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  1. #1

    are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I work in a gay run bar in the uk.

    The gays that frequent there are very judgemental of all heteros....but I feel they are uncomfortable with me as I have not informed them that I am bisexual...would they change their views,are or all gays just queens who are jealous, or accept me more if I came out.

    My wife says they look at me funny as they cant work me out...anyone else been in same situation?

  2. #2

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I used to work as a barman / door man at a lgbt bar......and yes I am bisexual

    I kept my personal life out of my work but it was known that I was bisexual..... many of them accepted it, some of them didn't and the stupid ones tried to argue about bisexuality......

    I used to state that I was the type of person that gave a shit about the people there and I would remember their names in the morning.... but I was not interested in casual hook ups with any of them....

    it worked but mainly cos I treated them all equally.... I did not have the gays v's the lesbians v's the bis attitude..... I treated them all with respect and a smile...... and a swift kick up the ass when rules were broken...

    the one thing I really noticed, was there was no hetero phobia..... there was a underlying issue with heteros that were assholes and obnoxious, but for the most part, the lgbt had the attitude that we all needed to get along with each other if we were to share the same word......
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  3. #3

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I think most people will respond in kind when they're treated with respect. There are factions who will argue with a brick, however. Some get obnoxious with their dogma, too. I've had two gay lovers; one was OK with my being bi and they other one thought I was sorely confused. I figured it was his problem, not mine.

  4. #4

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Realist View Post
    I figured it was his problem, not mine.
    I've met gay men and lesbians in gay bars & when I've told them that I was Bi, they just kinda gave me this little sneer, and almost looking down their nose at me would say "oh". Like I offended them. Get over it .Want to go to bed with me...I'll give you the ride of your life !

  5. #5

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by csreef View Post
    I've met gay men and lesbians in gay bars & when I've told them that I was Bi, they just kinda gave me this little sneer, and almost looking down their nose at me would say "oh". Like I offended them. Get over it .Want to go to bed with me...I'll give you the ride of your life !
    Of course there are gay's who think bi's are just confused and/or absolute sluts.. and they look down their snitches at bi's as if they were summat nasty they had picked up on their shoe.. and there are quite a few like like make no mistake.. but most are as accepting of of bisexuals for what they are as they are of str8 or gay's.. and you have a point about going to bed with you in one sense.. just as str8 men want to bed with a gay woman and show her how wonderful a real man is and wants to turn us back to the light, lots of gay men in particular want to take a bisexual man to bed to confirm that they are not bi at all.. and to clear up the confusion.. there are gay women like that but in my experience they are much less dogmatic about bisexuality than gay men..

    .. I can't say I've too often had gay guys question my sexuality in the days when I considered myself bisexual.. but occasionally gay women did.. and got earache for their trouble.. any who does that with my partner still does.. any who tells any of us whatever our sexuality that we are confused and don't know our own minds, are arrogant in the extreme.. the last that tried it on with Kate was answered with a forceful "I know you.. you are kid-on dyke.. anyone who is so doctrinal about how someone else is, obviously isn't secure enough in her own sexuality to judge.. its not her (Kate) thats confused.... I suggest you go away and ponder just what you are.. and its not dyke... now.. **** off".

    Realist says we should treat peeps with respect... I agree.. but not when peeps are in our faces hectoring us about what we are or are not are... there are times when the odd wee swearie gets the message through that they have outstayed their welcome in our space...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  6. #6

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    We are both bisexuals and 99% of our friends are either gay or lesbian. We frequent a gay lounge here in town and are totally accepted. I think one thing that makes a major difference in us being accepted is that we do volunteer work for the local gay pride establishment. Most everyone we come in contact with treats us like part of the family. There are always a few who see a male/female couple as outsiders but they are quickly and quietly put in their place by others. You can't expect to get back more than you invest. As a bisexual you need to prove yourself in the GLBT community if you ever want to be accepted as a part of it. It isn't a part time thing, you need to live it or leave it.

