A vision

[void()]

The best way is probably the most direct. After countless visits into this site's chat room, I keep seeing a vision. Many folks have attempted to curb this vision's message to me.

Alas, there's no avail. No, I do not seek pity or sympathy, empathy. I am just relating something from this end of the wire.

The vision keeps telling me to not visit the chat room. I often feel out of place, at a lose for anything to talk about with anyone. Just not a real social creature.

Sure I can talk about sex like anyone. But there is more to life than sex and our site has become something of a community. One that welcomes life and all its little bits.

Besides, I recall an adage, "those talking about it probably aren't getting it." At present I don't get much but see no need to broadcast that. What I get is good, it suits me.

Might enjoy a little more but who wouldn't? At any given, I've genuinely tried coming aboard in chat. Somehow or other, I miss the gangplank.

And no I'm not going to try again. And this is not because of anything anyone said to me. In fact nobody really says anything to me beyond a greeting.

It is just me seeing chat as something not for me. I can not chat. I used to in other chats, did pretty good for lots of years.

Now, I can't do it anymore. Not sure why, don't want to bother figuring it out. I'm just out. Peace.

[NotLostJustWandering]

I have only tried the chat once or twice. Found it utterly useless, but that's my usual reaction to chat rooms.

[DuckiesDarling]

Hugs, Void. There are many frequent posters in forums that never visit chat. It's your personal choice and none will fault you for it.

[tenni]

As far as I can tell Void, there are three ways to communicate on this site.
1/ chat
2/Private Messages
3/ Forum

Things may be said in a PM that may not be appropriate in the forum..or maybe even chat.

I've visited the chat at best, twice. I also found it difficult. More confusion when some on this site, state not to try to chat with them directly without permission. I can not fathom what they are writing about but it doesn't matter. I've posted before that chat frightens me on this site. I also have used chat on another site and it is one on one rather than entering a room and then approaching a form of PM. Ok..I'm losing myself attempting to discuss this.

Void...you are not alone..that's about it. Chat is not for everyone. Since I don't dare go into it, I don't know who it is for. Not you. Not me. Not Notlost...:eek:

[citystyleguy]

...don't see any need to apologize for anything; i cannot think of the last time i was in a chat room, dont really care for them, kind of like everyone is trying to talk over every one else, but also, never so much point to them. so like you, therefore i choose not to trek into the chat room!

[Billys_gurl]

I see the same vision Void. I can't keep up with the flow of the chat, i never hardly see anyone I know, and it seems like when i get there i get bombrded by pm's wanting to cyber. It's not my cup of tea so....

[Realist]

It's difficult for me, too. I do better in a one-to-one conversation. I've attempted talking to two, or more, at a time, but that's fruitless for em.

Unless I'm off chatting in a private bubble, it's worse than being in a loud, smokey, beer joint!

[first time guy]

Same here for chat. I get asked for cyber sex and make up lot of crap as I go along. Quite frankly I am tired of it.

[void()]

Yes. I would also get what possibly many deem a three line conversation.

"Hi, how you?"

"Oh, hey. I'm okay. you?"

"horny"

And I just sit there lost. I understand the whole getting hot and sweaty, and sex bit. My wife tells me I actually do take good care of her as far as that's concerned, boyfriend somewhat agrees despite fussing a little about something being tight. *blush* So, it's not that I don't have carnal knowledge. It is facing a total stranger who expects you to be constantly horny and ready for any old roll in the hay.

Part of me is this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kallmann_syndrome) medical condition. At times I get a little embarrassed or low feeling about it. What it means is it takes a bit to get me aroused, and then a bit to actually 'get off'. I need someone trustworthy and understanding. Gee, that probably disqualifies 98% of total strangers looking for a quick fuck.

Don't misread this, I do enjoy random sex at times. But usually I have a little more control. Once I took security guard into a supply closet. I did it because a few friends needed to get in and he was in the way. But I enjoyed every bit of him, finger licking good. *grin* And there was once I had a gal in a church because she thought I wouldn't. She found out I'm no angel, I got a delicious Sunday snack.

The point being I don't mind a bit of fun. But for me finding that is difficult and chat has lost the fun. I know in the past five years I've chatted up at least half a dozen bots. Yep, time to quit when you can't tell anymore. And what compounds this is the fact no one says, "hey bonehead you're talking to a bot." Nah, they figure "oh look he's happy and immersed in conversation, let him be. At least he's not having a psychotic episode."

