Confused and Feeling guilty

[wjackson1966]

I have recently started experimenting with men and this past week I shared my first time man2man experience with a 22 yr who is in a relationship, i know im bad, but it was so complicated. We met while playing a MMO and we seem to have alot in common, except he was 22 and I am 44, so he came up to visit me here and when I saw him for the first time I melted he was tall and handsome his eyes sparkled and his voice was so soft and calming. After a geting settled in from his long flight we went to bed and we were talking he asked me to hold him, I did, his skin so warm and soft feeling his heart beat and hearing him breathe excited me and within a few minutes we were kissing rubbing each others bodies it was hot and we had sex and it was my first time and he was so gentle and always asked if i was ok and to let him know if it hurt or I wanted him to penetrate more he was amazeing. He left 4 days later and now Iam dealing with alot of issues I hadnt taken into account. Like, for instance, he is in relationship that is haveing trouble, was I wrong to sleep with him ? Is he ever gonna tell his partner if so if his relationship ends is it my fault? And a few other issues that I didnt expect like I miss him and I want to see him again. We still talk and he isnt sure how his relationship is gonna go but wants me to come down OMG why does life have to be so complicated ? So question is how many of you have been here and how did you handle it ?

[littlerayofsunshine]

You're not responsible for his relationship. You are only responsible to yourself and have no control how others choose to live. But honestly. Do you want to wrap yourself up in a blanket, that has two other people in it and do so without the one farthest away from you finding out where you lay?

"having trouble" is to easily a cop out. Would you ever wonder what he would be doing when the two of you would be 'having troubles'?

No I am not all piss and vinegar. because I am glad you enjoyed something that is one of the most enjoyable things to behold. Raw, passionate, endearing sex. That feeling someone can never take away and it can always be looked upon with....... well.... *ahem* *blushes* its wanking material i tell ya.

I wish you luck Hun. But.. Inside is where your answer lies.

Um.. rereading the ending of your Op. No I have never been there and how i would handle it. I would never have expectations of the other person. But I also never would be in that predicament. No judgment of you, of course.

Good luck and take care :)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well..I may come off as a prude on this one, but I have a prob with thewhole him having a partner already situation. If his relationship is already "Having problems" then that should tell you something already. Hmmm, could it be that its because he's messing off b'hind his partner's back?
You best be looking twice at this situation, Hon. He's lying to his partner, and how can you trust someone who lies and cheats? just isnt worth it in my humble opinion...
Cat

[tenni]

I have not found such an age difference situation work for me. It may work for both of you though.

In some respects , you seem to be the newbie from what you wrote. He seems to have experience with men while you didn't? Do you know if he is seeking out older men as a pattern or is this just a fact common to you and him?

You knew that he was in a relationship with someone but didn't state whether it is a woman or a man. For me, that is a difference but it may not be for you. If he is in a relationship with another man, I'd drop it quickly. You will lose depending upon what you want. If it is a woman, then I am more open to exploring. It is up to you. You accepted that fact that he was involved and you chose to have him visit you and have sex with him. You are thinking about an on going relationship of some form with another guy who is in a relationship. There are a lot of factors that you are going to have to accept if you want to continue exploring it.

If his other relationship ends that is not your fault but it may be a sign as to how he may handle relating to you. He came to you and he made the decision to move in the direction that you two may be heading for. Can you find out if this is a pattern of behaviour for him or the first time that he has acted this way.

Think over what you really want and expect. What is reasonable for you? Were you surprised to find that you are developing emotional connection(missing him)? If you are surprised, really seriously examine the chances of this working for you before seeing him again.

Remember that guys are referred to as pricks for more reasons than the fact that we have them. Make sure that he is not going to scam you in some way. I'm not writing that he is but be careful about whether he is telling you the truth.

Don't worry about the posters here who may condemn you if you want this to go forward. Realize though that it may have severe limitations as to how beneficial it is for you. Decide what you want. He may not be what you really want. It is up to you. Good luck with your decision.

[bisexual Bill]

You're feeling confused and guilty because he already is in a relationship and is cheating on this person with you.

This person is a stranger who you met online and hooked up with.

Just because you met online and were together for about 3 or 4 days that does not mean that you know this guy or can trust him.

Even if he's with a man or a woman that does not mean that it's OK for him to cheat on him or her with you.

Pay attention to what he says. Take it with a grain of salt since he may just be saying what you want to hear.