  7. #7

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Of course I'm going to respond to this. I have met many gays and lesbians to which bisexuality is just another aspect of human sexuality. I recall being shocked at the intolerance and descrimination I experienced within the gay and lesbian community regarding bisexuality. I put the latter in that large group of people who have a self-centered view of the world and the perpensity to discriminate, whatever that discrimination might be, is not a unique trait.
    (Please note: where I say lesbians or gays, I mean not to paint all with the same brush, I'm simply referring to the lesbians and gays who engage in discrimantory behaviour.
    Quote Originally Posted by bigbadmax View Post
    would they change their views,are or all gays just queens who are jealous, or accept me more if I came out.
    So, to answer this one point; no, not all gays or lesbians are...whatever you wish to put here. We are all people and therefore individuals capable of independent thought. Although, sometimes in groups, individual thought is abandoned for sake of saving face.
    I've observed bisexual women receive angry retorts after declaring their sexuality to lesbians. The reaction has been immediate and without any prior argument. I get the distinct feeling that nerves are struck and the reactions are defensive. With gays, I've found the anger mounts after I've tried to counter their original dismissal. I have also noted that gays, unsolicited, tend to be opinionated about other peoples' sexuality. That dogmatism Darkeyes referred to. I've never had that experience with lesbians, but that could be due merely to opportunity as I am much more often in the company of gays than lesbians. To be clear, I am bisexual. Not gay, not straight. Have known since always and have always been just fine with it. (The fluidity part got me going at times and was the only thing I ever felt any confusion about). I live in a town of ~100 000 people (well most of them are people). We have a strong lgb... community. What surprised me the most was discrimination from people who are part of a community that historically and currently has to deal with an onslaught of discrimination and directed hate. One would think that would garner understanding and not only tollerance but acceptance of sexualities other than the "norm". (What is normal)? I have had conversations with gays and lesbians who accept bisexuality as part of the rainbow too. I have friends in a three-way gay triple. They live together and are really just like a couple in all but number. They tell me that they are at the receiving end of discrimination in the lgb...community as well.
    I think that the animated responses one gets from gays and lesbians are responses to a perceived threat. Lesbians and gays, though discriminated against by ignorant people everywhere are part of a distinct, identifiable group whose status is static and clearly known by all of society. (Mono-sexuality). I'm not sure what the inner process that one goes through when growing up and realising their own personal sexuality looks like for straight, lesbian or gay. That is an experience outside of my perspective. But, I suspect much of the process involves (at least for some) internal conflict due to societal pressures, until self-acceptance, aliances, support and community are found. Having found community and support, I believe, many gays and lesbians experience relief, self vindication and self-value. Bisexuality and its fluid nature counters the solid non-shifting monosexuality that is gay or lesbian. (And there lies an interesting alliance or commonality between straight, and gay or lesbian). There may also be some internal doubts arising from thoughts regarding opposite sex arousal as well. In short, bisexuality threatens that sexual foundation that is so often hard come by. I've heard many gays and lesbians talk about sexuality not being a choice yet am told by the same people I have not yet made my choice or that I am choosing to be bisexual and am not accepting that I am gay. Bisexuality is not a choice. I also think that being bisexual reflects an openess of thought and perspective, a sense of adventure and complexity that mono-sexuality necessarily does not. Because the right to one's own sexuality has been so successful for gays and lesbians, (the battles are not over for any discriminated group), there is a strong sense of community for lesbians and gays. I believe that some wear the badge of gay or lesbian like a badge of honour. An exclusive group that has become so popular there are fridge magnets that declare "I was gay before it was popular". I think that gives some that sense of power that allows them to believe they somehow have such knowledge and understanding that they can think for others by making statements such as, "bisexuality does not exist", or "being bisexual just means that one is in the weigh station on the way to being gay".
    The OP states that the gays in his bar descriminate against heterosexuals. I think that is a way of bolstering their own belonging within their own group. Lots of the gays here talk about breeders this and breeders that. I find it disgusting and wonder if they ever get to the point of realization that they too and all in their comminuty, are products of such breeding.
    To those that choose to tell me I'm gay but not yet there, I say, "call it what you want, it's all semantics to me. I like pussy and I like cock and the people attached are great too."
    I could go on...
    Pay attention darlin'; life doesn't have a pause button.

