I keep questioning myself

[Devilsfan10]

So I've been trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not the past few years. Whenever I want to masturbate, 3/4 of the time I watch some type of gay porn and while going on, I love it. However, as soon as I finish I feel all weird like that wasn't even something I liked. Everytime I tell myself I'm probably not bi and stop watching gay porn, I always come back to it and watch more. I've had one sexual experience with another guy and honestly looking back on it I kinda liked it. However, after he made me cum with a blowjob,

I don't know how to describe how I felt. It wasn't remorse but more of the thought "what the fuck did I just do". So I needed up leaving and tried texting my ex to get my mind of of it (We were already talking so it wasn't like it was a complete desperate attempt to talk to her). Idk sometimes I feel like I'm definetely bisexual and other times I wonder if I'm just lonely and it will pass. But the thoughts have been there way over two years. And idk if this helps but I have memories from my early teens where sometimes I would fantasize about kissing one of my friends at the time who was gay. They never lasted long but I remember them for sure. Thanks guys, and sorry for any grammar mistakes I'm typing from my IPhone.

[Outofthis99999]

I had those same feelings. I went out and tried it and didn't like it. It was the guy I was with and I wasn't into him as they say. The next time I met a guy and he was actually cool. We messed around and I knew then I was bi. It took me a few more years to actually feel comfortable being with a guy and kissing sucking fucking etc.

[Realist]

Devilsfan, I think what you're experiencing is fairly common. Even though I began early, with little or no remorse. (at first) Then, when I was in my teens, I went through a brief period of time when I dealt with some the same mental turmoil, too. I soon realized that I was definitely bi and moved on with my life.

I would think that, if you have these feelings and they excite you, you are at least potentially bisexual. I'm no psychiatrist, but I've known both genders, who had the same fantasies, but never acted on it.

I've heard of others, who did act on their urges and after one, or two experiences, never had another involvement. Of course, it seems that the majority of members, here, who acted upon their initial desires, acquired those tastes and continued to be with both genders for the rest of their lives.

If I was in a situation like you are, I would sit down and think of exactly what I would want to explore. Then, when I was pretty sure what I wanted to try, I'd find someone I could trust to share mutual interests with. I know, from experience, that if I didn't stick to my original plan, however, I would have never been satisfied.

Luckily, my very first time was amazing and as I understood myself better, I learned that a same-gender relationship can be as rewarding as any other sort of connection!

Good luck to you!

[Hypersexual11]

Realist gives good advise. Just be you and try to not worry about it so much. It's like being bisexual is this horrible thing you are afraid of 'catching'.
Embrace it.

[elian]

I feel that way about porn all the time, when I have an appetite for sex I am more than interested, when I'm finished I can't switch it off fast enough. The content doesn't really matter, I watch a mix of content. Seems to be the same way with body fluids too, people get very excited about that sometimes, there's something about the thought of potent fertility that makes people happy when they "reproduce" (duh?) - some even want to taste it, and then after the climax can't wait to get cleaned up afterward.. I think it's fairly normal..especially if you were taught to feel guilty about sex. Once you accept yourself for who you are and realize that it's okay to just be yourself I think it gets better.

[sysper]

though i have never done anything with a guy & never felt anything for guys untill my early 20's i still feel very much like u do especially the loneliness afterwards. it was more guilt & shame when i 1st started to become bicurious but over the years like u "what have i just done?" but at this point in my life i accept the feelings will come back. all i can really say is, leave urself room to be bi, give urself permission. that way ur free to be bi without any pressure & it's clearer to see how interested u are in guys.

[void()]

Religion for a long time molded society. This fomented a lot of excessive baggage within the psyche of people. Guilt is some of that baggage.

Guilt was at one time akin to our modern system of debt as currency. Both are ideas wielded as tools for creating bondage, servitude. Consider that debtors feel guilty as well, religion and society laden the idea of credit, honor with guilt. If you do not honor your debt, you are a bad person.

The same ideas are applied with sexuality. A good way to abolish them lies in moving the goal posts, realizing you can move the goal posts. Lots of major religions and aspects of society teach us we come from the divine. They teach us to we must obey the divine and its emissaries. The emissaries are priests, teachers, leaders those in positions of alleged authority. They supposedly exist to guide you in accord with the divine.

