Any polys on here?

[thethirdwheel]

Hi,
I'm an aspiring poly;
Recently after some self discovery I've begun to realize that I may well be polyamorous,
beyond simply having a huge fetish for threesomes (which I do ).
Been with both genders, but haven't been with both at once yet, let alone in a triad/relationship.
However, it just seems 'right' to me, on many different levels- it's difficult to explain the how and why, but it does.
I've been looking high and low for others who share these interests, but polys seem quite rare, let alone near me.
So... Am I the only person who's like this on here?

[pole_smoker]

Threesomes are not a fetish at all. Do you even know what a sexual fetish is?

It's when someone is turned on by something that's completely non-sexual for most people, like how some people are turned on by feet, hands, or smoking.

This quote sums up "polyamory" which is nothing more but a fancy slang buzzword for an open relationship.

TL;DR this is biology. Polyamory is degenerate and only ends up denigrating and hurting both the male and female "partner," whether each one sees it or not at the time. This is the central problem of the "sexual revolution," sheer hedonism isn't the point of sexual relations, but rather, social order and procreation, anything other than this is bound to create nothing but misery. This is an iron law of human nature.

[thethirdwheel]

Thank you for the useless, albeit likely accurate correction on my loose usage of fetishes;
It is sincerely appreciated and adds much to the discussion at hand, my thanks to you.
Although I respect you're opinion, different people are simply wired differently, and social, ethical and cultural diversity make it pretty tough to put an 'iron clad law' on any aspect of human nature;
At best it is the opinion of someone respected by some, and in no way makes this person infallible;
In the same way some people can be gay, straight or bi, people can realize their place is not with one but with both.
I take no offence to you're opinion, however I strongly disagree with it, and discussing weather polyamory is right or wrong is not really why I opened this discussion.
Sorry for the initial sarcasm- I rarely feel it is called for, but felt I was being trolled a bit.
Have a good one.

[HappyHedonic]

No, you are not the only poly inclined person on here There are a lot of good resources out there for you, here is a website to start with:
https://www.morethantwo.com

My introduction to poly was through the book "The Ethical Slut" (great place to start). You will probably find that there are a lot of people in your area who are polyamorous once you start networking. In my area there are Meetup.com groups dedicated to poly and alternative lifestyles, and the number of people joining the ranks seems to be growing.

Best of luck!

[SilkyHoseLover]

Welcome to the forum, thethirdwheel. Congratulations on receiving your initiation from the site's resident condescending know-it-all asshole laureate. Rest assured, there will be more! He's on a mission...

[thethirdwheel]

No, you are not the only poly inclined person on here There are a lot of good resources out there for you, here is a website to start with:
https://www.morethantwo.com

My introduction to poly was through the book "The Ethical Slut" (great place to start). You will probably find that there are a lot of people in your area who are polyamorous once you start networking. In my area there are Meetup.com groups dedicated to poly and alternative lifestyles, and the number of people joining the ranks seems to be growing.

Best of luck!

Tyvm!
Those groups sound like they may actually have some real potential- will definitely give them a try asap(ish).
I'll also take a look at that book once I have some time (and am no longer ditching work ), sounds like it might be insightful.
Appreciate the help- with some luck this may give me a starting point indeed.

[void()]

Threesomes are not a fetish at all. Do you even know what a sexual fetish is?

It's when someone is turned on by something that's completely non-sexual for most people, like how some people are turned on by feet, hands, or smoking.

This quote sums up "polyamory" which is nothing more but a fancy slang buzzword for an open relationship.

[/I][/FONT][/COLOR]

Want to see an interesting trick? Here is the code from pole_smoker's post.

