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  1. #31

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by flexuality
    This article has been bothering me since it went up. Really bothering me.

    So....are we old? I don't think so....I think we got smacked with another label.
    Yes, another label. But should we settle for old?
    Old, means that, Mr. Death has moved into the spare bedroom, just so he is close by when needed. I have previously experienced his very near presence. So I know he is not staying in my spare bedroom!
    I refuse to be labeled old. Rather, (59 yrs old), I am upper middle age.

    Upper middle age means expending energy only on important issues.
    Upper middle age allows us to provide critical guidance to our children such that they become young men and women we are proud of.
    Upper middle age is wisdom, knowledge, experiences and memories that are treasured so much that we would not trade them for lengthened life span.

    More could be listed but let me end it with:
    Upper middle age means it takes two hours of sexual play before the fireworks.

    JEM
    JEM

  2. #32

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by richarddennis
    Considering each day a gift may be considered a tad too polyannaish, but I get a big grin just the same.
    If you feel that each day is a gift, you should definitely go with that... your own happiness is of utmost importance...who cares if someone else may think you polyannaish. Dont let anyone kill your joy. As long as you are also able to be compassionate and not judge others with different feelings, they shouldnt judge you either. Happiness and contentment are not that easy to achieve, especially when disabled, so good for you!

    Sheela

  3. #33

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by smokey
    If you an arrange it so, make all your mistakes in life pleasurible ones; after all, they will be your memories.
    Love this quote Smokey!

    Quote Originally Posted by reginanjus
    Uh, You are still hot Sheela!
    *blush* Thanks!


    Sheela
    Last edited by fuscialadybug; Jun 4, 2007 at 5:27 AM.

  4. #34

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by flexuality
    (Quote below edited)

    When I look in the mirror, I don't see that. I don't SEE old....I don't SEE useless.....I don't SEE a nun.....I don't SEE "no longer sexy"

    Would I want to be 21 again? If it meant that I had to give up the smattering of wisdom I have gained (through no easy means I might add!) then I would have to say "no." Would I want to be seen as young, attractive, usefull and maybe even sexy? Yeah, I'm vain....I admit it.

    But the funny thing I have discovered, is that I really don't have a problem with how I look or the fact that gravity does in fact act on the human body, or that what once was any old bikini now has to be "stratically placed" swimwear.

    What I DO have a problem with is that I feel very isolated in my thinking. There don't seem to be a lot of people who agree with me. It seems to be that no matter how "okay" I am with me and my age, that I have to tolerate a rather large portion of society that isn't okay with it.

    Someone made the comment that men handle aging better than women do, which is probably true... At least men aren't affected by it the same way women are...and it's everywhere.
    I know what you mean. I feel like basically the same person, then I catch my reflection in a plate glass window and wonder, who is that double-wide person? Inside, I feel pretty much the same as I did thinner and younger--other people see me differently, I guess. Two years ago I was 90lbs for a year due to illness, so I would rather be extra large than do that again.

    I'm with you, definitely wouldnt want to trade one ounce of wisdom or experience for rolling back the clock either. What I learned in the past week alone is invaluable to me.

    My inner self is what I consider to be me. My body changes so much, at this point, I dont really have a body image "identity" anyway, as either a fat, medium or skinny person because I have been everywhere on the spectrum.

    I also hear you on the vanity point--I'd definitely rather have my 32 year old body back...but only if I could keep the same mind.

    I hear you about the "strategically placed bathing suit" LOL or in my case, shorts and halter top. My cotton bathing suits no longer fit and they dont make them any more--only synthetic...ick! I had taken to wearing cotton/lycra leotards (with slimming princess seams) as a bathing suit but they only go up to extra large at Capezio.
    And dont get me started about stores that only carry clothes up to a size medium! Luckily, gravity has been kind to me so at least still pretty firm and I can still get away with no bra. (Even if I couldnt get away with it, I stopped wearing those straight jackets a long time ago and cant go back.)

    I personally prefer people with a little age on them because hopefully they have some wisdom to share...this youth worship has its drawbacks (less cellulite not being one of them!)

    Of course men handle ageing better! Women are not as youth or looks obsessed so men arent subjected to the same degree of evaporation with age as women. Except when dating other men (generalities of course, and generalities do not apply to you, whomever is protesting "but I am not like that!")

