Your thoughts would be appreciated!

[draevyn]

I've been struggling with my sexuality all my life. I've gone through spots when I thought I might be gay, or bisexual. I've written some of those off as being part of a bad childhood. My father didn't show me any affection at all past age 6 or 7 and I thought that I was trying to fill that void when I thought that I was attracted to men.

This is the part that I struggle with. I love women, I like their bodies and just the way that they are, but when it comes to the vagina I have a really tough time with it. I don't like to look at them, go down on them, they seriously turn me off.. I love every other part of a woman though. I do like guys, I think the penis is very attractive but every time I experimented sexually with men I always felt like that's now where I wanted to be.

When I did experiment, it was the one night stand sort of thing, just trying to get the experience and understand what I was so there was no time for anything other than sex to develop.

Now I've been in a relationship with a girl for almost a year, it started out hot and heavy with a lot of sex (I'd been single for about a year prior) and over time it's dwindling. I have almost no desire to have sex with her and my problem with her vagina is becoming more and more of an issue.

Sorry for all the information, I hope it's not too much.. but any insight you all could give me would be very much appreciated. I don't know if that means I'm bi or if I just have issues with a woman's genitals. If a girl is on her period or is hairy.. ok yeah pretty much everything turns me off.

Thank you very, very much for your time!!

[Realist]

First of all, welcome to the site!

Every person has different things that attracts, or repels , them. If I really love someone I can over-look a lot of things, that might otherwise turn me off.

This is just a thought, but maybe you are trying to force yourself to feel more for this lady, than you actually do.............the way her vagina looks could just be something you've focused on. Instead of finding fault with more things, perhaps unconsciously, you've chosen her genitals to zero in on.

I'm no psychiatrist, nor have I ever played one on TV, but I know that when a person is not as deeply in love, as they want to be/should be, they may pick at something trivial to find fault with.

Look inside yourself and see if there is a reason for you to get out of that relationship. Only you can do what is best for you....and for her, too.

You'll probably get a lot of advice on his issue as you've come up with unique subject! I'll be interested in how this turns out for you.....keep us posted.

It's apparently bugging you, so you should get this resolved, soon. Good luck!

[draevyn]

I really appreciate your thoughtful reply.. it really is bothering me with her but has also bothered me in every other relationship that I've been. I think there might be something to that though, it's been getting worse over the last few months as our relationship has been failing. You've given me a lot to think about!

[open2both]

I sense it's just a matter of time before you end your relationship with her.
Do her and yourself a favor and move on.
SHE also deserves to be in love with somebody who can commit entirely. You're not wrong or bad BUT if your heart's not in in...what's the point, ya' know?
And I too have some "issues" with womens' genitals. Sigh.

[tenni]

You mention that you love women. You love their bodies but not the vagina.
You love breasts and licking and sucking on them?

Is it only going down on her vagina and looking at it that you find repulsive?

Do you enjoy inserting your penis in her vagina?

If you do enjoy vaginal intercourse, then I wouldn't worry too much about not enjoying oral sex or looking at a vagina. Although it is popular to state that men love oral sex with women, it wasn't always a common expectation in other earlier generations. If you do not enjoy inserting your penis into her vagina, then you have something else going on that may be more serious.

As Realist suggested, if you do not emotionally love this woman then it may be time to end the relationship.

[mikey3000]

To me it sounds like you're trying to either force yourself into a straight relationship and/or talk yourself out of a gay one. Have no guilt feelings either way. Find the person you can emotionally commit to, the physical attractions/inhibitions will pass.

[draevyn]

@open2both
I think you're right, I appreciate you saying that I'm not a bad person, I don't think I am either.. but I do need to let her know as quickly as possible if I'm sure that I don't want to be with her so she can be happy to. She's a great person and deserves it.

@tenni Yes, I don't enjoy looking at all, it's almost repulsive to me. Touching is ok and oral sex is something that I don't enjoy giving at all, I avoid it. But penetration feels good so I don't have a problem with that at all. Emotionally though, I think that we are on the way out either way. It sucks but the longer we're together the more apparent it is that we just aren't compatible.

@mikey3000 I don't think that I could have possibly said it even better.. I think that you're absolutely right. There was a good friend of mine that killed himself recently and he used to tell me "just go with the flow, that's the secret to life" I think that I should take that advice.

Thank you