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  1. #151

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by PeninAZ View Post
    As I understand such terms:
    Cheating is if there is a partner who is does not or would not approve of their lover's sexual conduct with another individual outside relationship. Discreet is simply low profile, your don't want you parents to know, your siblings, your friends, even your rightful partner. Discreet can be interchangable with cheating, but it is not exclusively the same, as one can be single, but would still appreciate the shush on what goes on between said single and discreet associate. Again: Cheating is a break of loyalty in a committed relationship, discreet can be, but is not solely bound in such a situation.
    In personal ads when someone says they have to be "discreet" it means they're looking to cheat, and it doesn't necessarily mean being closeted and not open or out as bisexual or gay/lesbian like you posted.

  2. #152

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    In personal ads when someone says they have to be "discreet" it means they're looking to cheat, and it doesn't necessarily mean being closeted and not open or out as bisexual or gay/lesbian like you posted.
    Well I'm not well versed in vocab, thank you for the correction. That's just been my first impression.

  3. #153

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by PeninAZ View Post
    Well I'm not well versed in vocab, thank you for the correction. That's just been my first impression.
    Not necessarily so. A person who puts "discreet" does not mean that they are cheating on a partner. It can simply mean that they do not wish their sex practices advertised. Lots of single bisexuals post with the term discreet and are not cheating on anyone.

    It is true that people who are partnered regardless of their sexuality and cheat do want it kept private and quiet. Discreet is not a synonym for cheat.
    Last edited by tenni; Mar 27, 2015 at 11:00 AM.

  4. #154

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    Not necessarily so. A person who puts "discreet" does not mean that they are cheating on a partner. It can simply mean that they do not wish their sex practices advertised. Lots of single bisexuals post with the term discreet and are not cheating on anyone.

    It is true that people who are partnered regardless of their sexuality and cheat do want it kept private and quiet. Discreet is not a synonym for cheat.
    ...for once we agree...

  5. #155

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    Not necessarily so. A person who puts "discreet" does not mean that they are cheating on a partner. It can simply mean that they do not wish their sex practices advertised. Lots of single bisexuals post with the term discreet and are not cheating on anyone.

    It is true that people who are partnered regardless of their sexuality and cheat do want it kept private and quiet. Discreet is not a synonym for cheat.
    Oh, as I figured. The difference is just so intuitive.

  6. #156

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Well put Fred

  7. #157

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by welickit View Post
    We are both sure this will generate lots of flaming. What is the difference and what does a cheat or liar have to offer? You can't take care of your own spouse so you look elsewhere. Now comes the excuses.
    I agree with you. When someone says they have to be "discreet" that means they want to cheat, are on the down low/closeted, and want to cheat and lie to a partner or spouse. Not cool, and these people can't be trusted.

  8. #158

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    I would never cheat on my wife with another woman because I have what I need at home and do not desire any other women. However, I like to suck cock and she would never understand that so it must remain hidden. I don't consider it "cheating" when I suck a man's cock. The man I service is also married and his wife would not tolerate him getting a blowjob from me. So, we are both discreet about it. And, if I ever got caught....well, I have been divorced before.

  9. #159

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cutiliae View Post
    I would never cheat on my wife with another woman because I have what I need at home and do not desire any other women. However, I like to suck cock and she would never understand that so it must remain hidden. I don't consider it "cheating" when I suck a man's cock. The man I service is also married and his wife would not tolerate him getting a blowjob from me. So, we are both discreet about it. And, if I ever got caught....well, I have been divorced before.
    You and the guy who you cheat on your wife with are both liars and cheats. You're also homophobic, bigoted, have lots of internalized biphobia/homophobia, but yet like to put on women's clothing in secret LOL.

    You may think that this guy you're cheating on your wife with doesn't get with other guys or TVs/CDs but he does.
    Last edited by pole_smoker; Apr 15, 2015 at 7:42 PM.

