Daddy feels the need to suck the occasional cock, and Mommy’s not cool with that

[danreidbarmi]

Okay, that’s not how I told my 18-year-old daughter. But, in essence that’s what I was saying. I have just returned from parents weekend at Gracie’s college. She’s just getting used to living away from home, challenged with the rigors of freshman year. Now, she is devastated to hear that the family foundation has been blown to smithereens, and the cause of the destruction is her father’s newly revealed bisexuality and his inability in good conscience to guarantee his future fidelity to Mom. Fortunately, I was able to meet with the Dean of Students, who compassionately fast-tracked the crushed kid into therapy -- first appointment this afternoon. I hope it’s helpful. The coming-out carnage continues. (How’s that for some alliteration, or should I say obliteration?)

FYI, I took complete responsibility for wrecking my marriage. The message to my beautiful daughter was the absolute truth: Daddy failed. Advice for the broken hearted?

Dan

[open2both]

Yep, 99% of the time that's a COMPLETE dealbreaker for the/any wife.
Sigh

[a_curious_guy_2010]

Holy crap, man. Sorry to hear that.

I have no advice for you, only a sincere 'good luck' in the upcoming weeks and months. I hope your daughter will eventually get past this and you can resume a great relationship with her.

[DuckiesDarling]

I'm reading this and feeling a very slow anger beginning to burn. You have absolutely no class, Dan. You told your daughter you are not only bi but getting divorced on a weekend visit to her college??? Are you demented??? You have delivered devasatating news and then are able to say "but they rushed her into counseling" Is it worth it? Is destroying anyone you say you ever cared about in the way you have described in all of your posts worth one tear that either your wife or daughter cried?

I don't deny you are hurting to, but you come off as it's all about you. Your cute little alliteration, guess we'll look for that as your book title. In the end, when you do sell this book... who's gonna share it with you? Not your wife and daughter just the endless string of the hookups over 27 years so far. Cold comfort, eh? :2cents:

[tenni]

I'm reading this and feeling a very slow anger beginning to burn. You have absolutely no class, Dan. You told your daughter you are not only bi but getting divorced on a weekend visit to her college??? Are you demented??? You have delivered devesatating news and then are able to say "but they rushed her into counseling" Is it worth it? Is destroying anyone you say you ever cared about in the way you have described in all of your posts worth one tear that either your wife or daughter cried?

I don't deny you are hurting to, but you come off as it's all about you. Your cute little alliteration, guess we'll look for that as your book title. In the end, when you do sell this book... who's gonna share it with you? Not your wife and daughter just the endless string of the hookups over 27 years so far. Cold comfort, eh? :2cents:

If you fail to have compassion for bisexuals on this site who do not meet your values..........................but out. You do no one any good. Live your own life and let Dan live his.

Are you demented or just holier than thou judgmental.......?

[DuckiesDarling]

So sorry, Tenni, that I fail to find compassion for someone who presents things like a writer throwing out plot points to get reactions.

There are other stories on here of coming out to partners, to children, to other family members. None were as callous as he has made his two episodes of revelation.

[Durain]

So sorry, Tenni, that I fail to find compassion for someone who presents things like a writer throwing out plot points to get reactions.

There are other stories on here of coming out to partners, to children, to other family members. None were as callous as he has made his two episodes of revelation.

To be honest I have to agree with Duckies 100% on this one, I'll admit it was a sad story and he did get hurt, but when you have the presence of mind to say your daughter is now in therapy was a positive thing.....I think Duckies said it perfectly already.

[Long Duck Dong]

personally, I would have let my daughter settle for a bit longer..... yes she has a right to know what is going on at home..... but give her the time to get settled and secure at school before I told her that the security of home is shattered.....

dealing with moving from home to another place, settling into class and doing with making new friends, finding her footing etc is hard enuf......

what you and your wife are dealing with, is also hard enuf...... but giving your daughter a double burden ????

[danreidbarmi]

Dan I thought you were going to wait until Thanksgiving to tell your daughter about the divorce and your sexuality?

Yes, we were planning to do that. But, my wife's therapist strongly recommended that we do it this way, and my wife insisted on it. I had a hard time getting used to the idea (especially since it was popped on me in the car, on the trip). However, our daughter told us that, even tho she was devastated by this double dose of shocking news, she would have been even more hurt if we had gone through this weekend pretending that everything was fine, only to tell her at Thanksgiving.

What complicates things even further is that my wife is very likely going to re-locate to the very city our daughter attends college -- before Thanksgiving. So, this turned out to be the only way. (Btw, Gracie had a very good therapy session today.)

If how WE handled it still sounds demented, DD, you're entitled to your opinion. And, I'm a writer. Sorry if I can't help taking care with the way I use language.

Dan

[danreidbarmi]

Does your daughter know that her mom is moving to the city or area where she attends college or a university at?

Yes. The daughter is not so hot on it, but that's mainly because Mom will not be home at Thanksgiving and Christmas. However, this move is not yet written in stone.

[void()]

Void wanders by, pauses and reads. He sighs.

"And, I'm a writer. Sorry if I can't help taking care with the way I use language."

He sighs again while contemplating. A drag from a cigarette as a meditation does not help.

"I'm a writer."

You put yourself on a crucifix nicely.

"I can't help taking care with the way I use language."

And then you offer defense so well, too.

These two statements nullify one another. You are making an effort to learn, granted. You learn well.

There is more to learn, of course. You surely did not expect less?

As your statements nullify one another, I'll be hospitable, you can choose.

Are you the victim, or are you the cunning wolf?

From this perch I can see both. Not sure you suffice to handle both. Sheldon can, without a doubt. You are not Sheldon. Sheldon converses with me as he tells a story, he tutors.

You are not Lustbader, either. He's busy taking over Ludlum's wreckage. And he too could handle both, aptly with deftness in fact. But he's no conversationalist, merely weaves out a story, plop.

Koontz? No, I do not think so. He stays locked up for months to years. His family is rather used to it, too. One day he shall dethrone Mr. King. Pity his van attempt failed. ;)

Do you have me curious? Only ever slightly. It provides a minor bit of amusement in drabness of living. Nothing more.

Do I actually care? Only the faintest. You keep it lively. Ah. There is the star dust now. Gaiman reminds me, fiction must have order but life need not suffer it. Perhaps.

It matters little for I still think and feel you act a royal jerk. Guess you've nobility at the least, eh? By the by, Jesus never defended himself. Ironically this one did not burst into flames, nor did they get struck down by lightning for reading the Christian Bible.

And yes, it merits distinction as there are other Bibles. Bible itself coming from the word in ancient Egypt meaning a sheaf of reed papyrus bound up. Writers learn these odd factual bits about words. It is rewarding to use care in words, agreed. Please kill off, to be. Everything has being and nothing does also.

Void wanders along hearing the Beatles' song _Revolution_ and thinking about blue phosphorus mixed with yellow mustard gas. He scratches his noggin and ponders the deity Khali, continues on into the ...

[Annika L]

Void, don't invoke her name, for Pete's sake! She's been delightfully silent lately, there's just no *reason* to invoke her at this point.

*sighs* oh well, at least you misspelled it...so maybe it won't catch her attention?

