Hi i need some help

[Biguy91]

Ok so im Bisexual i have known that now since i was 12 and im 19 now, but as of yet only 2 close friends know this.

I live with my gran as her full time career so its her i will tell first but she is religious so im not sure how she will take it my mother always said when i was growing up sexuality wont matter to her yada yada yada but thats not always the case as i have heard many times before.

My father is a mans mans and emotionally cold so as to how he will react i have no idea at all kind of a hit and miss sinario there

Now i need some advice from you lovely peeps any hints of wisdon any stories on how you came out and stories on what i should expect.

Like i said i've known since i was about 12 so its nothing new to me but to my family it'll be new to them.

I can't talk to my family about it as it would kinda out me there and then lol i talked to my 2 closest mates and they said just out yourself but its not as easy as that so please any advice any at all would help me leaps and bounds.



Thanks rob

xx


:flag3:

[nbboy1123]

You're kinda living how I was growing up. I know the feeling. You're always welcome to talk here and have your questions answered and to vent! If you want to talk please feel free to send me a message or catch me in the chat room! Peg, Swimmer Girl, Mountain Cat, & gen11 are some nice people to chat to as well. Just don't private unless they say its okay! :)

Cheers!:bibounce:

[Biguy91]

You're kinda living how I was growing up. I know the feeling. You're always welcome to talk here and have your questions answered and to vent! If you want to talk please feel free to send me a message or catch me in the chat room! Peg, Swimmer Girl, Mountain Cat, & gen11 are some nice people to chat to as well. Just don't private unless they say its okay! :)

Cheers!:bibounce:


Well thankyou :) glad i found this forum actully seems friendly from the posts i've browsed so far :)

And yes its unpleasnt being "in the closet" as it were because i find it so hard to tell my family ive gone to try and tell my nan several times only to back out at the last minute :(

[Realist]

Biguy,

My personal theory on this subject is: You wouldn't tell your parents, or grandmother about your "NORMAL" sex life, would you? Do you want to know about their sex life? I wouldn't! As my little niece would say "ICKY-YUCK!"

So, why tell them that you're bisexual.............. especially, if that bit of information will hurt them, or rile them up?

I think my parents would have gone into convulsions, if they'd known I'd been letting our much older neighbor suck me off, at 14! Nope, the way I see it, that's just too much information for them to handle.

That's only my views and I am the last person to say you should do the same thing I did.

You should think it over and, if you feel differently, you should do what you feel is best, for YOU!

Good luck, with whatever path you take!

[slipnslide]

I'm with Realist on this one. Why do you think you need to make an announcement?

[Floridaguy4u]

Remember that old saying " What they don't know can not hurt them." In you case that would be true. Just leave it alone they do not need to know what your sexual preference is. Why would they need to know. So why hurt them? Everyone is diffrent you are ,they are so just go with the flow. Will it make any happier? Will that happiness be equal to the stress it will cause them??? .....

[littlerayofsunshine]

Hi Rob and welcome to the site..I feel for you.

When you feel it's the right time is when you should do it. May I ask if you are dependent on your gran or if your situation with your parents is strained?


If it were me in your shoes I would tell when I would be out on my own. That way their response doesn't impact my life other than emotionally, if they were not to take it so well.

I don't have a coming out story so to speak. I was outed by someone else when I was 19.

But I do wish you the best. Good luck to you..

Sunshine

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

My question is: Why would you need to? Your sex life is Your business and no one elses. You wouldnt want to be knowing about Grans sex life would you?
Maybe Im a little weird(who'da thunk?) but I just dont feel the need to put my sex life on the table for everybody to see. But, if you feel you need to then good luck Sweetie.
Cat

[TrimBeardHairyBod]

Hi there, fella.

Welcome to the site.

First of all, wait until you've met another bi/gay guy whom you've become sexually involved with. Then introduce him to your family simply as a friend.

The next step - only if you want to - is to tell the family that you're bi and that you and your mate have a very special friendship.

Announcing your bisexuality without reference to someone the family has already met and liked is a risky proposition. Their imagination would go into overdrive and very likely, their reaction would be negative.

Wishing you all the best.

John

[binjlooking]

I would hold off on making any sudden revelations to the Family. You should have a pretty good idea already as to how some of them would react. Do they share "everything" with you ?

[biandu]

I've known I was bisexual since I was 14. Of course, I didn't know it was called bisexuality. I just knew that I liked (really liked) both guys and girls. Not just sexually. I just ran around holing hands and kissing girls and boys openly, not really even think about it. I just did what I felt.

One day I was taking a shower, my mother came in and asked me if I was a lesbian. I told her "no." I continued "I like both, don't you? " She walked out.


Curious.
Are you more emotionally involved with women, or men, or both equally?
Are you sexually attracted to men, women or both equally?
Are you sexually attracted AND emotionally involved with men, women or equally?


I hear people talk about your sexuality and not needing to blab your sex life.

Bisexuality is NOT just about who you are fucking. There are many facets.

Do you, or have you ever fallen in-love with a guy? or a girl?

If for you, bisexuality means your are just sexually atracted to men- then I agree. You don't need to go around talking about your sex-life.
(unless you are the type of person that goes around bragging I nailed this one, and that one. Then I guess you'd have to 'come out' if you want those males notches counted eh! LOL)

If you are emotionally connected/wanting a relationship with a guy- I think then, that is when you really do need to consider if you'd like to "come out".

When you're just fucking someone to just fuck.. What public appearances are you going to have anyway?

BUT if you want a relationship with a guy, you're going to want to go out in public and do what couples do- without hiding, or feeling censored.

my two cents.

Maggie.

[fredtyg]

BUT if you want a relationship with a guy, you're going to want to go out in public and do what couples do- without hiding, or feeling censored.


