Sign of the times lol

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling.

[BobbyGlendinning]

Haha, these are great, thanks.

[TaylorMade]

Between these and the _Joe_ threads, this is why I come back. :p

And. . .Here's your sign! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5ZkdHImCuQ)

*Taylor*

[Realist]

Funny, Cat!

Oh Taylor!

I'm surrounded by those who need signs!

I'm pulling the engine out of my antique car. Brother in law drives up and says, "Something wrong with your engine?"

I'm sound asleep, my 5 year old niece walks up, sticks her finger in my ear. When I wake up she says, "Oh, were you sleeping?"

....I'll bet everyone can think of some of these.

[Besos para ella]

Cat those are soooooooooo funny.... crying with laughter at some of those-especially the ones about the toilet and the step ladder.... :) Thanks for sharing!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ty Tay. Id take Bill ANYday! Nom nom nom...lol
Cat

[diB4u]

Ahhh made me laugh, well done and keep it up!!!!

[littlerayofsunshine]

Open crotch panties. So much easier when having to use the floor below:tong: Multipurpose..

[Volley]

Thanks for the chuckels.

[zman64]

"when i die i bequeath my entire estate to my wife on the condition she re-marry so that at least one other person shall regret my passing" (borrowed from german philosopher heinrich heinne)

[zman64]

our new personnel director is mrs. helen waite..if you have any concerns, problems, or questions of any kind, be sure to go to helen waite

[Cats_Kit]

Oh Thanks Cat! My poor co-workers think that I am strange enough, now they hear me laughing behind the nurses' station. Loved these. Please post more when you get a chance?
Your Kit

[justcurious4me]

Two words... Military Intelligence... Sorry, had a screwed up day!!! :tongue:

[void()]

* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
* Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
* House passes gas tax onto senate
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
* William Kelly was fed secretary
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
* Farmer bill dies in house
* Iraqi head seeks arms

# If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
# War dims hope for peace
# Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
# Cold wave linked to temperatures
# Child's death ruins couple's holiday
# Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
# Man is fatally slain
# Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

Funny Pages - Actual Newspaper Headlines (http://funnies.paco.to/Headlines.html)

Funny Church signs (http://www.oddee.com/item_86516.aspx)

I'd find more to post but just about to head out for last day of work. :) Thank Goodness It's Friday. Void feels like one of the Flintstones.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOL Great stuff Void! Kiss to your lil furry cheek Sweetie.:}
Chuckling Cat

[magari]

Paraprosdokian sentences
A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LMAO. I Loved the very last one, and I am #4..:}
Laughing Cat

[citystyleguy]

...thank you for the laughs!