Biguys Married to Straight Women: Love Women, lust for cock

[tenni]

There was a previous thread that was trying to deal with this issue but it became polluted.

The OP questioned whether disclosing to your straight partner is the wisest approach when faced with the reality that not all straight spouses /partners will accept bisexuality.

The point of this thread is that it is for those who decide not to disclose to their straight wives and have considered it the best approach.

The point of this thread is about the segment of bisexual men who have emotional attachment to women but only physical attraction to men.

If you are such a bisexual man and have something to say about how to deal with your situation, please post it. If not, would you be polite and remain silent.

Let these bisexuals speak without being judged by others not in their situation.

Remember to meet the criteria before responding:
-married bisexual man (or use to be a married biguy)
-did not tell your straight wife before marriage
-have only emotional attachment to women
-a physical attraction to the male body but no emotional attraction to men

[biguyswphx]

I am a bisexual 43 MWM in Phoenix, AZ. I masturbate to gay porn on a daily basis, fantasy about sex with a man (and my wife at the same time) while having sex with my wife, yet have no desire to have an emotional relationship with a man.

I regret my decision to not disclose my sexual preferences to my wife when we first got together. I'm not sure she would have married me. She got pregnant right away and I thought I was doing the noble thing by marrying her before she had the baby.

I now have a young daughter. My marriage is good but I still want to play with another mans unit.

Surely there are others out there in the same predicament.

There was a previous thread that was trying to deal with this issue but it became polluted.

The OP questioned whether disclosing to your straight partner is the wisest approach when faced with the reality that not all straight spouses /partners will accept bisexuality.

The point of this thread is that it is for those who decide not to disclose to their straight wives and have considered it the best approach.

The point of this thread is about the segment of bisexual men who have emotional attachment to women but only physical attraction to men.

If you are such a bisexual man and have something to say about how to deal with your situation, please post it. If not, would you be polite and remain silent.

Let these bisexuals speak without being judged by others not in their situation.

Remember to meet the criteria before responding:
-married bisexual man (or use to be a married biguy)
-did not tell your straight wife before marriage
-have only emotional attachment to women
-a physical attraction to the male body but no emotional attraction to men

[lovebimarriedman]

Me too ... I am married with children ... i should have told my wife before marriage that I was bisexual. I am craving for cock so badly .... it's hard to find the one who can be trusted

[happygolucky40]

I did not disclose to my wife prior to marriage because I didn't even think about being with another man. She would stimulate me anally prior to us getting married and it quickly became integrated into our intimate life. I soon found myself watching bi-porn because of the excitement of male anal penetration. I moved onto gay porn a few years later and now I have a hard time deciding which type of porn I want to masturbate to. I have never had or want to have an emotional relationship with a man. It's purely a physical need and desire. I know this to be true because of the fact that once I orgasm I often find myself disinterested. So yeah no "cuddling" or "spooning" for me after a raw sex session. I have very strong feelings towards my wife and the concept of soft touching, caressing and holding hands will forever be with a woman.

I came out to my wife after sharing an intimate moment with her by saying that I have always wondered how it would feel to have another man inside me instead of a vibrator. I figured it was the safest approach to a very sensitive subject. Fortunately for me, she was very understanding. As time passed we discussed other aspects of MM interaction. While she was completely understanding of MM penetration she was a little taken back by the fact that I was interested in Oral play. She's an amazing woman and she's been very supportive of me. She's even said that with the right person she would consider playing too. In the meantime she asks me how things are going and if I've had any success finding the right person.

[darkeyes]

Dontcha think ya criteria for potential respondents is lil narrow? Ther surely is the full scope a bisexuality mong men ya shud b addressin.. lotsa marrieds r much more complex than u givin em credit for.. jus me lil tupenny worth...

.. not gonna comment hun as such..least not yet.. but if sum daft bugga sez summat so obviously outa order... then doubt yad b able 2 keep not jus me outa this thread...