    Thanks, Flexuality for your great post...honest, real and thoughtful (as in full of thought.) Also love your glittery Cheshire Cat.

    Love and Peace to everyone.
    Last edited by fuscialadybug; Jun 4, 2007 at 6:47 AM.

  5. #35

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by Drew
    Still Sexy After All These Years? Nope. Bi, Celibate and Old.

    By Sheela Lambert

    Bi, celibate and old. This is what my life has come to. When I first discovered the New York City bi community, back in 1991, I was quite popular. In fact, I was the belle of the ball. For ten years I had boyfriends, I had girlfriends…sometimes at the same time! There was the occasional threesome or foursome and constant invitations to sex parties and sex clubs that I always turned down (well almost always.) On one birthday, the entire guest-list of my bisexual birthday party gave me a group massage, which they offered (several times!) to turn into an orgy focused solely on me (I stuck with the massage.) A select bunch from my Bisexual Women’s Group went out together every week to dances and movies and beaches and I was always one of the gang. Groups of bi folk would actually gather in my apartment, even though I live in Washington Heights (commonly referred to as the nosebleed section of Manhattan).

    When I was in my thirties and had lost my baby-fat but had not yet gained middle-age spread… I was hot. I was slender, curvy, and although not supermodel material, looked quite fabulous in a bikini—despite childbirth and a few stretch marks that could only be seen in bright light. My ex and I had joint custody of our son, so although I was a single mom half the week, I was single the other half. I never had to wait more than a few months between beaus or beauties, sometimes the start-up of one relationship occurred right on the heels of another’s demise. Even my diagnosis of Crohn’s disease didn’t put that much of a crimp in my social life at first because I already had a boyfriend, a girlfriend and lots of friends.

    But the girlfriend decided she wasn’t comfortable with my double dating (now she’s the poster girl for polyamory) and the boyfriend wanted a healthy partner and children. Other bisexual relationships, though delightful in many ways, came and went.

    But now, 13 years after my illness was diagnosed, it’s been two years since I’ve been in a relationship. And I’m not sure the last two even count. They were two recycled boyfriends, one bi and one incorrigibly straight, that I reactivated out of loneliness and the hope they would work out better the second time around. They didn’t. My theory was that two workaholics equal one decent boyfriend. But I just ended up being twice as frustrated when both of them cancelled dates, didn’t call when they should have or kept taking weeks off from the relationship because they “needed time alone.” Theoretically I was in two relationships. But in reality, I was spending weeks without a single date. I finally broke up with both, deciding that being alone would be about the same as dating those two, except without the cancellations. And then when they didn’t call me, at least I was expecting it.

    About a year later, I had a few dates with a woman from one of my bi groups who proved even more slippery than the guys I broke up with. (In my experience, when it comes to dating, women are just as screwed up as the guys.) She had flirted with me years ago but when we went to see her sing in a Village jazz club, a light turned on. She had chocolate skin, long hair and a beautiful smile. She could spontaneously make up a new verse for an old standard and get everyone going. She got me going for sure. We had a couple dates but between her day job, gigging and rehearsing with her band, it was hard to get penciled in. I convinced her to squeeze in a date midweek. Although she invited me in, on my way out the door, she cancelled our date for the following Sunday. After she had her way with me. Apparently I had used up my quota of her time for the week. And this was a vacation week when she wasn’t teaching and had said she’d have more time. I got fed up and stopped calling. And since I had done all the pursuing…that was that.

    Nine months later I turned 50 and freaked. I hadn’t had a date in 9 months. I hadn’t had a relationship in a year and a half. I had been faithfully attending my bi group twice a month, was showing up to a new one that popped up as well as an LGBT brunch group in my neighborhood (which turned out to be a bunch of gay guys, one lesbian and me.) I hadn’t met anyone. Just to prove to myself that I could still get a date, I put some personal ads on craigslist but left off my age. Of course since I’m bi, I had to post separate ads for men and women. And I had to be careful to write completely different wording so I wouldn’t be flagged as a repeat ad space hogger. And I had to omit any mention that I am bi.

