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  1. #91

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    yeah... falcons banned..... why and what for, I can only guess at..... but drew had his reasons.....
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  2. #92

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    What? He's banned? I hope it wasn't on my behalf.

  3. #93

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    What? He's banned? I hope it wasn't on my behalf.
    Standing hand in hand with my love

    Cara ch' 'm blaidd



  4. #94

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Holy crap!!! I didn't mean for that to happen. I just wanted him to respect other people's positions and not be so mean to them. Wow.

  5. #95

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    falcon created his own path,.... and chose to walk it.... nobody else is responsible for the way that path lay

    falcons fate was decided by his own hand so it was only a matter of time before what he wove with his words, would become his own last words.... I warned him about that in another thread, when he mocked wicca and the olde ways.....
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  6. #96

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    So then Twyla is banned too?

  7. #97

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by rissababynta View Post
    So then Twyla is banned too?
    and still waiting on a response from Drew, but since I did nothing bannable, new name, old face, same attitude. Even if Twyla is unbanned I'll prolly still use this name. Twyla was a name made up in a hurry to get in to see Duckies profile when he sent me here to see it, this is a name I made after being here.
    Standing hand in hand with my love

    Cara ch' 'm blaidd



  8. #98

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    OMG people, what the hell goes on?

    Is it that we get antsy when there isn't a troll around for a while, and just feel the need to attack one another, because nobody else is doing it?

    Can everyone please just look at themselves, decide honestly in your own heart whether you've behaved badly or not (we DON'T need to hear your decision), and if you have, then apologize *either in a silent prayer or a private message*. Then, regardless of your position, definitions, moral high ground, wrongdoing, or whatever, *stop* posting to this thread??

    I'll start, so you can see what it looks like...watch me:
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  9. #99

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    such is human nature Annika. we've been doing it for millenia. if we havent a common enemy we fight unangst ourselfs. an example my bf would use are the 13 tribes of Isreal. when they werent fighting a common enemy they fought eachother.

  10. #100

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    I am over 65 have been seeing the same guy for sex only for 5 - 6 years now, I got very envolved with lady but continue to stop by his house for a sexual relief I do not consider it cheating what do you think?

  11. #101

    Angry Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Good lord. Ya'll havent figured this out yet? Cheating and lying to a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend ect is Still cheating, no matter How you try to sugar coat it and gloss it over to make it prettier, or to justify yourself in doing so.

    Cheaters are just that, and cant be trusted as far as one can lift a pick up truck. Plain and simple truth. And if someone says "Oh I think its perfectly alright to cheat" then thats Your baggage and you have to deal with it. You live with your supposition, we'll live with the truth.
    Cat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  12. #102

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    The two words exist because they mean different things. And they are not mutually exclusive. One can be a cheat and not discreet about it and one can be discreet and not a cheat. And of course you can be both discreet and a cheat.

    You seem to have very firm position that exposes a world that, in your eyes, is black and white. Bisexuality is about shades of gray! Different levels of attraction. How one decides to express his bisexuality is entirely his (or hers) business. Because of many reasons some stay in the closet or choose to disclose their bisexuality to a limited number of people.

    Instead of denigrating the members in this site, perhaps it would be more adroit of you to have a conversation on how we can influence social sensibilities and openness about sexuality so that more of us can live less discreetly.

    DM

  13. #103

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Extremely well stated DareMe.

  14. #104

    Question Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by DareMe View Post
    Instead of denigrating the members in this site, perhaps it would be more adroit of you to have a conversation on how we can influence social sensibilities and openness about sexuality so that more of us can live less discreetly.
    DM
    Less discreetly? Does this mean you condone a person's cheating?
    Confused Cat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  15. #105

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Is there anyone here who reads an ad on this site that says 'must be discrete' that doesn't know that the person doesn't want their wife to find out?

    Playing word games can be fun. But the truth, inactual practice, is that the two words are used interchangably on this site, and that the usage is accepted by all. Even those who wisj to pretend otherwise.

    Pasa

  16. #106

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    I feel that if you are bi you have already come to turms with life that most people do not see as right. Having sex with more then one person and or sex. So calling some one on the carpet for cheating is in some text an oxy moron. Yes, I agree if married you partner should know but then again that could be enough to destroy that pesron. None of this is right in the way the world thinks about it at all so either you are happy with you choices and that you can live with it or you don't do it at all. But to call some one on their beliefes is no defrent then some one thinking bad that you are bisexual in the first place.

  17. #107

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by FalconAngel View Post
    To me, discrete is when you do not want the outside world to know and cheat is when you don't want your s/o to know.

    The former is not bad, but the latter is bad. There are plenty of Bi couples, straight couples and mixed orientation couples out there that are discrete, but it does not mean that there is cheating going on. In our case, we both try to meet any of the guys that we are interested in, together. It does not always work out that way (when the wife is tired or ill), so the wife sends me off to do the meet and I return and report to her what my feelings are about the guy.

    That is not cheating, but it is discrete.

