I'm Puzzled....

[IanBorthwick]

I know this is out of the blue, but have any of you had family members that invited you into their lives, then booted you out and you never got a reason for either effect? I mean, you're living your life, doing nothing in particular, and then WHAMMO you find yourself excluded from a family unit without explanation and you're not doing anything at all?

This is the case with my family, and it happens a LOT. I have no idea what the excuses are, but it seems to happen altogether too much. I want to know if anyone else seems to get this because if not I'm fully going to never trust anyone again. I've gotten this through my whole life, in school, in college, in work, all over the place. No one explains anything and I am at a loss for words when it comes.

[NotLostJustWandering]

God, Ian, I'm so sorry to hear of this. I have had a one-time experience of this sort, but can only imagine what is must be like having multiple family members doing this over and over.

I once had a falling out with my younger (half-) brother wherein he sent me an e-mail saying he wanted to restrict our contact to e-mail. I should have just called him up but I foolishly accepted his terms and tried to use e-mail to get to the bottom of why he was suddenly distancing himself from me. I was bewildered, heartbroken and angry. The exchange went nowhere and it took years before I dug up the e-mail exchange, read it with new insight, and e-mailed him an apology for things that at the time I'd failed to see I was doing. I made no complaints about anything he'd done, and invited him to call me. He did and we got back in touch, though we have not had the same frequency of contact we used to have.

Wish I could offer a clue as to what your family is doing, but of course I don't know any of them and only have the little info you've shared so far. I hope the separation only strengthens your ability to stand on your own.

[IanBorthwick]

Got an update on the situation. Because my profile on FaceBook said I am Bi, and my sister doesn't think it's right to have to explain "alternative lifestyles" to her 13 year old son, and her 16 year old daughter, I am out of their lives for good.

In this day and age with 13 years olds committing suicide in the blgt, I am a "problem"? They don't feel that they should have to talk to their children about me.

[NotLostJustWandering]

If your sister is going to be like that youre better off without her. Can you contact her nephew and tell him how youre bisexual?

OK, everybody see the troll?

http://i775.photobucket.com/albums/yy32/Sonicbowling/TROLL.jpg

Let's all ignore it now.

[NotLostJustWandering]

Got an update on the situation. Because my profile on FaceBook said I am Bi, and my sister doesn't think it's right to have to explain "alternative lifestyles" to her 13 year old son, and her 16 year old daughter, I am out of their lives for good.

If she can control them. Which she can't.



In this day and age with 13 years olds committing suicide in the blgt, I am a "problem"? They don't feel that they should have to talk to their children about me.

It's infuriating. But maybe you can take the high road on this one, narrow your circle of FB friends you share that information with to exclude her kids, and keep in contact?

[IanBorthwick]

I am blocked and ignored by the kids accounts, and this is as per her instructions. Thing is they already KNOW I am Bisexual. It's just this and nothing more that she wants blocked, but if they already know it...wtf is going on? I don't know, but I told her I refuse to be ashamed of who I am. Her backwards teaching is how all the Bullies get away with what they are doing,what they have ALWAYS been doing.

[fredtyg]

I have similar issues. Feel free to contact me and be my Facebook Friend.

[IanBorthwick]

Ok, just got told off by a lesbian EX-friend now who is musclebound in the brain from jumping to conclusions. I decided rather than correct her understanding, a useless gesture, I dumped her from my friends list and got away from her Conservative, right wing, crap. On top of her daily rhetoric about all men are pigs because we all stare at her tits, and ascribing herself a level of omniscience GOD would be jealous of, she told me that she would not want anyone from the GLBT community being out around her child either. Yes, you read that right. A lesbian told me off, a bisexual, and said she would not want anyone OUT around her child either...no matter the age. And despite all the kids committing suicide at 12+ because of these things being swept under the table, I was wrong for them finding out...I should have been firmly in the closet.

I KNOW I am going to get crap for this, I know I am going to hear it. I'm praying I don't because I really don't want to hear anymore misandronystic twaddle from ANYONE. I don't want to hear justifications, I don't want Fran to jump up my back. I'm telling you all what happened, if you want to know, you can read, if not, que sera sera.

I'm close to coming unglued and that last act was the straw that literally beat me into submission and has me, for the first time since I was a teen, looking to write my Will out and to make sure NO ONE from my family is invited to any ceremonies people want to attach to my death. All I want is to be cremated and my ashes scattered on Bear Mountain where I played as a boy and for those who love/loved me to be there to day good bye.

