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  1. #151

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    I am sure that sexuality is more complicated than just a few hormones but we are talking about people who have supposedly lost libido they once had, as opposed to people that never had it in the first place.

    Quote Originally Posted by mattsbutt View Post

    Anyone suddenly go str8 after testosterone replacement therapy?

  2. #152

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Yeah I know....just wondering if anyone who thought that low T was the cause of their bi desires suddenly went back to "normal" after the T therapy. Probably never hear from them on this site, if so.

    Since I have been bi all my life, I know it would just make more aggressive and careless with both sexes.

  3. #153

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    "Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him"


    Elian

    Remember that we are hearing /reading only one side of this story. One perspective of a double sided conflict. Until the husband appears and agrees with her, there is another side to her situation that we are unaware of.
    tenni- you are only hearing my "side" of the "story" because it is ME that feels all these emotions and trying to gain clarity, so yes, these are my thoughts and how I am feeling with things that are literally said and done to me. - I talk with hubby and seem to take two steps forward and after a few days three steps back, he would admit as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by itsmeandyou View Post
    I got a hard on thinking about hotwife's ass the the air also. Buy maybe the hubby needs to get pegged and see if he still has that raging erection.
    What does "pegged" mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by csrakate View Post
    Hiswife,
    I hate to be catty, but by using terms that refer to your ass as tight, round and up in the air and with references to your "big tits rubbing against him", it sounds to me as if you are trying to elicit sexual responses from this forum as opposed to obtaining support for your issues with your husband. This relationship sounds a bit bogus to me....but if it is not, then you need to walk away. You don't love him...he thinks he owns you......you play games with his emotions......he is not satisfying you sexually (remembering your very descriptive post detailing your sexual preferences....again, descriptive in an attempt to elicit response)....why stick around? If I sound catty...then I guess I can just say "Meow!"
    Kate, I take no offense,..you don't know me from Adam so I can see where you would think I'm here trying to get a "rise". I assure you I am not. My reasoning for being descriptive with my wording is to show how hot the situation can get with us and the outcome. These bi men apparently get hard and my husband can lose an erection in the middle of doing something "I like" yet he can do it with a man and not lose it- writing it -it makes sense..reading it sounds like a come on. I apologize for coming off that way to you.


    I agree there are many facets that I would never be able to explain in a thread regarding our circumstances. I'm merely trying to figure out if my husband is truly hiding scared to death to admit to himself he's more than bi..or can he really be "just bi" and I don't do it for him.
    Some had mentioned I was overweight and he lost interest- being descriptive was setting the stage if you will.

    As for the bj's.. I have asked for him to have someone show me.. he never has taken me up on that.. however- I've been told by others that I have the softest lips and give the best head - called and texted repeatedly for more. -I have not obliged.(again Kate not trying to feed an ego here). I'm trying to shed a little light on any given situation to prove I'm not a wretch and he is repulsed. He's actually very jealous that I recieve so many comments on the dating sites.

    Now, all that said.. since my last post.. we have talked.. we talked for 3.5 hours. I feel we have a much better understanding of our situation and what we both want and reasons why. I told him I was here - I actually told him I was here and a support group for woman last week.. I discussed what things have been said here..and reasons why I have been so confused. We are truly working on this.

    I am happy I found this site. I'm a work in prgress in the understanding.. so please be patient with me.

    T


    Quote Originally Posted by TandA91 View Post
    Hiswife- if he says men do it better, and you are open to it, maybe you should have him set up a tutor for you? Someone that can give you lessons right there in front of (on) him. Another thought, if you are willing to give it a go, maybe try a gender reversal on your part, dress, act, wear an appendage, like a man and see if he can enjoy you and the same sex attraction at the same time?
    MIne does not like any of that...and I can say thank God- because I don't either.. it's not my thing... NOW maybe just maybe he does...and he can't tell me because he knows I don't ?
    Last edited by hiswife; Dec 22, 2012 at 8:58 PM. Reason: typos/forgot to respond to a quote

  4. #154

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    What does "pegged" mean? ?