Stop a moment and think it through. You come from the divine and have a spark of the divine within, you think and reason. You can figure out what is good or bad from reasoning which the divine gives you. Why then risk some authority misleading you, only to bind you to their will and not the true will of the divine? See? You can define what is good and bad for yourself. You can then move the goal posts. Most all of us are capable of doing this, and doing it in a manner that is reasonable, sane, safe.

Why then still a need of leaders?

Why a need of guilt? Because some unneeded leader tells you to feel bad, that your actions are bad?

Go on and create your own definitions. Doing so gets easier the more you do. As a nice side effect, bug, erm feature, you get to lose guilt, shame. You may also find you lose a lot of bloatware in not needing the leader or authority programs.

[pepperjack]

Guilt is an integral part of the human psyche and just as fear, serves a useful purpose. It's a moral compass just as fear is a warning of danger.

[darkeyes]

Guilt is a moral compass which does as u say, Pep, but the job that compass does is instilled in us by parents, society and the learning curve we obtain from life experience. It does not have to be set in stone, and for many of us we learn that that moral compass is often fundamentally in error.

[vetter1098]

Sexuality is an individual thing. Forget (if you can) about culture, religion, expectations. Life's way too short. Go with what makes you feel good. So long as you stay within the bounds of consenting adults, there is no wrong, no bad and hopefully, no guilt.

[a2smith09]

Thats actually fairly normal. Especially for a guy thats a kinsey 1-2. Takes a while to get comfortable with it when you dabble.

[sysper]

i agree guilt is important it can be used to keep u from doing too much bad, unfortunately alot of people know this & abuse it in other people

[pepperjack]

Guilt is a moral compass which does as u say, Pep, but the job that compass does is instilled in us by parents, society and the learning curve we obtain from life experience. It does not have to be set in stone, and for many of us we learn that that moral compass is often fundamentally in error.

I agree. I've had more than enough life experiences with others trying to manipulate me through unnecessary guilt. And like excessive, unhealthy fear which can cripple an individual, excessive guilt can also be very destructive. I do think, however, that the old expression, " Let your conscience be your guide, " is still a good maxim to live by.

[whistle1]

As you can see, what you're experiencing is fairly common. I'm in a somewhat similar situation.

I have never had an encounter with another man, but I do fantasize sometimes - usually while wanking. Afterward, like you, I usually feel bad.

I also wonder if these thoughts are there simply because I've been alone for a long time. I say that because I never had such thoughts when I did have a girlfriend.

In any case, I can understand the feelings of confusion....

[Devilsfan10]

Thanks guys for all the replies! They are all really helpful. I guess one of the best things to do from what you all have written, is to just live life and not think about what I want to "label myself". Obviously I do have bisexual feelings so I can't really ignore them, but I can try and not think about it so much

[cuttin2dachase]

I am a non-denominational Christian who believes that God wants us all to love and embrace life and live it to the fullest while always treating others as we would want to be treated. What follows are my personal beliefs and views and I am not preaching to anyone or against anyone. If you question your sexual desires or activities on religious or moral grounds, keep in mind that the few Biblical verses which admonish against same gender sex were not written by God Himself, but by a mortal man (or woman) purporting to speak for God. These people were actually expressing their own homophobia/hatred for or opposition to sexual activities to which they weren't personally inclined. They were full of horseshit ! If homosexuality (and bisexuality naturally follows) was a mortal sin, then Moses would have come down the mountain with 11 Commandments. The 11th Commandment would have clearly stated that men having sex with men and women having sex with women are contrary to God's laws. We are taught from a young age by parents, teachers, pastors, priests, rabbis etc that what they believe to be right and true is what we are supposed to believe as well. I've always respected authority figures but my life's progression and what I knew of the real world made me question authority. Is that wrong? If so, the 12th Commandment would have said "Thou shalt not question authority" LOL

[Devilsfan10]

Yeah I'm not religious at all, but thanks!babd yeah I don't really like authority that much

[sysper]

what 2 or more people choose to do behind closed doors is none of mine or anyone else's fuckin business! now where is that other person i was gonna go behind closed doors with? :D

[pepperjack]