That's something else that bugs me too. Since when did being human and having emotions instantly banish you to Happy Happy Joy Joy land? You have to qualify everything, cross examine it twice, three or four times. you know what if I feel like it, I'm going to fart. Do I need permission? Do I need a reason? The same goes with say, feeling happy, fine, sad, angry.

Usually, yeah, there is a reason. But hey why not just let be what will be? Why not be happy if I'm happy? Instead I find people more than willing to dredge up the past, to keep pushing, to make me pissed off, lost. They can't just live and let live and are incapable of seeing change. Nah, you can't let past be past with these cats.

N.B.
Yes I can let go of the past. But when you keep bringing it up yourself it sort of haunts you. I can see change, too. That for me is part of being human. This note in case someone wants to slap a hypocrite label on me. Sorry for stealing your thunder. See what I mean about qualifying everything? I have to play chess on the level of quad and septa-think all the time. Any wonder I just usually say fuck it and don't talk at all?


I'm human, I make mistakes. They do as well. But they don't want to hear that. And it winds up forcing me away.

Thanks for understanding and allowing further elaboration.

[dafydd]

You're not saying you're leaving us are you? or are you just wanting to steer clear of chat.
I always liked you name.

[void()]

I'm just steering away from chat. Posting in the forum may become a little more sparse also. That's because of getting busy with a goal.

Finally got myself sorted. :) I'm going to be a Linux system administrator. Grown tired of working and staying poor.

Nothing wrong in eating herbs and don't expect I'll differ much if any, having a little money. It has just got to the point of I need to think about twenty years down the line, wife. Many say as I near forty that is still young.

Sometimes it's not the years but miles which catch up. Presently, I work and do ballet with tractor trailers, forklifts. (And today I actually drove a forklift, go me!) :) I also lob around twenty two bushel size bin boxes made of wood.

Those bins average in around two to two hundred and fifty pounds or a little better. I help repair the broken ones, play carpenter. Run around and work harder than some seventeen year old.

Each day I get reminded a little more, I'm not seventeen any longer. Not really complaining, putting out fact. The body aches, mentality plays cruel tricks ... I need a job inside requiring less physical acumen.

And having a paycheck that would let me buy a few nice things, for those I love, occasionally would feel great. :) As it is I give my wife and bf a hug and kiss as gifts. That's terrific and all but sometimes ... you get the idea.

Yes, I know they both will tell me, 'but we don't need or want anything but you." Yes, I'm very fortunate and am grateful for each breath. :) Would also like to have a job where I feel it's alright for time off if doctoring is needed.

"Ah to be merikan."*sigh*

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Void honey, thats great! I told you that you could do it if you set your mind to it. I'm proud of you, Sweetie. :love87: So consider yourself muah'ed...lol
And as far as chat, I used to be in there every night, and loved it. Due to having a 2nd job now, it's been difficult to get in there, and when I do, I rarely see those that I was/am familiar with...only a few remain. Last time I was in there I had a young man keep on PM'ing me and I finally had to get nasty and snap: "WTF part of I Am Not Interested is it that you seem to comprehend??? Go the fuck away"
My usual responce to "Hi, how are you---horny" gets the responce of, "Coolz, I'm happy for you. Did you read my profile or just hit me up because I am female?"
This guy resorted to calling me a Dyke Bitch repeatedly until I put him on ignore...lol
I loved chat, and I enjoyed bantering with those that I knew, and teasing folks, and greeting the new folks coming in. I will still go in there on occasion, and talk to those I know. To me its about those that I do know, but nowdays many of them arent there anymore..:(
Anyway, back to you. Good luck in your endeavor and Keep on Keepin On..just like I've told you before. Go for it and make your dream come true!
More Muah'age...:}
Cat

[void()]

Regarding the forklift driving, told my mum the world was going to end. She agreed. :) <chuckles> "You don't drive, much less a forklift."

And in a way it will make it a bit harder to leave working with the roughnecks. But all of them I've said just a little too involving my plans tell me, "grab it up boy, don't hold back, you want it you get it!" None of them if given a choice would remain where they are. And for them it does seem the doors are closed, or they just don't see them. Maybe they're even happy where they are.