    Him getting fucked by you with a strap on.

  5. #155

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    I don't sleep with tons of people but I've tried both the supposed "dominate" and "submissive" roles. It took a bit of practice, a patient lover and an open mind to accept and enjoy doing both. Depending on the position people in the submissive role also have a lot of control. When I was dominate I was grateful for sharing pleasure and love with my partner. When I was submissive I was grateful for sharing pleasure and love with my partner. I guess which one I preferred was a function of the need and desire of both myself and my partner at the time.

    I have heard that they do make strap-ons with naughty vibrating bits..
    Last edited by elian; Dec 23, 2012 at 10:46 AM.

  6. #156

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Post 153
    "I'm merely trying to figure out if my husband is truly hiding scared to death to admit to himself he's more than bi..or can he really be "just bi" and I don't do it for him."

    Good that this site has been of some help for you. You seem like a very thoughtful intelligent woman. You are posting on several threads and started a few threads yourself. This thread is about guys "becoming" bi later in life...not becoming gay. This is an old thread that has been brought forward again. Please be careful and respectful of the thread topic as it can be taken off track easily enough.

    Whether your husband is bisexual or gay is up to him to decide. It may take him years and he seems to have other issues. Isn't your decision about whether you want to go on his journey with him and are you happy and can still accept his behaviour? Your situation seems complex and we are just people who happen to be bisexual.

    Understandably, you are concerned about him losing his erection with you and not when being sexual with other men. You seem open and he doesn't according to what you post. What does he say about losing his erection with you and not other men? Have you discussed this with him or does he just shut down?

    These are difficult times for you. I wish you well.


    Last edited by tenni; Dec 23, 2012 at 11:13 AM.

  7. #157

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    Post 153
    "I'm merely trying to figure out if my husband is truly hiding scared to death to admit to himself he's more than bi..or can he really be "just bi" and I don't do it for him."

    Good that this site has been of some help for you. You seem like a very thoughtful intelligent woman. You are posting on several threads and started a few threads yourself. This thread is about guys "becoming" bi later in life...not becoming gay. This is an old thread that has been brought forward again. Please be careful and respectful of the thread topic as it can be taken off track easily enough.

    Whether your husband is bisexual or gay is up to him to decide. It may take him years and he seems to have other issues. Isn't your decision about whether you want to go on his journey with him and are you happy and can still accept his behaviour? Your situation seems complex and we are just people who happen to be bisexual.

    Understandably, you are concerned about him losing his erection with you and not when being sexual with other men. You seem open and he doesn't according to what you post. What does he say about losing his erection with you and not other men? Have you discussed this with him or does he just shut down?

    These are difficult times for you. I wish you well.


    I deleted my post because of your little statement above... but then you asked later the very thing I had posted - So I will post this and then leave this thread - as my husband becoming BI/Gay later in his life doesn't apply to this topic I'll also keep in mind to only post what we have both discussed and not my feelings on any given topic as you won't have both "sides" to that "story."

    My response was;
    He claims he is a top only and will not entertain the idea of getting fucked. I asked.. I was on top of him and and our third was behind me.. such pleasure that I rambled off to him that he should try this it feels so good- guess what- he went soft.

    So last night was the first night in almost two weeks we have been intimate- he was very eager, we both had a little to drink so needless to say we were quite frisky.... It was going well I won't get into sorted details as I know that rubs some the wrong way- lets just say we were both getting pleased... then it felt like he switched gears went to doing "something else"- doing it well- but still changed gears- ..and not so much to my surprise when I touched to caress ..he had lost his erection..
    THIS is why I am here! I need to know why a man that claims to want to be with his "hot wife" his words- can be getting it on hot and heavy then what seems out of the blue loses an erection? This doesn't happen with the men he's with.
    He used to say, "I need to see a Dr" when I knew very little about his activities and he'd use that as an excuse- I say this because he did admit this-

    He has told me in the past when we discussed this happening that he has lost his erection because he is thinking that I am thinking he's thinking about being with a man.. Did you get that?
    So last night there is NO WAY he had to think that my mind went there.. NO WAY!