[pre]

<blockquote class="postcontent restore " Threesomes are not a fetish >
at all. Do you even know what a sexual fetish is?<br <br It's when >
someone is turned on by something that's completely non-sexual for >
most people, like how some people are turned on by feet, hands, or >
smoking.<br <br This quote sums up "polyamory" which is nothing >
more but a fancy slang buzzword for an open relationship. <img >
src="http://www.bisexual.com/forum//images/smilies/rolleyes.png" >
alt="" title="Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)" class="inlineimg" border="0"><br >
<br <b><div class="bbcode_container" <div class="bbcode_quote" <div >
class="quote_container" <div class="bbcode_quote_container"></div >

<div class="bbcode_postedby" <img title="Quote" >
src="images/styles/lifeElement/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote"> >
Originally Posted by <strong>SKL</strong >

</div>
<div class="message"><font color="#000000"><span /div>
<style="font-family: Tahoma"><i>TL;DR this is biology. /div>
<Polyamory is degenerate and only ends up denigrating and /div>
<hurting both the male and female "partner," whether each one /div>
<sees it or not at the time. This is the central problem of the/div>
<"sexual revolution," sheer hedonism isn't the point of sexual /div>
<relations, but rather, social order and procreation, anything /div>
<other than this is bound to create nothing but misery. This is/div>
<an iron law of human nature.</i></span></font>< /div>

</div </div </div></b </blockquote >

[/pre]

Here is the code from my quoting his message.

[pre]

Threesomes are not a fetish at all. Do you even know what a sexual fetish is?
It's when someone is turned on by something that's completely non-sexual for most people, like how some people are turned on by feet, hands, or smoking.
This quote sums up "polyamory" which is nothing more but a fancy slang buzzword for an open relationship.
[/I][/FONT][/COLOR]

[/pre]

See the difference? When he quoted another user, there is no post stamp. When I quote him there is a post stamp.

The post stamp allows for ping backs, which help establish credibility and provide a means of accurate citing via forums. Since he has no post stamp in the alleged quote he uses, no one can trace back the original quote. No one can see for certain that the user he quotes actually wrote what is quoted. No one can see the user either. Doing a search on the site for the user SKL returns a message the search is too generic. That is even using the user name of SKL with exact match as a search argument in all post types. This leaves me to speculate pole_smoker is fabricating quotes and users who allegedly said things. In effect pol_smoker is creating false narratives.

I point this out simply as public service. If you want to buy anything pole_smoker is selling, go right ahead. Understand many users here do not. Understand too if buy what pole_smoker sells, it's at your own risk and those who don't buy it, won't help. This is the big flashing neon FYI as though pole_smoker merits or warrants such. He does not. Excuse me, need to check on how to make adobe.

[HappyHedonic]

You're quite welcome. As you delve into the world of polyamory you will no doubt encounter those who will try to define for you what polyamory is and how you are supposed to do it. Some may mean well and some may not, but always remember it is up to you as to how you want to do it and define it.

The poly resources that I suggest will give you a lot of food for thought and tips on how to avoid pitfalls and drama. The poly lifestyle can seem to some like a lot of work (honest communication, time management, etc) but the benefits can far outweigh the effort.

[jdfreckle]

Thanks for asking the question, Wheel. Now you've got me thinking about it. And thanks too to HappyHedonic for the link!

[thethirdwheel]

You're quite welcome. As you delve into the world of polyamory you will no doubt encounter those who will try to define for you what polyamory is and how you are supposed to do it. Some may mean well and some may not, but always remember it is up to you as to how you want to do it and define it.

The poly resources that I suggest will give you a lot of food for thought and tips on how to avoid pitfalls and drama. The poly lifestyle can seem to some like a lot of work (honest communication, time management, etc) but the benefits can far outweigh the effort.

I agree being poly isn't (necessarily) the easiest path to take for people, and increases the amount of variables in a relationship considerably;
But, as you said, it does indeed has the potential to be rewarding- it is my personal belief some people are simply wired to feel more comfortable/happy in a polyamorous relationship (myself included).
Even with that being said, finding the right place in the hierarchy of polyamory is definitely going to be an interesting adventure, to say the least.
This will undoubtedly lead to a long journey, a chain of self discovery linked together by unanswered questions;
Even knowing this, I'm somehow perfectly comfortable with it, however- I'm quite excited by the concept as well, it fits on multiple levels.
Thank you for you're understanding and insightful post along with such excellent resources to give me a starting point for this- I feel like less of a dying (mythical?) breed now. xD

Thanks for asking the question, Wheel. Now you've got me thinking about it. And thanks too to HappyHedonic for the link!