[slipnslide]

To be honest I have to agree with Duckies 100% on this one, I'll admit it was a sad story and he did get hurt, but when you have the presence of mind to say your daughter is now in therapy was a positive thing.....I think Duckies said it perfectly already.

Agreed. I thought the "don't judge and love everyone's bad behaviour" phase was over.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Like the poor kid didnt already have enough on her young shoulders, she now has to have all of Your nonsense on her mind too. Way ta go, Dad. Just add to her burden a little. Now does she not only have a myriad of school work to have to concentrate on, she now has to cope with the fact that her whole life and all she had known before going away to school, just crumbled before her very eyes.
The only thing I Can agree with you is that it is truthful in telling her and not trying to keep it hush-hush a week longer. Not telling her while knowing all of this was going to happen would have been Another slap in the face.
And before you men out there start thinking bad of me, let me assure you that I am thinking of his Daughter and her perspective on this mess, and not his..So Criticize away.
Many of us are writers, but our timing is a hell of alot better than his. :disgust:
Cat

[Long Duck Dong]

Why are most people attacking Danreidbarmi?

At least he came out to his wife and daughter. Look at how many people do not tell their spouse or kids about how they are not straight.

Would you all have preferred that he just continued to lie and cheat on his wife?

Or if you were in a relationship with someone and they cheated on you would you just not want to know about it at all and keep your head in the sand about your spouse having an affair?

The daughter found out from her mom and dad and not from parents pretending that everything is fine in their marriage.

I don't know if Danreidbarmi and his wife had a good marriage or not?

In some cases kids know that a divorce is going to happen, or they want it to happen because the parents do not get along or do not belong together.

She's in college and she'll be OK. She's not a young child or teenager, she's an adult.

Therapy can be helpful for people who are going through a divorce both the parents and the kids. It's common for most colleges and universities to offer free counseling/therapy to students. Therapy is not to be seen as a bad or negative thing in this case.

if the guy had not cheated and lied.... he would not have most of the issues he has now..... and bisexuality has fuck all to do with it....as its been pointed out... that people of other sexualities do it too

but its got a lot to do with people originally felt for him.... many of them felt sympathy for him..... until things started to come out like he was writing a book about it.... and the fact that hes acknowledged that after 27 years of marriage.... that still his sex life is of a higher priority than his marriage or his wife.....

he has openly admitted that his wife asked for monogamy and that he could not deliever monogamy so rather than be honest about that fact..... 27 years worth of lies and cheating

the effect on his partner and his daughter can be devastating..... the husband, the father, the role model..... that they both looked up to, both believed in, both supported, loved and adored..... find out.... that their trust was misplaced

so dan has his demons to face now..... and rightly so...... but most of his posts are about his issues.... not much concern over the effect on his wife and daughter......
the wife faces the fact that she has committed 27 years to somebody she thought she knew, she thought she could trust, she thought was honest with her...... and now that illusion is shattered..... and there will be some serious trust issues there for her to deal with

his daughter is the same, but now they both have a intimate view of a bisexual that could taint their view of bisexuals now.......

hell his daughter could end up questioning marriage and trust in relationships, something that can really fuck a person over and while yes, she is a adult,... we trust in our parents to teach us about life..... and when we can not trust the role models we have as parents, then it fucks over our ability to trust others....

personally myself.... if I had done what danreid has done..... the last place you would find me, would be in a website, talking about how I can not be monogamous even if it could save my marriage, and how I am working on my book about how I was cheating and lied to my family......
I would be offline, working my ass off to lessen the damage to my family, and resolving things as best I can.......

most of the people in the site that are not supportive of dan are people that are seeing him online in a site and more concerned about his book and his sex life..... not the people that matter most in his life.........

but hey.... maybe we could hold dan reid up as a positive role model for being honest with his wife and daughter...... be it 27 years too late......
I am sure that would get society to shift their views of us from unfaithful cheating liars that put sex ahead of our partners and families........ and get them to see that we are in fact people that can be honest, considerate, caring people that are open and honest with our partners.......

somehow..... I do not think society are that gulliable..... somehow I think they would look, read and point and say * told you so * we were right about bisexuals.....

either way, dans place should be with his family and that should be his main concern...... and thats what a number of us are seeing.......

[void()]

Void, don't invoke her name, for Pete's sake! She's been delightfully silent lately, there's just no *reason* to invoke her at this point.

*sighs* oh well, at least you misspelled it...so maybe it won't catch her attention?

Void laughs manically while getting awake, prepared for another day of Ha Ha Yuck Yuck Paradise, a.k.a work with roughnecks. He knows he slipped over the spell. Hopefully there won't be a Charlie Chaplin moment over the rainbow. He ponders his boss' words "if any of the truckers give you shit, fire them", and how it relates to the double naught theory of trans-thermal dynamics in quantum mechanically sealed cans of tofu. Void sticks it all into a blender and creates ... pizza for lunch. He slowly fades away into a blur of something and nothing.

[Guitarz133]

Okay, that’s not how I told my 18-year-old daughter. But, in essence that’s what I was saying. I have just returned from parents weekend at Gracie’s college. She’s just getting used to living away from home, challenged with the rigors of freshman year. Now, she is devastated to hear that the family foundation has been blown to smithereens, and the cause of the destruction is her father’s newly revealed bisexuality and his inability in good conscience to guarantee his future fidelity to Mom. Fortunately, I was able to meet with the Dean of Students, who compassionately fast-tracked the crushed kid into therapy -- first appointment this afternoon. I hope it’s helpful. The coming-out carnage continues. (How’s that for some alliteration, or should I say obliteration?)

FYI, I took complete responsibility for wrecking my marriage. The message to my beautiful daughter was the absolute truth: Daddy failed. Advice for the broken hearted?

Dan
You have got to be the most selfish ass that I have ever seen.

[welickit]

Sounds like a good time for Dear Daddy to fade away into the shadows. :2cents:

[bityme]

I am amazed at some of these responses.

Let's jump on Dan because he couldn't be monogamous. Let's jump on Dan because he broke up his marriage. Let's jump on Dan because he came out to his daughter. Let's jump on Dan because his daughter now has an extra burden over and above going to school. Let's jump on Dan because his daughter is now going to therapy. Why do't we all just jump on Dan because life sometimes sucks?

You do realize that this is all really bullshit. It stems from a continuation of the same archaic, restrictive, repressed attitudes about sex and other aspects of life that forced our puritanical fore-bearers from Europe because their crap wasn't accepted there.

Societal attitudes change slowly and that is truly unfortunate because its going to take many generations to break the restrictive attitudes about sexual conduct expressed in public and become truly open about discussion and acceptance of what is done in private.

Monogamy is the normal requirement and anything else the aberration only because society still teaches its offspring that this is the way of life. Perhaps it is truly the time to seek responsible, logical change in that thought pattern.

We should, instead, be teaching our offspring the difference between love and sex. Separate the deep emotional attachment from the physical sensation. It is absolutely crazy to inextricably tie the two together and say that enjoyment of a fleeting physical sensation constitutes destruction of the emotional attachment.

