Married Guys - How do you cheat without the risk?

[imjackinoff]

Married dude here with a dead bedroom. Wife knows I'm bi, but would never go for bringing someone in or letting me go out. I've thought about looking around many times, even had a guy ready to go to meet me but I told him nevermind the day before because I got cold feet. I'm a risk averse person by nature so the thought of hooking up with someone and having a co-worker see me at a motel or chancing getting an STD and god forbid something worse and having to get that taken care of, it's all so overwhelming I don't even think I could get hard if I did go meet someone.

Guys that do this, how do you manage it? Do you just say screw it and face the consequences if it happens? I'm not really willing to dump my entire marriage in the off chance that Joe Schmoe sees me and says something. Or if I go to hook up and the guy's wife finds out and somehow tracks me down to tell my wife. When I was much younger I did meet with a guy whose wife found out and she came to my work! Thankfully I was single and she just wanted to know 'why' and all that, but it was wild.

[Lucky 61]

Considering all you've said, I think your screen name is your best bet for now.

[marine20]

there is one way that you might want to try. going to an adult book store to get your cock sucked and to suck cock. you can even fuck or be fucked in one of those booths. just use protection if it's fucking you want. otherwise , get on your knees and start sucking cock. hopefully , there is one in your area, if not , it is worth it to travel a little.

[KDaddy23]

One of the things you understand when you're going to step out on your lady is that you accept the risks and consequences of your actions and if you're not ready to do that, then don't even think about cheating on her. It's really that simple. If you're out there handling things, then you do it smartly and in a way that will minimize or eliminate your risks and the risk of exposure but guys who are very risk averse should... do nothing.

[imjackinoff]

I think I need to go on a business trip. Sounds like the safest route.

[stephmtl]

Patience! try to find a guy in a similar situation. Does take time but they have no interest in ratting you out or changing your situation. I find it hard to find time and place once you find another bi guy!

[DMercator]

Married dude here with a dead bedroom. Wife knows I'm bi, but would never go for bringing someone in or letting me go out.

Pretty well sums up my situation as well. I am both risk adverse and "cheating" adverse. It is not in my nature to lie and sneak around. I love my wife and have no desire to hurt her. I value my marriage / family life and the risk / reward ratio for playing just isn't there in day-to-day life. It saddens me to say this is a much easier thing to live with at 65 than it was at 35 or even 55.

That's not to say I never play around. It's been some years, but when I did fool around it was very limited and as risk free as I could make it.

First, I never play locally. I live in a medium size town and, while the likelihood of being seen somewhere I'm not suppose to be is moderate, it isn't zero. With that in mind, I limit my playtime to when I am travelling on business, which for me, is only 1 or twice a year. This minimizes the need to fabricate an excuse for wife as to why I've been out of touch for hours.

Second, when I know I'm going out of town, I start looking ahead of time and putting feelers out on sites like Silverdaddies. I've had very good luck meeting fellow travelers and other married and / or risk adverse friends. I don't judge those that will suck a cock anywhere anytime, but that's not what I'm looking for in a hook up. I make a point of talking and getting to know them a bit, so we aren't total strangers. This has the added benefit of making the encounter more than a blow and go. My last playmate (more years ago than I like to admit) was a 3 hour encounter. We spent time together naked, talking, playing and talking some more followed by playing some more. We shared experiences and got to know each other. It was by far the most satisfying time I've ever spent with another man naked and we still keep in touch with each other.

Third, and this probably goes without saying, for those rare times I do more than oral, I practice safe sex only. Doesn't matter how well I know them or how much I would love to experience bareback sex, it's condoms or nothing.

Oddly enough, the only time STD's was a problem was the one short affair I had with a woman back in my 50's. In theory, neither of us had been with anyone else in over a year and we both tested STD free. We were only together a few times and practiced safe sex, but I spent a lot of that time eating pussy and got HPV. (Up until that point I thought the whole Michael Douglas got cancer from eating pussy was a joke). As STD's go, this one is pretty invisible and there's a good chance I never would have known I had it. It goes away on it's own over time and, since I wasn't having sex with my wife, there was no chance of passing it along. But the experience was a wake up call that even safe sex isn't 100% safe as long as fluids are involved.

For me, at least, there is no get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to being married and fooling around on the side. It is an ignoble compromise between love and need. If you are cheating there is always a chance of getting caught and, if you have a conscience, there's 100% chance of needing to live with yourself afterward.

