"dating" guys

[sysper]

just now i was googling 1st gay date just curious i guess it's part of exploring sexuality lol. most of the advise i saw wasn't too specific to gay dating, pretty obvious stuff like don't talk controversial things, don't go on a 2nd date if the other person talks about themselves too much etc. this got me thinking, how do i meet a guy the 1st time? i guess i'm going to get to know a guy online & it will lead to meeting in real life. i'm not going to give a guy my address or have him give me his & just expect him to meet right away & start doing it. even though i'm not interested in dating a guy i do want us to get to know each other a little bit & get comfortable with each other before anything happens. i guess that would be a date. i do know it's a very good idea to meet in public 1st but i'm looking for something more than meeting at a store & going back to 1 of our places. technically it would be a safe move even if it wasn't any safer than sitting down & talking for awhile that seems pretty cold to me. are there better places to meet for someone in my situation? any day of the week or time that would be better? how much should i talk about my curiosity & my feelings? also 1 of the things i read is, it's better to wait until the 2nd or even 3rd date to have sex, otherwise some of the magic, the wondering is gone right from the beginning. but i'm not looking for anything longterm, maybe fwb at most. but i'm also not looking for something very anonymous. something in between. i know alot depends on the situation & the vibe but is it a better or worse idea to sleep with a guy the nite of meeting him? obviously i'm not gonna let a guy pressure me into something i'm not comfortable with, but what if our desire for each other starts to build up & the thought of being in bed with each other starts to look more doable as the nite goes on? i would love to hear ur guy's opinion on this. girls too if u would like to share.

[pole_smoker]

If you're not interested in dating men or having an actual relationship or partnership with a man, tell the other man this, and be honest about what you want to do and do not want to do. Meeting someone in public who you want to get to know or want to have sex with is not a date. Having a fuck buddy or what people call FWB is not a relationship or partnership.

Have you ever dated women or had a relationship or partnership with a woman? Dating and having relationships or a partnership with bisexual and gay men is similar except that you're with a man and not a woman.

[sysper]

thanks, that's pretty str8 forward advise & clears things up a bit for me. definately agree about being honest.

[cuttin2dachase]

I know it's tougher for bi or bi curious or gay men looking for love and an exclusive serious relationship to meet the "right" man and that most will not go to bed with another man instantly. There's nothing wrong with that.

But at this point in my life, I only want FWB type arrangements with men and women. I chat with many men online. Only about 1 out of every 25 men I chat with online are guys who interest me enough to want to meet them. Many of them aren't interested in meeting me so all in all I only meet about 1 in every 50 or 60 men I chat with. But it's always worth the wait. The ones who don't interest me quickly weed themselves out by being impatient or pushy or rude or crude. The guys who are patient and polite and honest & forthcoming about their mm desires get my attention above all others. When we chat we are both excited to hear from each other. We don't evade answering each other's questions as we vet each other. Those are the guys I want to meet and I consider any meetup as a date. I get the same feeling and "crush" I get with women I'm interested in. The average time I chat with a man before meeting him is about 2 weeks, but there are rare occasions where the mutual chemistry and vibes are intense and we are both so excited and horny, that we meet within 3 days and literally tear each others clothes off. There are other men I chat with for several months before we arrange a date. There are also other men I connect with on a platonic level and we enjoy chatting with each other even if one or both of us have no desire to ever meet. When I meet a man for a date, it's for drinks and chat, usually at a nearby sports bar where no eyebrows are raised over 2 men sitting together at the bar or a table or booth. I make sure he knows beforehand that I hope and anticipate (but not take for granted) that we'll hit it off and go to my place to play (and tear each others' clothes off LOL). 9 times out of 10, that's exactly what happens because he has the same hope and anticipation of sex as I do. It's the same as dating a woman...except only about 1 out of 20 women in my age range will go to bed on a 1st date LOL. If I'm to find the 3 or 4 men I want for semi-regular or regular FWB sex then I have to meet a lot of men and kiss a lot of frogs to do that. Then I'll no longer need to date a lot of men to find a few I click with....it would be the same if I were seeking a serious relationship and/or love with another man or woman.

[singlebimale41]

I would suggest meeting for coffee or a beer, make it clear before hand that there are no expectations for either one of you prior to meeting up. If the chemistry is there thing with develop naturally. It will be getting together with a buddy that you should already know from online communications that you are socially compatible with. And if chemistry takes hold the when and if of sex should sort itself out.

[sysper]

I know it's tougher for bi or bi curious or gay men looking for love and an exclusive serious relationship to meet the "right" man and that most will not go to bed with another man instantly. There's nothing wrong with that.

