Bi's pretending to be gay?

[Gearbox]

Well yet again I've had a perfectly good m-m hookup turn into a political/psychological rally.
Midway through a lovely frott&snog session the VERY important question came up, "So how long have you known you are gay?". I ignored the hook and gave a made up answer (He obviously read that I'm bi on the site).
"When did you start being actively gay?",....so like a proper dick I corrected that I've always been bi. "Bi's just tell themselves that because they are scared to be gay!". This from a bloke I was frotting and snogging?

I KNOW he meant well, he's a lovely bloke!. But it bothered me. It put me off. I didn't fuck him because I lost my erection thinking how needlessly insulting he was. I wasn't angry, nor did I dislike him (he was HOT), but I accepted him and it wasn't mutual. We both cum in the end when forced the issue out of my mind, which took some doing!

I know a few bi's who dodge that by stating they are gay on hookup sites. They confide in me that it's just easier that way.

So do you do that? Why do you? Why don't you? And would a sudden surge of bi-erasure bother you? Am I just being silly and need a spank over your knee?

[elian]

No I don't feel a "sudden surge of bi-erasure" (??) .. but I don't see any point in denying that I am attracted to both. That leads to some funny questions on dating sites sometimes but I'd rather they know, up front that I am interested in both - and if they can't deal with it then neither of us waste our time.

[Rhevan]

Interesting, there are times that we are made to feel it's easier to say gay than bisexual but I won't hide me. I am attracted to what I am attracted to and if they can't understand that, it's a problem for them, not me.

What I find more disturbing is the increasing number of bis attacking other bis as not really bisexual... really we have an entire freaking scale that shows we can be attracted more strongly to one gender or the other at any given time and it doesn't mean we are no longer bi, it's not an on and off switch we flip just because we have a partner of one gender at the moment.

Rhevan

[tenni]

Bisexual erasure or bisexual invisibility is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, the news media and other primary sources. In its most extreme form, bisexual erasure can include denying that bisexuality exists. Some see bi erasure as a manifestation of biphobia.

I don't tend to come across gay men who make such statements. The few gay men that I have come across like that have been the LGBT politicos who the odd time might make a bi erasure statement politically but they are far and few. The Bi Erasure practised by LGBT poliitcos is much more subtle. They will acknowledge bisexuality but not support it as having different needs than gays.(their own sexuality)

If this guy saw himself as gay and he knew that you were bisexual I would say that he is denying your bisexuality. According to the definition, it would be bi erasure but not in the same sense as Bi Invisibility in history, academia, news media though. It is on a personal level of one person either "forgetting" that you are bisexual or intentionally ignoring it. He may be thinking that any man who has sex with another man is gay? He may just be very self centred and egotistical? He may be showing a manifestation of biphobia? Then again he isn't that biphobic because he is having sex with you. Then again?... Oh, well. Don't hook up with him again or chat it out with him before hand. Gotta make Mr Pecker happy.

Those that are gay and a hook up, if it comes up and I tell them that I am bi don't seem to mind. I do not deny to a gay man that I am bisexual. In fact, I am more inclined to distinguish myself as not being gay but bisexual if there is a potential hook up or more on the table. I won't rub my biness in their face either by chatting about women sexually. I might say something about a woman but try to be respectful of their own feelings. I tend to stick with other bi guys and we know each other is bi. I have more in common with another bisexual man than I do with a gay man sexuality wise at least. We can talk about both women and men sexually without offending anyone present.

My personal gay friends have no problem with acknowledging bisexuality as a sexuality but I'm not having sex with them..at least now..may have in the past in a few cases . being Bonobo bisexual and all

I think that it is correct that some gay guys will not have hook ups with biguys though on gay sites like Gaydar. I've read ads on Gaydar that state NO bisexuals.(in caps..yep

[Gearbox]

No I don't feel a "sudden surge of bi-erasure" (??) .. but I don't see any point in denying that I am attracted to both. That leads to some funny questions on dating sites sometimes but I'd rather they know, up front that I am interested in both - and if they can't deal with it then neither of us waste our time.

That's what bothers me so much. Why bother hooking up with a bi if they think they are deluding themselves because bi's don't exist? I don't meet gays to tell them they are bi's in denial.lol
I do agree that if it was a dating thing we should be upfront about being bi though. It would actually matter in that situation.

@ Rhevan- Yes it's their problem, but some like to share it. If they don't believe in bi's, they shouldn't hookup with bi's. But some do, and tell you that. It's just so pointless and stupid.