    In the men’s ad, I didn’t post that I am bi, because that attracts guys who assume I can’t wait to meet them at the nearest sex club. In the women’s ad, I didn’t post that I am bi because I would be instantly stereotyped and rejected as a bi-curious chick seeking a girl-on-girl one night stand. The only responses I could expect would be come-ons from women who are (very graphically), seeking the same.

    To my bi-free ad I had many replies and three actual dates: two straight guys and a transgender woman (I answered her ad.) They went the way of most blind dates: in the crapper. I recently posted personal ads again and posted my age this time. The silence was deafening.

    Apparently 20’s and 30’s are sexy. Even 40 isn’t over the hill these days. But 50 is the kiss of death. Of course, in person, people say I look much younger. But that still assumes that at 50 you have attained hagdom.

    I’m experiencing the invisibility that goes with aging. Although it’s a relief to be catcall-free when I’m walking down the street, the lack of attention in my personal life is not as enjoyable. At 34, my social calendar was full. Either I have become eccentric and cranky in my old age or people just don’t think of 50 year old women as appealing. I’ve had some offers for casual sex, but one thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I’m into relationships and casual sex doesn’t do a thing for me.

    Even the one time I got dragged to a sex party way back when (I was out of town at a bi conference and as everyone knows, conference sex doesn’t count) I fell in love. I called the girl I hooked up with at the party the next day and invited her to visit me in New York. I could tell over the phone that she thought I was a lunatic. She was taking the “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” approach and I was still thinking about the tender way she wrapped my scarf around my neck before I walked out the door.


    I recently launched a new bi women’s group called Bi Women of All Colors, with Donna Redd, a friend from the good old days of the original Bisexual Women’s Group in NYC. Donna has a husband and a girlfriend—she is the bomb. I was hoping that this would be an opportunity for me to make new friends and possibly find a girlfriend too. At one of our recent dinners, two beautiful and interesting women showed up, each one special in her own way. I considered both, daydreaming about what it would be like to fall in love with each one. I was feeling quite hopeful. At the end of dinner they went off with each other.

    What happened? I used to be that girl. The one that people wanted to go off with. But my role has changed. I am now seen as a mother-figure who provides opportunities for others. I am no longer hot.

    I am also no longer child-bearing. I have already had hot flashes, night sweats and erratic periods. Even if I could get pregnant, when you have a child who is old enough to have his own; it’s time to close down the factory. I enjoyed motherhood but was never prepared to repeat an experience that almost killed me the first time. Luckily, modern medicine intervened and, unlike mothers who gave birth before the advent of antibiotics, I survived. And was able to enjoy raising my child.

    I used to turn to family for love and attention when romance was in short supply. But the loved ones who made me feel special, my mom, my dad and my aunt have all died. My son regards me as a parent to rebel against, not a person to get to know. And my brother is a bit overwhelmed trying to substitute for the three people who have disappeared. Although he tries to be supportive, he is so tired of the bi topic, I can see his eyes roll up in his head even over the phone.

    Right now, my main relationship is with my new vibrator which I was forced to purchase when my other one fried. It literally short circuited while in use, making scary noises accompanied by the acrid smell of burnt rubber—and a case of orgasm interuptus. “Electrocution by vibrator” might have gotten me into the Book of World Records, but I’m glad it didn’t.

    Of course, having a chronic illness has caused me to be much less socially active. When you don’t have energy to go out, you have less opportunities to meet people. I don’t go to bi groups as often as I used to, or explore other events at the LGBT Center either. I don’t go to the theater, dance performances, restaurants or concerts—disabled people tend to be poor. I don’t go to free outdoor concerts either, as they require arriving an hour early to get an uncomfortable seat or a patch of grass (I need a backrest and a padded chair to sit for more than a few minutes) and if there are bathrooms, they are far from the seating area and have long lines; which I can’t stand on. I feel older than I look, a result of the constant fatigue from having a chronic illness. After 13 years, I only have a vague memory of what I used to be like pre-Crohn’s. People who can go to a job five days a week, play sports on the weekend or have a trim figure, all things I can no longer do, seem like they have superpowers to me.