    I know this bothers him - I am at a loss on what to do /how to handle this delicate situation.

  8. #158

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Well, I read the original post. Then the revised.

    Sorry to hear that you are in such a tough spot. I believe that if you folks can't seem to work this out, you may be at a crossroads. Have you tried some couples counseling?

    One would think that if he was so interested in being with a guy, he would try bottoming. If it wasn't for him.... so be it. Is is POSSIBLE that he may have lost interest in you for whatever reason and he had got this new interest in guys ? I wonder if he's be losing his hard-on if it was someone else's wife. Perhaps foursome with another bi couple and see where it leads ??

    Just some thoughts.

  9. #159

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Quote Originally Posted by itsmeandyou View Post
    Well, I read the original post. Then the revised.

    Sorry to hear that you are in such a tough spot. I believe that if you folks can't seem to work this out, you may be at a crossroads. Have you tried some couples counseling?

    One would think that if he was so interested in being with a guy, he would try bottoming. If it wasn't for him.... so be it. Is is POSSIBLE that he may have lost interest in you for whatever reason and he had got this new interest in guys ? I wonder if he's be losing his hard-on if it was someone else's wife. Perhaps foursome with another bi couple and see where it leads ??

    Just some thoughts.
    You may have not read several of my other posts- but we have tried this and yes he lost his hard on with her too, but when her husband touched his dick he "perked" right "up".
    My confusion stems from him being so extremly "into me" - I mean the whole time during sex last night he would say things like "God I want you, I love you so much, I love being ------ you.. thinking back it was almost like he was trying to convince himself as these things are not ever said in our 13 years.
    I dont know- I'll drop it. My gut tells me one thing and I keep digging to "hear" it - my gut is almost never wrong.
    I will stop harping now.
    Thanks for all of your input.

  10. #160

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Fortunately, or not, most times we have to go with what our gut tells us. You are correct in that I may have overlooked the posting about being with another couple and him perking right up. One would think that if he is gay or bi, or whatever, that he would want to try all the different things in order to determine exactly what he wants too.


    I know that this is a bit off base, but could he have some sort of chemical imbalance

    If he didn't want you, so be it. But why make it appear that he has an interest in his wife if he really doesn't? Very tough situation, to say the least.
    Last edited by itsmeandyou; Dec 23, 2012 at 1:36 PM. Reason: spelling

  11. #161

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    OK, I don't want to drive this thread off topic even more but I'll just reiterate my statement that it easy for guys who worry about 'sex' to become distracted during lovemaking and yes - it's like throwing a switch..it's very frustrating but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want you! If you want to discuss on another thread I would be happy to - post again on a different topic to bring it to the top of the list.

  12. #162

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Quote Originally Posted by elian View Post
    OK, I don't want to drive this thread off topic even more but I'll just reiterate my statement that it easy for guys who worry about 'sex' to become distracted during lovemaking and yes - it's like throwing a switch..it's very frustrating but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want you! If you want to discuss on another thread I would be happy to - post again on a different topic to bring it to the top of the list.
    tenni reposted this on "60 shades of grey"

  13. #163

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    I'm not sure why it was stated that most bi men are over 50. I had experimented as a young teen then went straight to females. After turning 23 I had these thoughts and fantasies of being with guys sexually. I surpressed the urge act because of society and morals taught. As I turned 30, the urges were were harder to fight. I wondered what the hell is wrong with me. So I began doing research online to try to find answers. I was very married, with 2 wonderful kids. Living the American Dream.