  8. #8

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    This issue has been debated for many years now and I dont think it will be resolved anytime soon. Some gays look down on us Bi's, but others dont. Many think that we are "Middle ground" or "Fence sitting" and all have their little opinions on it. I say we just be Us and let the rest of the worlds populous wonder about it...lol
    Cat, bad attitude...lol
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  9. #9

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I've often thought of this exact topic. and when I went to my first gay bar I was terrified at first. I had pictures running in my head of everyone stareing at me then getting torches and pitch forks and screaming "DECIDE, DECIDE, MAKE HER DECIDE WHICH SIDE SHE'S ON!"

    Of coarse this didn't happen and I wasn't so afraid after I talked to a passing waitress and she said even hetero couples are welcomed there.

    But still I think quite a few bi's have had these thoughts ad it has to stop. When my friends mother told me she thought I was a closeted lesbian despite the fact I had a boyfriend the coversation went like this...

    Me: I am attracted to hot guys and cock, theres nothing like seeing hot muscley ripped guys at the beach or takeing a shower with water cascading down hard abs and even harder....

    her: ok ok so your straight.

    Me: but how can I be straight if I also get aroused by the sight of a beautiful soft curvasious(sp?) bikini body. soft breasts and supple squeezable ass straining against the material. and wishing to hold and kiss every soft inch of her especially the inch between...

    she stopped me there as she grugingly accepted my explaination that you can like both at the same time.

  10. #10

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by BiCycler View Post
    To those that choose to tell me I'm gay but not yet there, I say, "call it what you want, it's all semantics to me. I like pussy and I like cock and the people attached are great too."
    I could go on...
    I think the thrust of your post is excellent and accept the gist of it.. I just want to remark about this one point though.. I have never ever thought of myself as straight.. I never envisaged myself, even as a small girl, settling down with a guy, or a girl for that matter forever, and sticking to it monogamously.. I always knew I wanted the broadest experience possible.. I knew what I liked and was going to have it..there are those who admire that as single minded and determined and those who think of it as the product of a spoiled upbringing.. some just the behaviour of a slut.... it is probably a bit of the first two, but I've never accepted the notion of slut even if I do call myself tart.. and God knows what else besides.. genes, nature who knows for sure.. but I quickly grew to know that I was bisexual.. and lived my life as a particularly promiscuous one.. apart from a few years married.. huge mistake.. I lived that life and loved it.. throughout that time I have heard of gay guys having contempt for and unnaccepting of bisexuality, and to a lesser extent had gay girls tell me I'm a closet dyke.. after my husband and I split, I revived my bisexual life.. but it never was a bisexual life.. it was a de facto lesbian life.. I slowly began to realise I was moving closer and closer to being a lesbian.. there was a residual attraction to guys but very rarely did one ever feature in my romantic thoughts, deeds or fantasies (JD notwithstanding)!!!

    So I do accept, that for some of us, our sexuality is never still.. it varies.. for some it is in a permanent state of flux.. for me however it has been an inevitable onward march toward become what I consider myself today.. a lesbian.. I was NOT always a lesbian.. I was a bona fide bisexual woman and girl and had a whale of a time with both sexes.. sometime during my marriage or maybe because of it, I think I missed something.. I missed the day to day living of what I was as I lived a lie, and at sometime during that marriage I had switched from being bisexual to being a lesbian, but just didn't know it.. sex with my husband wasnt exciting and became less so, to the extent that in the end I wasn't interested at all and the pressure of missing making love with those of my own sex and my ever increasing need for such a relationship, becoming lesbian just passed me by.. for several years as those who were about on .com can verify I never called myself lesbian because I never thought of myself as such.. I think some knew it before me both in my life in the real world, and those on site with whom I had grown quite close..I suppose those years were also in their own way living a lie. I think Allbi sussed me out first bless his little cotton socks.. but others werent far behind but were much too polite to say..

