Is it morally wrong to encourage the bi-curious... ? [Archive]

Committed bi guy

Oct 19, 2010, 10:18 AM

This is a difficult to address question because there are so many possibilities depending on the individual's personal belief system and the culture the person is living in. As most of us know, there are plenty of belief systems, particularly religious ones, that brand any sexual behaviors other than straight as morally wrong. Also, living in places or among cultures that make being anything other than straight a threat to the life of the individual. So, in a sense, that can be determined as morally wrong if harm comes to the individual being encouraged. However, if you are interested in knowing my individual belief as to the morality of bisexuality and encouraging someone to explore themselves and hopefully free themselves of questions, doubts and fears regarding their own sexuality...then I say encouragement can be a very good thing and not immoral. Though I do not have all the answers as to how I came to be how and who I am, I am very happy to have found my sexual self and to have been able to resolve my doubts and fears. Life is good!

sammie19

Oct 19, 2010, 10:52 AM

Is it morally wrong to encourage the bi-curious when ones own experience of being bisexual is totally problematic, frustrating and so full of pain?

It isnt wrong. My own experience of many things is problematic, frustrating and full of pain. That dooesnt make them wrong it just makes me as imperfect a person as anyone else.

Realist

Oct 19, 2010, 11:15 AM

I have been intimate with a few men in my life and four of them had never been with another male, sexually, before. I never attempted to seduce a guy who was straight. But, if one let me know he was curious, or interested, (and if there was a mutual karma between us) I would show him what I enjoyed.

So far, I haven't gotten a negative response from anyone. One became a lover for over 10 years. Another one was a fuck-buddy for about 7 years. Two decided that they wanted to learn more variations and some things beyond my interest level.

Luckily, none of them exhibited any harmful, or painful, reactions to what we'd shared.

open2both

Oct 19, 2010, 1:33 PM

ABSOLUTELY not!

sammie19

Oct 19, 2010, 1:44 PM

[QUOTE=SodomandGomorrahShow;185501]See here: http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10252

Bi-curious is just another label for being bisexual. People who identify as bi-curious do not want to admit to being bisexual.

QUOTE]

This statement is rubbish. I have had sex with several bicurious people. Two tried it out of curiosity because they wanted to know about themselves and were open minded enough to try but found it ugh.

Bicurious means what it says. It does not mean people are bisexual any more than my curiosity of being rich means that I am outrageously wealthy, and should I ever become outrageously wealthy, it does not mean I like it.

69luvr

Oct 19, 2010, 2:51 PM

ABSOLUTELY not!

DITTO! If someone were to confide in me I would tell him/her to try it. They might have better success then I have but why stop them or discourage them? Makes no sense to me.:bipride:

DuckiesDarling

Oct 19, 2010, 5:47 PM

Is it morally wrong? Depends on your morals now doesn't it?

Long Duck Dong

Oct 19, 2010, 7:43 PM

it is morally wrong to encourage people to believe in love, when you have suffered a broken heart yourself ???????

I would encourage them to take baby steps, not giant steps, simply to allow themselves the change to gain solid footing, before taking the next step

danreidbarmi

Oct 19, 2010, 7:53 PM

Whose morals are we talkin' about here?

All morals, ethics, etc aside, I don't feel comfortable giving personal advice to anyone else. People need to be 100% responsible for their own choices. I can only share my own experience and let them make their own decisions.

Still, I'm not a big believer in self-depravation. I don't find denying oneself pleasure to be a good, admirable, or healthy way to live.

Dan

djones

Oct 19, 2010, 8:30 PM

It is not morally wrong to encourage people to be themselves (unless, of course, that person is a serial killer, rapist, or something along those lines) . If your own path has been painful does not necessarily mean the path for others will be as well.

I am sorry if your experience has been frustrating and painful. Though my experience has not been, you are not alone in the world.

If more people explored their curiosity, perhaps the world would be a little less confining and judgmental. Maybe some day, the path will not be frustrating and painful for anyone. Just maybe.

slipnslide

Oct 19, 2010, 8:54 PM

Is it morally wrong to encourage the bi-curious when ones own experience of being bisexual is totally problematic, frustrating and so full of pain?