    My only superpower left is my activist work. Over 16 years, I have learned by doing. And because of the internet, it is something I can now do at home in my nightgown. I can rest between proposals and emails. And can turn my computer back on if I’m having insomnia at 3AM. Or 4 or 5 or 6. For some people, it would be a superpower to be able to speak out about their bisexuality. Either they have too much to lose or they’re having too much fun. At this point, I have nothing to lose and I’d rather spend my time racking up accomplishments for the bi and LGBT community than wasting my time on a relationship that doesn’t work, even a bi one. I would be willing to cut back a bit for true love, however. My psychic bisexual ex-boyfriend says it’s not in the cards. But I’m ready to throw the cards away.

    ***

    Sheela Lambert is a veteran bi and LGBT writer, presenter and activist living in New York City with her son and her dust collection. She is the founder of the Bi Writers Association, organizer of the Bisexual Speakers Bureau in the NYC area, founder of the Bi Mental Health Professionals Association, Bi Teachers Association, Co-Founder of the Coalition of Unity and Inclusion and lead organizer of Bialogue. She was the lead activist who, together with transgender activist Pauline Park, spearheaded the successful inclusion campaigns convincing The Center, Heritage of Pride’s Annual Pride March, Pride Rally, and Pride Festival and The Film Festival in New York City to change their names from “Lesbian and Gay” to “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender” and spearheaded the successful campaign to add a bisexual award category to the Lammys book awards. She is the host of Out Professionals’ LGBT Filmmaker Series and editor of the forthcoming anthology Best Bi Short Stories. She produced and hosted the first weekly bi TV series on the planet, Bisexual Network, on NYC public access cable in 1993 and was a correspondent on the GLBT public access cable show Out in the 90’s 1992-93. She produced a Safer Sex Workshop Series for Bi Women and Lesbians March 92-Dec 95, the only one of its kind during that time period. She has been an active member of Heritage of Pride, Queer Nation, Educational Coalition on Lesbian and Gay Youth (ECoLaGY) and the Manhattan Borough President's LGBTQ and Two Spirit Advisory Board. She has a B.S. in Psychology and has worked as an HIV Counselor, in homelessness prevention and managed health food stores. In her youth she lived in a Yoga monastery for five years at the Integral Yoga Institute, coincidentally, across the street from the LGBT Community Center on 13th Street.

    (c) Copryight 2007 Sheela Lambert

    i appreciate this...

    thank you
    ‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^›

    "Columbine was not in the 'hood."~Ricki Lee Josten

    We arent better than each other, but we should want to be better people.~~Danielle Benton

    ~~Observing the blissfully ignorant daily~~~

  6. #36

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Afta readin this...made up me mind if me hadnt already...not gettin old.. me gonna stay jus young an luffly.... an if me dus look like gettin old... babygirl...ya know wer the strichnine is..... jus shuv a load in me tea
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  7. #37

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    This thread bothered me too. As a woman in my mid 50's,I would like to say being over 50 is not the kiss of death. No, i will never be or look 30 or 40 or even 50 again. But i am in good company! Everyone ages..it's all in how you look and feel about yourself. If u feel/think old...u will be. At (nearly) 55...I can still be hot!
    "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

  8. #38

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I think Sheela looks like quite the MILF. But we need more photos to be sure. :-)

  9. #39

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cheshire Cat
    This thread bothered me too. As a woman in my mid 50's,I would like to say being over 50 is not the kiss of death. No, i will never be or look 30 or 40 or even 50 again. But i am in good company! Everyone ages..it's all in how you look and feel about yourself. If u feel/think old...u will be. At (nearly) 55...I can still be hot!

    Yes!!! A hot 50+ woman! I really like hot 50+ women! WOW!!! I am almost 60, when the occasion is right, I can be hot too!

    We all have adversity in life. But, life is precious; life is great. We do not get to do it twice. Over and above the normal routine of everyday life, growing older is a wonderful adventure, full of peril, thrills and excitement, financial ruin and wealth, emotional disaster and love, and good health to near death experiences.