    None of this means I don't accept bisexuality .. or that bisexuality is a stage in becoming homosexual.. I do not accept that for one minute.. we are all of us different human beings and our lives pan out differently.. for some sexuality is in a perpetual state of fluidity.. for others, like me it will be that march to becoming gay.. for some it may even result in a return to being straight.. I don't dismiss that as a possibility either.. many do return to a straight life.. not all will be straight but some may actually be... some will never be anything else but straight...

    My partner for the most part gets the hots for men, and I believe deep down she wishes she were straight.. though some days there is no doubt her interest is not in men at all... hers is in that constant state of fluidity.. I just seem to have been that cute lil bad penny she can't resist, and we can't help with whom we fall in love can we???? So we live happily together in a lesbian relationship... no outside naughties with either sex.. we are not both lesbian, but we live as lesbian, but never for a minute will I ever kid myself that she is a closet lesbian.. for I know that not to be the case... she is bisexual, and I'm pretty sure will always remain so..
    Last edited by darkeyes; Aug 11, 2010 at 6:57 PM.
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  11. #11

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I found that generally lesbians were okay with me being bi.
    Naturally, the ideological extreme fringe wouldn't have a bar of anyone who professed to be bi, but they are such a small minority, and personally I had nothing to do with that fringe.

    However, the term "Bi-curious," tends to be anathema to most committed lesbians.
    It really just suggests someone who is just playing games.

    I would say its the Bi-curious who are barely tolerated, rather than genuine, self-assured bisexuals.

  12. #12

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by innaminka View Post
    I found that generally lesbians were okay with me being bi.
    Naturally, the ideological extreme fringe wouldn't have a bar of anyone who professed to be bi, but they are such a small minority, and personally I had nothing to do with that fringe.

    However, the term "Bi-curious," tends to be anathema to most committed lesbians.
    It really just suggests someone who is just playing games.

    I would say its the Bi-curious who are barely tolerated, rather than genuine, self-assured bisexuals.
    Never seen why people freak about peeps who say they are bi curious.. usually means thay don have closed minds.. and in bad ole days wosn unknown for me 2 dally.. sure some r jus playin games.. not 1st time I've been left gaspin wen 1 went off 2 loo ne'er 2 b seen again.. but thats happened with both bisexual and lesbians.. 1ce even happened with a guy who nipped off 2 place a bet at the bookies an fucked off 2 God knows wer.... but not all r playin games.. sum r actually what they say they are and whether suppressed or just interested, lotsa bi curious have become bi an even openly bi and even horror of horrors.. gay.. they havta start sumwer in sumway just like the rest of us..
    Last edited by darkeyes; Aug 12, 2010 at 8:26 AM.
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  13. #13

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    In my experience, gays as a group are the most judgmental, self righteous, indignant bunch of people I've ever met. And they get pissed when they are not granted tolerance.

    Irony.

    Pasa

  14. #14

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    In my experience, gays as a group are the most judgmental, self righteous, indignant bunch of people I've ever met. And they get pissed when they are not granted tolerance.

    Irony.

    Pasa
    Bit like sayin' all 'mericans r jingoistic, flag wavin',war mongerin', self righteous arrogant arseholes, Pasa.. most aren't.. but on otha hand.. lots r is this not so?

    ..an wy shudn they get p***ed when they r not tolerated? Not 2 many peeps wud b othawise.. daft statement 2 make.. buggered if I will tolerate not bein granted tolerance...wiv the attitude u show sumtimes am not that suprised ur experience is as it is...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  15. #15

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    100%ters bore me they are so predictable for the most part everyone knows our diversity makes us better lovers ....plus aint got time for them folks anyhow go lions!

