Confused and needing to vent

**Corvette** · Mar 22, 2018, 12:06 AM

NI am 26 and went through a bicurious phase in 2014. I have been girl crazy my entire life, even before most guys experienced puberty, and done some things some people might consider odd, like using the Facebook photos of women I know to masurbate to, and thinking off many erotic fantasies with them. At age 23, my bicurious phase led to me to being penetrated. I hated it, despite the guy trying to make it as comfortable as possible. I also had no interest in oral, or physical/emotional interest in guys. This however was my first sexual encounter. I had tried with women before, but my shyness and social awkardness made it difficult to get with a woman. The encounter with a male was a CL hookup. I also felt uncomfortable looking at the guy, despite them trying to make it as comfortable as possible. The sex itself felt like a reverse bowel movement. A year later I had a hookup with a girl on campus, which I loved everything about. My confusion began recently and is based off a comment I read in a fetish chat room. I have many fetishes, such as incest, forced sex, voeyur, and more. The one in this predicament however is gender bending/feminization. I started dabbling into that one some in 2015. I existed with that fetish fine for three years, until a person in a chat room said the only reason I liked that cap of a womanizer being turned into a housewife was because I only envied women. That comment stayed in my mind constantly for weeks, putting me in a consistent state of distress. Prior to this, I had felt my best ever. I had finally got the courage to ask women out and engage them more. I had low confidence and a huge fear of rejection before. The confusion I felt hindered my improvements, sadly. The user from that site's comment would not leave my mind, causing me a lot of frustration and confusion. I feel bad about myself for letting some random comment do that to me. I caused me so much stress that I went through a period of anxiety and depression. My interest in women also went away for awhile during that period, but seems to slowly be returning now that I am starting to calm down. Outside that gender kink, I felt asexual for awhile. My biggest fear in all this was losing interest in women, as I so badly want to marry a woman one day, have children with her and grow old with her. The thought of losing that caused me sleepless nights and depression. Odd as it may sound, admitting I am somewhat bi due to some of my kinks has relieved much of that stress, and has resulted in my lust for women starting to come back. I have no real life interest in males, but some of kinks have an element of bisexuality to them at times. I am still not entirely sure what to make of this ordeal. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything similar or had their opposite gender atrraction suffer during their questioning period. This stressed me a lot the last few months, but

**Corvette** · Mar 22, 2018, 12:08 AM

It seems to be getting better lately.

**elmwood7** · Mar 22, 2018, 5:58 AM

You need to relax and quit putting pressure on yourself. Your still very young and learning what you like and don't like. Don't put labels on yourself like bisexual or straight or gay. And just because some of your kinks or fetish's have elements of bisexuality to them doesn't make them wrong or abnormal. Many straight men have bi dreams or thoughts from time to time. Some act on them and some don't. I'm 60 yrs. old now and have been bisexual since my teens but still have some of the same thoughts and feelings from time to time. You are not the only one. Don't let anyone put you down or shame you for what your going thru. I'm sure there are plenty of guys on here who understand what your experiencing and will give you constructive support.

**csreef** · Mar 22, 2018, 11:24 AM

Why don't you see a Psychiatrist , who specializes in people who have Gender dysphoria. This Doctor can help to guide you, and help you in the ease of your anxiety with your issues.

**cfr50s** · Mar 22, 2018, 2:27 PM

I tend to agree with elmwood7. We all have such feelings at some point but we get over it. Until you are comfortable with yourself and who you are, what others say or do will cause you to question yourself. Get off that kick. Those people don't know you and so what they say is simply their opinion. You need to form your own way of life and be comfortable with it and live it. Be true to yourself first and everything else will fall in place.

**Quickdraw69** · Mar 22, 2018, 5:20 PM

Hello Corvette, Like you my first sexual experience was with another guy. In fact all of my first experiences for the first 2 or 3 years were all with 2 guys. Unlike you I did enjoy it however. That being said it never was who I was it was just something to do when I was horny and curious. I never labeled it and in fact never gave it any real thought at all other then "Boy that was fun". Also like you I'm not attracted to guys in any way other then the act/s to be done with them. I've never looked at another guy and thought "man he's hot" or looked at another mans penis and thought "I just have to have that."

All that being said after those first years I've never been with another guy again only women. I went on to meet, fall in love and marry an amazing women. We had 2 great kids and have been together very happily for 30 years now. Not one time did my earlier experiences cause any issues. In fact the things I learned about myself during that time we incorporated into our sex life over the years making it even more fun, exciting and fulfilling for both of us.

