How Do You Come Out to a Straight Pal?

[danreidbarmi]

It's been some months since I've logged in here. Lots has happened in my life, including coming out to most of my family and a number of trustworthy friends. However, it seems that it's much more of a challenge to reveal the truth of my bisexuality to my straight, male pals (and, my grown son) than it is to confide in my female or gay friends. As the idea of bisexuality can be threatening and confusing to a lot of straight guys, how does one go about letting the cat outta the bag with the least amount of discomfort? Any advice?

Peace and Love,
Dan

PS... Some time ago, a number of folks here had requested that I reveal my true identity and verify my claims of journeyman success as a writer (both of songs and books). If you're interested, you can see my latest blog under my real name at:
http://www.redroom.com/blog/randbishop/six-months-since

[Realist]

Dan, this is my own personal feelings..............Why should you reveal yourself to anyone with whom you're not intimate?

I've never wanted to know about my parents', sister's, or close friends' sex lives. (one, or two, have told me anyway) Some of my friends would probably croak if they knew I was bi, anyway.

I'm sure a lot depends on the area you're from and how liberal, or conservative, those around you are.

Personally, I feel the only ones I owe total disclosure to are my lovers.

You should do what you feel is best for you, though.

[AsianDream]

Dan, this is my own personal feelings..............Why should you reveal yourself to anyone with whom you're not intimate?

I'd never dream of telling any of my family, acquaintences or coleagues about my sexuality or sex life (especially back in Hong Kong).

Also It doesn't seem to be the sort of thing that is polite for people to ask nor something they need to know.

My close friends and sexual partners know.

However - I'd agree that people should do what they feel is best and appropriate for their culture.

[danreidbarmi]

Interesting replies. Thank you.

I guess while I've been trying to explain the sudden and unexpected split with my wife, I've felt the need to admit my transgressions so as not to lay blame on her. I have told other straight male friends that I was unfaithful and that it became a burden I could no longer bear, so I confessed (which is the absolute truth). And, since it was the cheating that caused the break-up and not my bisexuality per se, I suppose there's no reason for me to share that part of the story with everyone (especially those who might be confused or alienated by it). However, I wouldn't want a friend to hear it from somebody else and feel like I'd been dishonest with them.

Complex issue, I must say.

[fredtyg]

I agree with the others that there's no need to tell anyone you don't feel you have to. If it was me, if the subject came up and someone asked, I'd tell them. Otherwise, I'd keep it to myself.