Long Dong Duck comments: "hell his daughter could end up questioning marriage and trust in relationships, something that can really fuck a person over and while yes, she is a adult,... we trust in our parents to teach us about life..... and when we can not trust the role models we have as parents, then it fucks over our ability to trust others..."

I hope that this is not the case. I hope, instead, she will learn the difference between deep emotional attachment and physical sensation. I hope she will come to the realization that one can be true to an emotional attachment and yet obtain the physical sensation elsewhere. I hope that she will learn that a commitment to marriage does not mean that marital partners must satisfy each other's every need or desire and that if they cannot then any unsatisfied need or desire must forever be given up as a sacrifice to the God of Greater Good for the benefit of the relationship. I hope that she instead will be taught that such a sacrifice is indeed the cause of more marital discord that any thing else. It leaves the one who makes the sacrifice feeling like a martyr and they become resentful of having to have made the sacrifice.

I hope that the young lady becomes part of a new generation that will know the difference between love and physicality; a generation that finds joy in enabling a partner to experience the physical pleasures they cannot provide; a generation that understands that openness, acceptance, and providing for physical needs and desires will actually deepen the deep emotional attachment that love should be.

Just my two cents. :2cents:

Pappy

[bisexual Bill]

We should, instead, be teaching our offspring the difference between love and sex. Separate the deep emotional attachment from the physical sensation. It is absolutely crazy to inextricably tie the two together and say that enjoyment of a fleeting physical sensation constitutes destruction of the emotional attachment.

Long Dong Duck comments: "hell his daughter could end up questioning marriage and trust in relationships, something that can really fuck a person over and while yes, she is a adult,... we trust in our parents to teach us about life..... and when we can not trust the role models we have as parents, then it fucks over our ability to trust others..."

I hope that this is not the case. I hope, instead, she will learn the difference between deep emotional attachment and physical sensation. I hope she will come to the realization that one can be true to an emotional attachment and yet obtain the physical sensation elsewhere. I hope that she will learn that a commitment to marriage does not mean that marital partners must satisfy each other's every need or desire and that if they cannot then any unsatisfied need or desire must forever be given up as a sacrifice to the God of Greater Good for the benefit of the relationship. I hope that she instead will be taught that such a sacrifice is indeed the cause of more marital discord that any thing else. It leaves the one who makes the sacrifice feeling like a martyr and they become resentful of having to have made the sacrifice.

I hope that the young lady becomes part of a new generation that will know the difference between love and physicality; a generation that finds joy in enabling a partner to experience the physical pleasures they cannot provide; a generation that understands that openness, acceptance, and providing for physical needs and desires will actually deepen the deep emotional attachment that love should be.

Just my two cents. :2cents:

Pappy

bityme theres a difference between being in an open relationship and having your partner know and accept your having sex with other people, and blatantly lying and cheating on your partner like Danreidbarmi did for decades.

You're just playing into Danreidbarmi's martyr complex by writing about the "sacrifice" and how it somehow "makes one like a martyr".

LMAO nice try with all of this! Your generation tried that in the 60s and early 70s with "free love" and swinging which caused lots of problems in people's once stable and perfectly fine relationships.

It didn't work then and it does not work now. It's not going to work in the future.

There are lots of people who use their sexuality as an excuse to lie and cheat on their partner. Then they claim that it's because their partner is not open minded enough to allow them to explore their sexuality and how they somehow should be.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You are wrong on this part, and it had/had nothing to do with lying, and cheating. And at least with our views of "Free Love" ect, it was just that: open and honest and free, not sneaking off to get your jollies.
But keep agreeing with him, its just more research for his book(s)
Cat

[bisexual Bill]

Cat I'm not agreeing with Danreidbarmi.

I think how he lied and cheated shows how little he respects his wife and whatever sort of relationship they once had.

It must have been wonderful for his wife when she learned that her husband lied and cheated on her for decades and based their entire relationship on lies and sneaking off to have quick anonymous sex with men who he felt closer to than his wife. :rolleyes:

Like duck wrote his daughter is probably not going to trust men or a relationship partner and she'll probably always think that they're going to cheat on her or are lying and cheating on her behind her back like dear old dad did to her mom.

He could have easily just told his wife how he's bisexual when they were dating or first got married.

These things are better than how he kept his sexuality a secret for decades and deciding to lie and cheat on her instead of just coming out to her from the start.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

These things are better than how he kept his sexuality a secret for decades and deciding to lie and cheat on her instead of just coming out to her from the start.

In My humble opinion honesty is Paramount, and cheating is horrible. And I'm not the only that thinks this'a way.
Nope, he should have told her Sooner, rather than sneaking about and having to live a double life all of those years. Lying and sneaking was probably the only way he Could do it, and sometime peopl Like that sneaking factor..it gives a sense of erotic excitement. I'm not saying this was the case with him, just saying with Some folks.
And, like with any good writer, he likes testing out his latest chapters here with us. Hell, we'll have had exclusive reading rights before it even hits the shelves. :rolleyes:
But thats just My take on it.
Cat

[bityme]

bityme theres a difference between being in an open relationship and having your partner know and accept your having sex with other people, and blatantly lying and cheating on your partner like Danreidbarmi did for decades.

You're just playing into Danreidbarmi's martyr complex by writing about the "sacrifice" and how it somehow "makes one like a martyr".

LMAO nice try with all of this! Your generation tried that in the 60s and early 70s with "free love" and swinging which caused lots of problems in people's once stable and perfectly fine relationships.

It didn't work then and it does not work now. It's not going to work in the future.

There are lots of people who use their sexuality as an excuse to lie and cheat on their partner. Then they claim that it's because their partner is not open minded enough to allow them to explore their sexuality and how they somehow should be.

Bill, you'll notice that I did not try to justify Dan's actions of lying and cheating. I agree that was wrong. And my comments about "sacrifice" and "feeling like a martyr" were not in the context of cheating, but rather in the context of giving something up because a selected partner will not permit it. That is all because of our conditioning to believe that love and physicality are one and the same.

I do not condone sneaking around, lying, and cheating. These are destructive actions. I do advocate openness, total honesty and total acceptance of one's mate.

The problems that "free love" and "swinging" supposedly caused for people were not that they participated in it but rather that they were unable to break away from the puritanical garbage they were conditioned to.

I had two wonderful marriages to fantastic bisexual women; one 18 years and one 20 years. Unfortunately, I lost them not because of relationship problems, but to cancer. I had the pleasure of sharing both male and female friends with them over the years and enjoying all the physical sensations that sexual activities have to offer. We knew the difference between love and sex. I may have had sex with many others, but never once did I every think about not loving them and wanting to provide all the happiness I possibly could for my wives during our respective marriages. Equally important, during those marriages I never thought about loving someone else, even when engaged in great sex.

Not only did it work then, it works now, and it will work in the future as long as you give up the notion that getting a hardon or having your pussy tingle is a sign of love. They are not, they are signs of physical stimulation and the desire to experience physical pleasure.

I'm sorry, but seeing my life partner enjoy physical pleasure with another and participating to heighten that pleasure for her is something I view as a much greater act of love than demanding that she remain mine and mine alone. Such a demand I can view only as an act of selfishness that would ultimately be destructive of the relationship.

