Advice for an inexperienced guy...

[ATaurusJoker]

First, thanks for this great website. I've posted on here before... but it's been awhile.

I’m looking for some advice.

I’m an inexperienced Bi-sexual (meaning that I’ve had a good deal of sex with women but I’m very inexperienced with men). I like this part of myself and want to come out soon. My family would have a tough time with it, but my friends would be nothing but great.

My problem… I want to experience my bisexuality before I come out. I want to see what I like and what I don’t. I’m not looking for a hook up. I’m finding it impossible to find a guy who is nice, friendly, and either in the same boat or willing to work with me. You know… someone who actually cares about my well being. I’m not willing to do anything right off the bat and I’m not willing to do anything with anyone who is cheating on their wife or girlfriend (after all… I like women and I won’t participate in them being hurt).

I’ve tried Craigslist. I’ve done a good job at making my ads describe clearly what I want while also communicating where I’m flexible. Usually, a nice e-mail conversation starts until, one day, the guy stops e-mailing me. I don’t take it personally, but I’m tired of wasting my time.

Do any of you have any advice? What should I do? I want to experience my bisexuality and learn about it. I’m more attracted to women, but I think it’s unfair for me to get into a relationship with a woman and not know what I want from men. I want to be able to enter my next relationship as a proud bisexual. In order to do that, I have to know what I want (I also want to have fun, I’m not ignoring that.)

Thanks everyone,
ATaurusJoker

[welickit]

Based on the contents of your profile we would say you are living in a fantasy world. Come back and ask again when you grow up. :2cents:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Have fun, Hon. Just be careful and play safe above all else..:}
Cat

[fredtyg]

You might try the M4M Strictly Platonic section of Craigslist to advertise, in addition to some of the other personals websites others have suggested. With a Strictly Platonic ad you're less likely to get guys that just want sex. Once you start chatting with some guy you might establish a rapport that might lead to the kind of sexual relationship you want.

[dutchmale]

hounestly ??

if you want to come out and obviously dont want a one-2-3 night stand but really find a decent guy

imo you will have more luck with looking for a gay guy

i mean i understand you dont want to cheat and want to experience the guy part , then you wont have to worry about girls / woman etc

so the guy might as well be gay

and with gay guy's there are way more nice , normal serious guys then tehre are bisexual

i think a lot of the bisexual people (not all but a lot) are into having both ways
(that doenst mean they have to cheat to do so)

talking with a whole lot of bi-sexual guys i also dare to say there are a whole lot of bi-guys who are only into woman relationship wise but really love to have sex with a guy (again this is only a part of the bi-men)

so thats why i believe a normal , friendly , seroious gay guy would be way easyer to find , he would also not be scared off if you would hounestly say your bisexual but really looking for a guy seriously

its easyer then finding a woman who understand you wanting to be with a guy

i hope this makes sense


one last tip , watch out and dont get fooled to easy on the internet , you come a cross as a certain type (serious , not in for just sex , want a more deep relationship with meaning) and a lot of guys might talk like they are also like that but in the end just out to get some .....

so dont try and forcefind a guy like you described , its really not that easy i think

just try to go to a large gay community and make sure there are enough guys who are in your area or country ....

best bet

or try going to gay-bars etc..

i'm not saying you cant find a nice bi-guy but what you describe is a needle in a hay-stack :bigrin:

good luck and i hope you find what your looking for

[NotLostJustWandering]

My advice is: don't depend on the Internet for meeting people, but find bi groups with regular meetings, and meet people face-to-face.

So, you're in Massachusetts? BiNetUSA (http://www.binetusa.org/Pages/network.html)lists 3 groups in your state. One is for women only, but the other two are for men and women: the Bisexual Resource Center (http://www.biresource.net/) and Biversity (http://biversity.org/). The former also has a list of Bi groups in Boston (http://www.biresource.net/bostongroups.shtml). Searching Meetup.com for "bisexual" and "Boston" (http://www.meetup.com/find/?keywords=bisexual&userFreeform=Boston,+Massachusetts,+USA&mcId=c2108&mcName=&lat=&lon=&gcResults=&submitButton=Search&op=search) resulted in 12 hits, most of which won't interest you, but you could try the same page with a wider search radius.

God, I wish I could do this here. Well, inshallah I'll be back in NYC come spring, and then I will go beserk... :bigrin:

I sharply disagree with Dutchmale's advice to try gay men for a relationship. In my experience, gay men are the worst biphobes, and if you manage to find one that will "be OK" with your seeing women it will just be a matter of time before all his suppressed jealousy comes rolling out. Gay men are good for quick, easy sex, but it sounds like you're looking for more than that. Unless you can be OK with NOT seeing women, I would steer clear of seeking anything more from gay men than NSA sex.


Based on the contents of your profile we would say you are living in a fantasy world. Come back and ask again when you grow up. :2cents:

Hmm... there's nothing in your profile. Pity. Hope those nasty old coots didn't scare you off. Don't take their word as gospel.

[silkydave]

if it is meant to be it will happen, you sound like a great guy, you are not alone out there, maybe go with the advice of looking into the support groups and find some places there where some like minded people frequent, someone is going to be lucky you found him....
:bipride:

[bityme]

I have to agree with dutchmale. It's not your bisexuality you seek to experience, it's your contact with males (your gay side). You don't experience bisexuality, you experience sex with either a man or a woman, or both at the same time, of course a TG or TS is also an option.

Forget Craigslist and the internet. Take a trip to a gay bar and look for an older guy. Strike up a conversation and if he's personable and seems nice, tell him where you are coming from. He might be able to help you himself, introduce you to another guy, or head you in the right direction.