Good point, but I don't know that you'd still need to tell anyone first. Just do your thing as a couple. If someone asks you about the relationship, be honest about it. If no one asks, they either figured it out on their own, or don't care.

[biandu]

Good point, but I don't know that you'd still need to tell anyone first. Just do your thing as a couple. If someone asks you about the relationship, be honest about it. If no one asks, they either figured it out on their own, or don't care.

I agree.

[Biguy91]

I've known I was bisexual since I was 14. Of course, I didn't know it was called bisexuality. I just knew that I liked (really liked) both guys and girls. Not just sexually. I just ran around holing hands and kissing girls and boys openly, not really even think about it. I just did what I felt.

One day I was taking a shower, my mother came in and asked me if I was a lesbian. I told her "no." I continued "I like both, don't you? " She walked out.


Curious.
Are you more emotionally involved with women, or men, or both equally?
Are you sexually attracted to men, women or both equally?
Are you sexually attracted AND emotionally involved with men, women or equally?


I hear people talk about your sexuality and not needing to blab your sex life.

Bisexuality is NOT just about who you are fucking. There are many facets.

Do you, or have you ever fallen in-love with a guy? or a girl?

If for you, bisexuality means your are just sexually atracted to men- then I agree. You don't need to go around talking about your sex-life.
(unless you are the type of person that goes around bragging I nailed this one, and that one. Then I guess you'd have to 'come out' if you want those males notches counted eh! LOL)

If you are emotionally connected/wanting a relationship with a guy- I think then, that is when you really do need to consider if you'd like to "come out".

When you're just fucking someone to just fuck.. What public appearances are you going to have anyway?

BUT if you want a relationship with a guy, you're going to want to go out in public and do what couples do- without hiding, or feeling censored.

my two cents.

Maggie.


I am sexually attracted AND emotionally involved with men, women or equally, and yes ive been in love with a man and a woman before, the woman was my first lasting girlfriend we were together for 2 years, the man was a good friend of mine, i told him i was Bi and well he was gay he told me a long time before but i couldnt tell him cos i was nervous and we were together for 13 months.

[gen11]

I, too, am with Realist and those who agree with him (her?).

I was arrow-straight, girl-crazy, and mildly homophobic when I was in my teens, and I cannot imagine telling my emotionally-cold, highly-religious father or my hysterical, manipulative mother ANYTHING about my sex life at that age. It caused earthquakes and tsunamis when I told them, at 21, that my girlfriend was pregnant.

You do NOT have to come out as bi to be true to yourself. At your age and even in these liberal times, I've got to think there are more liabilities to that than benefits.

[Biguy91]

I, too, am with Realist and those who agree with him (her?).

I was arrow-straight, girl-crazy, and mildly homophobic when I was in my teens, and I cannot imagine telling my emotionally-cold, highly-religious father or my hysterical, manipulative mother ANYTHING about my sex life at that age. It caused earthquakes and tsunamis when I told them, at 21, that my girlfriend was pregnant.

You do NOT have to come out as bi to be true to yourself. At your age and even in these liberal times, I've got to think there are more liabilities to that than benefits.


By what do you mean "Liabilities" what would they be?

[falcondfw]

I agree with realist and those with her.
You would not tell gran about your straight sex life would you? so why tell her about a bi one?
Live your life. Those who are observant will figure it out and they will either have a problem with it or not. Those who are not observant don't need to know from you if they are too dumb to figure it out.
Why complicate your life? Trust me, there will be plenty to complicate things in the future. You do not need to add to them.
When your family comes clean to you, totally clean, about their sex life (YUCK!)? THAT's when you need to come clean about yours. Other than that? It's NOYDB (you can figure it out).

[DuckiesDarling]

Coming into this thread late but I agree with what most have said. Why tell them? If it is that important to you that you tell your family then I wish you luck but I see no reason to do so at this point in time from what you have posted.

[Conran]

My question is: Why would you need to?

This.

People make sexuality into such a big deal BECAUSE they feel the need to make an "announcement".
People don't announce when they discover a new skill or they learn something, we don't announce where we were born. These are all things that are simply a part of you as a person. Announcing them is like announcing the colour of your eyes IMO.

I have never "announced" my sexuality to anyone. I never came out of any closet or felt the need to change anything about me to fit into a group.
All that changed was that people became familiar with the fact that I have male friends I sleep with.
If someone ask me about my sexuality, I tend to ask "why, do you want to sleep with me?"
Because they are the only people it's relevant to.

Colleagues, associates, family and friends all know I have close male friends, and (where appropriate) they know who I sleep with. It's not a secret but it's not something I forever feel I have to tell people either.
:)

[bisexual Bill]

Just come out to your grandmother and parents.

Telling your family that you are bisexual is not telling them some deep dark secret. It is not telling them about your personal sex life either. They are your family so it is important that they know that you're bisexual or not straight.

You wrote about how you want to come out to your grandmother and other family members. Come out to them because you want to.

If you were heterosexual or straight you would not have to tell your family about your sexuality since they would know that you are only having relationships with and sleeping with women.

Do not keep your sexuality a secret from your family. Also if/when you date a man or woman again do not use this person as a way or reason to come out to your family.

[NotLostJustWandering]

Sorry to come in late on this one.

I say no one knows your folks and your situation like you do. I trust that you will weigh what everyone here has said and will make the right decision.

Me, I told my mom at 25, after breaking up with my gf for the last 4 years "my next lover will not be a woman." I just wanted her to know that and digest it first before I introduced her to any bf. But I had it easy; my lesbian big sister had broken her in many years before and I knew she would deal with it OK. Little siblings really get an easy ride.