being to insensitive...

[Durain]

And no, I don't mean like being a jerk or whatever I'm talking about down stairs.

I had sex for the first time a few months ago with a lovely couple I met on this site and just recently got myself a girlfriend that I also met though this site and we are very happy and our sex life is more then satisfying....for her at least.

I seem to have a problem with that, no matter how long we are having sex I am almost unable to cum, in order for me to get off I literally have to jerk myself off and even that takes a long time to do, most night she ends up passing out from exhaustion and being the gentlemen that I am I stop trying to cum at this point and just cuddle and let her sleep in my arms.

I'm not having problems keeping myself hard, I'm very much turned on by her and everything she does makes me shiver with pleasure, but unless I get myself off she never really gets any of my cum which is what most women want in the end, and that makes me feel horrible that I have a hard time giving that to her. Is there a cream or something I can that that will make my penis more sensitive and allow me to cum more easily? As much as I like having sex for hours, sometimes I just want to finish up, cuddle and sleep without having to lay on my back.

[Long Duck Dong]

try vitamin E cream......

you need something that will sensitise the skin under the head of the penis, not the penis itself......

it also depends on the reason why you are having trouble.... some people are naturally less sensitive or not sensitive for reasons such as nerve damage, back issues, circumcision issues

there is also other issues such as emotional and mental issues that can affect a persons ability to cum....... some people may have a mental block with cumming such as a unconscious fear of getting a female pregnant..... or other issues such as depression......

you can look at anal stimulilation during sex.... such as stimulation of the prostate gland......

I have issues myself with cumming, but as my partner knows, I have back issues and often there is pressure on the nerves in the back that mean in some positions I can not cum...... and because the pressure differs a lot from day to day, some days I could near cum, other days, I would struggle with cumming but erections were never a problem

I could wank and cum, then fuck her brains out for a couple of hours, then lay back and cum again... day after day.... so the issue was not with my partner or my sexual ability.... just my back

there is a lil trick that can work.... use extreme emotional / mental stimuli..... instead of doing the normal go to bed and grind away for a few hours.... go as the mood takes you.... grab her, yank her in the shower and go hard..... use intense fantasies in your own mind to create a mental / emotional overload...... often creating a overlaod in your mind, can add to the sensation you get form your penis and that can intensify the sex and sexual experience and result in you cumming sooner and more

[NEPHX]

Its called "Delayed Ejaculation", here is some good info: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001954.htm

Sometimes guys use RX ED drugs, such as Viagra, that while they generally need sexual stimulation to work, they enable an incredible erection when the associated sexual arousal may not be as intense as the intensity of the erection.

There can be a lot of reasons other reasons too.... Psychological impact of just recently starting to have sex can have a part in it. If you have had this problem historically with masturbation then you shouldn't be surprised. If you have not had problems in the past, consider the psychological impact, your background (religious views, etc), your sense of being sexual with someone else instead of masturbating in private (generally considered taboo even though most people have done it all their lives). One would expect the comfort level factor (being naked and sexual with someone is new to you) usually that would fall under "performance anxiety" and take the erection out too but everyone is different. Most guys can't last more than a few minutes when they are first sexually active. Health concerns pop to mind. See link above.

Many different medications can impact your ability to ejaculate (pain killers seem to have that effect on me). So can drinking although alcohol generally has the negative effect of impacting more the guy's erection than his ability to climax. But again, if you could always masturbate to climax in the past and still can, probably not the reason.

TOO much masturbation between when you're having sex with your GF can also impact your sensitivity. Or, you get used to that form of stimulation which is much rougher than say PIV. And, you have learned exactly what gets you off in a certain way. Now, you are expecting only contact with someone else do it. That might be a taller order than you realize. And, everyone is different so the cause may surprise you when you figure out what it might be (practice makes perfect, get busy). You only recently started having sex with other people, you have probably been masturbating for years.

Don't underestimate the power of someone giving YOU attention and physical stimulation, and foreplay, etc. "Traditional roles" have women generally submissive and passive during sex. Men sometimes feel they have to just "do her" and all will be fine. And, once she has had her fill so to speak, you can get anxiety about cumming which can quickly lower your arousal and ability to climax.

Sex is a 2-way (or more-way :) ) street. Lots more foreplay can lead to much high sexual arousal (for instance, you might notice that you pre-cum a whole lot if you have a certain kind of foreplay - a sign of higher sexual arousal); getting & maintaining an erection is just the start. If you are worried about your ability to cum with a women because your new to it or to sex can cause anxiety too.

If you can get off by masturbation, make that part of the fun if your gf enjoys it. Masturbating with a partner to climax is much more common than you might realize.

Experimenting with other stimuli such as prostate stimulation, etc. is also a great idea (as LDD suggested). Especially since you met your GF on here and there is not need to hide that your bi (not that anal stimulation makes one bi or gay; straight guys often like it too).

Getting a check-up could also be a good idea. There can be other health issues and this is just a symptom.

One consideration is that no one says you have to cum. I've been with guys that can't and have that happen to me occasionally too and just remember that the journey is as much fun as the destination and accept it only to be ready again in the morning. For me, its usually too late (like after 3AM) and while I can have lots of fun, I'm just better in the morning.

[DuckiesDarling]

Durain, listen to Long Duck Dong, as his partner I can truly vouch for his advice. Not to mention some of the fantasy scenarios we come up with are just fucking hot :tong:

[mikey3000]

Also some medications can affect your sensitivity and ability to come. I know a lot of anti-depressants can have that effect on you. Talk to your doctor if you suspect it's a side effect of medications.