    One day I found this site. I read peoples experiences and struggles as they tried to find solace in thier own sexuality. I chatted with many in the chatroom, asking questions as to why I felt the way I did. I came back as much and as often as I could to get some understanding. One day I finally accepted that I was bisexual. After accepting that fact I realized that I had always been Bi. That was 11 years ago. I wish I had searched for answers much sooner in my life. I have been a member here ever since.

    I am now going through a divorce, I'm 41 years old, and starting all over. I hope to find a true love that can accept me for who I am. I will not go back to the type of marriage I had. Having to surpress and hide the encounters I had.

    So I wouldn't say that anybody "turns" bisexual, or have to be a certain age. I think that if you are bisexual, then you always have been. It just depends on what time in life, you finally accept it yourself.
    Last edited by tonguelash; Dec 23, 2012 at 11:17 PM. Reason: spelling

  14. #164

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    the wife lost all sex drive
    then she told me i look mre like a female i should have sex with a guy
    then she gave me her panties

  15. #165

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    I agree to that older man might turn bi, because they had enough sexual experience (bad or good) with women, and they lost that shyness, what youngsters have, what encourages them to explore different sexuality ways with his own gender.

  16. #166

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    jem_is_bi, yours was a very articulate, very touching response. My hat's off to you. But I think you are in a minority of women, whose husbands are unusually fortuante, that you fought back from sexual ennui and disinterest for his sake and recaptured the joys of a rich sex life. I think most men whose wives experience the same causes you cite, and the same symptoms you said you did initially, homestead in their disinterest. This is somewhat my case (discretion and respect for my wife prevents me from being more specific). I am driven to have a sexual outlet. I turned to men partially because homosexual sex is safer for a married man than having an affair with a woman because -- short of love affairs between homosexuals -- there is no danger from possessiveness, jealousy, etc. The other part of the attraction between men is a complicated, subtle, etherial bit of psychology that not even science fully understands. In that respect, "what is, is." I have not "bailed" on my wife. She and I are very affectionate, very attentive to each other's needs at all levels short of intercourse. But life dealt me an hand of cards that I must play -- with great caution to protect her from emotional pain.
    Last edited by gen11; Dec 25, 2012 at 1:06 PM. Reason: typos

  17. #167

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Forget labels, they`re for cans and bottles..my "str8" senior male neighbor and "str8" me..just found out how nice gay sex is, giving and receiving blowjobs and now he and I have started a JO/suck club..we crank together and suck eachother off almost daily..our ladies are no longer with us so we are now "improvising" as much as we wish..and looking for more recruits to join us here at our retirement complex..married, "str8" or otherwise.."COCKS" rule now te he!

  18. #168

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    I agree, although, it may not be becoming as much as it is accepting one's sexuality. I can recall having intermittent fantasies as a teen, but generally suppressed any further thought once the fantasy was over. Since Ive grown older, I no longer believe in strict representations of sexuality (i.e. straight) and quite frankly don't have issues any longer with fantasies and pornography involving the same sex. As of yet, I have not had a real life encounter, so I cannot speak to that aspect.

  19. #169

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    The question has not answer. For all the theories and thoughts and expressed experiences it still boils down to the simple fact, some guys do and some guys don't. Some are bi their who lives but at not free to practice it, some are turned on by one drunken incident with a friend....there is no answer, or there are as many answers as their are bi men.

  20. #170

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    GenII wrote: " -- there is no danger from possessiveness, jealousy, etc."

    Because of my experience, I respectfully disagree with that, Gen.

    That may have been your experience, but I was involved with another married male during my 2nd marriage, who became increasingly possessive and jealous. We were secret paramours for a little over 10 years and, towards the end, he thought of me as "his possession". In addition, he had gotten more and more jealous of my friends and even my wife. (most of whom were straight)

    When I decided to divorce my wife, he even thought I was doing it to get away from HIM!

    Actually, I thought we'd have more time together, so his attitude was unjustified. However, we ended up on different routes and I basically divorced my wife AND him!