I am a non-denominational Christian who believes that God wants us all to love and embrace life and live it to the fullest while always treating others as we would want to be treated. What follows are my personal beliefs and views and I am not preaching to anyone or against anyone. If you question your sexual desires or activities on religious or moral grounds, keep in mind that the few Biblical verses which admonish against same gender sex were not written by God Himself, but by a mortal man (or woman) purporting to speak for God. These people were actually expressing their own homophobia/hatred for or opposition to sexual activities to which they weren't personally inclined. They were full of horseshit ! If homosexuality (and bisexuality naturally follows) was a mortal sin, then Moses would have come down the mountain with 11 Commandments. The 11th Commandment would have clearly stated that men having sex with men and women having sex with women are contrary to God's laws. We are taught from a young age by parents, teachers, pastors, priests, rabbis etc that what they believe to be right and true is what we are supposed to believe as well. I've always respected authority figures but my life's progression and what I knew of the real world made me question authority. Is that wrong? If so, the 12th Commandment would have said "Thou shalt not question authority" LOL

And what are you but a mortal man trying to sell your own obfuscated version of The Commandments ? You ARE preaching AGAINST a certain segment of people and are likewise " full of horseshit!"

[cuttin2dachase]

I'm not trying to sell anything... I clearly stated that what I was expressing are my personal beliefs and views. I indeed was NOT preaching to anyone. Please look up the definition of obfuscate. One does not obfuscate oneself one's own crystal clear beliefs and views...it means to muddy up or confuse or puzzle or perplex others. What is it I wrote that perplexed you or pissed you off in such a pole_smoker-ish manner that you felt the need to attack me for expressing my beliefs and views? I suppose you're not an advocate of treating others as you'd wish to be treated. My whole point was that the guilt, shame, fear or confusion that some bisexuals or homosexuals feel has been thrust upon them over the years by others and they need not heed and believe everything they've been told.

[Realist]

I re-read Cuttin's first response carefully and didn't see anything in it that should have generated anyone's ire. What did I miss?

[pepperjack]

I'm not trying to sell anything... I clearly stated that what I was expressing are my personal beliefs and views. I indeed was NOT preaching to anyone. Please look up the definition of obfuscate. One does not obfuscate oneself one's own crystal clear beliefs and views...it means to muddy up or confuse or puzzle or perplex others. What is it I wrote that perplexed you or pissed you off in such a pole_smoker-ish manner that you felt the need to attack me for expressing my beliefs and views? I suppose you're not an advocate of treating others as you'd wish to be treated. My whole point was that the guilt, shame, fear or confusion that some bisexuals or homosexuals feel has been thrust upon them over the years by others and they need not heed and believe everything they've been told.

I don't need to look it up or have you lecture me about what it means. I chose it because it's appropriate. You claim to be Christian & then attempt to ridicule what is sacrosanct to sincere Christians because you want to be accepted in a group where religion is not popular.

It's precisely that kind of hypocrisy that gives people of faith a bad rap. And that's all that's " crystal clear " in your post.

It's sort of like saying, " Either shit or get off the pot ! "

[pepperjack]

I re-read Cuttin's first response carefully and didn't see anything in it that should have generated anyone's ire. What did I miss?

Reality.

[elian]

There is a difference between guilt and shame, guilt is often healthy, shame seldom is. Go ahead and feel guilty if you drink up the last of the OJ, but you shouldn't feel ashamed to be who you are and know that you are loved.. Leaders - there are certain people at certain times that have more experience in a given situation, or know how to organize, motivate, empathize with others and it's just natural that people with less experience might look to those who have lived through a certain experience before. The -same- leader is every situation is probably a mistake because one person can't know all. If you want to talk about authority try reading the kalama sutta..

Why a need of guilt? Because some unneeded leader tells you to feel bad, that your actions are bad?

[a2smith09]

Thanks guys for all the replies! They are all really helpful. I guess one of the best things to do from what you all have written, is to just live life and not think about what I want to "label myself". Obviously I do have bisexual feelings so I can't really ignore them, but I can try and not think about it so much

You're pretty much nailed it right there. Based on what you say you feel you are not gay, but you are not completely straight either which is ok too. You do have some same sex attractions, which I'd say places you somewhere around a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale. So don't feel guilty about it, embrace the fact you have bisexual feelings it is perfectly natural. Have fun with it.

[Ann29732]

You're pretty much nailed it right there. Based on what you say you feel you are not gay, but you are not completely straight either which is ok too. You do have some same sex attractions, which I'd say places you somewhere around a 1 or 2 on the kinsey scale. So don't feel guilty about it, embrace the fact you have bisexual feelings it is perfectly natural. Have fun with it.

