and we will use every inch of it and more.....

a common catch phrase in the site for bi males is * why should we deny ourselves the intimate pleasures of life *.... and the ladies answer clearly. * cos you then bitch about the fact that you can not find a lady to pick up after you, bear your kids, do the house work and then when we are too tired to make love..... you proclaim bisexual desires and off down to the nearest glory hole *

seriously... its easier for us guys, hun..... we can commit but many bisexual males have a 2 level mind.... there is the relationship, the partner etc.... and then... there is sex.... and never the twain shall meet

besides we are masters of the fuck and run..... enjoy the snow but avoid the melting.... have a ball during the honeymoon but start the divorce proceedings....

taylor.... we created that..... society has now become a case of marriage is a commitment until restrictions / boredom / some one better / the bills / your partner gets a beer belly etc, do us apart

maybe the older generations may not see it.... but the younger generation are......

I know. I was built by parents from that old school. I had chances to marry, but. . .I didn't love them and I knew I wouldn't put in 100% at that point in my life. Now, at least, emotionally, I'm moving toward that point. So, knowing that relationships are so disposable, especially among our kind is sometimes a little traumatic.

*Taylor*

[Realist]

Taylor, I hear your pain and frustration. But, don't give up! I promise you there is someone, or someones, for you somewhere. (I actually found my someone right here, 2 years ago!)

So, if a 68 year old, life-long bisexual man, can find the love of his life, you certainly can, too. She and/or he may not be here, or may not be in your immediate future, but don't give up! When you do find them, it'll all be worth the wait.

Knowing you, you will not settle for less than you want. I suspect that you have a specific set of characteristics that a lover must have, before you can accept them..........and that's a good thing. I know that when you settle for less, happiness will always be out of your grasp.

You have so much going for you; you're bright, young, full of life, and have the capacity to love. Without knowing why you're so distraught, it's obvious to me that you've had some recent disappointments. Try to use them as a learning exercise and move on; keep searching. Good things really do come to those who wait............Lord knows I waited almost my whole life!

I hope you don't have to hang on as long as I did, but a few years of love and peace was worth it. If I die today...... I know that for once in my life, I have been loved deeply, thoroughly, and passionately.........just because I finally learned who and what I was and decided to be honest about it. You already know who you are, aren't afraid to expose your heart and desires, so you're far ahead of me.

Hang on Honey, don't give up!

[rebel13]

I've found that most women spend their time trying to change a man into something he's not, rather then accepting him the way he is.
At the same time a man never expects a woman to change, to always be there like she was at the start.
Therefore friction is created, which activates the fight or flight mode. Most ppl tend to follow the path of least resistance which is flight, sense it's easier then having to deal with the perceived problem. Only way to deal with it that i've ever found is you have to be TOTALLY OPEN & HONEST with your partner about EVERYTHING, which when you get right down to it, is damn near impossible. Which is why in the beginning it always seems good, your being more open with your prospective partner, & everything is new, your exploring, which tends to slow down the deeper you get into the relationship, thereby causing friction between you...It's a vicious cycle...my :2cents: worth anyway...

[tatooedpunk]

Taylor, speaking as i bi man i think i love you. Ok maybe a bit forward but i have liked near everything you have said on here

[Bluebiyou]

Perhaps Taylor, you were treading on the doorstep.
1. Fear of the unknown.
We like to think we are creatures operating with our intelligence, which we are capable of, but we are very much creatures of habit and custom. We men tend to be worse in being slaves to our ego (got to be John Wayne, rough and tough, always right, always winning). Our decisions and actions are often based on how we feel rather than a "Mr. Spock" logical approach.
So, when we arrive at a perfect scenario as you describe, we tend to get nervous, uncomfortable, this is not familiar, and we sabotage it to go back to (as crazy as it sounds) the familiar chaos.
2. The thrill of the chase/the new.
Let me be sexist here a moment and say it's more typical of men, but the thrill of having 'that first kiss' again and again. Unless I'm truly in love (madly falling down the bottomless pit of love) the thrill of intimacy declines - so that nothing produces the wonderful feelings of first encounters of intimacy.

This stuff isn't written in stone, isn't 100%, but I'm sure you can see what I'm talking about.