  21. #171

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you don't "turn" bi any more than you "turn" gay or "turn" stright. Somewhere along the line of a persons life, man or woman, sexual thoughts occur. Usually they are for the opposite sex according to what society deems as correct. That doesn't mean that you can't be curious or very curious as to what sex with the other half would be like. If you get to act on it, wow, maybe it's a really good feeling experience. Maybe you like it maybe you don't. I guess if you like it then you're just bisexual like a lot of the rest of us. If not, that's okay, at least you've gotten it out of your system. I think the reason that most of us that are older seem to have suddenly "turned" bi is because for whatever reason, marriage and society in general holding us back, we've finally gotten to the point in our lives where we can be more relaxed and open about it. In my case I would have to say that having access to the internet and all it has to offer has made it possible for me. Hooray for Al Gore (said tongue in cheek)!

  22. #172

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Here is my two cents worth. I have found that generally after forty my acceptance level changed. Now, the idea of having an intimate relationship with a man or a woman is exciting. Being labeled
    gay or bi is only a matter of perspective. I find myself really turned on by the idea of free sexual encounters, man or woman, with everyone comfortable with the encounter. BTW I am a late fifty's SWM.

  23. #173

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    I personally dont see anything wrong with an older man (Or woman) wanting to try something new on to see if they like it, or seeing what they may have been missing all of their lives. It might not have anything to do with "The wife letting herself go". It could just merely mean that he wants to discover something he's never done before! And if he does, then good on him! As long as he's not cheating on said spouse, or girlfriend, ect, then more power to him. Lots of us in our 'old age' decide that we'l like to experence something that we couldnt do/wouldnt do/never had the Chance to do in our younger years, due to one circumstance of another, and I say if we elders choose to try something/someone out, then go for it! As long as it doesnt hurt You, or someone else, go for it and have fun. Be safe at all costs, but have fun..:} We've earned it..
    Cat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  24. #174

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    being an older bi guy i can only speak for my self and my expirences. for my self i have known i was bi since i was around 13 years old. i only had a few connections with other men then and it all stopped because of the fear of being found out. then aas i got older around 45 i started to play again with men. i like men and woman evenly but since my wife left me it has been all men. and no she did not leave me because i was bi because she always knew that. i have spoken to many bi guys young and old. in the younger guys it is the same as the older ones for the most part. some are married and goto bi guys because their wife or gf wont give em head or as they say the woman isn't really into it like a man. some older choose to be bi or have sex with men when their wives or gf become disinterested in sex. some older and younger guys are just curious and want to try it. some come back some don't.
    so you see there are as many reasons for people turning bi even at different ages. i know them from 19 yo to 80 yo. and their stories range from liking the sex with men to just needing to get off. there is no simple answer to your question and there are many reasons. many times in a relationship though, because they do love who they are with yet they are not being satisified in bed they seek others.
    in my case i am actually pansexual, almost the same as bisexual. just as the ancient greeks and romans could appriceate a beautiful man today we see that happening again. some men are attracted to other men in the same way they are to woman. some are only interested in the sex because they are drawn to same sex, the smell, touch and feeling of another man with them is exciting. some just into the sex, kind of a cum and go thing. many people so many different feelings towards it. which proves we are only human. and to be bisexual and attracted to both sexes is natural.
    Last edited by *pan*; Jun 17, 2013 at 7:27 PM.

  25. #175

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    This is because the wife stops giving sex and or meeting the mans needs he turns to his curiosity with guys because men don't cause drama. most men are bi "curious" but wont admit or act on it. Once a guy gets married he's fked... wife changes... once a women makes it known to a man that urrggg he wants sex again well it turns off a man also a guy will act like he loves a mans body which I don't think is an act. A women acts and does act like its a job.
    Last edited by BIGUY123456; Jun 17, 2013 at 7:54 PM.