    JEM
    JEM

  10. #40

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Sheela's article and the many posts bring me to step forward. As a bi male- first after being married for a long time to a woman in a relationship where I was totally in the closet there was a divorce. Then, I met a bi/poly woman, we fell in love, got engaged had a wonderful number of years, but before the wedding, it nuked - not over bi or poly but her adult (21) son whom was never held accountable for anything and I could not reconcile that my children (then 26 & 22) would see a totally different standard of accountability than what they grew up w/. - since then, there have been "sporadic" relationships- the one thing I have said to myself is "never again will I be w/ a person that does not only know I am bi, but understand emotionally how that affects me/us." I did date a woman, for some time, who knew, seemed okay w/ it and yet I began to feel like some sort of sociology experiment; also, that being bi was like being
    an English-American, which is to say, it really wasn't important to her.
    And I guess I have come to the conclusion that it is better to be alone and who I am than to be w/ someone and not be who I am. But what really struck me about Sheela's article was the whole dating thing- I dated a woman who by definition was bi (she was in a long term lesbian relationship, but out of that had been dating men, but really looked mostly at woman) - and it seemed to me (and we talked about this) that it was okay for her to date men and spend a lot of time looking at women, but it was uncomfortable for her to date me and have me look at the occasional man. Definitely two different standards. I am not a promiscuous male- since getting sober in 79 I have not slept around. I had no m/m experience before that and only 2 since w/ people I continue to know and care for deeply. I can't possibly see putting an ad in to look for a male and you put an ad w/ the word bi to look for a female companion and there is are no replies.
    I know that being in a bi/poly relationship w/ a woman who wants the same is the best starting place for me- it worked so well once. But talk about a small pond - so, Sheela, et. al. it seems that while the Internet has helped us find people some what like us- we continue to feel like fish that are in ponds where other fish of the same species are spread through out ponds we have little access to.
    So, at the same time (no surprise here, right?) I feel good to find several posts from people like me (I am over 50 and under 60) who are challenged w/ the same feelings and frustrated that I can't sit down and have coffee w/ you all.
    Tom

  11. #41

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Hey! Jem!...YES!, YES!, YES! ha,ha,ha,ha,ha...
    "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

  12. #42

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Thank you for your article. I am 49 years young. Funny thing about age - the numbers don't always agree with how you feel.

    It took a lot of courage for you to put your feelings out there for all to read. The life you have led also took courage and guts. You still have a lot of life left to live and share with others.

    I think you are a hot woman and would be pleased to count you in my friends circle, whether we were intimate or not, it would be an honor. Cherish the friends and relationships you have had, have now and will have in the future. The people in your life are the most valuable treasures you will ever have.

    I wish I were closer to you.

    Many Bright Blessings.

  13. #43

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    WOW, you have hit the nail on the head....hang in there, your work for society, i believe, is the important part right now, but I can say that I felt your "loneliness" as I scrolled through the sentences....much love and hugs

    becca

  14. #44

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I give you alot for opening up honey. You still look pretty to me.

  15. #45

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Great article, it can imagine it must have been tough to write.

    Our society puts way to much emphasis on youth and looks.

  16. #46

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I genuinely feel that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think that you have to remember that it is very hard to find real people. However, I think that you will find someone real and be very happy... Everyone needs someone. And Hopefully, you will feel better when you find that someone... or when that someone finds you....

  17. #47

    age and your thoughts

    always keep a young open mind . that is the most important thing...tooo bad i couldnt have joined you at those parties in the olde days.-----bob

  18. #48

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    we have nothing left to learn? 50 is done? maybe life is telling you something that you neglected to put into your blog. i refuse to elaborate because your education is much more than mine will ever be and i see something that obviously you do not. don't beg me to insult you becoz it ain't gonna happen.
    live by your own opinions ok !

  19. #49

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    This is all i will say on this, after the read..and then the ponder and then ...

    whoa...

    Your article darling, was brilliant!

    We are who we chose to be. You lived your life... to this point

    I ponder, when you were so called the bell of the ball..did you think about settling down?

    Perhaps you didnt meet "the one"..but i believe we are young and attractive for a reason... its like babies..they are soo cute..so you wanna take care of them..youth attracks people...

    then they get older and a tad more umm..non cute?? we loose patience..like teenagers? we want them gone... we love them..we cherish them..they drive us mad..


    life is a cruel instrument...we live we laugh we learn...in the end we do only have ourselves to blame to regret to relive the whole mess..


    karma..thats the word..were we meant to be alone?..make a difference in this world in our own way?

    are we selfish? seriously, being bi..we want ...we want..do we deserve to have it all?

    to be complete...have ying AND yang? I dont think the 50 thing or 60 thing has anything to do with it..

    you are dealt a hand and must deal with said hand...your destiny is already written..for good or bad...life is muddling your way through it...

    my two cents..
    ...i am a stranger;stranger to death; stranger to love; stranger in life...