I would say yes. If someone had come up to me and said, "for gawdsake don't open that door it'll be nothing but misery" I'd likely be a much happier person today. Maybe tell them that instead. That'd be a great title for my book:

For Gawdsake Don't Open That Door
It'll be nothing but misery: A retrospective

tenni

Oct 19, 2010, 9:17 PM

If it within your moral beliefs that you are here to help people in many ways including self discovery, I can see nothing wrong with helping facilitate growth and understanding if someone expresses curioousity about their bisexuality. The word "encourage" may be a bit too powerful though as it suggests not helping but promoting. It would depend upon the individual as to whether I would encourage them...except to discover themselves. I think that like Realist if you feel a strong bond with them that you may help facilitate their self discovery.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Oct 19, 2010, 10:38 PM

Why would it be morally wrong? You can give all of the advice in the world to someone, but they still have to try things out for themselves to decide if it's right for them. I would tell them the same as I told my kids: Try it, have fun with it, but be safe at all costs. If a person wants to find out about their sexuality, the only way they are going to do it is to try it for themselves.;)
Cat's 2 cents. :}
Cat

citystyleguy

Oct 19, 2010, 11:24 PM

...morally wrong, most certainly not! i would only caution dependent upon other consideration, such as the community that the person resides, expectatin of responses from others close to the person, etc. ...to encourage someone to explore what they want to know and understand about themselves, is not only NOT morally wrong, but something to support as much as possible!

drwilsontx

Oct 20, 2010, 2:17 AM

Is it morally wrong to encourage the bi-curious when ones own experience of being bisexual is totally problematic, frustrating and so full of pain?

Who's morality? Christian? Muslim? Buddhist? or "Insert destructive religion here "? We all have our kinks, our sexual proclivities as it were. Hell if it wasn't for Penthouse Forum I wouldn't be here. To be honest as a species we have outgrown the need for a superficial god, who guides us morally. As long as every participant is "Legally of age" and gives consent, there is no holds barred. We are only held back by our love for humanity

bityme

Oct 20, 2010, 5:25 AM

Is it morally wrong to encourage the bi-curious when ones own experience of being bisexual is totally problematic, frustrating and so full of pain?

NotLost this is not a personal attack on you my comments are directed generally.

I get sick and tired when the subject of morality comes up. Morals are the construct of religions, i.e., people trying to impose their values on others with purported definitions of what leading a good life is.

Society lives on mores (pronounced "mor-ays") which are the values developed within the society because they represent acceptable conduct.

Morals teach that anything but heterosexuality is wrong whereas the mores of our society generally say that any sexual conduct between consenting adults is no one else's business.

Morals would require that we stone most politicians, but mores tell us to give them a pass.

We need to hold firm that discussion of morality should only occur within the confines of the group whose members subscribe to the dogma. Maybe then the lives of those in the minority would be less problematic and less painful.

NEPHX

Oct 20, 2010, 7:14 AM

Is it morally wrong to encourage the bi-curious when ones own experience of being bisexual is totally problematic, frustrating and so full of pain?

So can being gay, lesbian or heterosexual.... Listen to country music :eek:

No I don't feel morals have any place in such a discussion.... would you tell a heterosexual person not to date because you had a bitter marriage or bad luck with women? I agree with others... morals=inhibitors/religion generally.

When people say they are bi-curious, its been my experience that they really mean they are curious if they will enjoy sex with a same-sex person.

Well, it would seem so many people limit the idea of "bi curious" to having sex with the same-sex person. There are so many other facets to it.... I suppose, for myself, I came at it from a different angle. I was attracted to guys at an emotional level. But, LOVED women. Knew I wasn't gay. Knew I wasn't exactly straight but had no idea what that meant and I was raised Catholic so it came with guilt and parents/siblings that were/are pretty homophobic. I wasn't really sure what the physical level would bring. I figured it out later but the emotional/romantic angle is more a part of it for me than what I see in most of the replies in here. Just an observation. Sexuality is also about ATTRACTION not just f*cking.