  10. #160

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    You and the guy who you cheat on your wife with are both liars and cheats. You're also homophobic, bigoted, have lots of internalized biphobia/homophobia, but yet like to put on women's clothing in secret LOL.

    You may think that this guy you're cheating on your wife with doesn't get with other guys or TVs/CDs but he does.

    Fuck it, were are having fun. I'm not sure what else he does and he is not sure of what else I do. That is of no concern to me. I just would not want it to get out that I'm bi. I would be humiliated. That is no kind of legacy.

  11. #161

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cutiliae View Post
    Fuck it, were are having fun. I'm not sure what else he does and he is not sure of what else I do. That is of no concern to me. I just would not want it to get out that I'm bi. I would be humiliated. That is no kind of legacy.
    Why would you be humiliated if people knew you are bisexual?

  12. #162

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    Why would you be humiliated if people knew you are bisexual?
    …business reasons…

  13. #163

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    Why would you be humiliated if people knew you are bisexual?
    I may run for public office someday.

  14. #164

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cutiliae View Post
    I may run for public office someday.
    If you're actually serious about that just come out as bisexual and a CD/TV before you run, since otherwise it will be found out.

    Plus there have been out bisexual politicians who have ran and won both in the United States, and worldwide. No idea about the CD/TV thing but I'm sure there are people in high political power positions who are into that.

  15. #165

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    There was a city counsel member here a few years ago who was an open TG who wore women's clothes and shoes to counsel meetings.

  16. #166

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    If you're actually serious about that just come out as bisexual and a CD/TV before you run, since otherwise it will be found out.

    Plus there have been out bisexual politicians who have ran and won both in the United States, and worldwide. No idea about the CD/TV thing but I'm sure there are people in high political power positions who are into that.
    I actually agree with Pole on that one.

  17. #167

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    Not necessarily so. A person who puts "discreet" does not mean that they are cheating on a partner. It can simply mean that they do not wish their sex practices advertised. Lots of single bisexuals post with the term discreet and are not cheating on anyone.

    It is true that people who are partnered regardless of their sexuality and cheat do want it kept private and quiet. Discreet is not a synonym for cheat.
    Agreed.

    And sometimes it's not because they don't want people to know their sexual orientation either. I once hooked up with a single straight guy who was in town on a business trip. His employer frowned upon him having a guest in his room. Hence, why he wanted to keep it discreet.

  18. #168

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Melody Dean View Post
    Agreed.

    And sometimes it's not because they don't want people to know their sexual orientation either. I once hooked up with a single straight guy who was in town on a business trip. His employer frowned upon him having a guest in his room. Hence, why he wanted to keep it discreet.
    Good point!

    Beyond that I refer to a famous Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau who more than forty years ago stated that the government had no business in the bedrooms of the nation. This was a fore runner in attitude and values that lead to such critical events as same sex marriage. If the government has no business then it is less so for individuals to demand or even want to know what a person does sexually.

    There is a belief held by some bisexuals that what a person does in their bedroom is no one else's business. People who react with disgust, anger or demand that someone has the right to know what sexual act or is attracted to both men and women are really infringing of that person's right to freedom of sexual expression. As long as all involved are consenting adults and no one is hurt, it is none of anyone else's business.

    My province not only has a woman Premier but she is a lesbian. No where during the election was her sexuality held up to ridicule. Her wife was not put foreward as part of her campaign nor was she hidden. No where during the election campaign was it dragged out that Kathlynn Wynne was a divorced woman with children and remarried to a woman. Her adult children lived their own lives and were not part of her campaign. They may have been on the stage after winning the election but the media never focused or mentioned that. In a lot of heterosexuals election campaigns in other countries, the wife of a heterosexual is put forth as part of the male heterosexual's "family" values campaign. "Look we are good decent people as we are married heteros etc."

    When it was relevant, it was reported that she had adult children. You can see in her legislation that she and her government are dealing with sexual and body education issues much firmer than previous hetero male Premiers did. Still today, no media has given out her wife's sexual history out to the public.