Yes, I am in real, emotional, agony. SO if you have a kind word I need it. If you have a bad word, I'm gonna be adding people to my ignore list. None of this is a slap in the face of anyone except me. :disgust:

[DuckiesDarling]

Ian, honey, only way to say this is there are idiots of this world in all sexualities and by hell you can pick your nose but you can't pick your family. I made an extremely hard decision back in September and it cost me my mother. She pretends I'm dead. My dad can only take me to grocery and stuff when she is at work. So at a time I really needed my family the most I didn't have them.

What I did have was Duck and this site.

So here's a hug, Ian.

[darkeyes]

Ok, just got told off by a lesbian EX-friend now who is musclebound in the brain from jumping to conclusions. I decided rather than correct her understanding, a useless gesture, I dumped her from my friends list and got away from her Conservative, right wing, crap. On top of her daily rhetoric about all men are pigs because we all stare at her tits, and ascribing herself a level of omniscience GOD would be jealous of, she told me that she would not want anyone from the GLBT community being out around her child either. Yes, you read that right. A lesbian told me off, a bisexual, and said she would not want anyone OUT around her child either...no matter the age. And despite all the kids committing suicide at 12+ because of these things being swept under the table, I was wrong for them finding out...I should have been firmly in the closet.

I KNOW I am going to get crap for this, I know I am going to hear it. I'm praying I don't because I really don't want to hear anymore misandronystic twaddle from ANYONE. I don't want to hear justifications, I don't want Fran to jump up my back. I'm telling you all what happened, if you want to know, you can read, if not, que sera sera.

I'm close to coming unglued and that last act was the straw that literally beat me into submission and has me, for the first time since I was a teen, looking to write my Will out and to make sure NO ONE from my family is invited to any ceremonies people want to attach to my death. All I want is to be cremated and my ashes scattered on Bear Mountain where I played as a boy and for those who love/loved me to be there to day good bye.

Yes, I am in real, emotional, agony. SO if you have a kind word I need it. If you have a bad word, I'm gonna be adding people to my ignore list. None of this is a slap in the face of anyone except me. :disgust:

Why would I want to jump on your back Ian, sweetie? Find it all so sad and unnecessary, but the world is full of wierdos.. she is storing a whole lotta trouble for herself, but if she wants to be a nut job, then I suggest you leave her to it.. our children know exactly what our life involves and what we are. We do not hide it and they are a well balanced duo of trouble just like kids should be. The younger doesnt properly understand it yet, because she is too young to do so, but every day understanding does come. Sounds to me that this woman feels shame for what she is and doesnt entirely understand what being gay is and means. So she is slave to her upbringing and political beliefs. I have a lesbian friend who is struggling with telling her 8 year old child and coming out to the world, not because she is ashamed of what she is but because she knows what it will cost her, and is seriously concerned what doing so would mean for her son because of the outside world's bigotry.. and in particular the brutal fact that at times, other children can be incredibly cruel...

I hope you are not referring to me as a mysandrist though, cos while I am often critical of the lesser mortal I am incredibly fond of them and criticism never comes from any sense of mysandry but out of observation and deeply held opinions of how I find men. I may not want them in my knickers, but my life would be much the less for their absence from my life. My criticism of any human being, or group of human beings, women included comes from precisely the same direction and for the same reasons.

[Realist]

Ian, you're a sensitive, caring soul and it's obvious that it's easy to hurt your feelings.

As for me, I've grown older and developed an armor, against things like you're experiencing, but I know we can't all do that.

If I was asked for advice, regarding your situation, I'd say try to concentrate those who love you, for being who you are, and ignore those who are dragging you down. Cling to the positive and distance yourself from the negative.

My own life has become much simpler since I developed that theory.

However, if you chose to go a different route, I'm never one to condemn you for it.....we each must take our own paths.

Good luck

[tenni]

Ian I am so sorry that you have been given this burden.

Here is my story Ian about family and rejection. I have one biological sister and one sister that is biologically a cousin. I also have her mother, my aunt, whose role in my life is somewhere between a mother and a sister.

When my biological sister was 14, my father permitted her to date the son of someone that he worked with. He thought that it would be a one time thing and it was only because he was the son of someone that he knew did he permit it. Unfortunately, the guy never let her go and she became pregnant at 16 or 17. Married and two kids by 20. Three by 21.