[mikey3000]

Now this is where I'm a little different than your average straight guy. I am a married bi guy married to a straight (ish) woman, and I do have emotional attachments to women, but I also have a need for that enotonal attachment to men too. For me it's the contract between men's and woman's emotional aspects that attract me the most, for each gives and recieves affection in very different ways. And I give/receive affection differently to/from each one too. Weird, I know, but that the best wat to explain it for me.

[spring59]

Tenni- thanks for summing up perfectly how I feel- I definitely fit all of your categories. Over the years I have become more physically attracted to men, but I have never wanted to share any of that with my spouse. These days I am very comfortable with my bisexuality but am still figuring out how far to act on it, and how to deal with it with my wife and family. I hope that others will share their thoughts and ideas- it's one of the many great things about this site.

[Lunatic1966]

Like so many of you I too am in the same boat. I have the emotional need to be with women(my wife) however crave the raw passion of being with a guy. I have had one same sex affair with a very close friend once and have not repeated that since. (he has moved away). I too surf gay porn daily and rub one or two out a day. if she ever found out about how I felt I think she would pull the cord on the marriage thing.
I have mentioned on occasion about having a guy join us in the bedroom when my wife is playing with my ass and she brushes it off and I never brought the point further than that.
So for these reasons I will keep quiet until things change one way or the other.

[wildwestgoob]

Lunatic, the apparent theme running rampant around here (not my own) is that you should just shut your mouth, and go yank a load to vids on the net.
(of course SOME would say that too is "cheating" so don't tell anyone if you DO go find solace on the net.)

I am beginning to understand and LIKE the military's stance more and more.

Don't ask, Don't tell.

The point is, most of us married closeted bi guys are not "afraid" of our wives, as stated by some ignorant poster on another thread, we are more than likely afraid of losing them, (and or your family, job, etc) by coming out.

How many of us guys are willing to throw the dice and HOPE... against all hope, that your wife will be the one in a million that will be accepting, even if not at first, but gradually accepting (I would settle for getting slapped around for a few days if she eventually accepted me for who I really am and didn't leave me in the end) and willing to let you act on those bi genes in some way with or without her being present???

That's just not a risk most of us are willing to take.

Having that said; I saw ONE POST that impressed me somewhat at the man's ingenuity.... (taking my hat off to you sir! )

The guy said that his wife had thus far been willing to anally stimulate him during their sexual playtimes, and had even gotten into using a strap-on on him.... During the throws of one of their playtime activities, apparently whilst impaled upon her strap-on, he mentioned that he wondered what it would be like to actually have a real guy in there...

Wow!

Great ice-breaker !
Non-committal, non-specific, easy enough exit strategy.... Dude, and forgive me for not remembering your name at the moment, but dude, you deserve a frickin gold star for that if it worked !


If I could just get my wife talked into ANY playtoys AT ALL, that would be a great way to breach the subject.

[Guitarz133]

Another one here..... I love my wife, but crave cock. But, I DON'T crave it enough to risk my family......

I am ok with the internet. Finding a Mr. "I am on the same boat" who is trustworthy doesn't seem easy or realistic.

[dmano]

Another one here too....
It's difficult to find another dude who's in the same boat whom I can trust.

[cutterjo]

Thanks Tenni. I hope this thread continues. It seems there are a lot of us 'in the same boat' here. Too bad our 'boats' seem to be scattered all over the world.

[HappyHedonic]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.

[bikiniman]

I have been married for 15+ years and did not realise I was bi-sexual until very recently (2 years ago). I love my wife and I am emotionally attracted to women. Whilst I am sexually/physically attracted to my wife I also lust for cock. I sometimes find myself lying in bed next to my gorgeous wife dreaming of sucking another mans cock.

Whilst I have not confessed to being Bi-sexual (this is label that means different things to different people and would probably scare my wife) I have told her that I am turned on by photos of cock, have sexual fantasies about men and masturbate to Gay porn. Whilst I would not describe my wife as happy or supportive of these activities she still loves me from which I construe a level of acceptance. However this level of acceptance does not extend to having sex with another man.

My point is that it is not all or nothing, you can choose to share some information about your sexual preferences/orientation without necessarily coming out and saying "I'm bisexual" . You don't have to tell her everything but sharing something of your bi-side with her could be beneficial. Rather than asking her to accept "bisexuality" you asking her to accept you for who you are.