[danreidbarmi]

Ah, the usual suspects. Void, you know they say that talking about oneself in 3rd person is a symptom of egomania. I have no idea who any of the people to which you refer are. I guess I'm late to your exclusive little party. And, I haven't defended myself once here -- only explained that regardless of what I write, that I take care with the language I use to express myself. You, the beat poet, might think twice about casting stones about how another wordsmith uses the mother tongue. You are a pretentious ass (a brilliant pretentious ass - but an ass nevertheless).

Cat, et al, I guess I'm in a no-win sitch. My wife insisted that we break the news to the kid this way, based on what her therapist advised. So, that makes ME the bad guy, the bad father, as well as the horrible, philandering asshole. Fine. Our daughter thanked us for not pretending everything was hunky-dory. Still, you know better?

The fact is this: I dug my own grave years ago, when I let my bi-curiosity rule my behavior, when I somehow, inexplicably didn't respect my marriage enough to say, "Honey, I'm having these feelings..." Sorry, folks. I'm human. I got a hit of crack, and I couldn't control my cravings, I justified it, thinking that I wasn't a lying scumbag. There's no winning with you people (not that I deserve a win; please don't think I'm asking for a cheer on my behalf; I don't deserve that, for God's sake!)

I will make this observation: there are a whole lot of pompous know-it-alls in this community. (Takes one to know one, ya'all... That's all I'm sayin'...)

Lying is not cool. I did it for years, decades (as someone pointed out) in fact. Now, I'm kinda into the truth thing. If you can't take the truth, then find another poor sucker to pick on.

Dan

[void()]

I can assure you egomania dwells not here. What appears in my
first post in this thread was done to express common ground.
But you say you've never heard of the writers I mention, and
you've also stated having a few best sellers yourself.
Apologies, it seems to me you are engaging in double-talk
to avoid common ground.

There are numerous reasons you may be doing such. I will not
fathom speculation, as it is apparent doing so would libel affix
a label. Suffice it to say, I genuinely do have a very good idea
you are our resident troll. And I now comprehend exactly how
to deal with you.

Here, let me explain my view a little more succinctly and articulated in
a manner befitting such a great writer as you. For you must be very
excellent in your craft if you haven't read Sheldon, or heard of him.

"I'm a writer." & "I can't help taking care with the way I use language."

You make these two statements. The first designates you as someone that
writes. Fine. The second one, following the first, then is you attempting to
justify your expressions here. And your justification is because you are a
writer.

That does not excuse, or justify your continued trolling the forums with
your own pretentiousness. And in expressing your life story and, or book here,
getting feedback, you are indeed trolling. You must have a great
marketing plan as well. For you are going to find it difficult at best, now,
to sell to bisexuals. I would think bisexuals your targeted market for
the work, you've said as much, you're trolling a bisexual site.

Not sure I can understand how creating a negative image will
favor your sales. But that isn't my concern, really. I once took
off five years to write a novel. Got the draft of 90,000 words
finished. We moved in order to find better living conditions.

The media the novel draft was set on got damaged beyond repair.
And recovering the full draft was not possible. My wife and I discussed
the bare plot and premise of the story. It was riddled with large holes.

But at least I know the capacity for writing exists here. I've not
bothered revising it, because working and having a steady paycheck
helps provide for my wife and family. Don't have time or desire left to
write. And the story would need a full rewrite anyway. That means
it would not be the same story.

There are times when our dreams may serve us better as merely dreams.
And times also when it is better to not dream. You seem to have created
a dream where you could do no wrong. Sorry, reality does come knocking
of an early morning.

Not saying that I'm faultless. But will say at least I seem to have
better sense.

[Long Duck Dong]

I am amazed at some of these responses.

Let's jump on Dan because he couldn't be monogamous. Let's jump on Dan because he broke up his marriage. Let's jump on Dan because he came out to his daughter. Let's jump on Dan because his daughter now has an extra burden over and above going to school. Let's jump on Dan because his daughter is now going to therapy. Why do't we all just jump on Dan because life sometimes sucks?

You do realize that this is all really bullshit. It stems from a continuation of the same archaic, restrictive, repressed attitudes about sex and other aspects of life that forced our puritanical fore-bearers from Europe because their crap wasn't accepted there.

Societal attitudes change slowly and that is truly unfortunate because its going to take many generations to break the restrictive attitudes about sexual conduct expressed in public and become truly open about discussion and acceptance of what is done in private.

Monogamy is the normal requirement and anything else the aberration only because society still teaches its offspring that this is the way of life. Perhaps it is truly the time to seek responsible, logical change in that thought pattern.

We should, instead, be teaching our offspring the difference between love and sex. Separate the deep emotional attachment from the physical sensation. It is absolutely crazy to inextricably tie the two together and say that enjoyment of a fleeting physical sensation constitutes destruction of the emotional attachment.

Long Dong Duck comments: "hell his daughter could end up questioning marriage and trust in relationships, something that can really fuck a person over and while yes, she is a adult,... we trust in our parents to teach us about life..... and when we can not trust the role models we have as parents, then it fucks over our ability to trust others..."

I hope that this is not the case. I hope, instead, she will learn the difference between deep emotional attachment and physical sensation. I hope she will come to the realization that one can be true to an emotional attachment and yet obtain the physical sensation elsewhere. I hope that she will learn that a commitment to marriage does not mean that marital partners must satisfy each other's every need or desire and that if they cannot then any unsatisfied need or desire must forever be given up as a sacrifice to the God of Greater Good for the benefit of the relationship. I hope that she instead will be taught that such a sacrifice is indeed the cause of more marital discord that any thing else. It leaves the one who makes the sacrifice feeling like a martyr and they become resentful of having to have made the sacrifice.

I hope that the young lady becomes part of a new generation that will know the difference between love and physicality; a generation that finds joy in enabling a partner to experience the physical pleasures they cannot provide; a generation that understands that openness, acceptance, and providing for physical needs and desires will actually deepen the deep emotional attachment that love should be.

Just my two cents. :2cents:

Pappy

loving a partner is fantastic..and marriage is one of the ultimate expressions of love and devotion but I can not help but notice the growing trend to had a dual marriage aspect......

baby I love you, I need you and I want you..... so wait in bed while I go off with my other lovers cos baby, you just do not do it for me sexually......

I have no issues with open marriages and relationships if both partners are fine with it........ never had any issues with it.....

my issue is with the idea that monogamy should be abolished cos some people view it as a infringement on their rights to sleep around, and cos some people do not like the idea of monogamy so nobody should be monogamous........

what happened to tolerance of others beliefs and ideas..... cos it is really starting to appear like the bisexual community is anti monogamy for any person including couples that are happy in a monogamous relationship... be they of any sexuality......

I am bisexual and even I have noticed that I get told that my partner is wrong for wanting monogamy and how she should be more understanding of my bisexuality.... while the fact that I state I am monogamous by nature, gets ignored......
its almost like the bisexual community is blind to anything outside of their own desires....... and we can not even respect the beliefs of some bisexuals that do not share the * abolish monogamy * stance.....