I haven't hooked up with a bi who attacked me for being/not being bi. I couldn't care less if they were really bi or not. I couldn't know that anyway.
We have gay sex, and straight sex, and bi sex. None of those can define a sexuality. Even some gays have had straight and bi sex. So the partners we are with can't define our sexuality either. Thank God bi's don't need bi sex all the time to enjoy an orgasm. What a chore that is!lol

Thing is, nobody questions someone's homosexuality like they do with heterosexuality and bisexuality. Claim that on a hookup site or anywhere else and your hassle-free. It's as if homosexuality is viewed as something nobody would claim unless it was true. Which makes me wonder if it is viewed as something bad/wrong. Which it really isn't!

@Tenni- It's not a HUGE problem with gay hookups. Just enough to make me wonder if it's something many more gays think, but don't say. Most gays don't care (as far as I know) when it's just sex.
That one is a married (to a female who knows all about him) gay bloke. No judgements from me there!
BUT I get the impression that it's like ex-smokers who tend to be the strongest anti-smoking protesters. AS if HE quit being 'heterosexual' so everybody who likes same gender sex should quit, and not wean themselves off it with bisexuality.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ....if somebody asked me when I started begin actively gay, my answer would have been, " oh it depends, I think it was when I was not sleeping with ya mother and ya sister.... "....

some people I know, would insist that you were gay so they could say that they do not sleep with bi people..... and I just laugh at people like that, and then walk off.....
its almost a reversal of the bi people that say they are gay so they can get laid......

whatever the label a person uses, its their label, they can call themselves a " Ijerkoffintomyhandtheneatitsexual " for all I care......

one of my friends has the stance that if people are not good enuf to accept him for what he is, then people need to stop trying to get him in bed.... and he refers to himself as a freesexual ( free to be who he is without the restrictions of labels or restrictions ).... and there are times I have thought about referring to myself as the same....

[FinkDoodle]

Personally speaking, I get that political crap out of the way way before any potential hookup . . life's too short to deal with hypocrites. The gay crowd bitches at straight people because they're not open-minded enough to accept them, yet many of the gay crowd have no problem being just as close-minded about bi people.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Personally speaking, I get that political crap out of the way way before any potential hookup . . life's too short to deal with hypocrites. The gay crowd bitches at straight people because they're not open-minded enough to accept them, yet many of the gay crowd have no problem being just as close-minded about bi people.

Very true. You'd be surprised on how close minded gay folks can be. Now if I had a son or daughter who was gay, of course I would accept them, and I have gay friends. I understand the need to be taken seriously, and I believe that is the heart of what makes gay people angry. But at the same time can't help what I'm attracted to.

[Gearbox]

one of my friends has the stance that if people are not good enuf to accept him for what he is, then people need to stop trying to get him in bed.... and he refers to himself as a freesexual ( free to be who he is without the restrictions of labels or restrictions ).... and there are times I have thought about referring to myself as the same....

That's a pretty good idea. I might try that and see if I can avoid future awkward moments.lol

Personally speaking, I get that political crap out of the way way before any potential hookup . . life's too short to deal with hypocrites. The gay crowd bitches at straight people because they're not open-minded enough to accept them, yet many of the gay crowd have no problem being just as close-minded about bi people.

You'd think that stating your bi on the sites would sort all that out. But apparently not!
I think the problem is with the term 'gay sex'. Some think that ONLY gays can have 'gay sex' as if belongs to them. It's just sex!
I do feel as if SOME are not after acceptance, but dominance. Not ALL gays are like that! Just the militant ones. Most actually do accept people as they are and don't just demand it from others. I like to think so any way.

Very true. You'd be surprised on how close minded gay folks can be. Now if I had a son or daughter who was gay, of course I would accept them, and I have gay friends. I understand the need to be taken seriously, and I believe that is the heart of what makes gay people angry. But at the same time can't help what I'm attracted to.

You'd make a great mum. I have gay friends and I get more angry than them when they are treated as novelty items. One friend told me that a female friend of his kept referring to him as, "My little gay boy!", once and I could see how that made him feel. He wouldn't let me go see her, so HE got a lecture instead.
It's no wonder that some gays get angry when some don't treat them seriously as just people. Yes it's the same for bi's though, and we get it from all directions.

[Realist]

I've been exceedingly lucky. I've had three gay male lovers and never got any friction from any of them about being bisexual.

The one issue I did have with one, was jealousy........but anyone of any sexual persuasion can be jealous.

[Gearbox]

@Realist- I could understand if bisexuality was an issue in a relationship. Not on a hookup though.lol
Only time it has ANY significance is when a gay fuckbud and me have a half time cup of tea and we put porn on. It has to be gay porn for his sake. I obviously wouldn't force him to watch lesbians at it hammer & tongs.

