some advice please

[m1steriousjo]

hi my partner of seven years has told me recently that he feels he may be gay or bi but that he still feels the same for me. am confused as how best to deal with this.

[Scooby]

Hi I found out in January that my Hubby is bi (he says he's def. not gay as he's still attracted to women). It was a huge shock for him to have to admit it and own up to it if you like so my way of handling it was to help him and encourage hime to explore these feeling he has as he's been in denial for so long. I was obviously shocked but that soon wore off and at the end of the day it doesnt change who he is. I hope you find a way of dealing with this that suits you. You need to talk to him and find out if he thinks he's gay or bi, he must have some idea..... talk talk and talk some more. Thats about all you can do for now. If you have any other questions I'll do my best to answer and I know there are some other wonderful straight spouses on here that'll share their experiences, not to mention the wonderful bi people here :)

Take care
Claire

[Qetesh]

Sorry the above post is from me. I was logged in under hubbys name and didnt realise :rolleyes: . Didnt want to cause any confusion.

Claire

[IceLion]

I agree with Scooby, talk until you can't think of anything more on the subject to talk about. After that, re-evaluate how you feel and move forward. Try to bear in mind that coming out requires a TREMENDOUS amount of trust, courage and fear. Be supportive, but stand firm your own ground as well and to repeat, keep communication completely open.

-IceLion :bipride:

[Long Duck Dong]

deal with it as openly and honestly as you can

your partner has said that he may be gay or bi but he loves you... embrace that with both arms...then open the way for talking....it is possible to fill his desires or needs in the relationship without him needing to go outside it

its possible that he is gay/ bi curious... and may find that he has fantasties about it... but in reality... doesn't wanna go there and its possible that he does wanna go there

either way... it is time for you both to sit down and say to each, it is a very positive sign of your relationship ... you both are on the level where he felt safe saying it to you, and you felt shaken but you are reaching out for understanding and knowledge and not packing the bags and walking out

you are still you and he is still him.....and the only thing that has changed is the awareness between you both

[CountryLover]

My closest friends for the past 10+ years have been bi married men. I've talked with them, cried over their troubles and held them close to my heart.

My observation over the past 10 years has been that these men when they're in a strong loving marriage, even if they can't come out to their wife - that they are the most intensely loyal and devoted of husbands.

Sooo let's see...conventional or devotion....Hands down, I'll take devotion every time. :)

[m1steriousjo]

thankyou for you replies have done alot of soul searching in recent days can see that my partner must love and respect me to have been able to tell me . he has said that altho he has feelings/desires for men he is not sure how far he would be able to go , he has aslo said whilst he is in a relationship he would not look for any other relationship either with a man or woman and that our relationship means alot and he wouldnt want to destroy it by cheating. it is hard to now know how i can support him i wouldnt want him to deny who he really is but not sure i can handle him being intimate with anyone else be it male or female