Decades later, I've not been permitted to have very much contact with my nieces throughout their childhood. Rejection after rejection to invites to events that were important to me were turned down by my sister without explanation. My sister cousin kept encouraging me to reach out to my bio sister in our adulthood. I tried. I did begin to establish relationships with my nieces once they were adults. One, I decided was not worth my acquaintance as she borrowed (thousands) money from me and never returned it. The middle child and I have become quite close although we live far apart. The oldest and I have attempted to get to know each other recently. It is difficult as these kids were not raised with "common sense" social graces it seems.

My bio sister left her husband after decades of marriage. It came out how abusive that the relationship was. We had no idea how bad it was. Both my other sister and I offered our help. I offered financial help while my other sister let her live with her for awhile. I took her out to dinner every couple of weeks to talk with her about her life and what she was going to do. Her behaviour became too much though and my other sister asked me to tell her to leave. We should have had her go to a shelter where she would have received the proper counselling.

Sadly, my bio sister went back to her abusive marriage when she was forced to live on her own. This from a woman who said that she never wanted to see him again. She was going to kill herself or cut off his penis. Things definitely changed there within eight months...lol.

I received a letter with money that I had given her for her divorce down payment. She wrote that she loved me. She never contacted me again (three years now) I initiated contact with her on the phone on her birthday. She was incapable of actually conversing or show any interest in my life (or even her kids). She is only capable to talk about her husband. I'm told by my aunt that she is not permitted to have contact with me by order of her husband. My other sister is so disgusted and sees her fantasy of her older sister broken now. She sees my bio sister as a "user". My bio sister is very damaged but we can do nothing.

My heart is kind of broken because I don't know what I did wrong all these years. Intellectually, I know that I didn't do anything wrong other than perhaps some silly words in my early 20's. I've been told by my nieces that my brother in law was intimidated by me. I have to wonder if he was worried that I would find out about his behaviour. I know that when I learned how he had treated her that I thought that my dead father would have wanted me to go beat the ca ca out of him...lol Even though I really don't know my sister, I was very angry but resisted. The brother protector kicked in despite all the years of being treated poorly. I had no idea that it was inside me...lol

I have now made up my mind that I will not support her again(financially or emotionally) when she tries to leave again or her husband dies. She is near being financially destitute and they are extremely poor with money.(twice bankrupt). She has turned her back on our family values decades ago and hurt my parent while alive. Sadly, it is over and as Realist stated, I am looking at my aunt and sister cousin as my family. They always have been. My bio sister has not been part of my family since she was 16 and rarely/never attended family gatherings. There is nothing that I can do to help her. This will be the first Christmas (her birthday) that I send her nothing..no flowers, no card, no phone call. However, I never thought that I would support her when she left her husband the first time. I wouldn't put it past me to help her if he dies. (he nearly did last winter so I'm told)

[darkeyes]

Now I have a bit more time.. word 2 the good me darlin'.. we all lose contact with friends and family for one reason or t'other.. even after the most bitter endings please never close the door, lock it and throw away the key.. some day, maybe, they will come knocking at that door and if u can't find the key, then kissing and making up becomes impossible.. it may never happen but its not impossible.. no matter how stressful and bitter an ending, always be big enough to allow for a new beginning.. my own brother and I almost forgot that, and we could so easily have been lost to one another, as our old conflicts and bitterness tore us asunder and almost drowned us in over 14 years of bitterness and recrimination and a determination that to us, the other did not exist as much as we could make it so..

I still have friends and several relations with whom I have lost contact or had contact stopped for reasons of their making, not mine, yet have made sure where I could, that they know that door is open and unlocked to them at any time... it is not a matter of forgiveness for a slight or humiliation, perceived or actual my door is open, but whatever the reason I care enough to bring them back into my life gladly, and without rancour... it may be impossible to return to closeness past, but hopefully we can have amiable contact and hopefully friendship.

[Bluebiyou]

Jesus tap dancing Christ.

