Here's where I am at. I'm a happy 40yo bi married guy here that loves his wife, loves sex with his wife and is normal and content. Things are good here.
I've always been attracted to guys, although I do find that attraction to become stronger as I get older. I love women and also am attracted to men. Not just curious, and I am happy and sane with that. Wife doesn't know (and would be horrified -- trust me, it just wouldn't work out as an open marriage).
Wife and I enjoy sex together, but I augment that with masturbation in secret with porn, sometimes gay, sometimes straight. Over the last five years it has been more into gay and bi guys: phone, webchat and really connecting with guys, which has been terrific. For one, I seriously thought that bi married guys were rare. and it made me feel great knowing there were many guys like me who enjoy men and still enjoy our wives. It wasn't the either/or decision I thought it was. For another, I really enjoy talking and sharing sex with a guy and becoming intimate. Heck, I even like talking to another guy about sex advice with out gals. Real turn on.
The real reason for posting is now I want more. I want to be with a man. I want to find another married bud, become friends, share stories, and make love to. I want to be in a close friendship with that guy with the intent of just enjoying our manliness but without leaving our wives.
The question here is... can that happen?
I'm careful by nature. So I think things out as best as I can. Maybe I can find another guy in the same boat that wants what I want. Maybe we are both stable and mature and want the same pace: just want to love each other in secret. Maybe it also is a closed loop thing where we always take precautions for STDs but are honest with each other so we can just enjoy sex and love with that same freedom we do with our wives.
But there's these other things I think about.
- what if I (or him) become more attracted to each other than our wives emotionally? or obsessively?
- will m2m play make me eventually dislike the sex with my wife? my wife doesn't give oral, for instance. So will I just automatically love a man more?
- how long can this go on (realistically)? any experience you guys have with other mature m2m relationships?
- STDs are always a concern. Even if us guys were faithful, things can be introduced by all four parties. And they have a ripple effect. There's always that chance.
- Once I truly am with a man, I'll always have that experience. So is it better to just have it as a fantasy, rather than go through with all of this until I find someone? Maybe the time to experiment was when I was younger. Maybe I should stick with camming/phoning.
For many of those reasons have prevented me. But mostly that I love my wife, love my wife and could happily remain monogamous. It's just that I know I would love to be with a man and there's a few opportunities I have right now. So while I was happy to stay faithful, part of me says that I should go for it.
I'm not asking for permission or validation. I guess I'm asking for personal experience and a conversation. I think that helps me form an opinion.
Any real life experience out there?
Any advice?
Any regrets?
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