I could easily be as well. But there is more out there and I need to maintain family. You don't just settle back when you've been given over head of two or three households. You take responsibility and a stand.

[Miyu Scene]

Like any casual discussion, logging on to the chat, is like signing up to shoot the wind with random people.

It sounds like you've matured, or something crazy like that, and you want something more --but you can't put your finger on it: only that you don't want that, to waste your time anymore.

Maybe, I'm in the same boat, maybe not, either way <hugs> :tong:

[Long Duck Dong]

lol void, I love to read what you post....... there is something about what you post that is different to what others post.......

what it is, I am not sure..... it just feels warm to me

it reminds me of the movie demolition man...... with edgar friendly talking to jon spartan.....

Edgar Friendly:
[A]ccording to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal?


others to me feel like lenina huxley talking to john spartan, with that computer in the background

Lenina Huxley:
[A]nything not good for you is bad, hence, illegal. Alcohol, caffeine, contact sports, meat . . .
John Spartan:
Are you sh**ing me?
A computer:
John Spartan, you are fined one credit for a violation of the verbal morality statute.
John Spartan:
What the Hell is that?
A computer:
John Spartan, you are fined one credit . . .
Lenina Huxley:
Bad language, child play, gasoline, uneducational toys, and anything spicy. Abortion is also illegal. But, then again so is pregnancy, if you don't have a license.


so bottle it, void and you could be a millionaire...... tho something tells me, you would share it with a smile and a hug..... and say throw a couple of bucks in the jar if you want......

[Bluebiyou]

Void,
I love you.

What you're feeling is a part of maturity.
Sometimes arguing/involvement is fun, even addictive.

But, there comes a time, in the great words of BB King:
"The thrill is gone"

You can move to a new thrill, or move to a higher level.

I love you, my friend!

Blue

[void()]

"it reminds me of the movie demolition man...... with edgar friendly talking to jon spartan.....

Edgar Friendly:
[A]ccording to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal?"


LOL Mix Edgar Friendly and Marv from Sin City, although I'm by no means 'built', and you'll have me.

Blue mon ami,

You're more than likely to be correct. Love to you as well, hon. Having 'brain food' tonight. Pizza delivered, as wife and I are upgrading our respective Debian machines, operating system upgrade. It's a lurch. Lenny, the stable version got frozen with vaporware dates pushed further away for Squeeze the testing version. But it seems most of Squeeze is actually stable enough for production use, inserting standard disclaimer of course.

So most other *cough* hackers *cough* have already migrated to Squeeze as their stable. Oddly enough, I got bumped out of the loop. Guess that's what I get for revising Stallman's Lisp to make it more concise, thereby faster, and using fewer resources. Should have figured when He said "gee, good hack there, man".

So yeah, probably is that awful beast maturity. "Call me o-l-d man at your own risque." ;)

[void()]

Like any casual discussion, logging on to the chat, is like signing up to shoot the wind with random people.

It sounds like you've matured, or something crazy like that, and you want something more --but you can't put your finger on it: only that you don't want that, to waste your time anymore.

Maybe, I'm in the same boat, maybe not, either way <hugs> :tong:

<hugs back>

If you ever listen to R.E.M you probably 'get' where I am. " ... tired and naked, don't know what I anymore .."

And what with facing most of a lifetime with depression, been that way a lot. Then here I am having it drop into place. I may still yet make time to write, to bowl, shoot bow, shoot guns, split firewood, canoe etc etc etc. <grins and winks> But until now nothing ever made sense. Now, I understand "hey Bozo lobo, you better off working with machines than people."

Chia, your profile it lies. :) You got nothing to worry over. Friendly caution, dislocating stuff when younger hurts when older. *nods knowingly* Contortion is great though, used to love ... oh crumb, memory black out ... at any given been to some places and did some things, too. Please indulge my slipping memory, I find it saves many troubles for lots of people, including me. :) Main point, anybody tell you that you not got it is full of bad cheese and needs a brain replacement.

Pfft, oy ... Maybe you are, maybe you ain't .... I'm sleepy, lazy. I don't work at all, too broken, too loco. You just take care of yourself. You find them out there. <hugs with a friendly little smooch>