Little kids are aware of sexuality and alternate sexual situations. How many gay or lesbian themes come on TV on every other program?
Sure, when adolescence comes upon us with the subtlety of a freight train, sexuality is no longer a concept but (for most of us) one of the major driving forces in life.
Not that we ever fully understand all the nuances... I'm old and still working on that!
But Ian, I'd have to agree that family who turns their back on you... f*** em'.
You don't HAVE to love a family member (as is commonly touted).
Both myself and Mrs Blue divorced our cunt mothers many years ago (long before we met).
Why? Basically, each was an evil cunt (that sums it up the best) disgracing not only herself but woman kind. The same can be said about evil fathers out there.
Try telling that to a woman who was raped or terrorized by her father; that she HAS to love her father (in spite of reality).
An intolerant sister? Well, if you really love (need) her, hold on. Compromise yourself to meet her expectations, until you realize that nothing good can come from compromising yourself.
Good luck.
Blue

[**Peg**]

*sigh* these are my personal observations only. :2cents:

for all the people who have been hurt, lied to, betrayed, used and abused by family (and others)... one of THEE hardest lessons I had to learn as an adult was (ugly as it is) I really did teach people how to treat me.

every time someone lied to me, used me, cheated (on) me, betrayed me......rather than calling them on it, I let it go, because that's the way I was raised (be NICE above all else, and nice I was). I was told that "pain builds character". *ahem* Lots of people tell me they admire my strength (now) but they didn't see the decades of stupidity when I put up with all the aforementioned crap.

So, when I hit 50 I decided to ream every toxic influence out of my life, from drinkers/smokers/liars/cheats/thieves and gossips (and that was just "family") indifferent friends, and many others.

It's been a while now... my blood pressure is stable, my false pride long gone and buried. I rely on nobody but myself for anything. I never ask for help if I can avoid it. I love my cocoon - it's safe in here. I have peace. No expectations. The friends I still have treat me like a REAL family should: with love and respect and consideration. They are my "chosen" family.

If a child is a cruel little bastard/bully/animal slasher at age 6, that is probably the type of adult he will be and will continue to be if nobody calls him on it...if there are no consequences. No matter how reasonable a person YOU may be, you cannot expect unreasonable people to behave reasonably. Another truism: the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour hence the abuse (of whatever kind) will continue unless you put an end to it. YOU have to do it - that's the hardest part. But once you do, you will be free, and it's glorious.

So... Ian, tenni.... for your own sakes.... stop putting yourself in the line of fire from the emotional abusers, and spend some quality time with the ONE person you can trust with your life: YOU !

I wish you all the best :)

Peg

[IanBorthwick]

This was her attempt to get me back in her life, after she and all the others had slammed the door on me and shoved me out and called it,"Ian Abandoned Us" game. This is my entire family now. SO when she wanted me BACK in her life, I took up the chance immediately so my son would have his cousins.

This betrayal is classic of my family, and nothing I didn't mentally expect, but I was so shocked at how shallow the reasoning was it hurt like no bodies business. Since being stolen from, having my college fund taken by HER, and working with a tremendous amount of pain full time while trying to put myself through City College, having my grants stolen from my Bank Account by my mother...I've locked them out of my life for 20 years! I should have never been fooled into trusting them again...and I never will be.

"cos while I am often critical of the lesser mortal I am incredibly fond of them"

Here's a clue, Franny, that's misandronysm right there. You may think it a joke, but it's not funny.

[Bluebiyou]

Holy shit dude.

These leopards don't change their spots! You are insane for thinking so.
Why would you want your children mingling with their spawn/clones?
Any child (of theirs) rejecting their trash will make it known and contact you.
"Uncle Ian is cool. He'll understand. I can talk to him." They won't let the parents get in their way.
Children do have the choice of accepting their parents trash or rising above. It's a one-decision-at-a-time slide into being the same trash or rising above.
Cut your losses dude (none). They're all dead (brain dead and thus all that's important in life dead). If all their decisions are based on 'self' and are mere fluctuations/variations of the parents mold, they are just as dead. If however, they venture outside 'self', then there's hope, but it will be obvious, and it will piss the parents off! The parents might even think such a child is mentally ill!

[IanBorthwick]

I'm afraid I am the only one that did get away from being like them, and I guess I am lucky there. I take after my Grandfather, and not my dad...no rmy mother who was the source of so much grief. It was a toss up which of my parents caused the most damage.

All I know is the kids want to be a part of my life, they love me, they do not have my sister's problems. BUT...they live under her roof and I will have to wait years to have anything to do with them IF they choose to go against their mother's wishes.

I'm bone weary of being nice to people who cannot manage it back.

[void()]

"This is the case with my family, and it happens a LOT. I have no idea what the excuses are, but it seems to happen altogether too much. I want to know if anyone else seems to get this because if not I'm fully going to never trust anyone again. I've gotten this through my whole life, in school, in college, in work, all over the place. No one explains anything and I am at a loss for words when it comes."

