wife of bi curious

[bizel]

gidday all. want to thank all who replied to my hubby (mim bent). your warm words (and amusing ones - i'm hamburger by the way), of support are greatly appreciated. my hubby is being completely honest with me about his needs and i love him so much, losing him is worse than sharing him with a man.
i just wonder if there are other women out there in my position that would like to share posts? i hope you all don't mind my entering your site as i'm not bi and maybe not even technically bi-married (until he knows what's going on). my hubby keeps talking about worst case scenerio, and if he enjoys sex with men more, then our relationship may be over as he doesn't want to hurt me, have me come second and feels it wouldn't be fair on me. i keep telling him to explore and experiment first. he's done neither yet as he's working in a regional part of australia and i guess we all know what country towns can be like. there's no-one i can talk with about this as i'm housebound caring for my ailing mother, and none of my family or friends would understand. i rang the gay/lesbian/bi helpline and as lovely as they were, they kept asking me what i wanted. in la-la land, i want it to be 3yrs ago when it was only a fantasy, not the reality of possibly having to share him, and not the possible end of our relationship. how have other women faired? is there such a thing as a happy marriage with a bi guy? i know he's genuine, and i'm encouraging him to put ads about, and visit gay/lesbian/bi events whenever they turn up. i'm being as open as i can but don't think i'm up to sharing the sexual adventure with him - yet. just want him to find out what he wants asap. there are enough horny guys around that would screw a woman without blinking. where do you find one for a man????(ha ha).

[bizel]

p.s. this is addressed to biguys in a straight relationship, how do you make it work? does it work? or has the pull for your 'own team' (to quote seinfeld) been so strong it's ended the relationship? just trying to get my head around this situation.

[chapear]

He needs to figure out what he wants and you the same. Try it out with an open mind. You won't know if you like it or not until you try it. There are some straight women that like biguys and some that don't. Just remain honest with each other and experiment before the 2 of you make a decision.

[someotherguy]

I am unfamiliar with Australia to the point of having to guess why blinking plays an important role in sex. Here in the US we just decide whether to leave the light on, if we can even pay the electric these days.

There are examples of happy marriages with bi men, so it can work out well. As individuals you two must find out whether that reality would suit you or not.

Some say about sexuality that it may not always faithfully follow an arbitrary prescription of heterosexual monogamy, such as is given traditionally by many of this world's established social institutions. To depart from your regularly scheduled programming can require doing homework and soul searching and possibly, in extreme cases, examining your wardrobe choices. In all of that upheaval of the staid apple cart you will probably learn about your routine expectations that the goals they serve are not actually your own, but belong instead to a body of overreaching finger wagglers whose sideways glances you can safely ignore.

It may help to set aside worries of losing out on something, in favor of what you are gaining. The man you love will be more fully and happily himself left to be as he is actually. Then again, maybe he has betrayed your emotional need for monogamous security and robbed you of feeling especially satisfying of all his love needs. A coin toss may be in order down the road.

[ironwood]

Is great that you are being so supportive.I am sure for your husband like myself it was very hard to tell you his inner most feelings.I am not proud of the way my wife found out(no was not caught cheating)but was a huge weight of my shoulders that she did.I have always been attracted to men an dhave enjoyed sex with them also.All this before my wife and i ever meet.I have also shared with he rmy feelings of love for her and would never want to hurt her or leave her.I love the life we have together and plan to keep it.On the other hand there is a part of me that misses that male on male experience.I have tried to talk with her and tell her things that would help in adding with those urges and at first she agreed.Now she wants no part of it and leaves me frustrated at the same time.I have tried to duscuss my bisexual side with her and she has said she doesn't really want to talk about it .i have also learned as she has are communication is a big foundation of are Marriage.With all that said i applaud you and hubby for keeping the communication lines open and you supporting him in his time of that need .I am a firm believer in keeping a marriage and doing what ever it take to make the other happy and love .I love my wife more than anything and our kids also and will never change that but in saying that also believe is she wanted to experiment with either a women or another man would have no problem with it.Love is something you feel in your heart and mind and soul and is not to posses something.We are all human and have urges but to know the difference between them is a sigh of growing within ourselves.Not sure if this helps but is the point of view of a Bisexual married man who understand what you two are going threw.

[rutemptedalso]

I just came out to my wife not too long ago. She doen't accept it as I knew she wouldn't. In my case I was molested at a younge age. Nothing tromatic but it left me with a desire to have a very close male friend. I'm not going behind my wifes back and my never get to experience a same sex relationship again. At least I can talk to her about it now though. Some days it's more than she can handle and it's best to sweep it back under the carpet. Hopefully it'll get easier for her. There's a website for men who were molested. It's for men only and members have to be approved. It might help menthriving.org

[rdavisnh]

As I am sure that you will find support on here, you will also find great support groups on yahoo. Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work (MMOMW) is great for both of you and Alternate Paths is great for you. Both will help you navigate through the world of exploring and accepting your husbands bisexuality.

[dickhand]

I met a woman through A.F.F. in the next town after my wife died . She like sex . Anything a man and a woman can do together was in the menu . She knew I was bi and knew one other bi-guy . She didn't have an issue with it but had never been with two bi-men at the same time . She had been with multiple straight men at once so to speak , but it was more like a series fuck as they didn't want to touch each other . She agreed to give a threeway a try with me and another bi friend of mine and loved it ! We have done it several times since as well as on her own with other bi-guys . Thinks it's much more fun than with straight guys . Me too !

[ubersmack]

I might get lamb basted for my reply, but here goes anyway.

My wife knows that I am bisexual. She is straight and is not interested in having anything to do with seeing or sharing me with someone else. She is comfortable with the "Don't ask. Don't tell" situation. The rule is that it works only with men.

Now I love my wife dearly and would never leave her for another person. I feel no desire to be with another woman. My wife is all I need, except for a little sexual itch. I have a gay friend that I get to play with every now and again that satisfies that itch. I don't talk about getting sexual with him and she doesn't ask. Ultimately, she knows that we are having sex but she is comfortable knowing that its only with men and that I am not in it for anything other than to scratch that itch.

Seems to work for us. Will it work for someone else? Who knows? I can't answer either of those questions because everyone is different.

[mel_bigboy]

My wife was worried that I would leave her for a man. Then scared that our friends, co-workers, and family might find out and ridicule me...mostly her as if she lacked female skills to keep her man happy. Scared she wasn't doing enough or maybe too much. After many convesations, both civil and non-civil, and complete honesty observed we made it through this thing together. It will never be "over" as in finding the moment when all answers are found and living in perfect peace. But, as long as your both honest and strive to keep your marriage no matter the urges you can survive and live an unbelievably happy marriage.

[12voltman59]

Bizel--there are a number of ladies in your same situation on here---like onewhocares, PEG, csrakate and others----hopefully you will get one of them to respond to your seeking help and guidance.

Good luck.

I can tell ya---I am glad that I didn't have a wife to possibly hurt in my search to accepting my bisexuality as I define it for myself---it is tough enough being on your own and dealing with it--I bet it would be really hard to think you would hurt your "mate" with such a thing as this---I am sure that the situation is not easy for your husband or for you.