This brings us to the famous "
Kinsey Scale" of orientation.
Which may be both helpful and a relief to those new to such desires.
But before I get to that and also related to it:
First, have to state where I'm at with being bi:
Have had a few what I call "bi-light" experiences. A couple started in my teens (I'm 62, never married and due certain life challenges, i.e. a form of disability, while my youth was precocious, most of my adult life has been rather monk-ish - but definitely NOT a-sexual - lol).
But here is the funny thing...
I did NOT even consider myself potentially bi until around age 49 or so. At all. Looking back part of this awakening attraction was a kind of projection - my fascination and love for my own cock and groin lit the fire to want to touch and have sex with another man.
And it started happening right in the middle of the first hetero relationship I had had in 11 years. Which really confused me. A lesbian friend set me straight (un-intended pun), and this where the Kinsey scale comes in.
THE KINSEY SCALE OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR ATTRACTION
Simple graph of it is this:
100% Hetero <-----------------------------------------------------------------> 100%Gay/Lesbian
She told me about it and put my confusion to rest as I looked into it.
And since I'm a male, I'll use that gender in this 'splanation, but it obviously applies to women also.
1. There are an infinite number of variations and gradiations between those two (in part artificial 100%) absolutes poles.
For example: She said that there are plenty of hetero men who have bi fantasies but who never get to or want to act them out. Or there are men -- like me -- who are not romantically attracted to men, who just want sensual play and companionship, but the experience of what same-gender sex offers.
2. Human sexuality is a fluid thing unique to each individual in terms of when urges or interest appear - subconsciously or consciously.
That is, even though I was attracted to slim kids my age - there was feminine projection or attraction of sorts, I never thought of myself and didn't pursue kids or young men. It just happened a couple of times as jacking off, letting myself being touched by an older guy (and feeling both good and repelled by it) that sort of thing. that's it. So it was all subconscious.
And that fluidity applies in terms when one starts to be conscious about it too - since subconscious tends to precede conscious awareness. As I said, it was only in the latter part of my life that the desire to see photos of cocks and male on male penetration, etc. started to awaken.
Point being:
There are no rules or shoulds about when or how our sexuality flows one way or the other, and that it can continue shifting over a life time or even a weekend. Each person's life story and life experiences are unique, no-one is a carbon copy of another.
So if you are someone who is new to such attractions, whatever your gender,
don't lock yourself down to some arbitrary "I am..." this or that.
Whatever it is in the moment, that is what it is. It can shift in intensity or direction the next, and/or be a progressive growing leaning and thirst for same-gender experience. The step back from it for a while, only to come back stronger or different later.
Put simply understanding the Kinsey Scale is one other version of what someone once called
The 11th Commandment:
"Thy should not should upon thyself."
____________
For full disclosure:
In terms of my own self-imposed or chosen limitations (one could call it a "should", but it's not) -- which have greatly reduced my opportunities, I don't deal with what I call cheating-on situations. Even though I have empathy for those in difficult marriages and relationships wherein they can't or don't feel safe to "come out".
Why that line in the sand?
Because many years ago, I made love to a married woman and I also have been cheated on. It really sucks and hurts.
And I also saw the sense of threat to that girlfriend I mentioned above when I brought up to her my budding attraction to male cocks and wanting to experiment (I may have already had one experience not long before meeting here - I don't remember). We had a very no-games, no lying, no bullshit relationship.
But with that kind of honesty comes the risk of someone getting hurt or feeling sidelined. This even though I didn't see it as an either/or thing - just another part of me.
Not long after that we split amicably, though not not for that specific reason.
This doesn't make me morally superior to others who do or behave otherwise. I go by live and let live. It's just that I can't deal with the guilt and sense of karma. My disability is a form anxiety disorder. So I need and want to feel happy, free, playful, and innocent when having sex.
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