If "they" are curious about sex with a same-sex person, chances are they already have an attraction and a fairly strong one at that with someone past or present or some arousal via porn, some other way, etc.

So, I think the term is really misleading.

If we all think back, more often than not, most first sexual experiences are not the best (disasters??). Mine was due to using too many forms of birth control.... Often times, if with another inexperienced person, it might well have been much less than fulfilling especially if opposite sex (worried about making a baby, etc.).

So if a person tries being sexual with the same-sex and bases their sexuality on that one time (or even just several), I'd say that's not a good plan. And, it comes often with the guilt of society saying its bad. Lovely.....

Most guys especially have no idea especially if they try anything with anal insertion as its often painful - without knowing what they are doing. It looks so easy in porn... Or, worse, with an uncaring partner (what?? guys?? uncaring no.. NEVER ;-). Its often an acquired physical acclimation.

Morals... I say, leave that out.... Share that frustration but don't harp on it.

And, NotLost... you just need to meet the right guy/gal :-) When you coming to AZ??

Realist

Oct 20, 2010, 8:27 AM

NotLost, I was just wondering; are you agonizing over maybe introducing someone to a same-gender sexual encounter?

Why the question, in the first place?

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 20, 2010, 12:55 PM

NotLost, I was just wondering; are you agonizing over maybe introducing someone to a same-gender sexual encounter?

Why the question, in the first place?

Thanks for digging deeper, man. I'll come clean (so to speak) in the next post.

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 20, 2010, 1:01 PM

Oh dear, look what I did. I didn't actually mean to provoke a discussion with this frivolous question I blurted out in great negativity. I'm sorry. Friends don't let friends post while infatuated.

I didn't imagine this would be taken as a philosophical question from a rational mind. Right now I am as far as you can get from rational; I am in love. Unrequited love, that is, with a man who is either straight or just needs a man other than me to explore whatever impulses he might have beyond curiosity. Yesterday morning I told myself I hoped he would find that man, and then the thought that came back was "why? why would I wish this life on a dog? let him be straight, like I wish I were." That's when the urge came to post this question. Guess I figured if I was going to get all publicly negative about bisexuality, better here than amongst The Enemy.

But no, this really has nothing to do with being bisexual; unrequited love can happen to anyone regardless of their orientation, I know. This is reason, what comes back in moments of clarity. The heart pays no mind. I have really been observing how irrational love and desire make you. When clarity comes I am ashamed over the stupid ideas I have had, in pain and wishful thinking.

So sorry if anyone feels their efforts wasted in mounting a moral argument; there really is no moral issue here, just shame over mistakes I have made. It was one thing to invite him to use me as his guinea pig. I wound up sucking him off while he fantasized about women, and it seemed a fair exchange for getting to spend the night in his arms. He let me kiss him in the morning but let me know the experiment was a failure not to be repeated. Then came the days of struggling with my desire, trying to nurture our friendship while longing for his touch, and it all would have been hell had he not been so compassionate and affectionate to me. At times he even let me hold his hand or rest my head on his chest.

But things took a quick detour to hell the night before last. He invited me to play with his cock again, and for a few hours I was in the most irrational state of hope. I thought maybe he needed time to work through his blocks and perhaps he could gradually find his way to real sex with me. In the meantime I would do anything to make it work, and I told him so. If he had to think about women, so be it; whatever it took for us to be lovers in any way, I was willing to do it.

Later I posted on Facebook: "The ground is soft enough as long as you just keep walking on it. It's rocket rides that make it so hard when you fall."

He's traveling, and tomorrow morning he leaves for Israel. We plan to get together tonight, go out to the local club and have fun. I really hope we remain friends, and I want our time together to be fun and easy, not laden with tears, drama and regret. I do not want him to think of me as someone too difficult to keep in touch with.

Peace
Atiq

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 20, 2010, 1:06 PM

And, NotLost... you just need to meet the right guy/gal :-) When you coming to AZ??