I grew up with two brothers. We're country boys. They go hunting every year. I'm never invited, not even mentioned to invite. And it isn't only hunting. Really don't care much of hunting itself. Something you do being a country folk, feed yourself. It's the idea of not being invited.

"you can't pick your family."

Like Peg suggests, you can do that. I'm at a point in life where counting mom as family is getting difficult. In fact there are times I can understand how her late husband may have felt, and possibly understand that as motivation of some of his actions. No I don't condone or justify his abuse of her, but I can appreciate where some of it might have come from. In a funny way that helps me.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

No, but I had a former best friend do this. Talking to each other everyday, we sharing all aspects of our lives for years, good and bad, confiding in each other over the good and bad things in our relationships, comforting each other when we had deaths in our families, giving each other encouragement when relationships fell apart, then POOF! drops out of my life and the lives of folks who know and love him without a word. No reason, no explaination, just thrown aside like an old dishrag. Then give mutual friends the old lame assed excuse of "Well I'm so busy in my life that I dont have much time to contact old friends anymore"
Nice Huh?
Better off Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ian and Tenni, and all. please accept a hug from me. Thats all I can give right now. We all have some bad times in our lives, but we cant let it get us down. We have to fight for our own rights and own sanity. Do what you have to do for You, and endure from there whether these person(s) are in your life or not. No one deserves to be rejected, or cast aside and not be needed anymore, so its up to us how we deal with it.
Big Hugs Loves :}
Yer Cat

[mikey3000]

Sadly I too have learned to cut people out of my life, especially my only sister. Once I realized that the only reason I was kept around was to be looked down upon and humiliate to make herself look better to others, I closed the door. Then she went to work on my mother, saying what a fag I was and trying to win mom over. Since it is me and my wife who looks after my mom (cancer, diabetes, stroke and now dimentia) in our home, I cannot have my mom corrupted by my sister's homophobia, so I told my mom (very kindly mind you) to pack her stuff and go live with her. When I called my sister out of the blue and said mom is comming to live with her, she hit the roof and refused her mother. So mom has smartened up with her attitude and I allowed her to stay.

A lesson that mom taught me at a very young age was, "My house, my rules." Now it works both ways. Is that Karma? LOL!!

[xxxbicuriouswoman]

Ian, let me first say I am so very sorry for your mistreatment by your family. It is very unfair and hurts so much your whole body quakes with the resentment you can feel from them. Unforunately I know the feeling. My oldest sister and I have not spoken in years, and only see each other at funerals. I won't go into the weird details of our estrangement, what needs to be said is that you have a choice. Please, don't allow your family to do this to you. It's terrible, and you may not ever really get over it, but you need to let them go. You need to cut them out of your life. So many people here understand what you are going through because they went through it. They made the difficult choice. Hard, even a terrible choice, but necessary to live a life without the "drama" that comes with dysfuctional families. Live your life as you please, you don't need the bs these people give you.

Please take care.

[darkeyes]

I understand completely why people think they should just cut themselves off from thoose who treat them so badly, I do.. yet am unable to close that door of which I spoke completely.. had I done so my brother and I would be as estranged now as we had been since the day I announced to my family that I was bisexual.. there were things I didnt know about and as much as anything that ignorance I think helped keep the poison in the air.. we are over it now.. all is clear, and we are just about as close as the days when he was my beloved big brother and protecter who I used to get to fight my battles for me when I was wee.. possibly even closer..

I have on occasion written about my Grandmother, who I have always viewed as an evil, humourless, vicious old harridan who should have been locked away from humanity and the key thrown away.. I suffered probably more than any of my family at her hands, and was always grateful for the fact she lived 200 miles away in Salford. I wasnt the only person she abused and treated llike dirt.. everyone got it.. most just took it saying "thats grannie" or in in the case of me mum "my mother".. this woman was an absolute bully and frightened the life out of all of us, was judgemental and violent.. and my sexuality didn't go down well at all in her book.. and I paid the price at her hands more than anyone else because of it.. not more often because of distance, but more violently and more vindictively when I was unfortunate enough to be anywhere near her.. I have often said I find it difficult to hate people, and I do.. she is the person I can truly say I came nearest to and probably did hate.. I certainly shudder and hate even thinking about her even now..

