Why is it such a big deal?

[azoroth87]

So, I kind of have a dilemma. Well I'm not sure whats going on with me. Anyways, I've kinda decided to stop "labeling" myself as bi-curious and just stick with / admit to being Bi. Seems like such a little thing but it's kinda giving me grief. Anybody have input on why or what (if any) difference this would have? It seems like it's just different terminology.

So, some background info...

I'm 28 year old man married to a woman with 2 little kids. She knows that I have an interest in men. She says she doesn't care as long as nothing physical happens. Now, I kinda don't think that she understands the scope of my interest.

I've never played around with a guy. Although I've kinda always wanted to. This is part of why I went with curious for so long, since I've actually never experienced anything. However, I've kinda come to terms with that is more than that. (i.e. you don't have to actually have sex to be attracted to and be straight/gay.)

I also kind of have decided to tell her about going officially Bi. However, I'm not 100% sure how she's gonna take it. But since it's not really that big of a difference, why does it seem like it is? I'm just overthinking things maybe. So I can see 1~ She accepts it and doesn't care. Everything is "normal". 2~ Freaks out and bad stuff happens with my family. or 3~ (my favorite prospect) She embraces it and maybe opens up to letting me play a bit.

Anyways, sorry for the long story. Just a little confused and stressed about this. Even if I don't think I should be. Bi vs Bi-curious just is mostly the same in ways. UGH...

[BiPaoulo69]

Hey there, I was bi-curious until I took the plunge and tried it, then I tried again. and again. I did not consider myself to be bi until I knew that I loved it and that made me decidedly bi.
I understand where you are about your wife. You might want to drop hints every now and then that you are becoming more and more curious and see how it goes.
Good luck to you. and take care.

[Green Domains]

I never labeled myself as anything other than straight even though I have fantasized about having sex with men for 35 years, since I was a young teen. However, last summer after obsessionally fantasizing about sucking dick and being sucked, I said to myself, you know, how can I be totally straight when I have been fantasizing about this for so long... even though I have not acted on it? It was at that time I said to my self that I was bisexual. For me, I think you are or you are not. I haven't told anyone close to me though.

[cuttin2dachase]

It's always been the opposite with me. My 1st homoerotic experience happened when I was 15 and camping out with a 17 year old neighborhood bud. I had lost my cherry to a 21 year old college girl the year before at age 14 and was girl crazy. We watched each other jacking off for a bit, then he suggested we jack each other off. He stroked me as I was stroking him and we both came fairly quickly and then went to sleep. I thought it was kind of weird to do that with another boy, but it didn't seem like a big deal to me. Later I awoke to find him him sucking my cock. I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep through it all. I moaned and thrust my hips and it seemed to excite him even more. He sped up and really worked my cock and I came in his mouth. He crawled back to his sleeping bag never knowing that I knew what he'd done. Again it seemed weird and it felt just as great to me as it had when the college girl had sucked me, but not really a big deal. I forgot about it very quickly and resumed my quest for girls.

Fast forward 17 years. I am married and my wife and I are into swinging with other couples and men. She had a fantasy to watch and help me and another guy suck each other. At first I said no, but the more she hinted and coaxed me about trying it, the more the idea turned me on. I finally told her I'd try it for her if another guy ever initiated the mm play. It happened in a 4some with a bi couple. We were watching the girls make out and eat each other and he reached over and began stroking me. I made good on my promise to wifey by returning the favor. Next thing I knew, he was sucking my hard cock and it got me all excited about sucking his cock. By then the girls had ceased their fun to watch him do me. I stopped him and dove between his legs. The instant I felt his hard cock throbbing in my mouth, I was excited and electrified. But being an adventurous, try-anything-once kind of guy, again it just did not seem like a big deal to enjoy playing naked with another guy. To me it was just another of the many many ways there are to receive and give sexual pleasure ! I guess it was a big deal in the sense that I became instantly bi that night and have desired and enjoyed sex with many other men since then. I've never felt shame, guilt or regret. I think that fear of feeling shame, guilt and regret afterwards is what makes taking that first step to try mm or ff sex such a big deal to many men and women. So my best advice to anyone who is curious is to overcome that fear and go for it !

[tenni]

I think that the word bicurious is silly. To me, it seems to be just a step towards self acceptance. The OP is correct that you do not have to have sex with anyone before you have sexuality identification. When you accept that you are attracted to both genders is when you are bisexual. As someone else posted it has to do with getting over your fears about not being a heterosexual.

If she knows that you are curious about men, what does she think that is? It means that you are attracted. Does she think that it is a physical attraction? Maybe approaching the issue as having evolved now to a physical "need" to be sexual with another guy but you still are attracted to her .

[pepperjack]

" Bi-curious " I can understand because I've been there; it's a transitional, experimental stage. But " bi-comfortable " seems silly & redundant to me. If one is bi-comfortable, then one is bisexual. Why pound out extra unnecessary characters on a keyboard ?

[mjohn]

I never considered my self bi-curious. But I can relate to your wife saying that she is comfortable with it as long as nothing happens, for I am in the same boat. I have also considered myself bisexual leaning bit toward gay. Growing up and still today I prefer jacking off to a hot guy. The limited amount of sex I had with guys for the most part was better then women, but I also find women attractive and get of sexually with women to.

[whistle1]

I never put much stock in labels. I have never had an "encounter" with another man, but I am curious. Am I bi-curious until I actually act on it; at which point I will be "officially" bi? I don't really know and I don't really care. I get that some people are worried about their label. If it gives you some comfort to call yourself bi and tell your wife you are bi, then that is what is best for you. Everyone should choose as these please.

[sysper]

sometimes u know, sometimes ur not sure. whether u got experiance or not. me for instance, i know i have loved women since puberty. don't need experiance with a women to know that i've also been curious about guys but, not sure. will i have a better idea of my feelings for guys after an experiance? i might love it, i might hate it. i might not be much more sure than before. experiance helps but it's not the final thing to make u sure.

[Beachguy150]

I found coming out to be very liberating. My girl friend however seemed to have big problem with it even though she has had more same sex encounters then I have. Her first relationship was with another female as a teenager and it lasted over a year. She didn't even have sex with a male until a few years after that. She will play with females now in group situations but won't go down on them. She considers herself straight and thinks I should too. For some people it is hard for them to come to terms with. It seems maybe the label is what they have the problem with.