You're a doll, L---. Big kiss to you. My plan remains to return to NYC in the spring. I should definitely go West while I'm back in the States. I have siblings and stepmom in Tuscon, and sisters of both types -- blood and soul -- in Colorado. Would be sweet to meet you and your man.

Realist

Oct 20, 2010, 1:23 PM

OMG! Why do we do these things to ourselves?

At least he's decent to you, but truthful, also.

You can fool yourself, for a while. Then, if you allow yourself to get in too deeply....that's where the hurt will come from. You Can't MAKE him love you, but you know that.

I know some will tell you, "Well, don't let yourself do that." Yeah, right, like that'll work!

I only hope that you can leave without too much pain, when the time comes.

Good luck with that!

tenni

Oct 20, 2010, 1:37 PM

ah....atiq.....:(

Keep kewl tonight. You are probably right...friendship (but ya never know in the future)

It does raise the question in my mind.

Can a guy let another guy munch on his pole and still be really "straight"?

Some say yes...some say eventually he will explore more and more m2m stuff.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Oct 20, 2010, 5:40 PM

Do your kids know that you're bisexual?

I'm not sure why people think that this is somehow morally wrong?

Being bisexual and out is not totally problematic, frustrating and so full of pain.

If you think that it is, see the thread I linked to earlier in this thread.

Now Diamond Dog, my personal life isnt the issure here, so why pick on me?
And you have yourself a nice day. ;)
Cat

NEPHX

Oct 20, 2010, 5:47 PM

You're a doll, L---. Big kiss to you. ....I should definitely go West while I'm back in the States. I have siblings and stepmom in Tuscon, .... Would be sweet to meet you and your man.

:wiggle2: yeeehaaa!! :tongue:

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Oct 20, 2010, 5:50 PM

Atiq, I know how unrequited love and lust can be, so please accept a big hug from one who's been there, done that. ;)
Hugzzzz
Cat

darkeyes

Oct 20, 2010, 6:02 PM

I have had sex with several bicurious people. Two tried it out of curiosity because they wanted to know about themselves and were open minded enough to try but found it ugh.

O Christ Sam.. cudn resist a kwik comment at this lil bit... hahahahahahahahahahaha.. me bloody sides r still hurtin wiv the laffin an gigglin... do me a fave.. next time think bout wotya say willya... hahahahahahahaahaha...:bigrin:;) God yaz priceless wee Craigie.. :tong: Putya foot rite innit 'gain!!! Ta hun.. yas cheered me up no end... kissie 2 me fave dumb blonde!!;):bigrin:

innaminka

Oct 20, 2010, 6:08 PM

It is a dilemma for an individual - and again, probably every circumstance is different.
There is no HTD manual in these situations.
I would surmise that a great number of us here were at some stage "bi-curious."
The only way I passed the "curiosity" test was to be encouraged to do so by another woman.

Unfortunately, there is the other side, that so many who purport to be Bi-curious, have seen some lovely bi-porn with nymphettes, guys with six-pack bodies and so on.
The real world generally ain't like that.
Yes, I have on a few (maybe 3) occasions "encouraged" a purportedly bi-curious lady to discover if .........! 2 out of 3 backed right away when it came to the nitty-gritty of actually putting their face between my legs or vice versa (sorry to be so coarse but as you know - that's what happens!!!) Somehow I feel their bi-curiosity disappeared forever!

Do I feel morally wrong? No. They made the decision, without prompting to find out. My encouragement was along the lines of "Are you sure? It's your decision and I'll respect whatever you choose."

As far as personal pain goes, yes, it's real, but isn't life full of little speed-bumps anyway!

AidanS57

Oct 20, 2010, 10:23 PM

Well it depends, did they come to you or are you coming on to them? People deserve to try anything if they want, I'm sure a lot of people experimented in college and whatnot and never thought about it again. Just a way of gaining life experience.

I'd say be honest with them. Tell them the problems you have with being bisexual and let them see the real impact of it. If they still want to try, then help them. At least you'll know you are going to be gentle and caring.

kcatthegreat

Oct 21, 2010, 5:06 PM

I believe we should neither encourage nor discourage, but rather just support and share honest information. It's important that people know it's OK to feel the way they do, and that they are not alone, and to just tell them the ins and outs of bisexual lifestyle, then allow them to decide whether to pursue same-sex relationships or not.