In short I completely agree and advise the same as those above. Don't try to label everything. If it feels good go with it who cares what it's called. Don't over think it all just relax, experience and enjoy. Maybe you do have some Bi or Homosexual feelings. Who cares? If they feel good to you then they are good period. Let yourself go and see where it takes you without trying to figure out what it is, what it's called or anything more than if you enjoy it or not. This is YOUR sexuality and life is to short to do anything but explore and enjoy it.

**12voltyV2.0** · Mar 22, 2018, 9:43 PM

My first few sexual experiences were with other guys too, but I never thought if that was good, bad or whatever or that I was only gay---because once I finally "got lucky" with a girl when I was around 16-17---I pretty much was exclusively with ladies----and other than a few things with other guys later on here and there--was mostly only with women for years but then as I neared 40--my interest shifted to be more focused on being with men sexually---and even though I still get with ladies from time to time--I mostly tend to get with only guys--but still look at being with ladies too. As others said--you are young and trying to figure it all out--don't stress yourself---but finding a therapist might be a good idea--for this issue and others.

Good luck and all the best to you.

Take care and good luck.

**softheart** · Mar 22, 2018, 10:40 PM

Originally Posted by Corvette

NI am 26 and went through a bicurious phase in 2014. I have been girl crazy my entire life, even before most guys experienced puberty, and done some things some people might consider odd, like using the Facebook photos of women I know to masurbate to, and thinking off many erotic fantasies with them. At age 23, my bicurious phase led to me to being penetrated. I hated it, despite the guy trying to make it as comfortable as possible. I also had no interest in oral, or physical/emotional interest in guys. This however was my first sexual encounter. I had tried with women before, but my shyness and social awkardness made it difficult to get with a woman. The encounter with a male was a CL hookup. I also felt uncomfortable looking at the guy, despite them trying to make it as comfortable as possible. The sex itself felt like a reverse bowel movement. A year later I had a hookup with a girl on campus, which I loved everything about. My confusion began recently and is based off a comment I read in a fetish chat room. I have many fetishes, such as incest, forced sex, voeyur, and more. The one in this predicament however is gender bending/feminization. I started dabbling into that one some in 2015. I existed with that fetish fine for three years, until a person in a chat room said the only reason I liked that cap of a womanizer being turned into a housewife was because I only envied women. That comment stayed in my mind constantly for weeks, putting me in a consistent state of distress. Prior to this, I had felt my best ever. I had finally got the courage to ask women out and engage them more. I had low confidence and a huge fear of rejection before. The confusion I felt hindered my improvements, sadly. The user from that site's comment would not leave my mind, causing me a lot of frustration and confusion. I feel bad about myself for letting some random comment do that to me. I caused me so much stress that I went through a period of anxiety and depression. My interest in women also went away for awhile during that period, but seems to slowly be returning now that I am starting to calm down. Outside that gender kink, I felt asexual for awhile. My biggest fear in all this was losing interest in women, as I so badly want to marry a woman one day, have children with her and grow old with her. The thought of losing that caused me sleepless nights and depression. Odd as it may sound, admitting I am somewhat bi due to some of my kinks has relieved much of that stress, and has resulted in my lust for women starting to come back. I have no real life interest in males, but some of kinks have an element of bisexuality to them at times. I am still not entirely sure what to make of this ordeal. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything similar or had their opposite gender atrraction suffer during their questioning period. This stressed me a lot the last few months, but

First of all, all sex is normal. It my not be accepted, but it is is part of the human package we are. My best advice is to stay away from porn. If you are into other things besides women, putting it in your daily reading only makes it worse. If you have insurance, you might want to talk to a psychologist who deals in these things. Just call, tell them what insurance you have and they will know if you are covered. It's all confidential.

The goal is to come to terms with the life you feel you should lead vs the life you want to lead vs the life you will lead.

**Corvette** · Mar 24, 2018, 4:43 AM

I think my biggest issue is that I have these thoughts and questioning play in my mind 24/7

**elmwood7** · Mar 24, 2018, 5:24 AM

If it really bothers you that much then perhaps you should seek help from a psychologist or sex therapy counselor.

**CurEUs_Male** · Mar 24, 2018, 12:08 PM

@Corvette, you seem young, and are new here. Some of us are late bloomers, regardless of sexual interests or orientation...
The fact that you have interests varied across kink, and still have interests in women, just mean you have a lot of interests. Having sexual thoughts 24x7 is a typical thing for younger people, as well as those that are looking at things and not getting them - what we don't have can seem like a major focus.
Getting relaxed, having the feelings normalize seem to be a good direction.
I think the recommendations for some therapy is a good option. Consider, as you search for someone, to be sure they are open minded. Going to a strict religious or 'straight only' person for therapy will likely cause as much additional damage as potential help. Look for LGBT and Kink supportive resources, as well as consider an ASECT certified therapist.

Hang in there,