    Like I said, if the s/o does not know and is kept in the dark about anything even happening (like lying about it), then that is definitely cheating.
    Thats it my wife not only knows but got him and togrther and joins in at times but don't want to all the time the rest of the world has no NEED to know...... if your S/O dont know you are not only cheating but in our opnion a low life ass. if you love your s/o tell them if not spilt but don't live a lie... bi, str8 or gay no matter it's love and respect for your s/o
    if con is the opposite of pro
    is congress the opposite of progress?

  18. #108

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    Is there anyone here who reads an ad on this site that says 'must be discrete' that doesn't know that the person doesn't want their wife to find out?

    Playing word games can be fun. But the truth, inactual practice, is that the two words are used interchangably on this site, and that the usage is accepted by all. Even those who wisj to pretend otherwise.

    Pasa
    You may think I'm just one of the naive ones, Pasa, but you are making unwarranted assumptions.

    I am a professional. I am partnered. I am reasonably out (most people around know my partner is female, and I do correct people when they try to claim that I'm lesbian, rather than bi).

    My partner and I have been monogamous for the past 25 years. But if we decide that we'd like to share a man, or even another woman (a) it will be done together (no cheating involved), and (b) we will damned well demand that it be discreet. We are a pair of professional women living in a small town area...indiscretion could well endanger either our careers or our lives.

    I know other professionals on the site, who could be likewise affected by indiscretion. So please revise your opinion of what the word "discreet" means, when you view it on this site. It may not be what you're assuming.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  19. #109

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Annika L View Post
    You may think I'm just one of the naive ones, Pasa, but you are making unwarranted assumptions.

    I am a professional. I am partnered. I am reasonably out (most people around know my partner is female, and I do correct people when they try to claim that I'm lesbian, rather than bi).

    My partner and I have been monogamous for the past 25 years. But if we decide that we'd like to share a man, or even another woman (a) it will be done together (no cheating involved), and (b) we will damned well demand that it be discreet. We are a pair of professional women living in a small town area...indiscretion could well endanger either our careers or our lives.

    I know other professionals on the site, who could be likewise affected by indiscretion. So please revise your opinion of what the word "discreet" means, when you view it on this site. It may not be what you're assuming.
    This is an old tread, don't get so hung up,,,,
    First,God created man, then woman, then temptation,then confusion

  20. #110

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    I'm sorry but I have 2 put my 2 cents into this 2.

    I am married to a man who doesn't really completely understand bisexuality. He has made an effort to understand, don't get me wrong. I have been monogamous with him for the past 9 yrs we have been together. He knew I was bi sexual when we first met 12 yrs ago. I haven't let my desires to be with woman over his emotional needs or sexual needs either.
    Just here recently has my needs to be with woman again grow stronger. I have let his know this, good communication is key to a great marriage. He still tells me he doesn't really know how he feels about me being with anyone else sexually, regardless of gender.
    He has let me have a g/f, even tho see lives 4 hrs away. We haven't done anything sexual together, but if that happens, he knows that I will tell him or talk to him about it. What we do in our marriage is discrete and only between the parties involved. I love my husband very much and no way will I do anything that will hurt him in anyway, emotional or other wise.
    I don't believe in cheating and will never do it,but if he is ok with me being with a woman sexually that's a plus. If he isn't ok with it, then I will just keep it as a fantasy. It might sound like he is being selfish on his part since he already know before we got married, but I also knew what kind of person he was before I married him 2.
    All I'm saying is, just b/c someone is bisexual doesn't mean they have to act on their urges just b/c they have them. You can be honest with your partner, so they know how you feel. What or how u deal with the urges should be between both partners in the marriage or realtionship, not just 1.

  21. #111

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by goldenfinger View Post
    This is an old tread, don't get so hung up,,,,
    Yes, I was aware it was old. I don't get how the age of the thread changes the validity of what I wrote, what seems hung up to you, or what causes your eek.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  22. #112

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Annika,

    I'm just saying what the vast majority is. Most of those ads read: MWM must be discrete. That's code for 'don't let my wife find out.' Far too many conversations with these peeps.

    No, it may not mean that for everyone. But for the vast majority, it does.

    Pasa

  23. #113

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    I always thought that 'Must Be Discreet' meant "Don't act like a raving queen blowing kisses to me as I get back in my car!".
    Well something to do with being closeted where m-m is concerned.

  24. #114

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    Annika,

    ...No, it may not mean that for everyone. But for the vast majority, it does.

    Pasa
    I am curious, what makes you think that the "vast majority" are cheaters? Can you provide a reference to back up your assertion?

  25. #115
    Unofficial Community Leader
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,079

    Cool Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by welickit View Post
    We are both sure this will generate lots of flaming. What is the difference and what does a cheat or liar have to offer? You can't take care of your own spouse so you look elsewhere. Now comes the excuses.
    it's a real can of worms that I've addressed here before; the deception in the bi community disturbs me.
    FIRE IN THE BELLY

  26. #116

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Northerner View Post
    I am curious, what makes you think that the "vast majority" are cheaters? Can you provide a reference to back up your assertion?
    Well, Northerner, yes I can... I did a poll here a few months ago and while the majority was not quite 'vast' more than 50% of the guys said they cheat..