I have to agree whole heartedly with this advice. As a bisexual woman...yes I can finally say 'bisexual' with confidence....you can't push these feelings aside or make them go away.
One of the worst times for negativity was when I was pleasuring myself. I'd be thoroughly absorbed in looking at or reading something erotic. Or, fantasizing about a woman I had recently seen. Just like you as I touched myself and felt the arousal build, trembling and twitching, I was caught up in the desire. Then, after I orgasmed and the excitement subsided, I was wracked with bad feelings. As many people were, I was raised that homosexuality was wrong but today's generation seems to be much more accepting. I didn't give in to my curiosities until I got to college and away from friends and family and I did feel a tad guilty after my first time but the desire never went away.
Follow your heart and desires dude and experiment; have fun with it but be safe. Get to know your sex partner first and make sure they know it's your first time.

[void()]

If you want to talk about authority try reading the kalama sutta..

I was simply pondering how in the Christian Bible G*d put off giving the Jews a king
thrice. G*d wanted the Jews ruled by himself and not any mortal king/s. Looking at how
our world in large exists presently, easy to infer G*d may have
been unto something in thinking no mortal fit to lead.

And I am definitely not religious, no religion of any kind here.
I am an atheist as I don't believe in theologies(religions). Still one can appreciate
what is seen as sound logic, reasoning in a story. For example, I also think Aesop's
fable about the grasshopper and ant conveys a lot of wisdom, logic, reasoning. Aesop
though wrote many a great instructional fable.

NB: My inference is speculation only, aware that accordingly, one
cannot ever fathom G*d's thoughts.

[elian]

Yeah, the God of the Old Testament was not a nice guy, or so they wrote. Have you actually read the kalama sutta? I actually think you would like what it says. I could and did post a lot of unflattering things about organized religion but then I changed my mind and retracted the post, because it does more harm than good to rage against it. People can genuinely believe it and be good at heart, but those folks are usually quiet people who don't make the news. For me, this makes more sense though, and I guess it could apply to just about any sort of belief http://www.themindfulword.org/2013/b...al-dependence/ To stay on topic, I guess my whole point is there are ways to incorporate faith and still feel like a whole, healthy bisexual person.

[pepperjack]

Yeah, the God of the Old Testament was not a nice guy, or so they wrote. Have you actually read the kalama sutta? I actually think you would like what it says. I could and did post a lot of unflattering things about organized religion but then I changed my mind and retracted the post, because it does more harm than good to rage against it. People can genuinely believe it and be good at heart, but those folks are usually quiet people who don't make the news. For me, this makes more sense though, and I guess it could apply to just about any sort of belief http://www.themindfulword.org/2013/b...al-dependence/ To stay on topic, I guess my whole point is there are ways to incorporate faith and still feel like a whole, healthy bisexual person.

I like this post Elian, especially your concluding sentence. I have scanned, previewed your link & intend to study it further.

I'm likewise turned-off by organized religion. Mafiosos were notorious for following strict Catholic rituals & even having the Church in their hip pockets along with other authority figures. The Vatican has been rumored to have aided the smuggling of Nazi war criminals out of Germany. During all the initial coverage of the San Bernadino massacre this past year, the shooter was described as a " devout" Muslim. We're expected to believe that's typical, acceptable behavior for a " devout " follower? I could go on & on as you know. History is replete.

And then there's spirituality.

[elian]

..and having said what I said, I also realize that none of these ideas is perfect, reading the link I posted I still see flaws .. language is a clumsy way of conveying meaning ..

These are about as close as I can get to what I really want to say (at least we have the recordings even if we don't have the man):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhMNr9NtSD0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0uEVTh0ios
https://vimeo.com/117066720

I love these videos/quotes because for as long as I can remember I have always just wanted to love people, gender didn't seem to matter until other people made it so. My bisexuality is a part of that and a part of me - because if it is done the -right- way sex is an extension of love. If you believe that God loves you despite what people say and that all people are worthy of the same love - then you can believe in yourself - which puts you in the frame of mind to know that if you really want something bad enough you can achieve anything. Some people don't need to believe in God to be moral, but I prefer the story with the tiger in it to the one without the tiger, it just makes things more interesting. I need to believe there is some consciousness we all share that is bigger than just my own ego. (I don't mean to pick on you void)