  16. #16

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I have always liked girls and guys. When I first started going out to the gay bars the guys were the ones who hit on me. I accepted quite a few of them and had a wonderful time. I was in my twenties then, and all the women who hit on me looked like my moms age. I have not been with a woman fully but know that I am indeed bi-sexual. What I am going for here is I ended up friends with a lot of the performers at the bars. For the most part they were accepting and great friends! One young 'lady' was quite rude about me, and anyone she saw as hetero in the bar. She treated us as badly as she claimed she was treated by heteros. I always treat all my friends as equals, with respect and the love I feel for them. I am treated the same. SO, as long as you treat them the way you would like them to treat you, I see no reason for them to be rude to you. BTW, my husband has now learned that entering the queens world is not an open armed enviornment either. He is a cross dresser, and BOY the nasty looks he got the first few times he went out to the bars! He has made friends with quite a few of them now, so its all good.
    You know, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender - people are people.
    Judith Light
    I Never Let The Actions Of Another Person B R E A K Me& I Never Let A Single Person S H A K E Me Because Honestly; I Don't Give A Fuck Who Hates Me

  17. #17

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Billys_gurl View Post
    I always treat all my friends as equals, with respect and the love I feel for them. I am treated the same. SO, as long as you treat them the way you would like them to treat you, I see no reason for them to be rude to you.
    Were life only so simple... I see no reason for people to be rude to you either.. but alas.. there is always some bam who will have the manners and manner of the arsehole...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  18. #18

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Most of the gays I have been around feel bi's are selfish... any port in the storm. What's funny is the gays are more prejudiced against us than the straights. my thinking is dick or pussy, I am out to have a good time

  19. #19

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    My view is that a lot of gay guys (myself included till recently) think that BI sexual guys are really gay "underneath it all" - so just pretend to like women as well.

    This is not being despised - just an opinion people hold

  20. #20

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by drwilsontx View Post
    Most of the gays I have been around feel bi's are selfish... any port in the storm. What's funny is the gays are more prejudiced against us than the straights. my thinking is dick or pussy, I am out to have a good time
    Trubble wiv sum gays.. wudn say most, is that sumhow they don undastand if peeps shag peeps of both sexes they do it cos they like it.. now wot me wondas dus that make peeps who shag peeps of both sexes??

    Me don fancy shaggin guys in least.. seen the day but nope not ne longa.. so wot dus that make me??

    So maybe a lil usin of the ole grey matta mite cum in handy...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  21. #21

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by darkeyes View Post
    Bit like sayin' all 'mericans r jingoistic, flag wavin',war mongerin', self righteous arrogant arseholes, Pasa.. most aren't.. but on otha hand.. lots r is this not so?

    ..an wy shudn they get p***ed when they r not tolerated? Not 2 many peeps wud b othawise.. daft statement 2 make.. buggered if I will tolerate not bein granted tolerance...wiv the attitude u show sumtimes am not that suprised ur experience is as it is...
    So...your excuse for intolerance is that they were intolerant first? Honestly?

    I was in a gay bar recently and was caught in a conversation about straights. They were completely nasty and vile and the hatred was palpable, using terms like 'breeders.' I had finally had enough and said something to one of them, essentially saying what I've been saying all along about tolerance.

    He practically spat at me asking the fuck did I know about tolerance. My reply was "Well, I'm not gay and I'm sitting in a gay bar. I never see you in straight bars."

    His response? "Fucking Bi bitch." Yes. The GLBT movement is being served so well by such stalwart examples of tolerance.

    Tolerance is like respect. You give some, you get some. Unfortunately, since we are talking societal change, You give the tolerance now, your children will receive the benefits. But if you refuse, then the next generation will be mired in the same shit.

    Pasa
    Last edited by Pasadenacpl2; Aug 13, 2010 at 10:19 PM. Reason: Spelling

  22. #22

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    So...your excuse for intolerant is that they were intolerant first? Honestly?

    I was in a gay bar recently and was caught in a conversation about straights. They were completely nasty and vile and the hatred was palpable, using terms like 'breeders.' I had finally had enough and said something to one of them, essentially saying what I've been saying all along about tolerance.

    He practically spat at me asking the fuck did I know about tolerance. My reply was "Well, I'm not gay and I'm sitting in a gay bar. I never see you in straight bars."