3. Ultimately it's about falling in love.
We have no control over who or what we fall in love with (or how long).
Sure we have a choice about our actions, we can even set up a scenario where we're sure we can bask in love, nearly every one of us has a laundry list about our perfect man or woman.
But the falling-down-the-bottomless-pit-of-love feeling we all crave to have for the rest of our lives... Falling in love usually and unfortunately has more to do with the Freudian pathologies of our childhood than anything else.

But despair not, fair young Taylor.
You are young and beautiful. Lightning may strike (especially for those who seek/hope for it).
In my whole life I spent two years falling-down-the-bottomless-pit-of-love with a girl (who was otherwise really bad for me!). Our chance meeting occurred when I was more than a decade older than you. If that's all there is in this life for me, then the whole trip was more than worth while. I fell down the bottomless pit of heaven (kind of an awkward reference) that had it's bits of hell (that I don't regret).
I pray for lightning for you!
Blue

[bicurcple]

We agree with Bluebiyou, you are a beautiful woman. Do not give up, there is something special for you and when they realize what a wonderful woman they have in you they will appreciate all you have to offer. Keep hope alive.

[BiJoe696]

Look, just stay away from those cheap Dollar Store batteries, they will let you down every time. Go with quality, not just price.

:bipride::bigrin:;):rolleyes::):bipride:

[TaylorMade]

Wow, thanks guys. Between the thread and PM's , I have a lot to chew on. Will respond comprehensively after the new year.: )

*Taylor*

[Bluebiyou]

Look, just stay away from those cheap Dollar Store batteries, they will let you down every time. Go with quality, not just price.

:bipride::bigrin:;):rolleyes::):bipride:

Oh, God. Joe! NO! (LOL)

No, you didn't!


Taylor, just ignore Joe. We're sending him to sensitivity training.

[bityme]

Fellas,

I love you all. I really do. But you make it hard for a sister sometimes, you know?
When I first meet you guys, it's awesome. It's laughs. It's delicious. It's commonality. It's carnality. It's kinky, it's phone sex and constantly going to the dollar store for batteries for my vibrator. I think about using it on you, sharing it with you. Oh it's gonna be AWESOME, keeps going through my head all the time.
And it finally is. My eyes roll back in my head, the back of my knees sweat, and I start to think... maybe I can stop looking, maybe I can unpack my situation and settle into this one. And you start letting me think that too.

And just when I get comfortable, just when I feel like I'm right teetering on the edge of our own kind of normal. . .

You ghost. Sometimes, there's no reason. Maybe you lose interest? Sometimes there's all sorts of reasons -- "you're way too perfect for me. I couldn't handle that." Or a woman aware of your curious desires are too much risk, too real a reminder of what you can't handle.

And it's not just once. . . once would be an abnormality, twice a pattern, three times? Nah, I gotta have a talk. I want to love ya'll, but you won't let me. I want to be there, but you won't let me in.

I can't pound on the door forever. I thought I gave you all the same slack I gave straight guys, but I realize that I've given you more. Prolly because I need you more.

Eventually, I can't let you guys hurt me anymore like this...maybe I'll find a nice straight guy and settle down. And when you come out, poke me and say you miss me. . .

I'll have to say, you didn't miss me when you had me. Why start now?


*Taylor*

Taylor,

Sorry you haven't found what you want, but I would ask one question; Are you looking for a monogamous relationship with a bi guy? (or at least, is that the impression they are getting?)

There are tons of threads about conventional relationships, cheating, individuals feeling trapped, etc. Sometimes a few changes need to be made to conventional thinking.

So far I have had a wonderful life, I have been privileged to outlive two wonderful bisexual women (18 years and 20 years) who I lost to cancer and with whom I have shared many partners of both sexes. These experiences have given me a life of pleasure seldom found by others.

My first wife, a marvelous adventurous spirit, and I started swinging in the late 60s. She always included me in her enjoyment of the ladies and was the person who put the first cock in my mouth because she wanted to share that too. She loved anal sex, introduced me to its pleasures with toys and guided the first real one into me. That was 1970.

The best part was I never cheated, never had to hide anything, never went outside our relationships, and never ceased to be amazed at how wonderful things were. Our agreement was that we always played together. If others were not agreeable to that, we passed them by. We could be open and honest with each other and were always on the look out for somebody who the other would like. When I lost her, I thought my life was over.