It is undoubtedly easier to take the straight route, and that's what a lot of people do, but whether this is the best route depends on the individual, their social environment, how many other bisexuals they know, etc. :bibounce:

xosama

Oct 21, 2010, 8:08 PM

.

When people say they are bi-curious, its been my experience that they really mean they are curious if they will enjoy sex with a same-sex person.

Well, it would seem so many people limit the idea of "bi curious" to having sex with the same-sex person. There are so many other facets to it.... I suppose, for myself, I came at it from a different angle. I was attracted to guys at an emotional level. But, LOVED women.. Sexuality is also about ATTRACTION not just f*cking.

And, NotLost... you just need to meet the right guy/gal :-) When you coming to AZ??

I agree with you. It's not that you see someone of the same sex and just want to fuck them! Thinking or talking like it's just about sexual desire cheapens it and gives it the stigma of being dirty or about people who can't control sexual urges, makes it more easy for hateful people to call it perversion. I don't know about y'all but I'm a full human being, not just a sexual being. I can see other women and be attracted to them but I get attracted on an emotional level, to the person, who they are.

Yes I admit I have been with a couple of guys in the past year or so,that I knew from the start weren't "for keeps" and I didn't make such an effort to get to know them, sometimes sex is functional and 2 people are not looking for Sunday dinner with the in-laws. But being bisexual doesn't mean you are suddenly incapable of sustaining a real and full commited relationship and we all just fuck around til we grow out of it.

It's different for all people of course, some can be in love hetrosexually and just enjoy "fucking" members of the same sex without emotional entanglement but that's not the full picture. As a group of people we are naturally diverse so obviously for some it is an even attraction to women and men, for some they are slightly more drawn to one than the other but it doesn't make them any more bisexual than another person. You either are or you are not, "slightly bisexual" doesn't really exist.

Bi curiosity does exist and unless like was mentioned before, the person could be stoned to death or trash a marriage then they should consider their happiness. Being bi curious can be a bit like limbo, nobody want's to get stuck there. Finding out could be enough for a person and they will perhaps know in themselves that it isn't for them and not be confused anymore. I don't know but at least they won't curious.

I am aware of the concern expressed in this original post but people are not made to be wrapped in cotton wool. Your friend has to be free to make their own mistakes. It could be more painful to them to live curious but scared for a life time and be full of regrets.

I think we are lucky. Our chances of finding love and happiness are doubled!
I don't mean just the end result either, the person you end up with. Life is not about the end, if you have past relationships where you have been truely happy and felt true feelings of love then you have truely lived!

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 22, 2010, 3:55 AM

Alhamdulillah. We had a very relaxed final evening together, mostly just quietly enjoying each others' company, and then we went out dancing. I felt almost no longing for his touch and initiated no physical contact. He apologized for not talking more and I said it wasn't necessary. In the morning I called and made sure he'd made his bus, and we had a very sweet, upbeat conversation. I think we will be in touch.

Life is good, and I'm happy to get on with it.

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 22, 2010, 4:17 AM

It's different for all people of course, some can be in love hetrosexually and just enjoy "fucking" members of the same sex without emotional entanglement

There are a lot of guys like that here. Looking through the personal ads posted my couples here is to feel reduced to one's penis.

Being bi curious can be a bit like limbo, nobody want's to get stuck there.

Finding out could be enough for a person and they will perhaps know in themselves that it isn't for them and not be confused anymore. I don't know but at least they won't curious.

I can only guess what's going on with this boy and what is in his future. I don't think he fully understands his feelings. "I was just horny" is how he explained why he changed his mind and invited me for the second bit of sex, but before the invite he initiated the most intense bit of snuggling, holding me and stroking me for quite a long time -- I don't know, must have been about ten minutes but I was not in linear time any more.