    I agree with Cat's comment above.. Cheating is cheating, which is lying and at least for me, no way to treat my wife..

    I've spent quite some time (several years), coming out out her all over again after 32 years of monogamous marriage (I told her I was bi before we married, now I want to add some kink to our life, rekindle our sexuality - hers had been flagging, and renegotiate monogamy).

    It has been a very slow and sometimes painful process. But it is working. We have been to a swinger's club several times and after a rocky start, we are both having fun and maybe working toward playing with others together. We have also discussed letting me out to play with others. She has used a strapon on me and we both enjoyed it. (oh lord, I certainly did!

    Probably the most important thing, is that she as started joking with me about sexuality again. She has even started sending me links to sexual orientation articles she comes across while doing her daily Internet news surf..

    Others here have had it a lot easier, and a lot harder...

    Not cheating has certainly been a challenging approach, but I can look her in the eye, say that I have never cheated and I won't and she knows I am speaking truth.

    That goes a long way helping us get wherever we are going... together..

    Your mileage WILL vary..

    Liz

    And I also agree with Gearbox, discreet is not going kissy to some guy in public, it does not necessarily have anything to do with cheating or not.. I live in the country in Texas, no matter what, my MM relationships will ALWAYS be discreet, if and when they start again.

  27. #117

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    Annika,

    I'm just saying what the vast majority is. Most of those ads read: MWM must be discrete. That's code for 'don't let my wife find out.' Far too many conversations with these peeps.

    No, it may not mean that for everyone. But for the vast majority, it does.

    Pasa
    Pasa--speaking strictly for myself---I am single but I still like to put it in profiles and in conversations with someone that I might meet with that I prefer to practice "Discretion" as well in such matters.

    I prefer my sexual and or romantic life to be "discreet" like in I don't want the whole damn world to know about it whether I am with a lady or a guy--I mean this more in an old school sense that I don't feel who I might be with is not really a matter of "public record" as it were. I guess to use an old saying---"gentlemen don't kiss and tell" if you catch my drift.

    I am sure to that to you-- politically and ideologically--I am a raging liberal and all---but when it comes to the way I generally live my life and conduct myself---I am really rather "conservative" with the big exception I guess is that I never did follow society's script that "you have to get married" and I don't follow the rules about not having sex with other guys.

    I do have my reasons for not being open to the public about my bisexuality, but then again--I never felt it should be public knowledge, necessarily about what ladies I was seeing and or having sex with as well and I am sure as hell not going to go around blasting from the rooftops that I also like to have sex with guys--there are many downsides to that, sad to say.

    I can assure you--there is not enough tea in China or gold in Fort Knox that would ever entice me to be on one of these scumbag, bottle of the barrel "reality" shows that exposes people's personal lives like the "Real Wives" shows. I just don't know what the hell would possess anyone to expose their personal lives in such a way!!!!! Money and some degree of passing "fame" (more like infamy as far as I am concerned) I guess--which to me is pure idiocy!!

    When it comes to making judgements on why other guys say they want "discretion"-- being the evil, godless commie liberal I am---I don't make such value judgments and accept their desire for such discretion, accepting that their reason for doing so: " it is what it is" and pledge to honor that as long as they reciprocate in kind for me.

    How's that for one of my "rambles??"
    "Injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere..." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  28. #118

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    I'm rather repulsed by those who carry on about the term cheating and such judgmental approaches to bisexuality.

    Discretion is something that I want and practise. I'm single and even when I have an intimate friendship with a guy, I don't want any public displays of affection or carrying on.

    I agree with those who state that some of us are discreet and that doesn't mean that we cheat.

    What I am noticing on another bisexual site with a larger number of younger men, university age, that there seems to be a desire to be "out" to the family and world as a stage of declaring your bisexuality. It seems to be a rite of passage for these younger guys while others want discretion once they are in the workforce.

  29. #119

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by lizard-lix View Post
    Well, Northerner, yes I can... I did a poll here a few months ago and while the majority was not quite 'vast' more than 50% of the guys said they cheat..
    Hi Liz, I just wanted to point out that I *think* Northerner left out an important modifier in his post. I *think* (and I hope he'll correct me if I'm wrong) that he meant "what makes you think that the "vast majority" of people who request discretion in their profiles are cheaters?"

    I remember your poll, and yes I agree that the majority of respondents said they cheated. The question that Northener seemed to be addressing, though, was whether (as Pasa claims) the expression "must be discreet" is really used by the vast majority of our members as code for "I'm cheating and I don't want my partner to find out."

    Your poll would not shed light on that question.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  30. #120

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    I'm rather repulsed by those who carry on about the term cheating and such judgmental approaches to bisexuality.
    Meh, tenni, I'm pretty repulsed by the extremes on both sides: both those who fly into a knee-jerk rage over anyone's use of the word "cheat" or their questioning about what constitutes cheating, AND those who feel that violating their agreements with their partner without their partner's knowledge does not harm a relationship.

    I think both positions lack thoughtfulness...and that suggests to me a denial of the complexity of the issue. I'm always repulsed by denial, even my own.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

 

 

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