But at this point in my life, I only want FWB type arrangements with men and women. I chat with many men online. Only about 1 out of every 25 men I chat with online are guys who interest me enough to want to meet them. Many of them aren't interested in meeting me so all in all I only meet about 1 in every 50 or 60 men I chat with. But it's always worth the wait. The ones who don't interest me quickly weed themselves out by being impatient or pushy or rude or crude. The guys who are patient and polite and honest & forthcoming about their mm desires get my attention above all others. When we chat we are both excited to hear from each other. We don't evade answering each other's questions as we vet each other. Those are the guys I want to meet and I consider any meetup as a date. I get the same feeling and "crush" I get with women I'm interested in. The average time I chat with a man before meeting him is about 2 weeks, but there are rare occasions where the mutual chemistry and vibes are intense and we are both so excited and horny, that we meet within 3 days and literally tear each others clothes off. There are other men I chat with for several months before we arrange a date. There are also other men I connect with on a platonic level and we enjoy chatting with each other even if one or both of us have no desire to ever meet. When I meet a man for a date, it's for drinks and chat, usually at a nearby sports bar where no eyebrows are raised over 2 men sitting together at the bar or a table or booth. I make sure he knows beforehand that I hope and anticipate (but not take for granted) that we'll hit it off and go to my place to play (and tear each others' clothes off LOL). 9 times out of 10, that's exactly what happens because he has the same hope and anticipation of sex as I do. It's the same as dating a woman...except only about 1 out of 20 women in my age range will go to bed on a 1st date LOL. If I'm to find the 3 or 4 men I want for semi-regular or regular FWB sex then I have to meet a lot of men and kiss a lot of frogs to do that. Then I'll no longer need to date a lot of men to find a few I click with....it would be the same if I were seeking a serious relationship and/or love with another man or woman.

u brought up a good point, some guys are pushy that is such a turnoff! part of what i'm looking for is a guy who understands this is all pretty new to me & i have still got my doubts, fears, confusion. a guy who wants to do it right away is inconsiderate. thanks for telling me ur experiance of meeting guys, it's good to know how 1 guy goes about meeting up & get a better idea of what i might expect. even though we're both looking for different things in a guy. i kinda expect i will meet only a few guys for real i meet online & might take awhile. but it's nice to know u usually have sex on the 1st "date" too that sounds hot lol! but seriously it's good i know the chemistry could be there & anything's possible.

[sysper]

I would suggest meeting for coffee or a beer, make it clear before hand that there are no expectations for either one of you prior to meeting up. If the chemistry is there thing with develop naturally. It will be getting together with a buddy that you should already know from online communications that you are socially compatible with. And if chemistry takes hold the when and if of sex should sort itself out.

thanks, it's nice to know there could be chemistry & that if it's meant to happen it will. also agree to be honest & upfront about my expectations. it should turn away the wrong guys & attract the right ones.

[sysper]

it's happening again, craigslist sucks! just got another 1 word reply to an add. i expect to hear a little bit more than "pix" or "when ru free"? not enough to go on to reply for me.

[cuttin2dachase]

@ sysper: It's not Craigslist and all the other mm sites or mf dating sites or swingers' sites or kink sites that suck. They are very useful tools to use when you're looking for men (or women). It's the fakes, flakes, weirdos, pic collectors and wannabes on such sites who suck, such as the one you just mentioned. They are dishonest, disingenuous, deceiving dickheads/assholes/psychos/criminals. You're gonna find them on every adult site where they prey and they are going to find you. At least you are proficient in screening them out, but don't be discouraged or angry at a lack of success. Just laugh it off and get back to work searching. You gotta be patient, persistent and persevering and you'll find the kind of guy you're looking for.....or the kind of guy you're looking for will find you. Your Mr. Right is online looking for men too and he is probably nearby and right there under your nose. So hang in there, bud. All your friends here are rooting for you

[pepperjack]

it's happening again, craigslist sucks! just got another 1 word reply to an add. i expect to hear a little bit more than "pix" or "when ru free"? not enough to go on to reply for me.

I've been on CL for years and trust me, that crap is pretty much a given on there. No matter how explicit I am, I routinely get responses I didn't solicit. Apparently, it's a reading comprehension problem with some of those guys or it's deliberate and they think they can manipulate you. If you're not doing this yet, end your ad with a phrase warning certain types of responses will be deleted automatically. And make it sound like you mean it. From my experiences, it won't fix the problem completely but will improve it somewhat.

[sysper]

guys thanks so much for the encouragement i really appreciate it i'm not too discouraged or angry, just frustrated. but i won't loose hope. it's just frustrating when u write more than 1 word & the other person isn't too responsive. it's like there's no connection & i have nothing to go on to decide if we're a good match. i admit this might work for other guys who just need a hole lol. but this means a little more for me. not to mention the dickheads & psycho's etc lol. but i'm actually not discouraged like i am with finding women, i just keep on looking & trying hopefully something finally falls into place & i meet a great guy. also great advise how to word my add. i do see those kinda add's too, they seem to be real not pic or email collectors. again thanks so much for the support i hope to be telling all of u about my 1st time soon!!!!!