He will of course have to figure things out without me, and I'm sure he will have no difficulty finding more guinea pigs if he wants to experiment more. The question is, for him and I guess a lot of other men like him, is how do you find a man you feel so comfortable with that you trust him to help you explore your curiosity, but still feel free to back off in any way that feels safe to you, regardless of his feelings for you?

I am aware of the concern expressed in this original post

No. You haven't read my followup post (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showpost.php?p=185609&postcount=24) in which I apologized for provoking this whole discussion with a frivolous question I spewed out in venting negativity. If people want to take the question seriously and talk about it, they're free to. But I think the discussion has mostly been the choir preaching to itself and I'm embarrassed to have provoked it.

DuckiesDarling

Oct 22, 2010, 4:31 AM

NotLost, I just went back and read your followup and what you just posted. Just hugs, hon, hugs.

Long Duck Dong

Oct 22, 2010, 4:38 AM

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 22, 2010, 4:45 AM

Atiq, I know how unrequited love and lust can be, so please accept a big hug from one who's been there, done that. ;)
Hugzzzz
Cat

Thanks, Cat. Probably most people here have been there and done that. As I said before, this is not really a uniquely bisexual experience. Clearly I have a harder time dealing with this when it's over a guy. Getting spurned by women has never made me wish I were gay.

xosama

Oct 22, 2010, 9:19 AM

There are a lot of guys like that here. Looking through the personal ads posted my couples here is to feel reduced to one's penis.

I can only guess what's going on with this boy and what is in his future. I don't think he fully understands his feelings. "I was just horny" is how he explained why he changed his mind and invited me for the second bit of sex, but before the invite he initiated the most intense bit of snuggling, holding me and stroking me for quite a long time -- I don't know, must have been about ten minutes but I was not in linear time any more.

He will of course have to figure things out without me, and I'm sure he will have no difficulty finding more guinea pigs if he wants to experiment more. The question is, for him and I guess a lot of other men like him, is how do you find a man you feel so comfortable with that you trust him to help you explore your curiosity, but still feel free to back off in any way that feels safe to you, regardless of his feelings for you?

No. You haven't read my followup post (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showpost.php?p=185609&postcount=24) in which I apologized for provoking this whole discussion with a frivolous question I spewed out in venting negativity. If people want to take the question seriously and talk about it, they're free to. But I think the discussion has mostly been the choir preaching to itself and I'm embarrassed to have provoked it.

Hey, nothing was meant as an attack don't worry, and all discussions are good, that's why people come here. As long as it doesn't get hateful or racist or something then it's good and people here put up some good answers, some very sweet.

I didn't know that you meant "encouraging" that way. Like I thought it was someone who was talking to you about it and you were encouraging him/her to explore themselves.This is more complicated, I don't know if I would have the guts to do what you are doing. I know everybody needs someone caring and kind when they are starting out like this but I 'd be scared of being used and then thrown away when the person maybe decides it's not for them. You are braver than me! The main thing is is that you have to take care of yourself. His indecision and confusion could be taken out on you and you will be hurt again. You sound like you have alredy had enough of being hurt! I will read your follow up post but you shouldn't appologise for creating what has been an interesting discussion. It's better than alot of the lame and tacky stuff that you also have to expect on here. lol

Bisous

draevyn

Oct 22, 2010, 12:54 PM

In my mind, the alternative is worse. I would rather go through life as what I truly am and deal with what that brings with it then live a lie. I would suggest to everyone, regardless of sexual standing to simply be who they are.

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 22, 2010, 4:11 PM

skips arm about not lost....... casual encounters are some times hard lessons in how our emotions can really turn us inside out.......

suddenly we want to be more than just the guinea pig, the casual partner, we want to matter, to be the light in their eyes, the lift in their step...... and yet we feel like we are climbing a mountain......

yet we encourage it so much..... we become so blind to the impact it can have on us and others..... until... we are the ones that feel the emotions and realise its like trying to hold on to water in our fingers.....and then we question everything that we have said about casual encounters.....

there is sex and there is love...... and then there is the need to feel like more than a piece of meat....

hugs.... and hopes the sun warms your body as much as your friend warmed your heart..... it helps ease some of the sting of knowing that sometimes the ones we love, do not love us..... and nor do they realise how much of our heart we have shared in those few hours .......

