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Thread: A Gentle Man...

  1. #1

    A Gentle Man...

    "A gentle boy is called a sissy, but a gentle man is called a gentleman."

    Is this true? I found it rather profound and wondered. I was called a sissy as a boy cause I didn't like hockey and rough sports. Then one day it all changed. As I started dating I was called a gentleman by the girls. And, fortunately, that quality has stuck with me. But I'm wondering, where does this transformation take place? Did I change or did the others? Is being a genteman something one should aspire to in todays age or just go with the flow? Do people appreciate gentlemen and gentlewoman any more?

  2. #2

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I'l be honest I'v never given it a moments though

  3. #3

    Thumbs up Re: A Gentle Man...

    Honey, I suspect that you've always been a gentleman and well as a Gentle Man..:} Its attitude, and demeanor and how you conduct yourself, and how you treat people...with honesty and integrety. Be glad that women find you such a Gentleman...its a wonderful trait to have.
    Cat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  4. #4

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I think that a man can become a gentleman. It is the courtesy that he extends to others, both male and female. It is an attitude, a respect, a sense of treatment of others as they themselves wish to be treated. I have met man a gentleman, who when the moment is right transforms with consent to a having a wild side. I know a couple of men, straight men who would be considered the macho among men's men who are perfect gentlemen. I happen to work with two of them as a matter of fact. They are sports nuts, hunters, fly fishermen, and can conduct themselves in public with finesse and decorum. I consider it an attribute not lost on me.

    Belle

  5. #5

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Personally, I have never been attracted to those who are loud, brash, inconsiderate and disrespectful.

    Some beautiful people have terrible manners and demeanor; that, somehow, makes them look unattractive to me.

    However, some, who may not be the most beautiful physically, are often the most beautiful, overall!

    I am not attracted to anyone, who would not be considered a gentleman, or gentle woman.

  6. #6

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    A 'gentleman' is not meaning he is gentle or sissiy. A 'gentleman' is one who is mannered and refined. He treats women courteously and respects his fellow man. But that does not mean he can't kick your ass nor will a proper gentleman let you kick his ass.

  7. #7

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Quote Originally Posted by chulainn2 View Post
    A 'gentleman' is not meaning he is gentle or sissiy. A 'gentleman' is one who is mannered and refined. He treats women courteously and respects his fellow man. But that does not mean he can't kick your ass nor will a proper gentleman let you kick his ass.
    Believe me Chu... in dim an distant past wen me wos stupid dated 1 or 2 so called gennelmen... Mannered? Refined? Respectin a wimmen? Mayb ther outward face 2 the world at large.. not always in confine a ther car or in ne cloistered area... not ther arses they needed kikked but ther goolies given a gud kneein (God did me reely say that out loud?).. will giveya not all r getts.. but moren than ther shud b..
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  8. #8

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    It sux royally to have that happen (has happened to me too), but then again, they are not "gentleman" either - no matter the outward face they show to the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by darkeyes View Post
    Believe me Chu... in dim an distant past wen me wos stupid dated 1 or 2 so called gennelmen... Mannered? Refined? Respectin a wimmen? Mayb ther outward face 2 the world at large.. not always in confine a ther car or in ne cloistered area... not ther arses they needed kikked but ther goolies given a gud kneein (God did me reely say that out loud?).. will giveya not all r getts.. but moren than ther shud b..
    "Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people....but I've got the pistols, so I'll keep the pesos....." (~~The Refreshments "Banditos")

  9. #9

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I aspire to try to be as "gentlemanly" as possible, as quaint and antiquated a notion that might seem to be in this post-modern world where the goal for so many is fame, no matter how fleeting and how badly they come off.

    I think it was that I was raised in part in two parts of the country where the value of being "ladies and gentlemen" held sway for a fairly long time---in the midwest and in the deep south.

    I do think it is true the old saw, "you get more with honey than vinegar!"

    It just seems that life if just a wee bit better if we treat each other with a bit of decency and respect---
    "Injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere..." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  10. #10

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I think being a gentleman is definitly a good quality to posses! It shows you can have respect for others and be polite and those are things (I think) that are important in being succesfull in social life. I like gentlemen much more than for example macho's, I feel like macho's are too busy with themselves and how they look or act, rather than paying alot attention to the person they're with. And I love ladies that act like gentlemen^^! It just has this really nice classy, calm vibe (for both men or women)!

