Problems

**jfra18** · Mar 22, 2009, 9:46 PM

I am having problems in the bed room with my wife and its not her. You see i cant get it up and keep it there and I am only 29. I am bi and it has been a long time since I have been with a man in any form and am woundering if that had anything to do with it, or not. anyone out there have any ideas or advice

**rissababynta** · Mar 22, 2009, 10:02 PM

There are actually a lot of men of all ages that have problems keeping it up once they get up. They have prescription medications, herbs, or even devices like cock rings and such out there that have helped many guys with this problem. It doesn't necessarily mean that there is an underlying issue with your desire of being with a man (could or couldn't be, perhaps something to speak with a therapist about to come to the right conclusion?). I would suggest talking to someone, probably a doctor or a therapist who specializes in sex and try to come to a conclusion about what the problem could be and what the best route would be to resolving it.

**gfofbiguy** · Mar 22, 2009, 10:46 PM

Also could be if you are on any medications - some of them do have that as a side-effect, so if you are on any meds, don't stop taking them, but discuss your problems with your doctor and they may be able to help...whether it is putting you on something different, reducing the dosage or something different.

**tyciol** · Mar 22, 2009, 11:57 PM

Don't feel a pressure to perform, avoid using it and do oral for a while. Enjoy yourself and do what pleases you mentally and emotionally, and maybe it wakes up, maybe it doesn't.

I've never liked the whole taking meds thing. If you do general things to improve health (like they have other benefits) and that helps sure, but not a drug with no other benefits and stuff like side effects. That ruins the point for me, since sex is supposed to be healthy and stuff.

**totchune** · Mar 23, 2009, 12:27 AM

If you wake up with a hard on, or if you get hard during the night, then the issue is not mechanical...it is psychological.

**rissababynta** · Mar 23, 2009, 1:52 AM

Originally Posted by totchune

If you wake up with a hard on, or if you get hard during the night, then the issue is not mechanical...it is psychological.

Yes, but, most men wake up with hard ons. Morning wood is just a manly thing haha. Also, the sensation of the sheets rubbing on a guys crotch can be enough to create a hard on. Men get hard for more reasons then just something sexual, so I'm not so sure if this would mean that there is something psychological going on.

**totchune** · Mar 23, 2009, 3:02 PM

Originally Posted by rissababynta

Yes, but, most men wake up with hard ons. Morning wood is just a manly thing haha. Also, the sensation of the sheets rubbing on a guys crotch can be enough to create a hard on. Men get hard for more reasons then just something sexual, so I'm not so sure if this would mean that there is something psychological going on.

It's just a theory I read somewhere, supposedly written by a doctor...but "psychological" doesn't have to mean something deep or complicated. It could just come from feeling a sense of pressure (to please or to perform).

The best thing is not to make a big deal of it, and be sexual with no expectation, going back to having fun rather than thinking of sex as a performance.

Perhaps your partner is too aggressive sexually, or just the opposite, not aggressive enough, depending on your temperament.

Perhaps you are having stress in some other areas of your life, your job, financial issues, relationships with your family, your boss, etc etc...

Remember, you are not a machine, don't expect to function like one, look at your life as a whole.

**rissababynta** · Mar 23, 2009, 3:09 PM

Originally Posted by totchune

It's just a theory I read somewhere, supposedly written by a doctor...but "psychological" doesn't have to mean something deep or complicated. It could just come from feeling a sense of pressure (to please or to perform).

.

I go to school for psychology, I know what "psychological" means.

**noabody** · Mar 23, 2009, 4:45 PM

One day I couldn't do it anymore. Enough time had passed that the running caught up. I can't be the man she needs and she doesn't understand. I can't be the man I need to be with anyone. Too much fear, distrust, misunderstanding. Too many roads untraveled, now the bends are all gone and I don't even have to keep my hands on the wheel. The horizon is always just out of reach.

Desires replaced by fear to make sure nothing could ever go wrong. Then there's nothing at all. I can only talk to myself, too afraid of what everyone else will say. Too afraid to invest the time to heal by understanding. It's already fallen apart inside, just trying to grasp onto what's outside to keep going a little further.

I can't make love to my wife, I can't make love to anyone except myself in some twisted narcissistic fate we never wished for. It's all there in the words, they keep coming, turn the page and close the book. There you'll see me just as normal and as happy as can be. The angst is all trapped within the spiders web of pages.

Why can't I keep the damn book closed?

**tutunono** · Mar 23, 2009, 4:54 PM

I'm not a man so, I wouldnt know what or how you feel,but I suggest you go to a doctor.

**jfra18** · Mar 24, 2009, 1:46 PM

thank you everyone i took some time off from all activities for a couple of days and last night was sucsesful

**Cherokee_Mountaincat** · Mar 24, 2009, 2:01 PM

Stress and tension can make things very bad on a person, Darlin. Just take some 'down time(no pun intended) and things will go back to nnormal. Dont try so hard, just let loving come gently. *Wink*
Glad to hear that things are falling back into place.
Hugs
Cat

**Fire Serpent** · Mar 24, 2009, 7:54 PM

I have had the same problem at times. Other times I had a hard-on so bad that it hurt. I discussed this with my personal doctor and he recommended a specialist. Best thing I ever did. Many people will offer advice and most of it is well intentioned, but if you are not careful; it can make the situation worse. Talk with your doctor and go where he leads you.

**jazzer** · Mar 25, 2009, 1:01 AM

Being unable to obtain and sustain an erection is legendary. Everyone will at some stage in their male lives experience it. A lot of factors can contribute to the "condition". Diabetes, tiredness, general poor health, pyschological factors within the relationship, stress, being bored with your sex life.
The solutions can be regular exercise, having a healthy diet and weight, watching your blood pressure and cholesterol (a healthy heart goes hand in hand with a healthy penis).
In a very young man who is having erectile problems, you would have to suspect "performance anxiety". Don't be so hard on yourself (no pun intended). Sex shouldn't be rushed and never neglect foreplay. Oral stimulation, fondling, kissing and body contact are all important in making your little guy stand to attention. Sensual massage and a candlelight dinner still works too.
There is still viagra and a cock ring, but make them the last resort when all else fails.

**PolyLoveTriad** · Mar 25, 2009, 2:23 PM

There are a lot of reasons you may be having this problem. What I would do is go see your doctor and tell them whats going on, I know most men may not want to talk to their doctor about this kind of problem but it may be well worth it for you to do so. I dont know that you not being with a man for a while has anything to do with it. I know my husband hasnt been with a man in several years and he is up 80% of the day I think lol Hes a horn dog for sure!