[RobUK]

Please excuse me posting here - I DO NOT FIT TANNI'S 'CRITERIA'
(but then I agree somewhat with Darkeyes - Tanni does not own this site)

I'm 26 now, and not married. But I am reading this thread and it's like reading the future.

I hope to get married (to a woman) - I rarely have ANY emotional attachment to a guy (certainly not on the same scale as I do with women I'm involved with). However, I have put my Kinsey rating as 4 (equally straight and gay) and I stand by that. It's hard to explain, it's not that I desire being with a dude (sexually) any more/less than with a girl, but I can't imagine having/wanting a long-term relationship with a guy, other than a JO buddy or a friend-with-benefits type of relationship.

I'm not sure if I'm making much sense here - it's really hard to put into words, and I don't want to sound like a jerk, either.

PLEASE DON'T DELETE THIS!

[parker123]

I sympathize with most of the married bi-guys who have posted. I can offer another approach the problem by using my gf as an example. We are not married, no interest in doing so, but are very close to each other emotionally. I told her at the beginning of our relationship that I had played with other guys, enjoyed it occasionally with the "right" guy, but had no one now. She had no objection, in fact, she thought about the idea of me sucking another guy off, and decided she might like to watch. She enjoyed sucking me off so much that the idea eroused her to watch me with a man. We have a great sex life but now she occasionally looks online for a biguy to play with both of us. I give her the choice so she can get somebody she can play with too. Sounds silly, but it is difficult to find a truly biguy who enjoys both m and f. My gf now will use a dildo to bring herself off while watching me play with a good partner with a clean, shaved, cut cock. She often joins in to share the cock. You might consider honesty upfront as the best approach.

[love269]

Like a broken record but I'm another one of those married guys who is madly in love with my wife, but still have the desire on occasion to feel and suck a hard cock. Since my wife is from the Bible Belt, any M2M sexual play would be deemed as an express ticket to hell. I have been able to introduce another man into the equation as one of our fantasies when I make love to her. But that's where it will remain - in the fantasy. She doesn't realize the fantasy of me licking her while she's being taken from behind turns me on too. The thought of licking her and a hard cock at the same time would be the best of both worlds! Then tasting our fantasy lover's load would be the icing on the cake!

[MrDeville]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.

Sounds like you and I are married to the same type of woman. My wife and I have been married for almost 25 yrs and the only time sex gets initiated is if I initiate and she HAS to be in the mood to want to do it. Most of the time, my initiations get met with rejection. It's funny you should mention the "once ever 4 months" time frame because that is about how often my wife and I do fuck. One difference is that, for us, it's her-on-top-me-on-bottom-hurry-up-and-finish and then she races off to the bathtub to clean up. God, what I wouldn't give for a nice lengthy fuck session with my wife. Our marriage is so damn Vanilla, I can't believe it.

[wildwestgoob]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.

Sounds all too familiar....

[Bibearcub]

I wasn't ever going to tell me wife, but I got scared of the idea of being an old man who was married and lying to his wife for decades on end. I was terrified that I'd cheat and she'd leave me.

Tonight I told her that I want to have sex w/ men.

I'm nowhere near getting a free pass to suck cock, but this is the first time I've been on a bi/gay site and not felt a little guilty/worried, and I'm optimistic for our future.

The only way it could have gone better was if she had a hung stud for me waiting in the driveway.

[fortiesbifun]

my spin is that i dont want to cheat on my wife with another woman. she is great in bed when we do have a chance to have sex. once a week is now a huge bonus. my fantasy has always been to try oral, jo, mutual masturbation etc - no anal. i have brought to wifes attention a few times but hasnt gone anywhere. finding someone to even explore has been a challenge.