I will say it again...... not all bisexuals are into open relationships and some of us are fine with monogamous relationships..... abolishing monogamy takes our right of choice and throws it away cos others want freedom......

now I can not help but notice the way you separate love and sex....and openly admit there is a clear difference between the two...... and I can not help but think of the number of times I have said in the site, how bisexuals may love with their hearts but they act with their dicks...... and how I have been told I have no idea what I am talking about....... yet, once again, I see a person refering to the need for sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage, while retaining the love in the relationship....lol.....

lol...... so for a person that is bisexual, I am doing well, I am monogamous by nature ( and its my partners fault ), I do not enjoy casual hook ups and encounters ( and apparently bisexuals don't either even tho the sites used by many for that purpose ), I am supportive of other sexualities in open relationships and marriages ( even tho I am supposedly pro monogamy for every body and anti open relationship )... and I am a idiot that thinks that people want the freedom to sleep with others for sexual satisfaction ( even when they post they do, then tell me I have no idea what I am talking about )....

and people wonder why I wish to hell that I was straight..... cos it would remove a lot of issues for me, and distance me from a community that is so hypocritical and selfish at times, while they claim its not them that is selfish and one sided, its their monogamous partners that want their partner to commit to them....but expecting their non bisexual partner to completely change their views from being monogamous and allow a open relationship, sacrificing their views for the sake of the marriage, is not selfish and one sided

[AidanS57]

I have read your other threads, Dan. Time and again I see you dodge the question of what about your family? Your wife believed you were hers and hers alone. You waited 27 years to tell her the truth and then you come post here about it and are surprised when there are people here who feel more sympathy for the wife and child.

I haven't had the pleasure of being married, but it's something I want to do with a wife who will use strap on with me. I can't imagine having been with someone for that many years and suddenly looking at her and going "You aren't enough, you were never enough, I've been cheating on you with other men because I am bisexual"

People like you, Dan, make the rest of us have a harder time overcoming the way society views us. We can be faithful, we choose not to be. There is always a choice. Pity you didn't give your wife the choice before she wasted the best years of her life on a lying cheater.

[bisexual Bill]

I have read your other threads, Dan. Time and again I see you dodge the question of what about your family? Your wife believed you were hers and hers alone. You waited 27 years to tell her the truth and then you come post here about it and are surprised when there are people here who feel more sympathy for the wife and child.

I haven't had the pleasure of being married, but it's something I want to do with a wife who will use strap on with me. I can't imagine having been with someone for that many years and suddenly looking at her and going "You aren't enough, you were never enough, I've been cheating on you with other men because I am bisexual"

People like you, Dan, make the rest of us have a harder time overcoming the way society views us. We can be faithful, we choose not to be. There is always a choice. Pity you didn't give your wife the choice before she wasted the best years of her life on a lying cheater.

+1,000

I also have noticed how Dan has a lack of respect towards his wife.

Dan's issues are not about being bisexual but they're about lying to a spouse for decades and cheating on them when they think you've always been telling the truth and being monogamous.

I agree with Duck that bisexuals who use their sexuality as an excuse to cheat or have an open marriage are telling other people that bisexuals are somehow flawed and incapable of being monogamous or of being in a monogamous relationship with anyone.

[danreidbarmi]

I can assure you egomania dwells not here. What appears in my
first post in this thread was done to express common ground.
But you say you've never heard of the writers I mention, and
you've also stated having a few best sellers yourself.
Apologies, it seems to me you are engaging in double-talk
to avoid common ground.

Didn't know you were referring to writers. I thought you were referencing other poor philandering bisexual men who had dared to share their experience here. The writers I know. And, no, I have not claimed to have written best sellers. I have written a number of hit songs, and have published as of now, four books, some of which have been profitable.


There are numerous reasons you may be doing such. I will not
fathom speculation, as it is apparent doing so would libel affix
a label. Suffice it to say, I genuinely do have a very good idea
you are our resident troll. And I now comprehend exactly how
to deal with you.

So now I need to be "dealt with?" WTF is that all about? You call me a troll? I visited this site for one reason only -- to learn, to find out about fellow sojourners' experiences, so that I could make some sense of the confusion and the pain I've been going through. Deal with that.


Here, let me explain my view a little more succinctly and articulated in a manner befitting such a great writer as you. For you must be very excellent in your craft if you haven't read Sheldon, or heard of him.

"I'm a writer." & "I can't help taking care with the way I use language."

You make these two statements. The first designates you as someone that
writes. Fine. The second one, following the first, then is you attempting to
justify your expressions here. And your justification is because you are a
writer.

The proper grammar is "someone who writes>" I was not trying to justify my expressions here, but to respond to a comment on HOW I make those expressions -- in a literary way. If you're talking about Sidney Sheldon, of course I am familiar with the author.


Not sure I can understand how creating a negative image will favor your sales.

I don't give a flying fuck about sales or marketing my writing to you or anyone else. I write because it tells me what I know, what I feel, who I am. If anyone else finds value in that, it's gravy.


But that isn't my concern, really. I once took off five years to write a novel. Got the draft of 90,000 words
finished. We moved in order to find better living conditions.

The media the novel draft was set on got damaged beyond repair.
And recovering the full draft was not possible. My wife and I discussed
the bare plot and premise of the story. It was riddled with large holes.

But at least I know the capacity for writing exists here. I've not
bothered revising it, because working and having a steady paycheck
helps provide for my wife and family. Don't have time or desire left to
write. And the story would need a full rewrite anyway. That means
it would not be the same story.

You have a gift. To deny that gift and your inspirations assumes that you know better than your creator. I teach writing. All great writing is re-writing, re-writing, re-writing. That's how you finally get to the truth. Every first draft is shit (i.e. "riddled with holes").


There are times when our dreams may serve us better as merely dreams. And times also when it is better to not dream. You seem to have created a dream where you could do no wrong. Sorry, reality does come knocking of an early morning.

I've done everything wrong and admitted it publicly, over and over. And, now I get it. You're just enraged by the fact that someone else is living your dream. You're fucking brilliant, but you're so enmeshed in self-pitying self-sacrifice, you can't stand the idea of another person spending his life answering his creative inspirations, applying his talents, and making a living at it. That's just sad.


Not saying that I'm faultless. But will say at least I seem to have better sense.

Think what you want if it makes you feel better. But, when you walk in my shoes, you might change the sorry-assed song you keep crooning from the wings. I came to this forum for community, for empathy, for understanding, for insight, not to troll for an audience. Because I have confessed to being a writer and that I have been writing my way through this struggle (as I always do), some folks here assume that I have ulterior motives. Be skeptical. Fine. Cackle from the tree branches. Throw coconuts. Believe that you're superior. I'm human, and a very flawed human at that. Deal with those apples.

[bisexual Bill]

I have not claimed to have written best sellers. I have written a number of hit songs, and have published as of now, four books, some of which have been profitable.

What songs did you write? What are their titles? What are the titles of the books that you've written?

[DuckiesDarling]

Something interesting for those of you who still believe it's not about the almighty dollar.

http://www.danreidbarmi.com/

yeah download the chapters for 2.50 each. Depending on how many chapters he writes, he could make more than the top bestsellers do. Now Dan, where's the mention of your wife and child and the impact it has on them?

Or did you just post on every forum you could trying to find someone that would just be like, Poor Dan... how hard it must have been lying all those years.