No problem, glad this thread was able to help bring to light this subject for you- being poly isn't exactly the first thing one guesses themselves to be, for damn sure.
While it's not for everyone, I think it can be a great thing for people who are drawn to it.

[void()]

Can agree that it takes 'work', open communication, honesty even with yourself, ability to be flexible emotionally. Also agree the 'work' can bring good rewards. From my experience as limited as it's been, the 'work' has not seemed like work. But I genuinely fall in love with people and love for me nullifies the 'work' or 'chores' aspect of things, not that it sets them aside, rather it makes them not 'work'.

For me the 'work' lays in being selective of lovers. You need to consider if a potential lover will be accepting, will understand the 'basic guidelines' of your 'house' and 'fit'. You need to also gauge if a lover will be suitable for meeting the spouse. You also need to feel out if the lover desires the situation of sharing, or not. Then, you have to consider all these elements for yourself. Are you really into the potential lover? Is it only lust? Will you fit for the lover? What if someone gets hurt? It is a lot to weigh.

Though, still worth it if you find yourself guided to the poly route. Not quite sure I count as poly so much as simply being open with my wife. To me the notion of poly means a person can have a few, or several lovers. There is no defined time frame for me. But I may be seeing wrong too.

[pole_smoker]

Can agree that it takes 'work', open communication, honesty even with yourself, ability to be flexible emotionally. Also agree the 'work' can bring good rewards. From my experience as limited as it's been, the 'work' has not seemed like work. But I genuinely fall in love with people and love for me nullifies the 'work' or 'chores' aspect of things, not that it sets them aside, rather it makes them not 'work'.

For me the 'work' lays in being selective of lovers. You need to consider if a potential lover will be accepting, will understand the 'basic guidelines' of your 'house' and 'fit'. You need to also gauge if a lover will be suitable for meeting the spouse. You also need to feel out if the lover desires the situation of sharing, or not. Then, you have to consider all these elements for yourself. Are you really into the potential lover? Is it only lust? Will you fit for the lover? What if someone gets hurt? It is a lot to weigh.

Though, still worth it if you find yourself guided to the poly route. Not quite sure I count as poly so much as simply being open with my wife. To me the notion of poly means a person can have a few, or several lovers. There is no defined time frame for me. But I may be seeing wrong too.

You and your "wife" are whores, and are in an extremely unhealthy and toxic co-dependant "relationship" with each other; but everyone here on this site already knows this about you.

[thethirdwheel]

You and your "wife" are whores, and are in an extremely unhealthy and toxic co-dependant "relationship" with each other; but everyone here on this site already knows this about you.

Again there, pole_smoker-
this post is to discuss a particular subject, 'polyamory', not to discuss the morality there-of or (especially) to slam others.
If you want to discuss other people's personal merits, or discuss you're opinion about the morality of polyamory, feel free to make a SEPARATE thread to discuss the matter in the main forum section where it belongs (>/dev/null ?);
Please and thank you...

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

[void()]

...

At least you seem persistent. I keep running into difficulty reading your posts. Again, not sure what gremlins are at work. Keep meaning to get around to deducing the technical glitch. Life keeps getting in the way.

For instance I've been busy a bit in building something dubbed spider holes. You might enjoy such work. It involves wielding a spade to dig out dirt. Due our location we run into packed solid red clay only an inch or so down into the Earth. This is why I looked up making adobe. Plan to use adobe brick as walls for building a walipini style greenhouse. I'll use grow buckets inside to help with irrigation issues. The adobe walls will help create radiant heat to bring the walipini's rough average temperature to 75 degrees F. This ought to be a fairly decent greenhouse for use year round. Granted at the moment it still all conceptual.

Apologies for off topic. No excuse aside from attempting to convey my sympathy to my most favorite and best commentator. I admire his persistence. Had someone faced technical glitches in communicating with me, I would have long ago simply ignored them and moved on. It takes endurance, determination, integrity to continue an effort to communicate in the face of these dire electronic failures. Such a man, has to be a real man's man for sure. Wow! It is a shame he faced that adversity what struck him befuddled. I'm not one to take advantage of unfortunates sexually. Besides that i do not have enough time allotted to go visit him in VA. Otherwise, he might have a candidate as a third.