[sysper]

alot of mw4m add's i see on craigslist say the guy wants to meet 1 on 1 with the guy before getting the women in, or he's planning a surprise for her, or he want's to make it look unplanned like me & him are old friends she never knew about. those sound like just a guy who's lying about a women what do u think?

[cuttin2dachase]

@ sysper. Most bi or curious men who dangle their wife or gf to interest you, but request a meeting alone with you first are being less than honest. They more than likely just want to see pics of you, then they disappear. While some may be legitimate and really interested in meeting alone, there is no reason to misrepresent themselves when there are hundreds of bi or gay men who would gladly meet them alone with no woman involved.

[sysper]

yeah that sounds about right thanks

[sysper]

last nite got a reply that only asked for dick pic & if i can host. about half hour later he said not interested? i'm thinking this guy was just pretty eager to get things going. 23y i can understand lol. if he's being honest not just want a dick pic. i sent 1 & told him i can host. hopefully he can understand this isn't gonna happen overnite. but if not i'll still keep on trying......

[cuttin2dachase]

@ sysper: No, no, don't go begging after a man out of desperation....he was just playing games and collecting pics and seemed eager....don't let him play you...let him get back with you rather than you chasing after him.

[SilkyHoseLover]

last nite got a reply that only asked for dick pic & if i can host. about half hour later he said not interested? i'm thinking this guy was just pretty eager to get things going. 23y i can understand lol. if he's being honest not just want a dick pic. i sent 1 & told him i can host. hopefully he can understand this isn't gonna happen overnite. but if not i'll still keep on trying......

I wrote recently that craigslist is a sewer filled with flakes and inconsiderate assholes, and it's guys like you describe here that reaffirm my conviction. (I don't think I have to add the disclaimer that not ALL craigslist users are this way, do I?)

Anyway, at least this asshole wrote back and said that he wasn't interested, and maybe even did it in a diplomatic way that was considerate of your feelings. Most of the time, I get no reply at all, or a terse, barely intelligible, monosyllabic mess that doesn't address any questions I've asked or impart any other useful information at all. Other times, a response will seem to be positive, and I'll followup suggesting next steps, and that's the last I hear from the guy. I only respond to ads where I clearly hit all the bullet points that the guy has put forth, and it's probably not that I'm too fugly, because I don't send face pics at such an early stage. So it's a mystery to me why these people are such dipshits.

I signed up for SilverDaddies the other day and already like it much better than craigslist. Think I'm going to stop wasting my time with CL...

However -- I'm going to write a separate post about a guy who responded to my ad on SilverDaddies yesterday. You might find it amusing in its absurdity...

[sysper]

lol thanks i do need to hear that.

@ sysper: No, no, don't go begging after a man out of desperation....he was just playing games and collecting pics and seemed eager....don't let him play you...let him get back with you rather than you chasing after him.

[sysper]

lol u don't have to say all craigslist users are assholes. but i see most of them are even alot that bother to respond. after talking a little bit about what i'm looking for i expect more than "what's up" or wanna hookup in an hour?" but it doesn't cost me anything to keep trying so i'll keep on doing it. i do also checkout silverdaddies seems ok. nothing yet but seems more sure less assholes lol.

I wrote recently that craigslist is a sewer filled with flakes and inconsiderate assholes, and it's guys like you describe here that reaffirm my conviction. (I don't think I have to add the disclaimer that not ALL craigslist users are this way, do I?)

Anyway, at least this asshole wrote back and said that he wasn't interested, and maybe even did it in a diplomatic way that was considerate of your feelings. Most of the time, I get no reply at all, or a terse, barely intelligible, monosyllabic mess that doesn't address any questions I've asked or impart any other useful information at all. Other times, a response will seem to be positive, and I'll followup suggesting next steps, and that's the last I hear from the guy. I only respond to ads where I clearly hit all the bullet points that the guy has put forth, and it's probably not that I'm too fugly, because I don't send face pics at such an early stage. So it's a mystery to me why these people are such dipshits.

I signed up for SilverDaddies the other day and already like it much better than craigslist. Think I'm going to stop wasting my time with CL...

However -- I'm going to write a separate post about a guy who responded to my ad on SilverDaddies yesterday. You might find it amusing in its absurdity...

[sysper]

got a reply from a guy who wants to spitroast his bf. never took it up the butt. i'm thinking it's not for me. but maybe..............

[sysper]

another 1 i see alot is a couple looking for a guy but he's gotta be hung. so there goes my chances for that lol. another is the women looking to cuckold the man. i guess i'd try it but it's not something i fantasize about.

alot of mw4m add's i see on craigslist say the guy wants to meet 1 on 1 with the guy before getting the women in, or he's planning a surprise for her, or he want's to make it look unplanned like me & him are old friends she never knew about. those sound like just a guy who's lying about a women what do u think?