[bisexual Bill]

Look out Steven Sondheim! Danreidbarmi is writing a musical!

http://www.danreidbarmi.com/Blog.html


9/25/10
Wow, how everything has changed since I last contributed an entry to this page! As I imply on the newly re-written home page, I have discovered that what I thought was a story about a married, bisexual man coming out to his wife, is now a story of a scoundrel who has destroyed a marriage with his philandering. As a result of this painful revelation, I have decided to rewrite the book from the beginning. The good news is that I have also decided to write this story as a musical as well. That gives me more reason to keep going. I'm not sure who will actually be interested, but I think it's a story worth telling. A tale told by an idiot, an idiot named Dan.

[Pasadenacpl2]

If you fail to have compassion for bisexuals on this site who do not meet your values..........................but out. You do no one any good. Live your own life and let Dan live his.

Are you demented or just holier than thou judgmental.......?

She didn't address his values. She addressed his method of dealing with his daughter.

If dan is going to post his life here, he is asking for response. Truthful response is better than sugar coating.

Feral

[DuckiesDarling]

Thanks, Pasa, but Tenni didn't bother me. What is ironic is the number of bisexuals who said the same thing, note he didn't tell them to "but out".

[bityme]

my issue is with the idea that monogamy should be abolished cos some people view it as a infringement on their rights to sleep around, and cos some people do not like the idea of monogamy so nobody should be monogamous........

what happened to tolerance of others beliefs and ideas..... cos it is really starting to appear like the bisexual community is anti monogamy for any person including couples that are happy in a monogamous relationship... be they of any sexuality......

I am bisexual and even I have noticed that I get told that my partner is wrong for wanting monogamy and how she should be more understanding of my bisexuality.... while the fact that I state I am monogamous by nature, gets ignored......
its almost like the bisexual community is blind to anything outside of their own desires....... and we can not even respect the beliefs of some bisexuals that do not share the * abolish monogamy * stance.....

I will say it again...... not all bisexuals are into open relationships and some of us are fine with monogamous relationships..... abolishing monogamy takes our right of choice and throws it away cos others want freedom......

I hope that I did not leave the impression that I was anti-monogamy. I think it's fine for those that select it, as a semi-open marriages, open marriages, poly marriages and any other types of relationships that responsible, consenting adults wish to have. My statement was that in our society monogamy is the normal requirement.

What I am anti- is raising our offspring to believe that they don't have choices and that love and exclusive physicality a part and parcel of each other. Once possessed of that understanding, if individuals chose to restrict activities outside of their relationship they should be free to do so. The marvelous thing, however, is that having that understanding will make them at least prone to be tolerant of those who make other choices and establish non-conventional relationships.


now I can not help but notice the way you separate love and sex....and openly admit there is a clear difference between the two...... and I can not help but think of the number of times I have said in the site, how bisexuals may love with their hearts but they act with their dicks...... and how I have been told I have no idea what I am talking about....... yet, once again, I see a person refering to the need for sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage, while retaining the love in the relationship....lol.....

lol...... so for a person that is bisexual, I am doing well, I am monogamous by nature ( and its my partners fault ), I do not enjoy casual hook ups and encounters ( and apparently bisexuals don't either even tho the sites used by many for that purpose ), I am supportive of other sexualities in open relationships and marriages ( even tho I am supposedly pro monogamy for every body and anti open relationship )... and I am a idiot that thinks that people want the freedom to sleep with others for sexual satisfaction ( even when they post they do, then tell me I have no idea what I am talking about )....

and people wonder why I wish to hell that I was straight..... cos it would remove a lot of issues for me, and distance me from a community that is so hypocritical and selfish at times, while they claim its not them that is selfish and one sided, its their monogamous partners that want their partner to commit to them....but expecting their non bisexual partner to completely change their views from being monogamous and allow a open relationship, sacrificing their views for the sake of the marriage, is not selfish and one sided

The ability to separate the issues of love and physicality have little to do with an individuals orientation. The same problems apply to relationships of Bis, Straights, Lesbians, Gays and any other combinations that might arise. Being able to approach the issue with knowledge and understanding expands the capacity to make intelligent, reasoned choices. These issues, however, need to be discussed openly and honestly at the start of a relationship and before the commitment to a permanent relationship is made.

I am often approached by married men who have decided they want to try bi. My first question is: "Does your wife know?" The second is: "Do you intend to tell her?" What usually follows is a discussion to think long and hard before taking that first step because it will change their lives forever. They will then have a secret to keep from the one person they should have no secrets. Their decision can have drastic social and financial consequences they have never even thought about. All this because they believe their partner has the attitude that sex outside the marriage means an end to the marriage.

It was very seldom that I had a sexual encounter without the presence of my wife, and never unless it was discussed in advance of it happening. I believe that I can say the same for my wives. Probably 99% of out interaction with others was in the form of 3 somes, 4 somes, or larger groups. We never knowingly interacted with someone, male or female, who was keeping their activities secret from a spouse. And there were times when our extra curricular activities outside of group parties (as long as 6 years) were limited to a single couple with whom we bonded and developed lasting friendships.

Long Duck Dong, there is nothing wrong with your choice to be monogamous. There is nothing wrong with avoidance of casual hook ups. Those are choices which you made and fit you situation is life.

I also think that you are absolutely correct that it is hypocritical for one to proffer an argument that it is unreasonable for their partners to expect monogamy when they knowingly entered into into a monogamous relationship. If they were not open and honest at the outset, they must again make another choice and the choices should be limited. The choice to proceed and violate their commitment should not be an option. If their desire to step out is so important, it is important enough to disclose and discuss. If their partner feels that such activity would be a deal breaker for the marriage then they should either make the choice to refrain or end the marriage before the outside activity commences.

I still maintain, however, that we must train our offspring differently. They need the true facts about sexuality, not just some religious based dogma, on which to base their decisions.

[Long Duck Dong]

I didn't see you as anti monogamy. bityme...... lol

and yeah you are like me.... if both partners agree... more power to them.... and best of luck.....

but one issue I have is the constant religion dogma aspect that people throw around....... its a excuse.... a way to side step the fact that not everybody is into open relationships.....

commitment to a partner is a choice.... a freedom.... yet we treat monogamy as a dogma, a religious doctrine and encourage people to turn their backs on monogamy...... and seek to over turn monogamy as a religious evil.....

why not just get rid of marriage and commitment to partners and fix the issue of monogamy....... we already have a growing trend of divorce... so lets fuck over the divorce lawyers and get rid of marriage.....

but people do not want that, they want the commitment of marriage, the love and support of a partner... but some people also want the freedom of the single life and the sexual freedom.....
the best of both worlds...... the restrictions of none.....

when people put forward the idea of getting rid of monogamy, they remove the right of choice for people... they are denying the right to ask for monogamy.... and they are portraying freely chosen monogamy as a * evil * way of life......

why not just say that people that are monogamous, are brain washed, religious dogma doctrine people that are not capable of making a informed decision....... well I would say its easier to hide behind a statement about monogamy than a statement about the people that are monogamous....

if we remove monogamy as a choice, we may as well teach our children that sex is your right, your choice, your opinion.... commitment in a marriage is only for love and emotional well being, the money and the house and car.....
and that your partner doesn't have the right to ask you to commit to them totally, but you have the right to marry them anyway and ignore their stance....... .... never mind the fact that some people do that any way

and lets just ignore the fact that part of religious dogma.... is marriage as we know it...... strange that.... lets follow the path of religion and get married, but lets ignore the aspects of marriage that we do not like.......

no... I would not teach my kids that marriage is a commitment to a partner but freedom to sleep around, cos love and sex are different..... ( I actually believe in making love as sex and love, hand in hand )

I would teach that honesty and openness with a partner is the key to a good relationship and that your partner has the right of choice as do you...... and if neither of you can be monogamous, do not say you will be, when you know that you can't, then cheat on your partner and lie to them,....... if both of you want open relationships, more power to you and I wish you luck.......

but thats just me..... and i think my partner would like to know that I will remain by her side faithfully, not just when the viagra fails and my dick remains limp....