  26. #176

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Actually when I raise my T I get more bi desires when my T is low I get little to no bi desires
    Quote Originally Posted by mattsbutt View Post
    Yeah I know....just wondering if anyone who thought that low T was the cause of their bi desires suddenly went back to "normal" after the T therapy. Probably never hear from them on this site, if so.

    Since I have been bi all my life, I know it would just make more aggressive and careless with both sexes.

  27. #177

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    as for myself I think I was always bi because when I was a teenager I got erections and had to take of it when watching body builders on tv this at the time was very intense. I pushed it back or suppressed the feelings until mid 30 s then because of lack of sex with the wife began receiving oral sex from guys at local parks. after a while I began giving it also realized I really enjoy making guys feel good after awhile while pleasing guys I would climax without touching myself I just love pleasing guys and desire it often hope I do not offend but its the truth

  28. #178

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Quote Originally Posted by loveatl View Post
    Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
    Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
    Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
    Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
    Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
    I am so confused??
    I am going to stick to the original post and respond from my own experience. Growing up, we only knew gay or straight. There was no third door. The gay door, often found by using your gaydar, sorry, bad joke, anyway, the gay door was seen as a very poor choice. It could get you beaten, ridiculed, and alienated. Gay was used as a put down, such as "that's gay", you're so gay, etc. For someone like myself, who was demeaned by even his own parents as a kid, seeking acceptance, the last thing you wanted to do was "be gay".

    That being said, I still found myself sneaking a peak in the boys showers, etc. Even in the service, I had been propositioned a number of times, but that constant fear of being rejected, and possibly dishonorably discharged, kept me from accepting. Though, it left me wondering. It wasn't until a breakdown in my 40's that I was able to tear down all the old image of myself and rebuild it based, not on what I thought everyone else wanted me to be, but by who I wanted me to be. In that, I came to accept that I was attracted to some men as much as I could be attracted to women. Of course, a nasty divorce at the time prevented me from acting on my new discoveries as she was trying to keep me from seeing my kids.
    By the time I was ready to get beyond all that, I had met my current wife. Our sex life was phenomenal, so the thoughts went to the back of the mind. Then menopause hit, surgeries, medications and her sex drive went from 8 to 0. So being as it has been almost five years without sexual relations with anyone, the old feelings resurfaced.

    Will I ever act upon my feelings? Who knows. I don't know how my wife would react if I had a male FWB on the side. I know that when we originally were going out she did say that if I ever cheated, that would be it. So that sticks in my mind. If it wasn't for the sex, we would have an almost perfect relationship. We have a nice home, the two dogs, and our kids are grown so we can travel more. Do I give that all up to choke down a big hard one?

  29. #179

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Wow, who would have that a tame question like why are many older men bi would turn into all of the above. I'm 63 and have been actively bi for about 10 years. I did have one experience with a guy at 32 but the not again until 10 years ago. I did think about it a lot but a career, marriage and kids kept me at bay.

    My first time at 32 I just received a blow job. But from that time on I fantasized about Sucking a cock. I finally did 10 years ago and found I love it, just love it. I also love cum. So I guess I was always predisposed to being bi. A factor in my becoming actively bi was probably the fact that my wife lost some interest in sex and it was not as exciting as it once was.

    Now I am always looking for man sex and my new desire is to be fucked. So, however I got here I am happy with my bi ness.

  30. #180

    Re: Do older men turn bi???

    Most of the reasons were covered why older men discover their bi side.

    The testosterone levels drop and estrogen is more dominant as it is produced by fat which also tends to increase with age.

    I get propositioned more openly by men. Women disguise sexuality interest in language sometimes that a man may miss. I think a man can get male sex easier than female sex.

    Frankly men were against the idea of MM sex because nothing loving or pleasant was ever suggested decades ago. It sounded both brutal and painful.

    Finally internet porn has shown men that other men like what they like as well.

    All that being said, nothing shoddy about mf sex either.

 

 

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