Need some help...how to enjoy my bisexuality with my wife?

[eric_es]

Hi. I have only been open to my wife for about 6 years now that I am bisexual. We have been married over 28 years now and she says it is ok with her. I believe it causes tension in our relationship as I feel I am hurting her by who I am. I am not able to express my feelings as openly as I would like too with her. I feel such quilt that she never knew who I was before she married me and I never gave her the chance to choose. I would appreciate some advice on how to speak with her about my desires and how it could make our relationship more healthy. I so much love and care for her that I won't be me with her as I feel it makes her upset even though she says she is ok with me.

[welickit]

Maybe just for once you should listen to her and have some faith in what she says. How many times does she need to say she is OK with it before you believe her? Give the woman some respect.

[bizel]

I think that there's a big difference to saying it's ok, and liking it. You're just experiencing a small down side of being honest with her, best seek a counselor or have a very long talk with her about it. Facial expressions, body language, and the eyes tell no lies, if you can read it all.

She may even blame herself and think you turned to bisexuality because you found something lacking in her, if this is the case, you know what you need to do. Be persistent with her and the truth will come out.

Best wishes

i have to agree with alliswell_right. i got my hubby into wearing my sexy knickers, introduced him to his g spot and now he tells me he needs a man's touch. before i met him, he rarely had sex, i was a sexual hermit crab, and really naive. with him i felt the whole sex world had opened up like a lolly shop. now i wonder how much of our present issue is due to me being too open. i wonder if it's my fault. i wonder if now i'm not sexy enough to compete. i wonder if i had known about strap on's if this wouldn't have happened. i need reassurance and commitment but he can't offer it cos he doesn't understand it all himself (he's frightened he may even be gay). i don't even know if i have a marriage anymore cos he tells me if i need to walk away he'll understand. we do love each other, i have no doubt of that. love is not always enuf - i'm old enuf to know that. be gentle with your wife. shock can take years to overcome. some people never do overcome it. you don't say if you have been with a man during your marriage. having desires and acting on them are different things. counselling is good, but she may feel resentful cos 'it's your issue, not hers'. you could get a bottle of wine, and ask her about her desires. if you really need to go this way, start slow with any conversation and realise you will have to take responsibility if it doesn't go the way you wish. remember the saying, be careful what you wish for, you may get it. i wish you nothing but the best of luck.

[_Joe_]

I can totally relate. Can't really give any ideas :(

[DrBimind]

Time....be PATIENT, don't push. Keep and OPEN, HONEST conversation going when she's ready to talk. Believe her when she says she's OK with it and ask her questions about how she feels. Tell her how you feel...it sounds like you really love and care about her so tell her so, then let her know what YOUR feelings are about being BI. Again, be honest-with yourself and her.

After knowing each others thoughts you may be able to incorporate some play into your sex life...may toys or dirty talk or role reversal...whatever works for you both.

Be prepared for acceptance to wane or disappear or even stronger. If you've been together for 28 years you know one's feeling and beliefs may change after time. Keep the faith that you both will face life together and that this has not changed.

Bizel I wish you luck for what the future brings but please remember, don't blame yourself, you cannot control what others may do.

Good Luck