  11. #11

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    When I was 19, I went out with a well spoken, charming, attractive solicitor.. an x Fettes College boy.. a gentleman. Yea..right..sure he was... took me almost 20 minutes to extricate myself from his embrace and keeping his hands out from under my skirt wasn't the easiest task. His assumption was that Fran was easy meat. Persistent? God he was persistent.. the word no was for other people..not for him.. he began getting nasty and I am lucky that he was disturbed by some girls coming back from the pub because I was beginning to get really scared.

    Now I have never minded guys trying their luck. Its part of the game, and I expected some WHT or octupus arms.. the occasional struggle for honour and chastity.. well "honour and chastity". However what I found was that in the main, the better the education, the higher social status, the smoother they spoke and/or the greater wealth they possessed.. the less gentlemanly they were. It seems to breed an arrogance which the world can well do without.

    I may sound harsh and it is a generalisation, but I invariably found more gentlemanly behaviour in some of the bits of rough who tried to force their attentions on me. At least mostly they got the message in the end!
    Last edited by darkeyes; Jan 13, 2010 at 6:14 AM.
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  12. #12

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I have thought about this concept and I just couldn't decide other than that a gentleman is not a sissy. I agree that he will stand up for what he believes in but approach the issue /conflict with finesse.

    I think that the concept of gentleman has somewhat become a confused scenario in today's society. I'm reminded of the statement that "good guys finish last" in some respects but that may only be because I just read darkeyes thoughts about being groped. In non male/female sexual scenarios a gentleman would tune in as to what was a proper way to behave.

    Ok..I'm going to blame women (waits for screams about my words being the most misogynist thing read on this site...lol) The concept of a gentleman went out the window with women's rights to some extent. I know that the boundaries were much clearer as to how to behave. The demands of equality made it less clear. Still, maybe what Joe wrote somewhere...."treat others the way that you would like to be treated" may have survived the confusing era. Women of a certain age still want their knight to save them on one hand and equality on the other...lol But that is just the relationship between men and women in a dating mating kind of way....lol Mano o Mano gentleman behaviour is different. Although, even then I think of the statement "good guys finish last"...lol
    Last edited by tenni; Jan 13, 2010 at 9:17 AM.

  13. #13

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    The point I was making, or at least trying to make, Tenni me luffly, is that many of a certain breeding, considered by society and outwardly acting as proper gentlemen are in fact nothing of the kind. The examples are but illustrations from my past of this. Equally, that those of a certain background, considered by those same "gentlemen", of lesser breeding and therefore considered inferior are often far more gentlemanly than those arseholes will ever be.

    My ex husband is a man of "breeding" but he is not in any way a snob and treats women and everyone else with the greatest respect. His mother on the other hand, considered a true lady of breeding by her peers, yet is a witch of the highest order who has nothing but contempt for those she deems inferior and upon whose hit list I am the number 1 target. So it is not merely men who do not act with courtesy and respect for people. My father on the other hand was raised working class in a mining community but through grit and hard work made something of his life. He has aways been a true gentleman not simply in my eyes but in the eyes of all who know him. He was raised in the eyes of my ex mother in law working class and is therefore somehow less. I was considered tarred with the same brush and treated accordingly.

    I realise I have drifted a bit off topic, yet it is pertinent. No matter the gender of an individual, it is not breeding or social status which marks them out as decent human beings... it is how they treat everyone else around them.
    Last edited by darkeyes; Jan 13, 2010 at 11:34 AM.
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  14. #14

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    "No matter the gender of an individual, it is not breeding or social status which marks them out as decent human beings... it is how they treat everyone else around them. "

    Darkeyes
    I think that raising the gender of a gentleman is interesting. Raising the point of breeding and social status may have more significance in Britain than North America. I suspect in North America that we are less inclined to assign the term "gentleman" to someone of wealth. It is generally wealth that determines status in North America rather than lineage.