The inhumanity of it! Oh well.

[darkeyes]

I don't think this will be what the OP us after, but it is what he is getting from me at least... because polyamory isnt easy and people should take b4 embarking on the life..

As a lesbian woman with a bisexual woman partner, we practice polyamory although it took a goodly number of years for Kate, my wife to accept the idea would be good for us. There was a catalyst to Kate changing her previous pro-monogamy stance, and surprisingly it wasn't a man or a desperate need for sex with a man but a tree surgeon who dealt with a diseased tree. If u met the person who so gave my wife the hots u would understand... she was... is absolutely stunning... gay, like me, but it wasn't me she was interested in... and soooooo, after Kate put a tentative toe in the water, our lives changed.. turned upside down wouldnt b too extreme a statement. The cat was out of the bag and there is no going back..

It has to be said that I am the more promiscuous in that I tend to have more casual encounters, but she has the occasional encounter herself.. with guys mostly, but women too now and then. We both have regular lovers, and in fact Kate, the tart, still sees the tree surgeon as well as a nice young guy I have only met twice. For myself, I see several women not as frequently as I would like.. but we all have responsibilities , and distance is a problem in respect one... and this brings me to an important consideration..

.. I have no intention of my marriage ending.. I love and care for Kate too much to lose her. Have been there with her a long time ago and I will not go through a repeat. So although things are now open, it means I dare not and will not put any other before her.. that we talk and listen... a lot. It would b all too easy to become complacent and thoughtlessly inflict hurt upon each other out of selfishness. We do not stop each other from seeing ne1. However, we do discuss our attitude to others but we have no veto.. this recently created a wee problem for us but we have hotten through it.. talking is a must at such times and showing just who is the most important person in each other's life.. we do not have to reveal to each other with whom we sleep with, or whether.. tho we usually do.

We have shared now and again... women exclusively, and sharing each other with another in some way has proven to be some of the most intense and erotic experiences of my life.. no 3some or moresome ordinaire. Trust me on that! B4 we opened up our marriage, as a bargaining chip I said I would be a part of a 3 with a guy... she hasn't yet taken me up on that yet, but I know she would like to... but I break into cold sweats at the very thought, yet a promise is a promise as I have said b4 on this site b4 now and about this very issue..

Because of historical societal and familial constraints and indictrination I don't believe that most people are attuned to being polyamorous.. many try it and cannot cope in the end. The green eyed monster gets in the way, people display preferences and possessiveness rears its ugly head as well as petty likes and dislikes. Not everyone can be as Kate and I.. yet knowing that now and then we have our little problems ourselves, possibly in time we wont be as we are now and things will fall apart for us. Maybe we wont be as Kate and I forever and a day.. I believe we can we and shall be.. we both do, but who knows what kismet has in store? All relationships have problems, and polyamorous ones are no exception.. and the problems often aren't so very different as in monogamous relationships if u think about it... but 4armed is 4warned...

In future, with luck, society will open itself up to polyamory as it has to other sexual issues and will allow peeps to live, love and have sex as they will and with whom they will however many that may be, without judgement and condemnation and being called poxy slut and whore by society's trolls, wankers and hypocrites for doing so.. and those who live polyamorous lives will no longer face the internal emotional problems society creates and doom their poly lives to failure.. even now living a poly life and being happy is possible.. but b4 embarking on it, think about it carefully, talk to a partner if u have one and make sure they are with u... but b under no illusion, it is not a cure all lifestyle and may well create as many if not more problems than it cures..

[void()]

.. I have no intention of my marriage ending.. I love and care for Kate too much to lose her. Have been there with her a long time ago and I will not go through a repeat. So although things are now open, it means I dare not and will not put any other before her.. that we talk and listen... a lot. It would b all too easy to become complacent and thoughtlessly inflict hurt upon each other out of selfishness. We do not stop each other from seeing ne1. However, we do discuss our attitude to others but we have no veto.. this recently created a wee problem for us but we have hotten through it.. talking is a must at such times and showing just who is the most important person in each other's life.. we do not have to reveal to each other with whom we sleep with, or whether.. tho we usually do.

