bicurious and need help

[mim bent]

i have just signed up and this has probably been answered a million times before but it's new to me. i have a need for men that i have tried to suppress for years. am in love with my wife who i have a satisfying sexual relationship. i've been honest with her about everything but can't reassure her that things will be ok cos i just don't understand it myself. i don't want to hurt her as her father was gay and treated the family badly. she's standing by me and is helping me find a male partner to try experimenting. if i still find her sexually attractive, will i turn gay if i try with a man? can anyone advise? am i likely to only want occassional male touch or will this break up my relationship?

[NakedInSeattle]

You will not turn gay if you satisfy your "itch" to see what male-to-male sex is like.

As I was just telling my wife, society (the church) has beat into us that we can and should only receive sexual/sensual pleasure from one of the opposite gender. I am here to tell you (and the world) that it is perfectly OK to receive pleasure from the same gender. Society is almost to the point of accepting girl-girl sex as OK. Let's hope that the same will be true for us guys very soon.

Since you have the loving support of your wife, you are miles ahead of all the other sexually frustrated married guys that are suffering the guilt and anxiety of expeimenting (spell cheating) to find sexual gratification with other men.

Good luck, my friend.

[bityme]

i have just signed up and this has probably been answered a million times before but it's new to me. i have a need for men that i have tried to suppress for years. am in love with my wife who i have a satisfying sexual relationship. i've been honest with her about everything but can't reassure her that things will be ok cos i just don't understand it myself. i don't want to hurt her as her father was gay and treated the family badly. she's standing by me and is helping me find a male partner to try experimenting. if i still find her sexually attractive, will i turn gay if i try with a man? can anyone advise? am i likely to only want occassional male touch or will this break up my relationship?

No one can give you any guarantees, but you are certainly going about things in the best possible manner. You have been open and honest with your wife and apparently have her love, understanding, and assistance. That is a wonderful foundation to begin with.

The fact that you love her and have a satisfying sexual relationship with her is the next best thing to a guarantee that you will not turn gay because you experiment with a man. You are currently dealing with your desire, a mental image of what you want to do. The reality of actually having a physical experience may not be the same. It could be better or it might not live up to the mental image you have. A little experimentation doesn't make someone gay.

There is nothing wrong with you having a desire to experience sexual pleasure with a man. You will most likely find that the actual experience is different from that with a woman, however, there is no requirement that you choose one gender to the exclusion of another. Sex should not be any different from other activities which can be enjoyable with either gender. Having a conversation, sharing a dinner, stopping for a drink, giving a hug, comforting a friend, a walk on the beach, a beautiful sunset, and a myriad of other activities can be shared with anyone. The physical aspects of sexual intimacy are no different.

It is the extent of our desire that makes a difference. You indicate that you have a need for men. What you don't say is whether that need is just for some physical intimacy or a need for love and romance. If it is a need for love and romance, your situation may be more problematic than if it is only a need for physical intimacy. I have the impression, however, that your desire is physical.

As to the issue of your relationship breaking up, that will depend entirely on how you view your bi experiences. If you view them as an addition to or an extension of your sexual makeup they need not compromise your relationship with your wife. If, however, you view them as supplanting your heterosexual desires, replacing the sexual intimacy you have with your wife, then you could have problems.

It certainly is possible to maintain a healthy, loving, and exciting relationship with a spouse and at the same time satisfy physical, bisexual desires. If your wife is not only helpful to you but also participates with you in your explorations with other males, it can certainly be an exciting adventure that may bring you even closer together.

May you have good luck as you go forward and maintain and expand the communication you have with your wife.

[Realist]

Mim,

You're extremely lucky to have the love and support of your wife!

From reading your brief story, it looks to me like you love and desire your wife. I don't think you want to lose her, you just need to figure out how to deal with your bisexuality. It takes a special person to love you and allow you to expand your horizons, too, so be mindful of her feelings, too.

If asked what I'd do (and am doing) here's what I'd suggest:

I'd suggest you search for someone, who you can trust, feel safe with, and who shares mutual interests..........and who you can experiment your desires with.

Keep your wife in the loop, because she deserves your love, respect and loyalty.

Good luck, you're not the only person in this boat...hope this helps...good luck!

[_Joe_]

i have just signed up and this has probably been answered a million times before but it's new to me. i have a need for men that i have tried to suppress for years. am in love with my wife who i have a satisfying sexual relationship. i've been honest with her about everything but can't reassure her that things will be ok cos i just don't understand it myself. i don't want to hurt her as her father was gay and treated the family badly. she's standing by me and is helping me find a male partner to try experimenting. if i still find her sexually attractive, will i turn gay if i try with a man? can anyone advise? am i likely to only want occassional male touch or will this break up my relationship?

Just imagine eating hamburgers all your life. Gawd, you LOVE hamburgers! But like, one day you think "I want to try a chili-dog...WITH CHEESE TOO"

You try it, you love it. Doesn't mean you'll give up hamburgers.

Yes

Your wife is a hamburger and men are chilidogs with cheese.

I totally went there.

[ubersmack]

Your wife is a hamburger and men are chilidogs with cheese.

I totally went there.

I just about sprayed my water across the screen. LMAO!

[ghw132]

i have just signed up and this has probably been answered a million times before but it's new to me. i have a need for men that i have tried to suppress for years. am in love with my wife who i have a satisfying sexual relationship. i've been honest with her about everything but can't reassure her that things will be ok cos i just don't understand it myself. i don't want to hurt her as her father was gay and treated the family badly. she's standing by me and is helping me find a male partner to try experimenting. if i still find her sexually attractive, will i turn gay if i try with a man? can anyone advise? am i likely to only want occassional male touch or will this break up my relationship?

After reading the other replies, mine sounds kind of trite. Why don't you find a bi man and the two of you experiment with him. My wife and I do everything together, no hiding, running around. If I want a male she is there with me. As a married couple we believe in sharing everything including our sexual desires. We recently came to the conclusion what we needed to fulfill both of our desires, was a bi-male, hence we are on this site, looking.