Do's / Don'ts for a 3way

[dafydd]

My girl wanted a run down of my gay history, which I told her about and it was fine. We've been getting on great recently she is absolutely at ease with everything. Just wanted some advice about one thing. She's been talking a lot about going online and finding someone for 3play which really I'm not into. She specifically would like another girl, not that she has outed herself as bi but she thinks I would like this. I told her girl or guy it makes no difference but the 3 thing is weird. I'd like to try but just wanted to check with some bi folks about do's or don'ts re: menage-a-trois.
thanks

d

[jake82]

Been in a few three-ways. Always bi MMF. It has generally worked well because the women were really into watching the guys play. However, it can get "weird" when there is a lot of interaction between two of the three and the other is less involved. My advice is don't have a threesome until you are both convinced you will have fun and all expectations and limits are talked through. Good luck.

[cornholejoe]

i have done both mfm mff enjoyed it both ways mff is fun if one female has a strapon dildo

[Realist]

I agree with Jake, Dafy

I've had two successful LTRs with a fellow and his wife and with two ladies. Both were many years ago, after attempting others that failed.

The ones that failed involved being unprepared, not having mutual interests, and not having set agreements beforehand. Jealousy can be a killer, too. Even though some people think not being jealous means you don't care, but in my case, that's not true. I just believe that if someone loves you, you should set them free. Allow your lovers to be who they want to be.

Think about it, having two people getting along is a magnificent thing, but allowing another into your inner circle is not something that many "Ordinary" folks can handle.

If you don't share mutual desires and have the same values, the encounter is destined to fail...or at least that's been true in my case.

I'm telling you, though, if you all culminate your encounter, or relationship, and it's successful..........I'd be dumbfounded it you don't want to do it again...and again!

Just go into it with an open mind and knowing, for it to be right for you all, certain things can be planned to ensure success.

Good luck!

[NotLostJustWandering]

[QUOTE=dafydd;185989She's been talking a lot about going online and finding someone for 3play which really I'm not into. She specifically would like another girl, not that she has outed herself as bi but she thinks I would like this. I told her girl or guy it makes no difference but the 3 thing is weird. I'd like to try but just wanted to check with some bi folks about do's or don'ts re: menage-a-trois.
thanks
d[/QUOTE]

Ummm... OK, here's one don't: don't do it. You clearly don't want to, and your gf doesn't seem to get it. I don't see why you feel the need to come here and ask about this. It sounds like you're having trouble saying "no" to your gf. Hold you ground. Going into this with dragging feet in the hopes that it will make her happy to imagine she's making you happy is silly and potentially hurtful to you, your gf, AND the third person.

You sounded so happy with her last time I read your news. Why even consider tinkering with what's not broken?

[NotLostJustWandering]

She's been talking a lot about going online and finding someone for 3play which really I'm not into. She specifically would like another girl, not that she has outed herself as bi but she thinks I would like this. I told her girl or guy it makes no difference but the 3 thing is weird. I'd like to try but just wanted to check with some bi folks about do's or don'ts re: menage-a-trois.
thanks
d

Ummm... OK, I have a "don't" for you: Don't do this. You clearly don't want to, and wouldn't be considering it but for your gf, who doesn't seem to get it.

I don't see why you feel the need to come here and ask about this. It just sounds like you're having trouble saying "no" to your gf. Hold your ground. Going into this with dragging feet in the hopes that it will make her happy to imagine she's making you happy is silly and potentially hurtful to you, your gf, AND the third person.

You sounded so happy with her last time I read your news. Why even consider tinkering with what's not broken?