I would not want to be with someone who lies and cheats. They are lying and cheating with someone who they are in a relationship with so they are going to do it to you too. Someone like that is not worth the time or effort.

If you think that things are very complicated now and full of drama life is not going to get any easier when you fall in love with and have an actual relationship with someone that lies and cheats.

I have had men and women who are in relationships want to cheat on their partners with me. Sometimes these were friends of mine.

I said no because I am not into helping people lie to and cheat on a partner.

In some cases I was friends with that person and their partner too.

The hypothetical lying and cheating would have came back to bite me in the ass and fucked up my friendship with both people.

If I were you I'd find someone else who is local and who is not into lying or cheating.

Are you in a relationship with anyone at all?

[danreidbarmi]

Yes, indeed, you have leapt, head first (pun intended, or was it ass first?) into a swirling pool of complexity.

First, this is your first time! Overwhelming in and of itself. Then, there is his relationship (at least he was honest with you about that... but, I wonder how honest he is with his partner, if this is a pattern, and therefore the source of his relationship problems). The age thing is not an issue -- maturity, however, is.

Yes, he was a gentle, considerate, and perhaps skilled lover, as well as a very attractive and desirable man. Hooray for that! But, I can certainly understand how conflicted and confused you must be.

Have you had a homo toe in the water for sometime, and just took a plunge from the high dive? Is there more here than is being discussed?

All I can say, from my own experience, is that lying and cheating can only lead to heartbreak. So, if he's participating in deception, it's a very bad sign. You don't need to fall in love with the first man you sleep with. Be careful.

[foreverbi]

I am a male & I love sucking dicks, so why do I always feel I have to fall in love with a woman/girl? Is it because that is what expected of me, or do I just think going out with a girl is easier than explaining my desires my family & friends? Does anybody else have these feelings or problems?:(:(

[Realist]

Not me, I've fallen in love with a couple of guys before. Those relationships were as rewarding as the ladies, too. I've certainly loved a few women in my day.

Maybe it's because I can't remember a time when I wasn't drawn to both genders. The first person I fell in love with, was a boy, when I was 14.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that, those who develop their bisexuality late in life, often have different perspectives about who they feel comfortable with to love.

[slipnslide]

I am a male & I love sucking dicks, so why do I always feel I have to fall in love with a woman/girl? Is it because that is what expected of me, or do I just think going out with a girl is easier than explaining my desires my family & friends? Does anybody else have these feelings or problems?:(:(

It's definitely easier than explaining it to family and friends. That's the nice part of being bi. You can ignore it and stick to women. Just because you like to suck dicks doesn't mean you need to suck dicks.

You have to be careful with sites like this - you can tend to get caught up in the vortex and ignore reality. The reality is that the world prefers heterosexual people. You're far far better off living a heterosexual lifestyle. Think about hanging out with your hetero friends - does anyone not laugh at the thought of a dude blowing another dude? Of course not. Life is short, why subject yourself to that misery?

[wjackson1966]

I have recently started experimenting with men and this past week I shared my first time man2man experience with a 22 yr who is in a relationship, i know im bad, but it was so complicated. We met while playing a MMO and we seem to have alot in common, except he was 22 and I am 44, so he came up to visit me here and when I saw him for the first time I melted he was tall and handsome his eyes sparkled and his voice was so soft and calming. After a geting settled in from his long flight we went to bed and we were talking he asked me to hold him, I did, his skin so warm and soft feeling his heart beat and hearing him breathe excited me and within a few minutes we were kissing rubbing each others bodies it was hot and we had sex and it was my first time and he was so gentle and always asked if i was ok and to let him know if it hurt or I wanted him to penetrate more he was amazeing. He left 4 days later and now Iam dealing with alot of issues I hadnt taken into account. Like, for instance, he is in relationship that is haveing trouble, was I wrong to sleep with him ? Is he ever gonna tell his partner if so if his relationship ends is it my fault? And a few other issues that I didnt expect like I miss him and I want to see him again. We still talk and he isnt sure how his relationship is gonna go but wants me to come down OMG why does life have to be so complicated ? So question is how many of you have been here and how did you handle it ?