[tenni]

Thanks, Pasa, but Tenni didn't bother me. What is ironic is the number of bisexuals who said the same thing, note he didn't tell them to "but out".

That is because I am so disgusted by some people's behaviour like yourself towards other bisexuals on this site when it comes to this issue that I have been avoiding this thread. I just skimmed it and found this reference.

I did read Dan's comment about pompous posters. I agree with him. I am reminding myself that everything on this site is just opinion and some of it is vindictive.

[danreidbarmi]

Something interesting for those of you who still believe it's not about the almighty dollar.

http://www.danreidbarmi.com/

yeah download the chapters for 2.50 each. Depending on how many chapters he writes, he could make more than the top bestsellers do. Now Dan, where's the mention of your wife and child and the impact it has on them?

Or did you just post on every forum you could trying to find someone that would just be like, Poor Dan... how hard it must have been lying all those years.

You know what, DD, it was hard lying all those years. Those lies took their toll. But, living a lie wasn't half as hard as it's been to be honest with myself and my family. Do I deserve my wife's scorn, my daughter's anger? Absolutely. It's interesting that people in this community continue to claim that I have no right to redemption, because I lived a double life for years (and it wasn't 27 yrs, I don't know where you guys come up with these fabrications; it was more like 15, a long time for sure -- however, I engaged in dangerous contact only in the last 5 yrs or so, and rarely; no excuse, just trying to clarify).

The chapters-in-progress haven't been for sale on my site for more than a month, and I'm taking down the website. Just haven't had time to figure out how to do it. I've learned lots since I set out on this journey. I made those chapters available because I thought my experience might be of value and comfort to somebody. But, that's not the main reason why I'm writing about it. I write to survive.

It's also interesting that so many people are so concerned with my wife and daughter, yet they demand to know my real identity and demand proof that I am a professional writer with a real track record. I created the nom de plume Dan Reid Barmi to protect my wife and daughter, out of respect for their privacy. So, as far as I'm concerned, Dan will not take off the mask unless and until my family gives permission.

In the meantime, if anybody has any advice about how to communicate with a wounded teenager, I'd appreciate it. You who don't have kids or haven't come out to them, I'll thank you for trying to keep this thread on track.

[berryhard]

a couple of comments if i may ?

-your taking a shit kicking form a bunch of people who don't know you, your full situation and likley have far more to worry about on thier side then they care to admit.
-read the four agreements by Ruiz, you wil get more form this little book that wil help you then what you can here.
-my daugter is only 7 so i don't pretend to be able to understadn a teenager but people are people, if you did a good job raising her and she turely loves you it will all work out over time, you cant push icecream through a brick...
-live your life well, do your best to be happy and b at ease with what you are doing and have done. life is too short to dwelll on things.

[danreidbarmi]

a couple of comments if i may ?

-your taking a shit kicking form a bunch of people who don't know you, your full situation and likley have far more to worry about on thier side then they care to admit.
-read the four agreements by Ruiz, you wil get more form this little book that wil help you then what you can here.
-my daugter is only 7 so i don't pretend to be able to understadn a teenager but people are people, if you did a good job raising her and she turely loves you it will all work out over time, you cant push icecream through a brick...
-live your life well, do your best to be happy and b at ease with what you are doing and have done. life is too short to dwelll on things.

Oh, they think they know me. I'm just the favorite whipping boy these days 'round these parts. Condemned because I lied and cheated. Condemned because I told the truth. Condemned because I didn't follow the correct time table. Condemned because I take myself too seriously. Condemned because I'm flippant and glib. Condemned because I choose my words with care, use and spell them correctly. Condemned because I have the nerve to try to make a living as a writer.

I can take a shit kickin'. That don't bother me none. Sometimes a less judgmental cat like you comes along and makes a constructive, compassionate suggestion. I read the Ruiz book years ago. Might be time to revisit.

My daughter is wise beyond her years about sexuality and relationships. She was educated by Planned Parenthood to help other students with teen issues. She attended a multi-cultural performing arts high school, where finding a straight boyfriend was a challenge. But, when parents split up, regardless of the reason, children become children again. They feel vulnerable and rootless. What they always considered to be the core of their family and home is suddenly gone.

My wife and I have taken great care not to expose our daughter to the emotional morass between us. Intuitively, I chose to wait until she was out of the house to come out to my wife. As a result, the kid didn't have to be dragged into the bitterness, anger, disillusionment between her parents. We went through hell. It's better now. My wife can laugh about it and tease me a little. We're communicating rationally. In fact, we discussed how we were going to inform Gracie about our separation, what we were going to say and who would say what, promised each other there would be no arguing, interrupting, or contradicting each other. We had lemons. We made lemonade. Bitter tasting, yes. Not easy to swallow, but it beats dying of thirst.

All parents fuck up, but I think we've done a pretty good job with our kid -- and it hasn't been easy. She is a complex and difficult child who has had a lot of emotional challenges.

The challenge is that, as time goes on, she will probably be asking for details. Those are the things I don't know how to be honest about, while not disillusioning her even more. I will be discussing that stuff in my next therapy appointment.

I have no doubt that she loves me, and I have made it absolutely clear that I love her. With professional guidance, supported by two loving parents and a core group of loving friends, she will go through the stages of grief and in the end we will still be a family who loves one another. It will be a different family, but a family nonetheless.

[TaylorMade]

No. Just No.

I at least dislike you because you're selling your family tragedy (that you could have stopped at any time) for personal gain, and your martyr complex that haunts so many people on this board( because you are not the first guy to come out to his wife and subsequently lose her, darlin') that makes me want to kick them in the nuts and say ,"Snap out of it!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY)

I wonder how your wife and daughter would feel knowing you aired out your bedroom doors to a bunch of strangers like a self-aggrandizing twat before confessing to her. Even if your wife were bi, she'd be pretty pissed too, I think. I'm cutting through the bullshit and saying . . .thats why I dislike you. I don't hate you. You have to at least LIKE someone (if not love someone) before you hate them.

Good luck on that musical, though. . .I'm sure someone here will find a song they like and mutilate it for their pleasure.

*Taylor*

[DuckiesDarling]

Good, Dan, take the site down, that's a start.

Now as a parent, yeah I have advice for how to deal with a wounded teen. Stop talking and listen to her.