@Drugstore- Did I mention that he's HOT! But yes you are right though, it wouldn't be a good idea to meet him again.
That is true about many gays, especially about segregation. But not all, thankfully. I think it's to do with the person regardless of their sexuality, and what they are led to believe about sexuality being binary.

[DiamondDog]

Yes Gearbox, you need a spanking OTK by me.

I don't lie about my bisexuality both on websites for bisexual and gay men, and when I meet people in person.

I have met some bisexual men and women who do lie and say that they're "gay" to gays and/or lesbians but then to straight people they tell the truth about how they are bisexual. I don't really understand it but I figure these are their own issues.

[NjbiGuy01]

I live a "straight" lifestyle, although my wife knows I played with men and couples before we were married. I play discreetly now, and find the biggest challenge seems to be people asking if I am "really bi". WTF that means, not sure...One couple I wrote with recently asked me, and I explained I suck, I fuck men and women, like to be fucked, not sure how you quantify what you are by a label, but it is frustrating that you have to explain it... or justify it.

[Gearbox]

Yes Gearbox, you need a spanking OTK by me.

For God's sake don't use that cock to do it, I'd be in A&E.
I decided not to fib, and just hope I don't get a lecture in mid stroke again. What a time to pick for a bit of bi-erasure! I may as well say "Oh your not realy gay! Your just scared of pussy!", next time.lol Maybe it's a kind of kinky sex?

@NjbiGuy01- it took a while for homosexuality to sink in. So maybe in a few milenia we won't need to explain anything again.

[NjbiGuy01]

Very true gearbox...I don't plan to "fake being gay" anytime soon. If I were to go to a gay club or a bar and try to meet a man, I would make my orientation as clear as possible.

[Gearbox]

Very true gearbox...I don't plan to "fake being gay" anytime soon. If I were to go to a gay club or a bar and try to meet a man, I would make my orientation as clear as possible.

I'd like to walk around with a hot babe on one arm and a hot bloke on the other too.

This is what confuses me, although it might confuse me BECAUSE I'm bi, or it might confuse me BECAUSE I'm sensible?lol :-
1 HETEROSEXUALITY- The ability to NOT want sex with the same gender no matter how gorgeouse he/she is.
2 HOMOSEXUALITY - The ability to NOT want sex with the oposite gender no matter how gorgeouse he/she is.
3 BISEXUALITY -The ability to WANT sex with either gender if he/she is gorgeouse.

WHY is No 3 so fekin hard to understand, and HOW comes 1&2 IS so understandible? There's something up with that!lol

[Annika L]

I'd like to walk around with a hot babe on one arm and a hot bloke on the other too.

This is what confuses me, although it might confuse me BECAUSE I'm bi, or it might confuse me BECAUSE I'm sensible?lol :-
1 HETEROSEXUALITY- The ability to NOT want sex with the same gender no matter how gorgeouse he/she is.
2 HOMOSEXUALITY - The ability to NOT want sex with the oposite gender no matter how gorgeouse he/she is.
3 BISEXUALITY -The ability to WANT sex with either gender if he/she is gorgeouse.

WHY is No 3 so fekin hard to understand, and HOW comes 1&2 IS so understandible? There's something up with that!lol

Geary, I LOVE these definitions!! And I agree...what the hell is so confusing??

[Gearbox]

Geary, I LOVE these definitions!! And I agree...what the hell is so confusing??

Yes exactly! It's like an episode of the Twilight Zone. This whole reality! An episode.

[darkeyes]

When I thought of meself as bisexual, never ever tried to pass meself off as lessie.. didn't often get turned down by lessies either if they wanted me body just cos I sed I wos bi.. even if they (some not all) did spend hours trying to tell me I wos 1a them really... funny thing wos even after me bisexuality had long since passed me by, and hadn't realised I had moved on, I still didnt call mesel lessie for a long long time.. in my case they were right.. but not methinks in every1's.. still an argy bargy I have wiv some lessies even now..

Just b who ya r.. better that than claiming ur not.. cos it will bite ur arse 1 way or t'other in end.. and if u do.. easier 2 live with urself.. a quick shag gained from a fib is all very well... but the shag passes and is forgotten.. who u are never does and never is...

[The Young Pretender]

Well yet again I've had a perfectly good m-m hookup turn into a political/psychological rally.
Midway through a lovely frott&snog session the VERY important question came up, "So how long have you known you are gay?". I ignored the hook and gave a made up answer (He obviously read that I'm bi on the site).
"When did you start being actively gay?",....so like a proper dick I corrected that I've always been bi. "Bi's just tell themselves that because they are scared to be gay!". This from a bloke I was frotting and snogging?