Yet even for this bully, my door was open, not to forgive necessarily but to try and make some peace with her and try and get her to understand me a little better, and maybe me to understand her more.. I know why I am like I am.. and wish I knew why she was like she was.. what made her this evil nasty old bitch. I didnt want her to come and ask for forgiveness, and not even explain necessarily why she did the things she did.. but just to say the simple words I was forced to use to her a million times.. "I'm sorry", and maybe if not become friends at least begin some kind of relationship based on mutual respect and acceptance . I never expected it to happen, but I did so wish it to because I know what it would have meant to my mother for some kind of truce to have broken out.. No one knows why she was like that.. growing up where she did in a poor working class area cant have been easy.. but millions did that.. there must have been something else, or maybe as a cousin who lived just 4 doors away from her once said "Maybe the old witch was just evil". I dont accept that, and know there was much more to it.. thats why my door was open right up till the day she died for her to say these two little words..

[xxxbicuriouswoman]

I understand completely why people think they should just cut themselves off from thoose who treat them so badly, I do.. yet am unable to close that door of which I spoke completely.. had I done so my brother and I would be as estranged now as we had been since the day I announced to my family that I was bisexual.. there were things I didnt know about and as much as anything that ignorance I think helped keep the poison in the air.. we are over it now.. all is clear, and we are just about as close as the days when he was my beloved big brother and protecter who I used to get to fight my battles for me when I was wee.. possibly even closer..

I have on occasion written about my Grandmother, who I have always viewed as an evil, humourless, vicious old harridan who should have been locked away from humanity and the key thrown away.. I suffered probably more than any of my family at her hands, and was always grateful for the fact she lived 200 miles away in Salford. I wasnt the only person she abused and treated llike dirt.. everyone got it.. most just took it saying "thats grannie" or in in the case of me mum "my mother".. this woman was an absolute bully and frightened the life out of all of us, was judgemental and violent.. and my sexuality didn't go down well at all in her book.. and I paid the price at her hands more than anyone else because of it.. not more often because of distance, but more violently and more vindictively when I was unfortunate enough to be anywhere near her.. I have often said I find it difficult to hate people, and I do.. she is the person I can truly say I came nearest to and probably did hate.. I certainly shudder and hate even thinking about her even now..

Yet even for this bully, my door was open, not to forgive necessarily but to try and make some peace with her and try and get her to understand me a little better, and maybe me to understand her more.. I know why I am like I am.. and wish I knew why she was like she was.. what made her this evil nasty old bitch. I didnt want her to come and ask for forgiveness, and not even explain necessarily why she did the things she did.. but just to say the simple words I was forced to use to her a million times.. "I'm sorry", and maybe if not become friends at least begin some kind of relationship based on mutual respect and acceptance . I never expected it to happen, but I did so wish it to because I know what it would have meant to my mother for some kind of truce to have broken out.. No one knows why she was like that.. growing up where she did in a poor working class area cant have been easy.. but millions did that.. there must have been something else, or maybe as a cousin who lived just 4 doors away from her once said "Maybe the old witch was just evil". I dont accept that, and know there was much more to it.. thats why my door was open right up till the day she died for her to say these two little words..


you are a total optimist darkeyes, and I commend you for it. I don't see any reason why the door shouldn't be open, but one does get tired of it hitting you in the butt on the way out. Could be the door is open, but perhaps we just need to wait for "them" to come through it, instead of "us" going through it.
My experience has taught me that no matter what doors I opened for certain members of my family, it was me that had to go through them. They didn't feel the need to come through my door. So now, my door is always unlocked, my address remains the same, my birthday, xmas, anniversaries all remain the same, and I hear no footsteps. I would more than welcome them, all they need to do is come through that door.

[darkeyes]

you are a total optimist darkeyes, and I commend you for it. I don't see any reason why the door shouldn't be open, but one does get tired of it hitting you in the butt on the way out. Could be the door is open, but perhaps we just need to wait for "them" to come through it, instead of "us" going through it.
My experience has taught me that no matter what doors I opened for certain members of my family, it was me that had to go through them. They didn't feel the need to come through my door. So now, my door is always unlocked, my address remains the same, my birthday, xmas, anniversaries all remain the same, and I hear no footsteps. I would more than welcome them, all they need to do is come through that door.

Am an optimist an have been ever since I was just lil... dunno wy cos have had knocks an rejections, humiliations jus like most rest of us.. but I always look 2 the future an what I have in huge abundance is hope an belief in the best of human beings.. I believe in human beings absolutely for the long term an that none of us is unsaveable from our own worst traits.. we can always get better.. some never will, but my belief in our species is so strong that all of us should be given the opportunity.. it is my belief in people and that they can get better that makes me believe so much of what I do in so many other things...:)