Thank you for your input; I greatly appreciate the support you all offer with advice and your views. I feel bad though because after going back over my original post and re reading it, it does seem not to explain everything and does make him seem like a bad guy. Like Littlerayofsunshine said “having trouble” is an easy cop out. So I should also explain that too. I have known the guy for over 6 months and we hung out online a few days out every week. I was married to a woman at the time and he did not know I was bi and I did not know he was gay. He would occasionally talk about his partner and the issues they were having. Mainly that him and his partner been together for 3 years and how his partner is a non-sexual kind of person. So the guy was going to go on vacation before college started again for him and I offered that he could come up to maine and stay with me and my kids. It was supposed to be just a friendly time. When I found out that he was gay I had tons of questions for him and he would answer everyone of them and give me warnings and safty advice. He had had many bad experiences when he was first exploring so he told me some of them in hopes that I would not make the same mistakes. So knowing the risk of what may happen between us (I was already attracted to him before I knew he was gay) I still invited him up. He also knew about the risk. So we both had the understanding that it was just inviting him up as a friend.

He is a warm blooded guy because 70 degrees or lower is cold to him. He slept in a cold weather sleeping bag and a blanket the whole time he was here. At one point during his stay I woke up because his teeth were chattering so badly because he was cold while he was in the sleeping bag and with a blanket. So I figured him asking me to scoot closer because he was cold seemed reasonable but could have been a seduction. I am not sure.

But over the few days he was here he showed me a few things and was real gentle and it was deeper than a physical level. He was able to talk with he and approach my life with logical views. He was able to connect with my kids and help them. He was not all about sex but more worried about if there was anything he could do to help me. I felt so very happy while he was here. My children behaved look up to him and my two year old would crawl into his lap to watch TV or talk to him. She does not do that to anyone. I feel confused because knowing him on an MMO was a good friend relationship but seeing him how he treats me and my family I think I would be very happy in a relationship with him. I dated and married women because it was how I was raised. I do like them but I feel like I may probably like to spend my life with a man instead.

But as I got more attached I am more worried about him because with these feelings I feel like I would rather he stop talking to me and know he is ok then ruin his life. He tells me that I should not worry because he says that his actions are his choices and that he could have said no at any time and will not use me as a scapegoat. I have never felt such attachment mentally and physically to a guy before and I feel guilty because that the guy I could have fallen in love with, I might ruin his current situation and put him in a worse spot. The repercussions of our action did not fully hit me until he left to get on his plane back home. He wants me to come down so he can show me city life compared to my small town life style.

[tenni]

wjackson1966
Thank you for the expansion of your situation. You write very lovingly of your friend. It is your first male infatuation...maybe love. Remember back to your first infatuation of a woman when examining your present situation. The factor that may need the most thought is that he is in a relationship at present and you have clearly an emotional attachment to your friend. I'm unclear as you may be as to what his emotional attachment is to you? Maybe, you can discuss this with him on line to clarify each other's feelings? Ideally, it would be best if he resolved his present relationship situation before you visit. If he decides to remain in that relationship, do you not think that your visiting him will add sadness for you? Again, best of everything and ideally he leaves his partner and you two live happily ever after..ok a bit too Romance novelish..:tong: But good luck with your decision.

[wjackson1966]

wjackson1966
Thank you for the expansion of your situation. You write very lovingly of your friend. It is your first male infatuation...maybe love. Remember back to your first infatuation of a woman when examining your present situation. The factor that may need the most thought is that he is in a relationship at present and you have clearly an emotional attachment to your friend. I'm unclear as you may be as to what his emotional attachment is to you? Maybe, you can discuss this with him on line to clarify each other's feelings? Ideally, it would be best if he resolved his present relationship situation before you visit. If he decides to remain in that relationship, do you not think that your visiting him will add sadness for you? Again, best of everything and ideally he leaves his partner and you two live happily ever after..ok a bit too Romance novelish..:tong: But good luck with your decision.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post and you clearly make some very good points like I should really find out where he stands on all of this cause we havent really discussed it in any detail cause I dont want to push him or put him in a position of makeing any hasty decisions either way once again thank your for takeing the time to respond.

[wjackson1966]

Wjackson you sound like you are gay. The gay men I know who once were married to women only dated, slept with, and married women because they felt like they had to.

The bisexual men I know who are married to women, including myself do not want to live with men like you do.

I'd stay away from this guy. He already has a partner and he's already in a relationship with someone else.

He's 22. He's not going to just drop everything and have a relationship with some guy he met online that's older than he is who has kids.

Thanx for the direct blunt approach