I admire those that have come to terms with their sexual self and can be open with who they are and what they feel in real life. But, as a man who wants love / marriage / family and needs sex beyond the pleasure of my right hand from time to time, that will never be me.

[redngoldpride]

I have been meeting married guys with secret needs some are Part of our group some with the wife's knowledge some without and some with just dont tell her ,and even some who have gf's or wives who just want to watch .
I am and have always been std free and I am very , very discreet when called for which is very reassuring when the occasional accidental public run-ins might happen with a playmate . I would never let on as I am not about drama or wrecking someones life ...........JUST FUN AND PLEASURE

[Johnny o]

Well said ����

[bikurinpa]

You are better off to find someone who you can get to know and trust and work things as being as regular friends. I know it is tough, very hard to find any one on any these sites who wants to take the time to establish a good friendship and trust with someone. When my wife was living, I had a older guy who was a good friend of ours, he come and go out fishing with us on the house boat, we cook out, did things as friends and when she wasnt feeling like going, she tell me call him see if he wanted go with me so I would not have to go alone, and so I did and we spent time making out on the boat and not fishing! worked out nice but is extremely hard to find. All on any these sites only want sex with just any random stranger at a book store, park etc which is extremely risky for STDs.

Married dude here with a dead bedroom. Wife knows I'm bi, but would never go for bringing someone in or letting me go out. I've thought about looking around many times, even had a guy ready to go to meet me but I told him nevermind the day before because I got cold feet. I'm a risk averse person by nature so the thought of hooking up with someone and having a co-worker see me at a motel or chancing getting an STD and god forbid something worse and having to get that taken care of, it's all so overwhelming I don't even think I could get hard if I did go meet someone.

Guys that do this, how do you manage it? Do you just say screw it and face the consequences if it happens? I'm not really willing to dump my entire marriage in the off chance that Joe Schmoe sees me and says something. Or if I go to hook up and the guy's wife finds out and somehow tracks me down to tell my wife. When I was much younger I did meet with a guy whose wife found out and she came to my work! Thankfully I was single and she just wanted to know 'why' and all that, but it was wild.

[BiKleinGuy]

The risk is definitely there, but I chose to practice caution and discretion. I first took the plunge with an ad on Craigslist (wearing lingerie as a sissy offering to suck dick). I was scared, but so horny that I met a guy at his apartment in the next town over. It was more amazing than I had imagined, dressed up for another man and dropping to my knees sucking his dick, letting him cum on my face. I cleaned up and left. Days later I’m walking just outside my office building and we make eye contact! He works in the building next to mine! This terrified me, but we both wanted discretion, both married, and it ended up working out until I moved away for work.

[Ken Hadashi]

My situation is a bit different. Wife lost all interest in sex after major surgery 18 years ago. We ultimately hammered out a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy under which I'm permitted to have my needs met outside of marriage.

1) Absolute discretion is a must. Never do anything that will harm my personal reputation or employment opportunities. No explicit photography of any kind!
2) Safe sex only. Use common sense. Partners must be documented D/D free. No exchange of semen or other fluids . . .
3) Never reveal details of whom I've been with, where we've met or what we've done . . .
4) Play with other men is preferred, as guy-guy intimacy will feel less like cheating . . .
5) Never force her to meet anyone with whom I've been sexually involved . . .
I've broken all but one of those roles, but her knowing that I'm sexually active with select males and couples effectively makes it consensual, and not cheating.

[Fiddlestyx]

My situation is probably different from most. I've been playing with the same friend for nearly 35 years now, far longer than I've known my present wife. They've met in various social situations including him being to our house and the friendship is a good and entirely plausible one quite apart from our "play". I find it hard to think of it as "cheating" somehow. We're very discrete about meeting for our fun and meeting in public otherwise is not a problem at all.

A woman would be a whole different situation for many reasons. One is that she would be effectively filling the role my wife does, at least sexually (or would if my wife were still interested). The other is (to be quite blunt) that women want to marry me. Over the decades I've had a few "secondary relationships" both when I was single and when married and the same for the women and it always ends up at that place where they want to leave their marriage or me to leave mine (or both) when the agreement at the outset is that the intent is strictly a "filling of need". Quite apart from the moral issues and guilt I just will never wander down that frustrating path again. I love my wife and we have a great relationship apart from her loss of libido...