I KNOW he meant well, he's a lovely bloke!. But it bothered me. It put me off. I didn't fuck him because I lost my erection thinking how needlessly insulting he was. I wasn't angry, nor did I dislike him (he was HOT), but I accepted him and it wasn't mutual. We both cum in the end when forced the issue out of my mind, which took some doing!

I know a few bi's who dodge that by stating they are gay on hookup sites. They confide in me that it's just easier that way.

So do you do that? Why do you? Why don't you? And would a sudden surge of bi-erasure bother you? Am I just being silly and need a spank over your knee?

You really can pick the winners....I remember one of your more memorable posts had a similar complaint about a man who doubted your m4m credentials....while you "had my cock up his arse."

I've never felt the urge to pretend to be gay. I've had too many gays try and imagine/portray my life as a gay man. The implicit failure to accept my personal truth is offensive. However, I do end up passing for straight almost daily. It's no less offensive, but the convenience/social benefits are of great value.

[void()]

Not sure what hoolup sites are. If it is meant, hook up sites then, no. I don't even visit any hook up sites. Can not claim anything on sites one does not visit, now can one? I visit here. I'm bisexual. Here is welcoming of bisexuals, or was. My response in this thread is all the participation I feel inclined to offer, not voting.

[SlimDandy]

If that question is put to me in that manner, I always state, "I'm not gay or straight, I just like to make love to beautiful people"....

[Gearbox]

You really can pick the winners....I remember one of your more memorable posts had a similar complaint about a man who doubted your m4m credentials....while you "had my cock up his arse."

I've never felt the urge to pretend to be gay. I've had too many gays try and imagine/portray my life as a gay man. The implicit failure to accept my personal truth is offensive. However, I do end up passing for straight almost daily. It's no less offensive, but the convenience/social benefits are of great value.

I meet them on the daily. I was told that many gays fantasise about being fucked by hetero men, so that would explain it. But not explain the fantasy though. It just wouldn't workout IMO.lol
Yes it's offensive to be called hetero when you have your cock up a mans arse, but not the same as being called gay when you got it up a vagina (I imagine).LOL

If that question is put to me in that manner, I always state, "I'm not gay or straight, I just like to make love to beautiful people"....

I wish I thought of that. That's just all I realy needed to say!

[12voltman59]

Why in God's name would I say that I am gay, when I am bisexual and not gay, when I go to such a site to post up a profile??? If someone is gay and he has a problem that I am bi--I might as well let him know right up front I am such without reservation and he if has a problem with that ---he can kiss my ass!!!

[12voltman59]

To someone who bitched that the poll presenter put "hoolup sites"--you can be sure that was a typo he didn't catch and he meant "hookup sites"---just look at the locations of those two letters on the keyboard----I am sure that we have all posted up some pretty good typos--in the newspaper business---the big fear that all editors have---because it has happened that in a headline--no one catches a headline that reads something like "City To Improve Downtown Pubic Spaces"

I also don't have a problem that he or others also have "memberships" at such "hookup sites"--I have no problem admitting that I have memberships at such sites myself and have actually met some nice guys and ladies at such sites, depending on whether they were male gay/bi or male/female bi and/or straight ones.

[*pan*]

well gearbox i think your hot and the guy was being rude to say the least, but this is what i would have told him, and by the way i would love to spank, lol

well all i got to say is if you think i am gay claiming to be bi, what will you say when you see me in a site for straight people trying to pick up woman, i guess you'll be all confused as the what's happening and maybe try to figure out why a gay guy would want to be in site looking for woman, lol being bi is like being gay and straight, best of both worlds to us bisexuals. most hetrosexuals will never understand what it's like to make love to the same sex same as gays can't understand how one can have sex with opposite sex, maybe it's not in them.

people who can only love one sex can't understand how some can love both sexes it's just too much for them to take in i guess, so relax take a chill pill and don't even try to figure it out, you are not me and i am not you. lol

[FunE1]

Sorry I missed this when it was first posted.

I do not ever claim to be gay on any hookup sites (gay or straight). On only 1 site do I simply not mention my sexuality, mostly because bisexuality is not a choice on their "preferences" list.

It would bother me if somebody kept asking me about being gay when I had been very clear that I wasn't.

[thomas_78633]

I really think I am bi-sexual. Love to make love to women. But I love sex with a man or men. If a man is clothed, I am not interested, but naked, I want to have sex with him. But with women, I love them clothed or unclothed. So what does that make me?