Thanks, man. I wouldn't characterize the sex we had as "casual encounters", though. There was a great deal of heart sharing between us over the two weeks he was here. We both feel our talks gave us insights that were liberating. This surrounds the two sex incidents. It's both what made the aftermath of sex so hard for me, and for him made the sex possible for him in the first place. It took a lot for him to try a man for the first time (he's 29) and I think it only was possible with me because our connection was so special. No, he doesn't love me like I love him, but he clearly is very fond of me and I think he is only beginning to explore his homoemotive side. Whether that takes erotic expression or not I can only guess. I'm inclined to think I'm not the last man he experiments with, but it will take him a while to find a man he can connect with in a way that makes him feel safe enough to try again. And as I said above, this raises the question of how he can make such a connection and still feel that he can approach, run away, and approach again without causing more heartbreak.

tenni

Oct 22, 2010, 4:31 PM

Atiq
I more or less stated that I have no problem with helping another guy explore his sexuality. I think that if you feel a connection to each other and a mutual respect and caring for each other why not? There are those of us who travel through life "helping" other humans in a multitude of ways. I suspect that you are one. Whether it is through your massage therapy or willingness to share your body to help a person explore their sexuality, I see very little difference. (I know I might sound like a whore here...lol) It is the genuine caring and sharing between two humans that is the important part. I've helped many people throughout my life and I don't mean sexually. People come into our lives for a reason. You may experience a bonding emotion with another human. You have just experienced such an event. You seem to be a teacher my friend.

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 22, 2010, 4:56 PM

NotLostJustWandering

Oct 22, 2010, 4:58 PM

Thanks, Tenni. I don't doubt that this was a great learning experience for my brother, but for as my future, I don't think I'll go for initiating the bi-curious again unless the connection is so casual that I can walk away as easily as the other person. But on the other hand I'm not crazy about casual sex. I get less and less interested as I get older.

This, of course is what I am saying now, free of the influence of someone else's pheromones. Feel free to make me eat my words later if I continue in love as foolishly as I always do, and find myself right back here again.

tenni

Oct 22, 2010, 5:05 PM

Atiq
I don't quite see it as casual sex though. It takes a special connection and circumstance between the two of you other than just being horny...although that is there. From what you wrote, I think that you have just experienced this.

Long Duck Dong

Oct 23, 2010, 2:33 AM

Thanks, man. I wouldn't characterize the sex we had as "casual encounters", though. There was a great deal of heart sharing between us over the two weeks he was here. We both feel our talks gave us insights that were liberating. This surrounds the two sex incidents. It's both what made the aftermath of sex so hard for me, and for him made the sex possible for him in the first place. It took a lot for him to try a man for the first time (he's 29) and I think it only was possible with me because our connection was so special. No, he doesn't love me like I love him, but he clearly is very fond of me and I think he is only beginning to explore his homoemotive side. Whether that takes erotic expression or not I can only guess. I'm inclined to think I'm not the last man he experiments with, but it will take him a while to find a man he can connect with in a way that makes him feel safe enough to try again. And as I said above, this raises the question of how he can make such a connection and still feel that he can approach, run away, and approach again without causing more heartbreak.

I use the term * casual partner / casual encounter * in the context of term ranging for longer than a day but not one that is a long term arrangement or commitment.....

the other more commonly used term is fuck buddy and friend with benefits...and they are both terms that i generally do not use and they are generally terms to define sexual encounters with no emotional / romantic overtures....

I can use the terms casual partner / casual encounter with or without emotional / romantic overtures.... but many people read them as me saying hooks ups..... but its why I generally refer to them as separate... such as hook ups / casual encounters

sorry for not explaining that clearer.... I was in no way devaluing your time together and I did notice a very big change in the energy and flow of your words in the thread when I first read the original post..... unlike more threads and posts about questioning morals and ethics with love and sex which have a isolated, cold, almost wild driven feel.... your original post was warm and flowing golden.... almost like honey being melted from the comb.....

I trust you will understand what I mean by that.....