    However, to refer to gentleman and connect it to gender is interesting. Being a rather semantical kinda guy, I'd want to know what traits are assigned to "gentlemen"? Darkeyes refers to:

    -treating others with respect
    -being courteous to others

    Would we not expect such behaviour from a "lady"? Regardless both traits are worthy to possess.
    Last edited by tenni; Jan 13, 2010 at 12:17 PM.

  15. #15

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I once heard this definition: A gentleman is one that does the right thing when others would not.
    Dirty old men need love too.

  16. #16

    Thumbs up Re: A Gentle Man...

    Women of a certain age still want their knight to save them on one hand and equality on the other...lol But that is just the relationship between men and women in a dating mating kind of way....lol Mano o Mano gentleman behaviour is different. Although, even then I think of the statement "good guys finish last"...lol


    Ok Tenni, come swoop in and save me. LOL A man can be a Gentleman no matter what age or status is he from. Wealth, power, and prestige means Nothing to plain, honesy, integrity and class. A man can still be a gentleman without that silver spoon shoved up his...back pocket..lol.
    Cat, waiting to be swooped..
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  17. #17

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    I agree with much of your assessment Tenni. Gentleman or gentlewoman should never matter on status or wealth. However if you are trying to tell me that in North America wealth does not denote status as much as here I simply do not accept. I do accept that breeding is probably considered less important, but tell that to many of North America's old money. I could go into a long and (arguably) tedious debate about why my country is so class concious even now. It is nowhere near as conscious of class as it was half a century ago, but it still persists to a considerable degree. The fact that we still have a hereditary monarchy, and an active (although less so) aristocracy without doubt affects how and why our society from progressing into the 21st century with so much class baggage. Many, Margaret Thatcher for one, did not accept that class difference existed. It does though, and there persists a "them and us" attitude among many in British society of all classes.. including what is now termed the underclass.

    It is more than merely a perception of envy on one side and contempt for the lower classes on the other. This really is an argument not for this thread, yet in its own way has its relevance to it. The politics of power come into play. Man over woman. Breeding against its absence. Rich against poor. Nobs against scruffs. The employed against the jobless. I go further.., Scots, Welsh and Irish against English, AngloSaxon against Celt, Native white British against immigrant, Black against white, Indian against African, Moslem v Jew and and Christian. These are but a few of the many the divisions which determine how our society treats its citizens and the citizens treat each other. All of these issues and more affect how people treat each other, and if most tend to treat other people in general with the courtesy and respect with which they are due, there remains a sizeable minority within each sector of society who simply cannot comprehend this. I would argue that the less "gentlemanly" sadly seem to be the ones who have most of the strings of power and who seem to be running my country. Because of ruthlessness, selfishness and sheer shittiness? Probably and more no doubt.

    My illustrations merely outlined one small problem area and the term "gentlemanly behaviour" really is a misnomer and is a symptom of a much greater problem in our world. What we are really taking about is decent human behaviour, and our kind's struggle to find respect for itself.

    Now can I go home for tea please? Muah!
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  18. #18

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Sweet, funny Cat
    I'll be there as soon as I get the white horse out of the shop. He is in getting new shoes and his mane washed and dried. ...now where did I put that darn halo


    Quote Originally Posted by Cherokee_Mountaincat View Post
    Women of a certain age still want their knight to save them on one hand and equality on the other...lol But that is just the relationship between men and women in a dating mating kind of way....lol Mano o Mano gentleman behaviour is different. Although, even then I think of the statement "good guys finish last"...lol


    Ok Tenni, come swoop in and save me. LOL A man can be a Gentleman no matter what age or status is he from. Wealth, power, and prestige means Nothing to plain, honesy, integrity and class. A man can still be a gentleman without that silver spoon shoved up his...back pocket..lol.
    Cat, waiting to be swooped..

  19. #19

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    darkeyes (me lufly....Is that how to spell it?...)

    I think that we are in agreement about class, breeding in your country as having a more important role in determining status and automatically assigned "nobless oblige" gentlemanship. It is interesting that you include the differentiating of immigrant versus native born etc. The immigrant status versus native born status may also exist in North America. ( In the US black versus white. In Canada the latest large group of immigrant....hmm maybe certain Asians or Pakistani versus native born. Then there is always the Indigenous Aboriginal versus white. Whether or not these groups are assigned as being more gentleman like in North America I'm not sure. I think it is more about status and well "I'm better than them". Certain minority groups may be assigned as less courteous at times when in fact it may be a cultural difference?...dunno.