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Guys, I have been a Lifestyer for many years now and I can tell you that finding someone "Off the net" to have a 3 way with isnt a good idea. There's too many factors to consider: Jealously, hygene of a person you dont know, desire, compatibility; a whole big gambit of things. You dont know this person, you dont know what they are like or what they are capable of, and there's no real connection personality-wise. Its best to go with someone you know and trust and who you have a mental connection with. I'm tellin ya, it can be vastly better than just finding someone and expecting all of the factors to work, because sometimes it doesnt, and can sour you on wanting to try again.
Stick to your guns Darlin, just because you are bi doesnt mean you have to be used as a demonstration impliment..lol
Good luck to you both. :}
Cat

[Realist]

After re-reading your post, Dafy, I agree with both Not Lost and Cat. I guess I didn't let the part, about you not wanting to get involved in a 3-some, soak in.

At no time would I advise you to do anything against your will. I should have picked up on that, because I have done things lovers wanted me to do for years, that I did just to fit in and they were not in my best interest. In doing so, I lost my self respect and I drifted away from being the person I really felt I should be. I don't do that any more and I certainly would not advise anyone else to, either.

I really do think you should do what you feel most comfortable with. Just because I loved the relationships I was involved in, does not mean you may feel the same way.

Good luck with whatever your decision is.

[longtimemarriedguy]

She may be trying to find common ground that she thinks will make you both happy. Rather than cut her off or give her a flat "NO", you might talk about finding the right partner, or even sex, for your three way. Then suggest you find someone you're both happy with before commiting to action. You should also discuss some rules of play. I've only had the pleasure of a couple threeways, but they were fabulous(both MFM and FMF). If I join a couple for the first time, I suggest that one of them get to be "the Director" the first time. Each person gets to describe their limits, i.e. no pain, etc. Within those rules, they can make the call as to what the other two wear and do. It may not be right for everyone, but it's worked well for me and my friends, and - we had a lot of fun. Good luck!

[Annika L]

I tend to agree with NotLost...that if one person's not totally into it, I believe a threesome can be a disaster. I also take Cat's warning seriously against finding potential candidates online.

But it also sounds like your gf would like to explore something new for herself, but while including you, and that sounds special, too. As a middle-ground, might you consider proposing a cyber-threesome? That would give you both (particularly her) a chance to explore, and give you a chance to see how the threesome thing feels...if you're really uncomfortable, you can go silent a lot more easily than in real life. And there's just a *lot* less room for emotional turmoil on both your parts. Just a thought.

[darkeyes]

Have gone through this, daffy, or something very similar.. what the pair of you have to ask yourselves, and no doubt have asked, is just what do you mean to each other, how important is the relationship to each of you and can you keep it going whichever one doesnt get their way.. cos you both can't win this kind of difference.. but in the end both can lose.. a dilemma thhat no one should have to be put through, but we are all different people with different needs in life.

Of course you must talk about it, but to be placed in this kind of situation can be a nightmare. Something has to give.. there is no middle way.. and no matter how much you mean to each other and respect each other, there are just three options..:(

[xxxbody44]

I fully agree with the Cat.

[12voltman59]

Day--to backup what others have said--my advice to ya about the way you express your bisexuality---if you don't feel at ease with the idea of having a three-way with your girlfriend and another lady--- then sure as hell don't do it.

I know that for me---I am not interested in having such a three-way--I have have been contacted by people--both men and women who have invited me to to be with them as a couple and even though purely as a fantasy type of thing--it sounds cool---I really have no intention of doing such a thing--I am not saying that others have to follow suit and not engage in such activity if they so choose----I am merely speaking for myself in this regard.

For me---my bisexuality is expressed in such a way that when I want to be with a lady--I want to be with a lady and when I want to be with another guy---I will be with another guy--I don't care to mix it up in a mmf or mfm kinda of way. I just think for so many reasons----doing so is just way to complicated in ways that have nothing at all to do with sex.

I think the only sexual three-way I want now is an mmm one--- but I surely do like to get three-ways at a Skyline or Goldstar chili place though (spaghetti noodles, Cincinnati style chili and cheese)!!!!:):)

As others have said----don't let her or anyone else try to tell you to go against your own instincts, feelings, etc. in this regard.