    His response? "Fucking Bi bitch." Yes. The GLBT movement is being served so well by such stalwart examples of tolerance.

    Tolerance is like respect. You give some, you get some. Unfortunately, since we are talking societal change, You give the tolerance now, your children will receive the benefits. But if you refuse, then the next generation will be mired in the same shit.

    Pasa
    I would be the sort of person that would have said something like * even if he was not into anal sex, any person sleeping with him, would still be fucking a asshole *

    people that use the term * breeders * tend to forget if it was not for the * breeders * the majority of us would not exist...... ( I am allowing for AI births and stuff )

    unfortunately over the last couple of decades, attitudes have changed.... and its hard for me to accept that in a day and age of getting rights and equal treatment... that a lot of the lgbt in NZ have turned into complete assholes in regards to heteros and other sexualities....

    I am ashamed to admit that the lgbt were more respectful of the heteros a couple of decades ago,.... and now they treat them like we used to be treated..... hell a lot of the time, the lgbt treat each other as pieces of meat to fuck and dump...... thats a long way from the tolerance and respect, we believe we deserve.....

    I stand with you pasa.... we give what we get
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  23. #23

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    Tolerance is like respect. You give some, you get some. Unfortunately, since we are talking societal change, You give the tolerance now, your children will receive the benefits. But if you refuse, then the next generation will be mired in the same shit.Pasa
    100% agree.

  24. #24

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by march hare View Post
    Heterosexuals have been intolerant to GLBT people for generations and decades and even centuries.

    Every year in the United States there are Christian, Conservative, and Heterosexual organizations that try to destroy the rights of GLBT people in America and further the rights of heterosexuals and preserve heterosexual marriage or what they call the "sanctity of marriage".
    So?

    This is your justification for terms like 'breeder' and for intolerance? Because they did it first?

    And it's not just against straights. No siree bob! Lets not forget that there are entire subsections of the GLBT "community" that will throw their verbal vomit at Bi folk, or even worse...closeted gay men. How dare they not be out and proud? And, it's not just the guys. Ever been a single guy walking into a Dyke bar? Yeah...not pretty.

    The gay "community" is it's own worst enemy. We constantly attack each other for not being gay enough, or not being in a particular box. And the sad part is that most of the "community" cannot see the sad irony.

    Pasa

  25. #25

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2 View Post
    So...your excuse for intolerance is that they were intolerant first? Honestly?

    I was in a gay bar recently and was caught in a conversation about straights. They were completely nasty and vile and the hatred was palpable, using terms like 'breeders.' I had finally had enough and said something to one of them, essentially saying what I've been saying all along about tolerance.

    He practically spat at me asking the fuck did I know about tolerance. My reply was "Well, I'm not gay and I'm sitting in a gay bar. I never see you in straight bars."

    His response? "Fucking Bi bitch." Yes. The GLBT movement is being served so well by such stalwart examples of tolerance.

    Tolerance is like respect. You give some, you get some. Unfortunately, since we are talking societal change, You give the tolerance now, your children will receive the benefits. But if you refuse, then the next generation will be mired in the same shit.

    Pasa
    I too agree with your last point.. you got p***ed at not receiving tolerance.. quite rightly so.. u prove my point Pasa... thank you..
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  26. #26

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Funny thing, I've been out as bi in several states. Have mostly been treated well. Been in Lesbian Bars and gay bars and never had a problem.

    Of course in some places the lesbian bars were the same as the gay bars. I suppose it has to do with the size of the community. There are jerks in every community. People are people.

    There will always be those who are intolerant in every community, just the nature of mankind.

    Just because we are a minority doesnt make us better than anyone else, nor does it make us worse than anyone else, it just means that there are fewer of us.
    The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.
    —A. A. Milne
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7E-aoXLZGY

  27. #27

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Quote Originally Posted by MarieDelta View Post
    Funny thing, I've been out as bi in several states. Have mostly been treated well. Been in Lesbian Bars and gay bars and never had a problem.

    Of course in some places the lesbian bars were the same as the gay bars. I suppose it has to do with the size of the community. There are jerks in every community. People are people.