[belect]

To begin with I am not married but am living with a woman. I was up front with my bisexuality. At first she was disgusted by it and also the fact of the idea I have had sex with men and been in bisexual play with couples before we met. However she seems to have accepted me anyway and loves me despite my past encounters. I have feelings for her. I still would like to enjoy the occasional sessions with guys. She however being somewhat religous and old fashioned although she is 11 years younger. She would not want to explore sex in the realm of swiniging. We ourselves since moving in together have sex not quite so often as we used to. I have mentioned to her about using toys on me but nothing has come of it yet. On rare occasions I do get a chance to be with a guy for sex only. I just don't mention it. She does say on occasion that I should go out by myself now and then. Lol. Cheating? Yes I guess it is. I prefer to think of it in terms of supplementingwith what I don't get at home.

[JayGreen99]

I'm in pretty much a similar boat to many of you. Happily married to a woman ho turns me on constantly (I can't seem to pass up the chance to watch her shower or change clothes), but have always fantasized about sex with a guy. My main fantasies involve her and another guy, with her directing me, teaching me about how to please him.

The thought of seeing her suck on a cock, and then offer it to me gets me off every time. Unfortunately she's made her feelings about male on male sex quite clear. So, it will have to remain a fantasy until she changes her mind.

[roger8depussy]

Fuck it I am not getting married..I will be the third you folks ae looking for as I have been the last 25 years.....lol(bi the way my girl friends never bought my being bi guess I need to date more).

[hardcowboy41]

hahahahaha,,, dont blame you a bit

[bi4asplay]

I have trouble with the not being honest with one you are with.I guess that I am lucky in that my late wife started me on the bi road. There have been a couple of ladies that I could have made a life with if they could have been Ok with my being Bi.. Here I am also lucky that we did not wed. For I would have had to fantasize from now on and not been truely happy in out union.As I will not cheat.Besides I would always be in fear of being caught and lose every thing. One of those ladies and I are still very good friends.She respects me for being honest and up front.

[gatwat]

I am married, but have a sexual interest in males (or bi couples.) My wife doesn't know, and wouldn't understand, my need to play with cock on occasion. For me it is just sex to fill in a void, and it has no emotional content as is the case with my wife. It surprises me that there are those who raise some kind of far-fetched moralistic element to this. I just had one encounter with someone here who practically flipped-out when I said I was married. I thought those who are bi-sexual would be more sophisticated and have a deeper understanding of the range of sexuality. It makes me wonder how many feel the same as I do versus the bible thumpers.

[JerseyJay]

I did tell my wife and she was very open to watch to see if it would turn her on. She set up a meeting with a guy I was with before her and she sat in a chair with a grin on her face as she made us undress and jerk each other off first. She said thats so cute and then made us suck each for her. We met several times and then she wanted to watch us fuck each other. She said that was the most turned on she ever got. We eventually met a guy she really liked and she would join in and let him fuck her after she watched. Unfortunately she now is in her menapause and not into anything but we had some great times and I hope we get to do them again.

[swmnkdinthervr]

I am also "out" to my wife, I was upfront when I met her about my interest in both the "lifestyle" and bi play. Women are by far more attractive to me but I have a fascination with cock, it's not that I don't find guys attractive/unattractive....it's just not the first thing I think about. I would say I'm more attracted to pleasure and am fortunate enough to have a wife that is understanding, supportive and joins me for fun!

[Pendulum]

To Tenni...Thank you for posting this thread.
After reading some of the posting's of other bi,married men I feel less alien and more a part of a community of like minded,same situation brothers. I myself did not disclose my bisexuality to my wife when we first met and definitely not before we got married...frankly,I thought it was a phase I was goung through and that marriage would "cure" me...yea,riiiiiight.

At this point she is aware of my being bi but not that I have had sex with men. Though she is ok if I make friends with bisexual men or chat with them. I both love and LIKE my wife as she is both wife and best friend. Sex with guy's was intense and enjoyable but no emotional attachment..at least not from them. For me,yes,I believe I can have that kind of feeling's for a guy...but like quite a few on here..it is FINDING that one guy who can be willing to return that attachment. Some may have found that and good for them..I mean that. Others continue on their search and keep hope alive..no matter how frustrating.

I would think being in the same boat shouldn't stop any of us from reaching out to each other with support and understanding...it's not ALWAYS about sex with some of us

Paz y Amor