I'm a confused woman.

[CreativeArtist]

Hello. I certainly identify as a woman. I am confused as to wether I am bi, or something else. I am sexually attracted to men and have never had a "relationship" with a woman. I have however had crushes on women and have made out with 2 women before. I enjoyed that. I am also attracted, but maybe not completely sexually, to some women. I currently have a crush on a woman that I know is bi. I don't want to have sex with her, but I do have a desire to have a romantic connection and even make out. I wouldn't mind being the recipient of oral sex with her, but I'm not sure about giving oral sex to a woman....I haven't before (not trying to sound selfish). I don't know that I would dislike sexual interaction, but I don't know that I would like it and I'm a little scared to try it. I'm in my mid 20's and have been with 4 different men, and I like sex with men. I feel a better romantic connection with women. I can't get over my crush on a woman right now and I keep wishing we could just hang out, be close, kiss, and play. But I don't know about "sex" with her. What is this? Am I bi? I am definitely attracted to her and I've read that bisexuality is an attraction to both genders. Any advice is appreciated.

[borntosuckcock]

I'd ask to have coffee with her and explain your feelings and thoughts, see if she is interested in exploring a relationship with you. The relationship could be anything you both want. I have bisexual friends that i don't have sex with, we just talk.

[darkeyes]

Hello. I certainly identify as a woman. I am confused as to wether I am bi, or something else.....

....I currently have a crush on a woman that I know is bi. I don't want to have sex with her, but I do have a desire to have a romantic connection and even make out. I wouldn't mind being the recipient of oral sex with her, but I'm not sure about giving oral sex to a woman....

U don't want sex with her but u wouldn't mind having oral sex (performed on u..).. isn't that sex whomsoever performs the act? I understand a reluctance to go the whole hog and perform every sexual act with this or any woman... that is something even I felt once upon a time but time and experience, a loosening of our inhibitions tend to bring us round to a much more free attitude to what we will and won't do sexually.. few of us of either gender do every sexual act possible.. I know I don't and I am a pretty uninhibited individual.

Are u bi? Based on what say.. probably.. but like many u have fears and a natural (fear of the unknown) and in many ways not so natural reticence (because of societal and familial conditioning) to give free reign to your true sexuality... often we find that as we test the water of our sexuality, or relationships with other people, that we go a little farther than our inhibitions intended in those early stages, and even farther as time and opportunity passes... I have rarely found that something to fear but something more often to take in open arms. We are all different however and some never quite free themselves enough to give full vent to their sexuality.. this is often true in many ways of heterosexual people too believe it or not.

"The proof of the pudding is in the eating" as the old saying goes... or as we Brits are just as likely to say, "suck it and see.."

[sysper]

i'd like to say so much to u........but i don't have the time right now :P for now i just wanna say whatever feelings u got are ok! feel free to explore who u are with the right people.

[~Joe~]

I will cut this sort.
Sometimes you don't know you can swim until you jump in the water.
if's but's and maybe's sometimes create more problems than they solve, I say if you like this lady then take the bull by the horns and go for it.
I think you will know pretty quickly if you like it or not.

[Lisa (va)]

Your sexual identity is not as important as just being you.
You say you know the woman you have a crush on is bi, but didn't indicate what the situation is between the two of you.
She may, or may not be attracted to you. Depending on how well you know her, you might wish to confide in her as you did here. Not saying, hit on her, just a general conversation.
Her input may help you understand your own feelings.

Good Luck
Lisa

[Kysquire]

Your sexual identity is not as important as just being you.
You say you know the woman you have a crush on is bi, but didn't indicate what the situation is between the two of you.
She may, or may not be attracted to you. Depending on how well you know her, you might wish to confide in her as you did here. Not saying, hit on her, just a general conversation.
Her input may help you understand your own feelings.

Good Luck
Lisa

In my opinion, this is very good advice.

[Lobster144]

Maybe you should just move outside your comfort zone and initiate something

[cuttin2dachase]

I'm a bi man and believe it or not, some bi or bi-curious men are in the same boat as you. I know I was, until I jumped in the pool LOL Men have mm desires just as you have ff desires but are afraid to act on them for fear of rejection or having feelings of shame or guilt for feeling as you feel. As Lisa (va) posted, you haven't said if your crush is someone you know well or if she is a casual acquaintance or if you're just attracted to her from afar. Also did she tell you she is bi or did you just hear it through the grapevine? That has a lot to do with if and how you approach her. Regardless, it is up to you to act or not act. Fear and uncertainty are the greatest enemies to bi or bi curious people who admit to themselves that they are physically/sexually attracted to someone of their same gender. You've already admitted to yourself and now, to our bisexual.com community that you have such an attraction so you're halfway there All you have to do now is approach her and find a way to approach the subject with her. You have a very romantic opportunity here

[NakedInSeattle]

What cuttin2dachase said!