    There will always be those who are intolerant in every community, just the nature of mankind.

    Just because we are a minority doesnt make us better than anyone else, nor does it make us worse than anyone else, it just means that there are fewer of us.
    Funny thing Marie.. it is much the same here.. and gays go into non gay pubs as often as they go in to straight pubs.. and usually get no hassle.. can it be that some people's abrasiveness brings upon their heads the intolerance of which they are so critical? It wouldn't be the first time I have both seen or and have myself felt it necessary say something to one or a group of people who by their deeds and words.. in non gay, gay and lesbian bars.. have been upsetting other customers.. not always to do with sexuality, but sometimes.. but always to do with manners...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  28. #28

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    I went to a gay bar once in Tokyo's ni-chome district with my partner at the time: a Japanese "newhalf" (look it up). The bartender asked right away about my sexual orientation. Without skipping a beat, my partner said, "bisexual", which I suppose it true, especially since I'm posting here. The guy behind the bar said "Benri, desu ne?" ("Convenient, isn't it") in a really haughty dismissive tone that reeked of mild-to-moderate disapproval. I'm always kind of surprised at the discrimination bis get from gays in certain circumstances, but to get it half a world away from home was really eye-opening.

    On a related note, a waiter at a restaurant in San Francisco's Castro district called me and my then-girlfriend "breeders" under his breath, thinking we couldn't hear him. So much for the tolerant, accepting Bay Area!

    Incidents like these have made me somewhat cynical about what I see as double-standards of discrimination within the gay community. I guess they need someone to disapprove of, too. I just wish it wasn't me.
    Last edited by BLM415; Aug 14, 2010 at 9:57 AM.

  29. #29

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    As a very secretive, closeted bisexual, in the '50s, I was aware that being out was possibly a death sentence in Central Florida.

    However, when I was stationed in Germany in '59, my lover and I used to go to a quaint little hotel, several miles from my post. We were greeted and treated like any paying customer and the people in the gasthaus and restaurants had no problem with us showing affection for each other. Austria seem a little less tolerant, but other than a few stares, we had no problems there, either. In England, London and Southampton, in 1960, I saw more Lesbians, gays and bisexuals than I'd ever noticed anywhere else.........but I was warned that some places in the country were downright militantly hetero.

    Back home again in '61, I went back to the closet and pretty much stayed there. I've never felt the need to flaunt my bisexuality, anyway.

    In Louisville Ky, I found a couple of places that were tolerant and some friendly toward LBGTs, but I never did make overt sexual advances, or blatantly revealed myself, even there.

    I never have felt as free and safe as when I was in Europe. I don't know how it is, these days. I'm older, now, don't go to bars, or socialize much. My GF and I mostly do our own thing and are happy with each other....we feel little need to be out, anyway.

    Looking back, I know it's a much different world, today.
    Last edited by Realist; Aug 14, 2010 at 10:12 AM.

  30. #30

    Re: are bi's tollerated by Gays/lesbians or just despised?

    Europe is doing ok realist and its getting better with every passing year... there remain areas in every country even the most liberal where no gay, bisexual, lesbian or transgendered person if they have any sense will go and admit to being what they are.. and certainly not show signs of affection to one of the same sex. but these are becoming less.. there are some countries where it is not yet legal but most EU countries, especially those in Northern and North western Europe things are not perfect but they are pretty good.. more so for women than guys, but thats something time will have to put paid to that little bit of hypocrisy.. but even for guys, society in Europe is becoming much more tolerant and accepting..

    Gay bashing continues in every country whether homosexuality is legal or not, and there remain large numbers of people who still hate anyone not of what they call the norm.. more countries every year allow us to marry or have civil unions and it is now much better than when I came out as a teenager back in the 90's.. gay pubs and clubs are found in most large towns and cities and most of Europe is a good place for us to live in.. not perfect by any means, and sometimes dangerous (but is it not dangerous for everyone no matter there sexuality).. but far and away better than when you were here in the 1950's and 60's..
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

 

 

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