You strike on something here. No intention either of leaving my wife.
Took her a few years too to decide on being open. She too can see others
outside our marriage, and has at times.

Presently, she has no real desire sexually for anyone. What I gather of
it is her in sense of being depressed by life in general. She recently
paused taking her birth control. She is on it supposedly for six month
stints to control psychotically insane menstrual cycles. The lovely
experts and docs won't allow her a hysterectomy.

That aside, in seeing others neither of us has a desire to leave each
other. We are together until the end all. We both realize though that
to expect happiness, bliss, ecstasy to come gushing all from one other
person all the time is insane. So, we accept that we can find joys in
others as well.

In our case of the 'general guidelines' we allow one another 'veto'
power. She won't let me run off with a total psycho, nor will I allow
that with her. We look out for one another in other words. This is why
we meet one another's lovers.

And yes, she is first with me yet, I don't play any 'second' fiddles. I
cannot do that and if I feel I am, I'll let go but not of her. This is what
potential lovers need to understand and accept. And I have no intent
of 'hurting' others in doing this, this way, or being as I am.

[thethirdwheel]

Darkeyes,

I agree that this is not the path for everyone, and expect some issues in the future, regardless of planning- I'm aware of the potential complications (though probably not yet thoroughly aware of them);
There are a lot of variables involved even in monogamous relationships,
considering this it would be pretty naive to expect things to be less (traditionally) complicated with two people as opposed to the dynamic of being with one person exclusively.
However, those who are prepared to endeavour into polyamory thankfully tend to be comparatively introspective and open about things (or at least should be given the lifestyle),
given the challenges presented by such a relationship- and obviously there is something that keeps people content with continuing to live this type of lifestyle, so it seems at least for some, it's especially viable.
I'm looking forward to the challenges in my own way, but believe me... I know how difficult people can be at times. >.<
It's rare to find others who are easygoing, open and aware enough of themselves to handle this sort of lifestyle, filter/divide those odds by three, three times in a row and the prospect becomes a bit intimidating.
(I still think it's worth it ftr, though.)

Ty for the heads up, I'll take you're words into careful consideration.
It's definitely better to be able to learn from other peoples experience's and prepare for common pitfalls now rather than learning it all the hard way.

[Melody Dean]

Some great posts on here, especially Fran's.

I have an open marriage, which may be turning a bit more polyamorous, depending on your definition. My husband and I agreed on it before we married (we've been married for 12 years, together for 16), but only recently in the past couple years have been exploring it. It used to be that he didn't want to know the details of my playmates. But recently, I've been interested in a friend on a more than sexual level, and my husband has been nurturing and supporting that.

Some things that I think are helping:

Mindset, especially about jealousy. I am happy as long as my husband is happy. If he were to find someone that he were happier with than me, I would support him all the way. I would rather he be happy with someone else than miserable with me. Ideally, if he were happy with someone else, he would still be happy with me too.

Communication, communication, communication. With both your spouse and your potential partner. Including the ability to handle criticism. At any time, any of your partners could say it's just not working for them. There's always hard decisions to make.

Introspection. I'm a very introspective person, and I question my inner motives a lot. My friend is also super introspective. My husband isn't naturally introspective, but he takes a deeper look at things, and is willing to explore his own feelings more with my help.

The biggest thing is that you can't plan for everything. Things come up that you didn't expect. For example, I'm a very busy person. I have a full time job, and I'm a writer, and I'm a dancer. I also have my own hobbies, some of which do not intersect with my husband's or friend's. Making time for all of that and for them is hard. I do a lot of prioritizing, and sometimes it's stressful. There's been times my friend needed my emotional support for things going on in his life, but I had to make sure not to neglect my husband's emotional needs.

It's hard, and not just about sex. It's just like any monogamous relationship, it depends on the people and the compatibility. In fact, even if your partners are separate, as mine are, they still have to be compatible in a way. Which means the likelihood of compatibility is lower because there's now a "committee" involved.

But, I wouldn't want to switch back to monogamy now.