[sysper]

ok now i got more time 1st of all it's ok to be confused. in case u were wondering. ur considering the possibilities u haven't experianced before so it's natural to be confused. it's also ok if ur sexuality is complicated. people can be pretty complicated sexuality is no exception. but it gives us more options & makes us more unique u sound sure u like sex with men but u wonder if u would feel more comfortable romantically with a women. u also wonder if u would even like sex with a women. u have had some contact with women & u said u enjoyed it. u seem to have limited sexual attraction to women but, u haven't experianced sex with a women yet so for now it's not much more than an idea. which is fine it's driving ur curiosity so u should look into it more. u also sound kinda scared to go further, which is also fine this idea sounds pretty new to u so u have got some idea but u don't really know what to expect. could it be good, could it be bad? society doesn't help too much, still pretty homophobic but at least we're getting better. but what's not fine is believing u don't have the right to try, or the right to enjoy, or even the right to be disappointed. same goes for getting romantic with a women. though u sound more confident u would enjoy that or at least more comfortable trying i thought i'd say it just in case it needs to be said just don't confuse feeling a better romantic connection with women, with feeling more comfortable approaching women for romance, sex, or whatever else. either way it doesn't mean u shouldn't explore this more with the right women. maybe the women u got a crush on would be good for u. do u2 know each other good enough to have a conversation? she might even get the feeling u got a crush on her. honestly i don't know if it's better to start the conversation about ur feelings for her or ur sexual questioning. probably a good idea to talk about a little bit of both. but be honest with her & lay everything out on the table. make sure she knows where ur coming from so she knows if she is able to give u what ur looking for. she might be eager to be the 1st to introduce u to same sex experiance or, she might not want to deal with that. she might even be bi but have little or no experiance with the same sex. that situation might be interesting too. it's gonna take some courage to break out of ur own thoughts & involve someone else in trying to figure out who u are. but u deserve it & u have got the right to it. if this women doesn't turn out to be right, be open to other women. look in personals add's online if u feel strong enough u wanna have this experiance. also don't worry so much about the label of ur sexuality. like i said sexuality is complex u can describe it in general terms up to a point but it doesn't tell the whole story. just be open to the right experiances with the right people & be satisfied with learning things little by little. but also remember to be open to enjoying it. the right people will understand & encourage u.

[CreativeArtist]

Thank you all so much for your feedback. I really do appreciate it. I'm in a tough position as both herself, and I, are in relationships with men. To answer the person who asked if I just heard she's bi, or if she told me, she told me herself early on when we met. I would say we've been close friends for many months. Not best friends, but not just acquaintances either. I haven't been able to tell her (at minimum) what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling, I just don't think it's right (given that we aren't both single). I think she might kind of know, but I'm not sure. If we were both single, I feel like I would jump into this with both feet. Ugh, what a hard spot to be in

[OlderBC1]

Some very good advice given here. I'm in the same boat adult-wise. I was a kid up to a older teen, then into my mid to late 20's with bi sex stuff. Talking with the person in a general sort of way, at first, is a good bet. If you both agree on some common ground, then things can happen quickly after that. Or set a date & time in the near future where you'll both get together to explore each other. Slowly, deliberately at first. As you find you like it or not, you'll know what to do for sure at that point. Relax & help it along a little. It'll happen with the right person. She could be it...Don't give up until you, drink from the silver cup...you never know until you try.

[csreef]

My first bit of advise to you would be to find an LGBT Center near where you live. Find out if the have a Bisexual support group, and sit in on some sessions.

I know that I'm not in you shoes, but I would explore my Sexuality, and see where it leads to.

When I was 15, I was very confused as to "who I was" sexually. I knew I wanted sex with women, but I also knew that I needed sex from a man... I grew up in a very small, Conservative town (Narrow minded people) went to a Central school, ect. It didn't help any that I was being raised in a VERY STRICT family. I had no one to talk to about this.

When I was in my early 30's I met a woman who was a total swinger, and she told me she was Bisexual. She advised me to explore my sexuality, and NOT TO HAVE ANY REGRETS about my life.

When I became comfortable with having sex with men, it was as if the burden of doubt had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt free and very happy. My confidence went up 100%, and creativity has blossomed in so many ways

I hope this post will help you on your journey.

A.

[cuttin2dachase]

Things are a bit clearer now. You have feelings for her that you'd like to express to her verbally, emotionally and possibly sexually. I would think that since she made a point to tell you from the day you met that she is bi, it could've been a hint or subtle way to test or gage your reaction. That would indicate that she is attracted to you. Maybe guilt about "cheating" on your boyfriend is the joker in the deck....or maybe it's the fear of him finding out and dumping you, or even worse, outing you to your mutual friends or families that is holding you back. The same thing/s may be holding her back too. Perhaps you could confide in her woman to woman that you too have ff desires but don't want to lose your boyfriend, but curiosity is eating you up. Then ask her if her bf is aware that she is bisexual and how she handles it. That would open the door to further expression/exploration of each other's thoughts and feelings. As I said before, angst and uncertainly are your enemies...but I believe you will find a way to overcome them. Keep us informed as to how it's going !

[sysper]

maybe ur friend senses ur frustrations with ur sexuality. maybe she's gone through what ur going through right now, alot of questions, confusion etc. she wants to be there for u. not necessarily for sex or romance just as a good friend platonic.

[CreativeArtist]

I told her I am Bi, I couldn't go any further. She said she loves me. B she is in a relationship as am i. Still confused.

[sysper]

it's good u shared ur feelings with each other. sucks that ur both with other people but maybe this will workout. don't expect anything though take 1 step at a time. goodluck!!! keep us posted hope things workout & everyone's happy.

[cuttin2dachase]

That's definitely a big hurdle cleared. You both know now that you can confide in each other. One or both of you may feel you'd be jeopardizing your relationships with your bfs if you take things to an emotional or sexual level. Or perhaps one or both of you is secretly unhappy or unfulfilled in your mf relationship, but are afraid to discuss it with each other. Did you tell her you love her too...or did it throw you for a loop or make you feel uncertain when she told you she loves you?

[Outdoorphanatic]

I lived in denial for years. It took a great deal of soul searching to arrive at the conclusion I was bisexual. The desire was there, I simply was too timid and shy to act. Be kind to yourself! If the opportunity arises, you are attracted.. act on it. I found expressing myself difficult to do, the right person came along.... it was a wonderful experience.