    Discretion should understood as having so much more to do with equal individual rights and less to do with shame when we think about this word discretion.
    Last edited by tenni; Apr 16, 2015 at 10:01 AM.

  19. #169

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    In the US, her orientation would have been the ONLY issue. Her spouse and children would have been front and center in the news coverage.
    All the political issues would have been secondary.
    That's the difference between US and Canada

  20. #170

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Country Guy
    I can see that happening and smearing does happen in Canadian politics. There has always been a subtle difference between US and Canadian politics. Sex in politics generally is of less concern to the Canadian electorate. Even sex scandals are not as emphasized here. There is a tendency for Canadian media to leave personal aspect out of the news but not always.

    Trust me, we have a Conservative party and if they thought that they could win votes by attacking her sexuality, they would with glee. The Federal Conservatives have a core base of right winged like that group in the Republican party. The provincial Conservatives tried to defeat her on fiscal scandal rather than sexual orientation scandal. People in Ontario did not listen to the Conservatives attempt to make a fiscal scandal stick. Instead ciizens voted even a larger Liberal MPP's than the previous election. Go figure.

    This is not to write that homophobia and biphobia does not exist in pockets of Ontario. It just doesn't do bigots a lot of support if they are very open and public with the statements etc. Recently, I had a video installation on kissing between different ages, genders, and inter racial couples. There was no one protesting publicly. Someone did spit on the window of the installation and it froze on the window. That was discreet lol The question that I have was the bigot protesting same gender kissing? inter racial kissing? or they just didn't like my work..lol
    Last edited by tenni; Apr 16, 2015 at 12:59 PM.

  21. #171

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by welickit View Post
    We are both sure this will generate lots of flaming. What is the difference and what does a cheat or liar have to offer? You can't take care of your own spouse so you look elsewhere. Now comes the excuses.
    That's very true the term discreet means the person is cheating on a spouse or partner and is a liar.

  22. #172

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    There is a belief held by some bisexuals that what a person does in their bedroom is no one else's business. People who react with disgust, anger or demand that someone has the right to know what sexual act or is attracted to both men and women are really infringing of that person's right to freedom of sexual expression. As long as all involved are consenting adults and no one is hurt, it is none of anyone else's business.
    Sometimes, you do good. Sometimes, you do exceptionally good. Thank you.

  23. #173

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Let me throw this out there, is denying a partner the physical joys of a relationship after many years, cheating them out of one of life's greatest pleasures? Perhaps that is just another example of "cheating" and idk justifiable or not as a solution.

  24. #174

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by j4u42 View Post
    Let me throw this out there, is denying a partner the physical joys of a relationship after many years, cheating them out of one of life's greatest pleasures? Perhaps that is just another example of "cheating" and idk justifiable or not as a solution.
    This is one example of why I now refrain judging those who do cheat. Ultimately, I am not aware of their situation and
    they may face this for example. I do not cheat. That does not say everyone else must not cheat. I will to best of my
    knowledge not engage with someone I know is cheating. Sorry, I want no part in any drama with cheating.

    Even the ones who "well, the SO knows but doesn't know", to me are off limits. That is merely a personal choice.
    Got enough adversity in being me, don't need extra. That doesn't mean I am judging the person. In fact it is me
    judging myself. I'm not capable of handling that situation. If you can do it, more power to you.

  25. #175

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by welickit View Post
    We are both sure this will generate lots of flaming. What is the difference and what does a cheat or liar have to offer? You can't take care of your own spouse so you look elsewhere. Now comes the excuses.
    As others have said, their is no difference. If you are on the DL, you are cheating. Think of it this way: every cheating spouce is "discreet" when he/she is hooking up with a heterosexual lover.

    However, I always use "discreet" to mean that what a guy and I do is just between the two of us and that l'm into PDAs, gay club running or the scene in general. Just because I am out to my wife and have her blessings, this doesn't mean I am (or want too be ) out to everyone. Outing myself could have serious ramifications on both my and her careers.

