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Thread: bisexual teen

  1. #1

    bisexual teen

    I believe my 16 year old daughter is bisexual. A lot of her friends are gay (male and female). She says she is not gay, but getting a teen to express her sexuality to her father is asking alot. I am totaly suportive no matter whitch team she plays for. I found this web site from her, she must of been surfing and i caught a glance of where she had been. The question is this...
    How do I get her to open up about her orientation?
    Do I tell her my secret?
    Whats your thoughts!

  2. #2

    Re: bisexual teen

    I grew up knowing a few bi and gay males..... but in a very homophobic household......

    what I would have loved, is to know that there was somebody close to me that I could talk to if needed.... it didn't mean I would have talked, but I would have had the option available....

    sharing your secret to your daughter is more than saying I opened up, now its your turn..... its a way of saying I opened up... you can talk with me about things and I will not judge you, but understand and support you and your friends.... I am a ally....

    teens deal with a lot more issues nowadays than my generation did ( I am near 40 ) and I have found that I do get many teens turn to me and talk, cos they find that they can ask questions and seek answers without having to reveal themselves to me.....

    your daughter may be bisexual, she may not, she may be bi curious, she may not.... she may be a lesbian, she may not..... but the key is giving her that ally that she needs in her own home.....a security and safety that can say so much......

    if there is one thing I have learnt from teenagers, its that often, they are unsure themselves, what and who they are.... and they experiment not just with sexuality, but with partners, friendships and with home environments... and use that as a study grounds for defining themselves and their understanding......

    so be that supportive and non judgmental ally..... and it can be hard not to pass judgment on the actions and thoughts of her and her friends.... yet... when we were growing on.... that ally could have made the world of difference for many of us
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  3. #3

    Re: bisexual teen

    ...at this beautiful and confusing age, a person is on an incredible journey of discovery, racked with self-doubt, questioning everything. hell, as one in major self doubt about my sexuality at that age, i needed every bit of information to help me, and not a shred to be found!!!

    as the dad, i have one question; just how did you, i think you said '...glanced?...', find this tidbit of information? i honestly believe that you must (where is the mom in all of this?) sit down with her, confess as to how you found out this tidbit, hope that she doesnt throw something heavy at you, as she runs from the room, and if it is possible to continue on, ask her if she is, ask if she needs someone to help, ask what you can do.....etc!

    until she is ready to discuss this VERY persoanl topic, and i am praying that you have this kind of relationship, you will have to tread very carfully!
    get in! sit down! hold on! and shut up!

  4. #4

    Re: bisexual teen

    Dad, she's 16. She'll open up to you when and If she decides to. Girls her age dont exactly talk to their parents about sex. And if she Is Bi, then just gaciously accept that factor and still love for who she is...your Babygirl. :}
    Good luck
    Cat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  5. #5

    Re: bisexual teen

    Well, what really makes you think that she may be bisexual in the first place? Having gay friends really doesn't have anything to do with it. Even being on this site isn't necessarily an indicator.

    It's good that you're taking an interest and that you're willing to accept her whatever her orientation is, but it's better to wait until she's ready to talk about what, if anything, is going on in her life. At this point she might still be working it all out for herself anyway, so even if you're ready to hear it she might not be ready to say it. Giving her space is probably the best thing for the time being.

  6. #6

    Re: bisexual teen

    16-year-old girls will share when they are ready, BUT, when she is ready, you need to be ready to listen and listen and listen and ask a few questions and then listen a lot more.
    My daughter went through a similar growth period. She asked what I thought and I told her I love her and am supportive of her friends regardless of their sexual preferences. We talked about being safe, emotionally and physically. She discussed her friends more over several opportunities. After I felt that we were both more comfortable with each other, I outright asked her. I was surprised because she said "I don't know yet, I haven't had the opportunity to find out."
    So, I gave her my listening ear some more and reiterated gently about being safe and then a big hug.
    About a year or so has past and she has determined that she is not lesbian. She has an awesome boyfriend and they both have friends that are gay. I imagine that she is somewhere on the spectrum of bi but that is her business.

    I am openly bi to my husband and a few select partners from years past. We do not share our sexuality with our children in detail. However, we have always let them know that there are alternatives "out there".
    That no matter their preference or choice, it has nothing to do with our parent/child relationship.
    At 16 and 17, they still have so much to experience and it will be filled with all the excitement, heartbreak and desire and depth of emotion that comes with anyone exploring a new horizon.
    As parents, we will be the landing place for when they soar and come down or if they may happen to fall hard.

    Best wishes and hugs,
    kitten
    Kitten
    The smallest feline is a masterpiece. -Leonardo DaVinci

  7. #7

    Re: bisexual teen

    Dear Bar - the above posts are so on the point that the only thing I can add is to always work on maintaining an accepting and heaet felt line of communication with her. She needs to know you are there for her no matter what. Blessings.

 

 

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