    One or two lumps of sugar with that tea?

  20. #20

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    darkeyes (me lufly....Is that how to spell it?...)

    I think that we are in agreement about class, breeding in your country as having a more important role in determining status and automatically assigned "nobless oblige" gentlemanship. It is interesting that you include the differentiating of immigrant versus native born etc. The immigrant status versus native born status may also exist in North America. ( In the US black versus white. In Canada the latest large group of immigrant....hmm maybe certain Asians or Pakistani versus native born. Then there is always the Indigenous Aboriginal versus white. Whether or not these groups are assigned as being more gentleman like in North America I'm not sure. I think it is more about status and well "I'm better than them". Certain minority groups may be assigned as less courteous at times when in fact it may be a cultural difference?...dunno.

    One or two lumps of sugar with that tea?
    Tea..as in dinna babes.. not tea as in cuppa.. dinna..as in lunch..brekkie as in brekkie.. suppa as in suppa.. an me will hav no suga in me cuppa ta..me sweet enuff.. tee hee

    ..an actually agree...cultural differences dus often give the impression a bad manners.. but thats not wot me wos sayin..am sayin that ungentlemanly conduct is but a single symptom of a much gr8er malady throughout western society..an not 2 sure that societies outsida the west r much diff.. but ther we r...

    ..an 2 f's in luffly!

    Choccie biccie??
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  21. #21

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Darkeyes
    Never have I felt the cultural difference between Canuck and the Brits to be more ...uh...different... but so very endearing and sweet. You are a gem on this site and interesting writer.

    Ok..so is it four meals a day? or is tea = dinner?

  22. #22

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    Darkeyes
    Never have I felt the cultural difference between Canuck and the Brits to be more ...uh...different... but so very endearing and sweet. You are a gem on this site and interesting writer.

    Ok..so is it four meals a day? or is tea = dinner?
    God Tenni..don take me as typical a British culture or even Scots.. Brit culture has so many strands like mos countries.. ther is Scots, Northern Irish an Welsh culture..English culture..which itsel has many strands..northern english..southern.. Midland, East Anglian, Cornish..islamic, jewish, carribean, african, eastern european, hindu..asian, chinese etc etc etc...Scots culture has gaelic an doric an lowland, western an northern Isles.. an many a the immigrant influences that England has..Wales has its own north/south divide. Ulster the unionist/republican thing. There r rural an urban cultures an each city an country area has its own culture.. sumtimes moren 1.. takes much 2 long 2 explain it all... The northern english an the southern scots hav more similarities culturally than the northern english an southern..espesh those from the north east of England... an southern scots r culturally r at least as much in tune wiv the northern english as they r wiv ther highland an island country peeps.. the UK is a confusin cultural mix jus like prob ne wer else.. Brit culture does not exist..such as it is is an amalgam of many diff peoples an thers...the cultures a the Orkney an Shetland islands hav more in common wiv Norway than Scotland. An it all makes my country..incredibly interestin culturally..

    Lil eddication on tea an stuff..nobs an middle class peeps in the UK hav 4 meals a day.. sumtimes... Brekkie (breakfast), lunch, dinner an supper..sumtimes dependin on how toffee nosed they r, or the occasion or cos they r l8 home from work..they dispense wiv dinna.. usually round bout 7 or 8.. an hav a l8 meal...suppa... round bout 9 or 10 at nite.

    Many workin class peeps also hav this kinda set up for munchin..tho not usually includin the deletion a dinna an replacin it wiv suppa.. these tend 2 b the southern workin classes tgho many a them share wiv ther northern class compatriots Brekkie, Dinna (lunch), Tea(dinna) an suppa.. wer the 3 earlier meals hav been taken suppa is usually a lite meal woteva ya class. the workin classes tend 2 hav ther tea between 5 an 6 at nite dependin on wen peeps get home from work. Clear? not as mud me hopes...tee hee.

    Then a course ther is elevenses... the mid mornin cuppa wiv biccie..or aftanoon tea.. wiv cakes or scones.. an high tea wich is more of a l8 aftanoon or early evenin nosh.. an me fave of such delites... Cream teas... spesh in Cornwall... tea (or coffee) an scones wiv clotted cream an strawb jam...god luff em...