One more thing! Don't be so intense. Life happens at it's own pace. Relax and enjoy the journey, Take time to smell the roses. The more laid back you are, the more enjoyable it will be. Pressing forward for the sake of gaining experience means you will have some bad ones as well as good ones. Taking your time and being selective will ensure more good experiences. :2cents:

[dutchmale]

I have to agree with dutchmale. It's not your bisexuality you seek to experience, it's your contact with males (your gay side). You don't experience bisexuality, you experience sex with either a man or a woman, or both at the same time, of course a TG or TS is also an option.

Forget Craigslist and the internet. Take a trip to a gay bar and look for an older guy. Strike up a conversation and if he's personable and seems nice, tell him where you are coming from. He might be able to help you himself, introduce you to another guy, or head you in the right direction.

One more thing! Don't be so intense. Life happens at it's own pace. Relax and enjoy the journey, Take time to smell the roses. The more laid back you are, the more enjoyable it will be. Pressing forward for the sake of gaining experience means you will have some bad ones as well as good ones. Taking your time and being selective will ensure more good experiences. :2cents:

yes thats what i ment indeed , he says he dont like cheaters so i asumed when he finds a guy he wont need female contact so then it can be a gay guy beause he wont cheat (he says)

so NotLostJustWandering what you said wont be an isue if its like he said
i mean if he wants to try both sides at ounce he should not go for a gay guy (i agree)

i'm just trying to explain it would be neir impossible to find a serious , nice bisexual male who is faightfull and dont want to do it with a woman

so the best nbet is a gay guy for him ;)

[bityme]

TaurusJoker is young and does not want a crusty old troll like yourself.

L3st4t it is truly amazing that you have such a gift for crystal ball reading. You have decided what TaurusJoker wants without him saying a word and you classify me as a troll without knowing me or ever having communicated with me.

Perhaps you know so much about TaurusJoker because you read his profile. If you had, it contains about the same information as yours, nothing.

I guess that it is alright for you to give TaurusJoker advice, but no one over some arbitrary age you have selected. Just because someone has reached an advanced age is no reason to automatically presume they have no compassion or understanding.

You might have noticed that I suggested he talk to someone older than himself, I did not specify any particular age. He indicated that he was inexperienced. That could be true of almost anyone of any age. Chances are that someone older than him will have had more experience and be more able to discuss his particular needs with him. I suggested that he strike up a conversation. I did not suggest that he hit on anyone or that he jump into bed with someone he does not find attractive or feel comfortable with.

Perhaps you might try being less judgmental and more insightful. Calling others names or making derogatory comments about them does not assist anyone. TaurusJoker, the gentleman of indeterminate age asked for advice and a number of us have made our comments. If you did not agree with my suggestion, feel free to express your own point of view or explain why you disagree.

We are all here to discuss the various subjects the writers of each thread introduce. It is counter productive to personally attack someone.

For your information, while I will enter into discussions with others of any age, gender, or orientation, I am not personally interested in the inexperienced and a bed mate. I prefer mature experienced partners.

No doubt, when you have been a member a great deal more that your 16 days so far, you will have read may more threads, learned a little, and come to understand more about the many wonderful people here. Until then, continue to join us in serious discussions of issues presented, but please refrain from personal attacks. After all, you don't want to give anyone the wrong impression about yourself and end up being shunned for being disrespectful to others without just cause.

[NW6942]

Ok children, settle down....

@ATaurusJoker - Follow your own instincts. Don't jump to do what others think you should do. There is nothing in the rule book (as there aren't any rules) that says you need to "come out" or do this and that... Stay on your own path and the rest will fall into place. Sure you might have some bumps along the way, but such is the path to discovery.

Advise for what it is worth... You only live once.... take advantage of it.

[ATaurusJoker]

Wow... thanks for the advice all. Let me sort this out...

Number 1 - I never said that I wanted a guy who didn't have sex with women (I got that in a personal comment... strange)

Number 2 - I'm in my late 20's. If you find that young... thats up to you.

Number 3 - I'm taking the advice that I should stay away from Craigslist and be a little more open about my sexuality. I'm going to look into some of the groups that are posted on here. Maybe it's better that I make some friends first.

Number 4 - I will not be going to a gay bar. Not my style.

Number 5 - Those of you who said I need to relax are right. I need to be open to the experience.

Thanks again. I appreciate everyones time. If you have any more advice I would greatly appreciate it.

P.S. I accidently had my account on hide. Thats why I looked like I hadn't filled anything out.

[bityme]

Wow... thanks for the advice all. Let me sort this out...

Number 1 - I never said that I wanted a guy who didn't have sex with women (I got that in a personal comment... strange)

Number 2 - I'm in my late 20's. If you find that young... thats up to you.

Number 3 - I'm taking the advice that I should stay away from Craigslist and be a little more open about my sexuality. I'm going to look into some of the groups that are posted on here. Maybe it's better that I make some friends first.

Number 4 - I will not be going to a gay bar. Not my style.

Number 5 - Those of you who said I need to relax are right. I need to be open to the experience.

Thanks again. I appreciate everyones time. If you have any more advice I would greatly appreciate it.

P.S. I accidently had my account on hide. Thats why I looked like I hadn't filled anything out.

I'm glad that some of the comments help you begin to sort things out. I find that having a number of different perspectives always helps me since they often come up with ideas I haven't thought of. The nice thing about this forum is that you are free to pick and choose from among a number of suggestions and then do what you feel most comfortable with.

I'm glad that you have made a decision to be more relaxed about things and maybe make some friends first. I am sure you will find that taking things slower will be beneficial.

My best wishes to you.