Then I met my second wife. I went to great lengths informing her about my first marriage, my likes and dislikes, and my views on sex versus love. Before we even discussed marriage, we came to the same agreement I had with my first wife. An agreement that carried us through 20 years and 5 days of marriage before I lost her three years and 15 days ago.

I will probably draw a lot of comments about how such arrangements can't work, but they can. Marriages take a tremendous amount of work to be successful. Mine were no different in most regards than the norm. What was different was how we handled the issue of sexual orientation.

Perhaps your experience with bi men has been influenced by either they way you responded or they felt you would respond to the question: "What do you want out of our relationship?" You might consider the option that work for me.

It is unlikely that I will have another 24/7 relationship or marriage, but I guarantee that if I do it will only be with another bisexual lady.

Whether you find the right bi guy or swear us off and select a straight gentleman, make sure that you both wipe the stars from your eyes and thoroughly discuss what you both want out of life. As can readily be seen from the posts in this forum, communication is the key to the survival of any relationship and when we are starry-eyed, there is a terrible tendency to say what we think they want to hear instead of how we really feel.

Hang in there,

Pappy

[Falke]

We agree with Bluebiyou, you are a beautiful woman. Do not give up, there is something special for you and when they realize what a wonderful woman they have in you they will appreciate all you have to offer. Keep hope alive.

I am with them. You are very intelligent and beautiful person. I am certain you will find what your looking for. Just hang in there.

[TaylorMade]

Again, thanks. . .I know I have a lot to say and need to pick my words carefully... <pours large tumbler of Jack and Coke>

For some men, my words have hit home. I admit it was a scattershot, a general blast of frustration and anger that was kicked off by my frustrated feelings for a few bi guys which came back void.

I know that a man that desires me desires that first person and experience he has with me. And I know that a man is not a house. I am not wanting you because you'd look good with an expanded flower bed/Zen Rock Garden, bigger kitchen, and a pool. I tend to be masculine in that the man I want IS the man I see. It may not be everything I want, but I want a man because he is what I perceive that I need and desire at that point in my life. If that desire goes away, I move on.

It seems due to their experience with other women, men don't believe me when I say that I know he isn't perfect and that's HONESTLY NOT A CONCERN!

I also try to be clear with what I want. If I stumble, it's not because I want to be deceitful, it's because I am overwhelmed with how I feel. I say that I really really like you when I mean I love you. Like you, I don't want to get hurt. I still see my ungainly 7th grade self in the mirror when I talk to you. Maybe that's what you see when you visualize yourself too. But listen to me and not your fear -- don't you think I'm scared? I may make a joke about it interjecting with, "What should you do? You should stop being a pussy and marry me." But I kinda mean it.

Can't think of anything else right now. Morpheus calls. So far, that bastard is the only man that I can count on in my bed every night. :p

I'll be fine.

*Taylor*

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Tay, you Go Girlfriend. Many hugs to you.
Cat

[billy_campbell]

Taylor,

God I wish I had the wisdom and desires you have when I was your age. I love your posts and the conversations you bring to this forum. Sorry that you have not yet found the right person. Of course, having found several right persons over the years I realize for some of us it is not just a person, it may be several persons over our lifetime. All have brought me love and enjoyment and even some pain and hurt also.

I just read your updated profile and love your attitude. Just fucking wonderful. Oh yea, I did READ it completely before checking out the pictures.

Here is wishing love and joy with the New Year.

Billy

[TaylorMade]

You're 27 why are you wanting to settle down now?

Partying and shit gets old. Gets older when you do it for a living. I just want to be able to come home to someone for a while, yanno?

*Taylor*

[Loveinlife]

Saddly I have received many a letter like the one you started this thread with. I've received letters like that in the form of phone calls, texts, IMs, emails, slaps to the face, and yes even actual letters. Some from the same person more than once. I am the worst when it comes to holding down a steady relationship. After a few months with anyone male or female I find myself so unhappy that I can't imagine staying with them any more. It's happened more times than I can count and I only hope that I'm done with it. I would love to tell you that it just takes work and anyone can be happy with their relationship, but that's just not true. I would also love to tell you that I've seen the error of my ways and I no longer jump from one interest to another but that's not true either. I've had more occupations in a year than most people have in 10. On the upside I have experienced many things most people will never get to. Getting to the point, on behalf of bi men like myself I'm sorry and I hope you won't give up. Until I found this forum I thought that there was virtually no such thing as a bisexual woman. That was who I wanted more than anything but couldn't seem to find. Now what I want more than anything is to become stable enough to hold down my current relationship. I can't blame you for wanting to give up on bi men, we have a pretty terrible track record and I'm not helping the cause at all. But I am confident that if you meet the right person their sexual orientation won't matter and the two of you really love each other it'll just work out. There has to be a little bit of destiny in everyones life right. Good luck!