  26. #176

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bimmga View Post
    Think of it this way: every cheating spouce is "discreet" when he/she is hooking up with a heterosexual lover.
    Quote Originally Posted by j4u42 View Post
    Let me throw this out there, is denying a partner the physical joys of a relationship after many years, cheating them out of one of life's greatest pleasures? Perhaps that is just another example of "cheating" and idk justifiable or not as a solution.
    I think Bimmga says it well...a *smart* cheater exercises discretion when cheating. So yeah, it's discreet. But it's still also cheating.

    But I also take j4u42's point well, and like void, tend not to rush to *judge* cheating. I agree that it is not nice for a spouse to deny sex to a partner AND deny that partner the right to seek sex elsewhere...I find that selfish and controlling, ultimately disrespectful. But to me, cheating in response to disrespect is *understandable* cheating, but no less cheating. To me, the right approach would be to say, "look, I'd have sex with you if I could, if you'd enjoy that...but you won't...either give me the right to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere, or let's end this relationship, because your demands are unfair." And the chips would then fall as they may.

    But bottom line for me on the word "cheating" is that "cheating" is breaking/not honoring an agreement (implicit or explicit). If you're having sex that a spouse did not agree to, then whether or not you like the word, you are cheating.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  27. #177

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by j4u42 View Post
    Let me throw this out there, is denying a partner the physical joys of a relationship after many years, cheating them out of one of life's greatest pleasures? Perhaps that is just another example of "cheating" and idk justifiable or not as a solution.
    LMAO!!! Nobody "denies" anyone of the physical joys of a relationship, and if someone's in a sexless relationship or marriage for years or even decades then they are choosing to stay in this unhealthy relationship instead of communicating, actually coming out to their partner/spouse, or getting a divorce before they decide that they somehow have the "right" or "excuse" to cheat. People who cheat and lie to their partner or spouse are chickenshit cowards who should not be married or in a relationship at all.

  28. #178

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bimmga View Post
    As others have said, their is no difference. If you are on the DL, you are cheating. Think of it this way: every cheating spouce is "discreet" when he/she is hooking up with a heterosexual lover.

    However, I always use "discreet" to mean that what a guy and I do is just between the two of us and that l'm into PDAs, gay club running or the scene in general. Just because I am out to my wife and have her blessings, this doesn't mean I am (or want too be ) out to everyone. Outing myself could have serious ramifications on both my and her careers.
    Being out as bisexual would not have serious ramifications for your "wife" or your careers. It's going to be 2016 soon, and nobody cares about this here in the United States if you're LGBT and out, or if you're LGBT and have a career whatever it is.

  29. #179

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    Being out as bisexual would not have serious ramifications for your "wife" or your careers. It's going to be 2016 soon, and nobody cares about this here in the United States if you're LGBT and out, or if you're LGBT and have a career whatever it is.
    youve been watching too much TV and believing evertything the media tells you. Gays and bis ARE NOT a protected class in the US. A homophobic born-againer would fire you in a minute if he discovered you were bi. We are making progress, but there are still legions of people who hate you for who you are and will hurt you if they can. It happens every single day. If what I'm saying isn't true, LGBT advocacy groups would have folded their tents and gone home by now.

  30. #180

    Re: Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bimmga View Post
    youve been watching too much TV and believing evertything the media tells you. Gays and bis ARE NOT a protected class in the US. A homophobic born-againer would fire you in a minute if he discovered you were bi. We are making progress, but there are still legions of people who hate you for who you are and will hurt you if they can. It happens every single day. If what I'm saying isn't true, LGBT advocacy groups would have folded their tents and gone home by now.
    i hate to agree with u.......alot of people in the us still have a problem with lgbt. some states still don't even have laws against descrimination against lgbt. we are making progress hopefully very soon it will just be a very few people noone hardly hears from. but we can't even overcome racism much less homophobia. it is gonna be 2016 soon we should all be over it & we are better off than we were years ago, at least we got gay marriage. but we still got so far to go & honestly i'm not hopefull.

 

 

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