    ..an alla this has ver lil 2 do wiv the thread..ah well..nev mind..
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  23. #23

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Franny--your guy that at first seemed to be a "gentleman"--who turned out to be a groper--he was just another cad!!

    Ya shoulda shot the asshole!!
    "Injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere..." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  24. #24

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Quote Originally Posted by 12voltman59 View Post
    Franny--your guy that at first seemed to be a "gentleman"--who turned out to be a groper--he was just another cad!!

    Ya shoulda shot the asshole!!
    That self same gett is now 1a the mos "promisin young advocates in the country"... smooth sod.. kno 'e is married now...wonda if 'is wife wud b partial 2 a lil canoodle wiv a certain yummie tart a ur aquaintance?? Sumhow think that wud b a much betta punishment than shootin the s***bag!!
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  25. #25

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    A little off topic but related in Gentlemen, money, class, and manners

    3 men side by side in a line of decreasing height

    John Cleese:
    (In bowler hat, black jacket and pinstriped trousers) I look down on him (Indicates Barker) because I am upper-class.

    Ronnie Barker:
    (Pork-pie hat and raincoat) I look up to him (Cleese) because he is upper-class; but I look down on him (Corbett) because he is lower-class. I am middle-class

    Ronnie Corbett:
    (Cloth cap and muffler) I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to him (Barker) as much as I look up to him (Cleese), because he has got innate breeding.

    Cleese:
    I have got innate breeding, but I have not got any money. So sometimes (bends knees) I look up to him (Barker).

    Barker:
    I still look up to him (Cleese) because although I have money, I am vulgar. But I am not as vulgar as him (Corbett) so I still look down on him (Corbett).

    Corbett:
    I know my place. I look up to them both; but while I am poor, I am honest, industrious and trustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. .....But I don't!

    Barker:
    We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?

    Cleese:
    I get a feeling of superiority over them.

    Barker:
    I get a feeling of inferiority from him, (Cleese), but a feeling of superiority over him (Corbett).

    Corbett:
    I get a pain in the back of my neck.

    ....and variations thereof in which Ronnie Corbet says - I am the underdog (laying underneath a large StBernard)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0DUsGSMwZY
    Last edited by Hephaestion; Jan 14, 2010 at 9:16 AM. Reason: URL added

  26. #26

    Re: A Gentle Man...

    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestion View Post
    A little off topic but related in Gentlemen, money, class, and manners

    3 men side by side in a line of decreasing height

    John Cleese:
    (In bowler hat, black jacket and pinstriped trousers) I look down on him (Indicates Barker) because I am upper-class.

    Ronnie Barker:
    (Pork-pie hat and raincoat) I look up to him (Cleese) because he is upper-class; but I look down on him (Corbett) because he is lower-class. I am middle-class

    Ronnie Corbett:
    (Cloth cap and muffler) I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to him (Barker) as much as I look up to him (Cleese), because he has got innate breeding.

    Cleese:
    I have got innate breeding, but I have not got any money. So sometimes (bends knees) I look up to him (Barker).

    Barker:
    I still look up to him (Cleese) because although I have money, I am vulgar. But I am not as vulgar as him (Corbett) so I still look down on him (Corbett).

    Corbett:
    I know my place. I look up to them both; but while I am poor, I am honest, industrious and trustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. .....But I don't!

    Barker:
    We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?

    Cleese:
    I get a feeling of superiority over them.

    Barker:
    I get a feeling of inferiority from him, (Cleese), but a feeling of superiority over him (Corbett).

    Corbett:
    I get a pain in the back of my neck.

    ....and variations thereof in which Ronnie Corbet says - I am the underdog (laying underneath a large StBernard)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0DUsGSMwZY
    Hav nev seen this on telly Heph but me dad an 'is m8s do a version as ther party piece at New Year.. all gud socialists.. lissnin 2 me dad takin off a posh accent an lookin superior is 1a the funniest things me has ev heard or seen.. 1st time she ev saw it Kate literally wet her knickers laffin..

    ..an its all so true innit?
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

 

 

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