[darkeyes]

Partying and shit gets old. Gets older when you do it for a living. I just want to be able to come home to someone for a while, yanno?

*Taylor*

I know Taylor hun. In the end though the gender and sexuality of that person doesnt matter in the greater scheme of things.. it is the person whoever they are.. and partying and shit doesnt have to end, it changes because we change and can be ever so much more. Coming home to someone isn't everything, but it is soooo close if it is the right person... :)

[DareMe]

Taylor,

Sorry you haven't found what you want, but I would ask one question; Are you looking for a monogamous relationship with a bi guy? (or at least, is that the impression they are getting?)

There are tons of threads about conventional relationships, cheating, individuals feeling trapped, etc. Sometimes a few changes need to be made to conventional thinking.

So far I have had a wonderful life, I have been privileged to outlive two wonderful bisexual women (18 years and 20 years) who I lost to cancer and with whom I have shared many partners of both sexes. These experiences have given me a life of pleasure seldom found by others.

My first wife, a marvelous adventurous spirit, and I started swinging in the late 60s. She always included me in her enjoyment of the ladies and was the person who put the first cock in my mouth because she wanted to share that too. She loved anal sex, introduced me to its pleasures with toys and guided the first real one into me. That was 1970.

The best part was I never cheated, never had to hide anything, never went outside our relationships, and never ceased to be amazed at how wonderful things were. Our agreement was that we always played together. If others were not agreeable to that, we passed them by. We could be open and honest with each other and were always on the look out for somebody who the other would like. When I lost her, I thought my life was over.

Then I met my second wife. I went to great lengths informing her about my first marriage, my likes and dislikes, and my views on sex versus love. Before we even discussed marriage, we came to the same agreement I had with my first wife. An agreement that carried us through 20 years and 5 days of marriage before I lost her three years and 15 days ago.

I will probably draw a lot of comments about how such arrangements can't work, but they can. Marriages take a tremendous amount of work to be successful. Mine were no different in most regards than the norm. What was different was how we handled the issue of sexual orientation.

Perhaps your experience with bi men has been influenced by either they way you responded or they felt you would respond to the question: "What do you want out of our relationship?" You might consider the option that work for me.

It is unlikely that I will have another 24/7 relationship or marriage, but I guarantee that if I do it will only be with another bisexual lady.

Whether you find the right bi guy or swear us off and select a straight gentleman, make sure that you both wipe the stars from your eyes and thoroughly discuss what you both want out of life. As can readily be seen from the posts in this forum, communication is the key to the survival of any relationship and when we are starry-eyed, there is a terrible tendency to say what we think they want to hear instead of how we really feel.

Hang in there,

Pappy

WOW, I admire the honesty here. But, like the song goes, I have a feeling that bytime's wonderful relationships are either because he found a wonderful person early on and he was OK with experimenting and perhaps found something that was in him that he did not know was there to start with.

hang in there Taylor, finding the right person, straight, gay, bi or whatever is not easy by any means.

Later,

DM

[TaylorMade]

You're still young. Take your time and date people.

It can take years and decades to find the right person for a relationship. Don't rush it. Just enjoy being single and hooking up with whoever you want, or dating multiple people all at the same time.

Or tell the straight and bi men that you date that you want an actual relationship and eventually move in with them. Since you're bi why do you only want to marry a man?

Just because you live together it doesn't mean you have to marry them.

Most men who are your age or in their 20s are not looking for a wife.

I've done this. It is no longer fun for me. I would like to be with just one man at the time. Any more is actual work and no longer fun for me.

I get along better with men. I don't want to intimidate them, so I'd like to get to know them.

My dating age range usually falls from late 20's onward to the late 40's. I am not exactly ready to have a ring put on it, I am looking to settle down however.

*Taylor*