[Long Duck Dong]

In the meantime, if anybody has any advice about how to communicate with a wounded teenager, I'd appreciate it. You who don't have kids or haven't come out to them, I'll thank you for trying to keep this thread on track.

do not talk to them, talk with them...... as you say, shes mature and very understanding..... so be open and honest.... and try and avoid the * we can not talk about some things, cos families do not discussion some things *

a parent can be a fucking good source of information as their kids relate to them better than others...... and hell you are not just a parent and she is not just a daughter......you both have life experiences, knowledge and understanding that is valuable...... and between you both, you can come up with a multi ranged view of things......

do not make excuses for your actions, talk about how they came about and the struggles you went through.... how you questioned your own insanity and marriage, how you dealt with your inability to retain control over your own desires.....and they are very real issues....its something that we all face as teenagers, young adults and as adults..... the nature of the issues may change, but the core of the issues is the same.....
its a bit like a sex addict and a drug addict and a alcoholic..... they all have different addictions but the root issue is generally the same, they struggle to gain control

your daughter may talk about a number of things, including how she may view getting married, being in relationships etc.... and how she see things with you and your wife and your daughters role in the family now..... you and your wife need to enforce the family view, that you are all still a family,.... divorce doesn't change that...... and that you respect your daughters right of choice to take sides or embrace both sides or neither......

perferably, I would suggest that you and your wife sit down together with your daughter.... it makes it harder not to talk about some things..... cos you can not do the wife talk or the daughter talk.... you have to do both, and they will come at you with the husband and father talk...and trap you into really thinking about your answers.......instead of giving answers that we would give to a wife but not a daughter and a daughter but not a wife....

your goal... is not to save a family, but to give a family the knowledge and understanding and the chance to be a part of a family on their terms, not yours

lol.... the odds are in your favour... your wife may be filing for divorce but that doesn't mean the love is over.......and you may lose a wife, but retain a very good friend...... and thats a outcome I hope for in every divorce, where its possible

my mother and stepfather reconciled after his affairs, and remarried...but he did do a few good years of counselling.....and there was issues there that stemmed from his childhood and time in nam....... even now, hes not perfect, but hes far from the man he once was........

so yeah.... dan, never shut the door on future hope.... cos however slim, its possible that you may reconcile with your wife...... you never know

[Long Duck Dong]

That is because I am so disgusted by some people's behaviour like yourself towards other bisexuals on this site when it comes to this issue that I have been avoiding this thread. I just skimmed it and found this reference.


and once again we see the singling out of hetero females in the site by you....the continuing of a on going trend......the same with the attempts to run off bi females, and we already know one do leave cos of your harassment of her

you have a very real issue with females having a voice or a opinion..... and I would suggest that you go to a counsellor too......

man up like dan has, and take responsibility for your issues, and stop blaming others for your issues

[void()]

"You have a gift. To deny that gift and your inspirations assumes
that you know better than your creator. I teach writing. All great
writing is re-writing, re-writing, re-writing. That's how you finally
get to the truth. Every first draft is shit (i.e. "riddled with holes")."


Yes, apparently I do have a gift. As for creator, verdict still out
on existence of a creator. And I've heard about great writing
being revision, revision, revision, before as well as every first
draft being trash. It did not bother me so much to revise.
What did bother me was the story ultimately not being the
same kernel of a story, the truth of it. Revision would have
created a fully different story, not in a the good polishing
way, rather it would have became a story of excess instead
of a hero's quest. And I genuinely did not want that. It was
a horror story, needed a hero and not just gore, psychos.


"I've done everything wrong and admitted it publicly, over and over.
And, now I get it. You're just enraged by the fact that someone
else is living your dream. You're fucking brilliant, but you're so
enmeshed in self-pitying self-sacrifice, you can't stand the idea
of another person spending his life answering his creative
inspirations, applying his talents, and making a living at it.
That's just sad."

Actually I'll toss you a quote back.

"Oh, they think they know me."

I am actually glad you are able to make a living at writing.
More power to you and keep on keeping on. It would be
remiss of me to say it did not bug a little. Yes, it does, a
little. But it is not you, or any other writer that bugs me.

What bugs me is having to make such a choice in
the first place. I wrote other stuff aside from the novel
draft. I did poetry, short stories, a few essays. But I
kept running into the adamant industry wall.

"Sorry, it isn't what we're looking for. Perhaps, you
should read our guidelines?"

After I had in fact read, reread, reread the guidelines
and crafted the work accordingly. Or worse yet were
the no reply, replies and yes I waited for the reporting
time plus two weeks. I even sent emails to a few after
that duration, to only again get no reply.

Sure, I understand all writers face this. It was just too
much hassle and not enough return, though. So, there
was no living off of it for us.

And there was the choice. Tried self pity, did not work.
Depression goes nowhere either. Finally, my wife got
tired of waiting. "Provide for us, no excuses." And she's
right. I still write at times, in secreted and stolen moments.

I have difficulty in keeping a journal, though. My mother was
diagnosed with some real mental issues once, the shrink
had her write a diary. Mom had really gone around the bend
then. For me to journal would be admission of something,
rather would not admit. Because then it'd need confronting.
Not sure I'll ever be able to confront it, either. Do not know
exactly what it is, but have a good enough idea. And it
scares me terribly.

Safer choice, ignore it and just live, best I can. You
can have my moccasins for a piece if you'd like. Don't
want yours in trade, for even though lots of things may
be fouled with me, rather stay me. And that isn't intended
as reflection upon you or anyone, save me.

Yes, trolls get dealt with. They get ignored and you're
fortunate. I feel something.

[danreidbarmi]

LDD, thank you for your expert help. Void, you do not have to sacrifice your creative nature to the marketplace, or decide between supporting your family and following your Muse. It's wonderful that at least you've found this forum to answer your calling. I know that I'm not the only one who marvels at your amazing stream of consciousness.

DD, my danreidbarmi.com website was taken down today. Thanks for reminding me to do that.

I had very different motives when I started posting here. As I had encountered a number of cocksuckers wearing wedding rings, I made the assumption that they were a potential paying audience for my confessions. It turned out that I was the one who had a great deal to learn, that my story is not unique, but ever-so common. Still, because writing is my life, this personal journey inspires me to write about it. And, even if the book never sees the shelves of Borders, Barnes and Noble, Books a Million, or Walden Books, I will continue to carve away at it, as it helps me understand myself, to see the man in the mirror for the absolute fool he is.

[Long Duck Dong]

writing is something I do support for many people.... even if you merely write things down in MS word and delete it after you reread it .......

there is much I have wanted to say, express and share, about my thoughts and feelings over the years...... so much I have wanted to express and 95% of it I could never share ( client confidentiality and military gagging ) so its things that will never be published..... but yes, its helped me cope with things so horrific and mind blowing that its changed me .....

there are some people in the justice system that are more perverted than the perverts that are in prison ....... and I have to protect their secrets ( they have broken no laws ).... but having the outlet of writing things out in ms word, helped a lot......

so yeah, keep chipping away at the writing... its possible that your book will take a form that could help many more people than you realise..... and could end up becoming part of a counsellors tools....... as personal experiences far outweigh uni teachings and class room work when you are dealing with clients