  20. #50

    Question Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by meta23
    I think Sheela looks like quite the MILF. But we need more photos to be sure. :-)
    MILF? Can someone please explain?

  21. #51

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cheshire Cat
    This thread bothered me too. As a woman in my mid 50's,I would like to say being over 50 is not the kiss of death. No, i will never be or look 30 or 40 or even 50 again. But i am in good company! Everyone ages..it's all in how you look and feel about yourself. If u feel/think old...u will be. At (nearly) 55...I can still be hot!
    You go girl!

  22. #52

    Red face Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy1
    WOW, you have hit the nail on the head....hang in there, your work for society, i believe, is the important part right now, but I can say that I felt your "loneliness" as I scrolled through the sentences....much love and hugs

    becca
    Thank you Becca, hugs to you too.
    Last edited by fuscialadybug; Jun 16, 2007 at 4:29 PM.

  23. #53

    Red face Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by DareMe
    Great article, it can imagine it must have been tough to write.

    Our society puts way to much emphasis on youth and looks.
    Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.

    Sheela
    Last edited by fuscialadybug; Jun 16, 2007 at 4:21 PM.

  24. #54

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by Waldo1
    I give you alot for opening up honey. You still look pretty to me.
    Thank you, Waldo

  25. #55

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by purplespider
    Your article darling, was brilliant!
    .....
    you are dealt a hand and must deal with said hand...your destiny is already written..for good or bad...life is muddling your way through it...

    my two cents..
    Thanks for your two cents!

  26. #56

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    To everyone who responded, whether I responded personally or not, I really appreciate your comments and they mean a lot to me. You inspire me to keep working on behalf of the bi community and bi people everywhere.

    Love to all.

    Peace,

    Sheela

  27. #57

    I can relate

    I too miss my younger days when I was in great shape and could pretty much have any sex I wanted. Although I'm not who I used to be, my fear of AIDS also has something to do with my lack of partners these days. It's also one of the reasons I've been spending more time investigating auto-erotica. Thank goodness for the sex toy industry! I think if my wife were not with me I'd be very happy living (and playing) with myself. Good luck with your life and I hope you find the perfect companion to live it out with.

  28. #58

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I know I'm late in responding, but I have been thinking about this ever since your article was posted.

    First, I need to say that based on that one small picture that I would certainly classify you as a Very Sexy Lady!

    Second, I have recently been experiencing some health issues, and understand how that affects one's outlook on life.

    But I don't intend to let that stop me, and I hope you won't either!

    BTW, if you're ever in my part of NJ and want to "hang out", let me know!
    Dave in NJ

  29. #59

    Oh, well

    I'm Calvin. I turned 50 years old last month, and I have arthritis and still have ADD. Fortunately for me, I'm in a religion that respects its elders, but your comments follow for me all the same. The discouraging part for me is that I only discovered my attractions to men about five years ago.

    Today, I went to the Pride celebration. The only comments I got were of the "excuse me" variety. The other side of this is that I worked very hard to get this old, and one of the lessons I've learned is that what I need will come to me if I stay alert and open to the gifts.

    I appreciate your writing. Minus the activism, my story pretty much matches yours. Men made passes at me when I wasn't ready; not lately. I've also tried reviving dead relationships. They hadn't changed, and didn't last as long the second or third time as they had the first time.

    Nowadays, I am, however, married (just under four years). I have 12-step recovery to help, too, and as I said, I've learned that what I need will come to me. If I have my way, patience will come too. I'm not betting on it, though.

    Calvin

  30. #60

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Time to move on. I'm a 50-something lifelong bisexual guy in great physical and psychological shape and I've have a lot of fun being bi because I've refused to get bogged down with one location, type of person. or set of circumstances. Lots of nice bi people outside NYC, so maybe you should try meeting a few.

 

 

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